Tamaki vs. Riley

Warning : This fanfic contains language that may be offensive to viewers. Discretion is advised, and if you are offended by the n-word, I strongly suggest that you don't read this. *sweatdrop*

^^ My first official crossover. I was thinking of doing a Host Club/Boondocks crossover for about a couple of weeks now, and I think it's safe to say that I actually did in-character for once in my life. *gasp* Anyway, please enjoy, and don't mind Riley's tone of language, because he always talks like that in the cartoon. (....And that should teach us a lesson not to act like that when you're eight. You want to screw up your life, do it when you're kicked out of the house. XD)


Tamaki rode comfortably and confidently in his family's limousine. It was not every day that he was the only one sitting in the back seat. Usually, he would beg Kyoya to accompany him when going to Haruhi's apartment, which wasn't very often to begin with, but today would be different from all the other times that he cowered or did something embarrassing that would prompt Ryoji to hurt him. Today was the day where he, Tamaki Suoh, would show Haruhi that " Daddy " was more than a bumbling idiot that nearly jeopardized the Host Club three times.

The limousine parked alongside the sidewalk, luring passerbyers to gaze at its wealthy body. Tamaki stepped out of the vehicle, making several females' eyes turn into lustful swirlies. For once, he was oblivious to their blushes and batting eyes as he quickly ran up the stairs of the apartment complex. This will be the day, he thought, mentally blushing. My daughter will finally see me as her loving daddy ! I've been waiting for this for weeks, eeeeee !

Almost sliding across the floor, the growing boy knocked on Haruhi's door. His palms sweated as he waited for a response. What if Haruhi slammed the door in his face ? Most common people were generally nice, but they had those tendencies to do rude things without thinking of other people's feelings. Slamming doors was one of those things, and Haruhi belonged to the common community, no matter how much Tamaki wanted to deny it.

Or maybe Haruhi would glomp him like the fangirls in Renge's giant manga collection. Tamaki preferred this scenario, already imagining it in the omake theater in his head. Somehow, this scenario also involved floating rose petals, which was normal in Tamaki's imagination, much to the dismay of the rest of the Host Club.

Soon the door creaked open, but the person who opened it was not who Tamaki expected. A small, black boy who looked eight and wore dreads glared up at his blonde elder like he was a demon. He crossed his arms, showing off a dirty tanktop as he spoke. " Damn, I thought it was gonna be a pizza man. Granddad never told me that there gonna be white people walkin' up in here like they freakin' Jesus, " the boy murmured angrily. " I thought there be Godzilla walkin' up here in Japan, but there's no Godzilla, and there be no niggas chillin' up in here with the latest R. Kelly raps. "

Tamaki sweatdropped. This was not what he expected at all. He scratched his head nervously. " Um, is Haruhi here ? "

The boy scowled. " Who you think you are, askin' me if yo nigga is here ? Shit, I don't even live here. I be livin' here next door 'cause of this stupid foreign exchange program. "

".....Did you just call my Haruhi the n-word ? "

" Damn straight, nigga. " He swung the door open, making a small hole in the wall. " Name's Riley, foo. You can come in, or you can go walkin' away like you be Jesus, but don't stand 'dere like a lame-ass. All white people act like they be havin' a stick up their butt. "

Ignoring the fact that he was only half-French, Tamaki stormed into the apartment and angrily grabbed Riley's shoulders. He shook the boy, anger veins popping around him. " HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MY HARUHI THAT WAY ! " he snapped. " As her father, I shall not allow i- "

" You're her dad ? " Riley interrupted, smacking Tamaki's hands away from him. " Shoot, what are ya, a pedo or somethin' ? Damn, she was ramblin' on about how her dad liked to dress like a ho and dance his little G-string up at the bar, but I din't think that she meant that her dad be actin' like he's a fuckin' walkin' stick. "

" WHY, YOU LITTLE- "

" Riley, are you harassing somebody again ? "

Haruhi came out of the kitchen, looking tense. She glowered at Riley, then looked at Tamaki with an apologetic look, then glowered back at Riley as she scowled. The boy merely shrugged, walking away from Tamaki. " Hell, I was just messin' with him. Yo dad need to stop actin' like he be Jesus. I seen better Jesus actors than him. Like, there be this homeless guy near Granddad's house, and he be askin' for some spare change. He don't know nothin' 'bout no Bible, so 'dat prove he the best Jesus actor around. Yo dad just a posa. "

" He's not my dad, " Haruhi replied testily, " and just because you're eight doesn't mean you get to hang around here every day. I have things to do, and that doesn't include making sure you don't set fire to one of the apartments- "

" I'm not Jesus ! " Tamaki exclaimed, looking mortified. He looked at Haruhi for support, but none was with her. " Haruhi, how could you let such a disrespectful little boy into your home like this ? "

The girl shrugged in response. She gestured to Riley. " This is Riley Freeman, " she explained. " He lives next door to me. There was this foreign exchange program, and the administrators kinda mixed up the names of who was coming here. They meant to bring his brother here. " Another shrug. " He's not that big of a problem.....once you get to know him. "

Riley punched the wall. " Damn, this is why the white man don't be lettin' women dressin' up in drag like they be pimps ! I wish my nigga homes were wit' me. I be in fucking Japan, and there ain't even no motherfucking Godzilla ! What the fuck ? " He punched the wall again. " Granddad said there be Godzilla, an' all I see is a drag king and Ronald Reagan ! What the fuck ? "

Haruhi groaned. Tamaki lunged forward before falling headfirst into the wall. Riley laughed. " Damn, this nigga is a stick. I be needin' to tell Huey this. Haru, does yo family have a phone, or do you sit and squat on the floor while you be usin' a metal can to communicate yo homies ? "

" ....You're not going to make long-distance calls on my phone, " Haruhi replied.

" Why not ? "

" Because we're poor. We can't afford those kinds of calls. "

" Oh, guesso. I respect dat. " Riley turned to Tamaki. " Reagan, you a white man. Got a cell phone ? "

Tamaki slowly nodded. Riley grabbed ahold of the blonde boy's pants pocket and quickly grabbed his cell phone. He looked at it in awe. " Daaaamn, yo phone is pimped out ! I "

" Give it back. "

Riley looked up and scowled. " What ? "

" Give it back, " Tamaki repeated.

" Shoot, no. I be crankin' on this cell phone 'til it go explodin' on my ass. "

The older boy took one step forward. " Give. It. Back. "

" What you gonna do, hurt me ? I just gonna steal it later on. You be trippin', Reagan. "

" GIVE IT BACK ! GIVE IT BACK ! GIVE IT BAAAAAAAACK ! "

Tamaki started to chase Riley around Haruhi's apartment. You'd think with Tamaki's charm, vanity, and handsome looks, he would win. However, these traits would not work on Riley, who was probably the most straight-up bitch in the apartment complex. In a matter of minutes, Riley had Tamaki in a chokehold, smiling at Haruhi. He did a victory pose, one hand in the air while the other detained Tamaki. " See ? Told you I'd win. "

Haruhi nodded, supressing a chuckle. " I guess so. I'll have to try that on him some time when he goes too far at the Host Club. "

" Yeah. "

The girl slowly walked back to the kitchen, smiling. " Well, Tamaki, since you came here without calling first, I'll let you hang out with Riley. You can stay for dinner, too, but you two will have to share a plate, since I didn't make enough for four. " Her grin grew larger. " Have fun. "

Riley grinned, letting go of Tamaki, causing his elder to drop to the floor. " I be right back. I'm-a get my B.B. gun. "

The little boy slipped out of the apartment, leaving a depressed Tamaki dumbfounded. It looked like this wouldn't be the day that he proclaimed his fatherly status on Haruhi, either.....or the day where he didn't bring a first-aid kit.

End