Super Mario Sketch Show. Episode 2
By Stephen Paget
Warning: This fanfic contains some strong language and some shocking material!
Mario: And now everybody! It's the Super Mario Sketch Show! Da, da, da, da daaahhh!
Welcome to episode 2
Scene 1 - Level 1 of a Super Mario Brothers game. The scenary is what you would expect in a Mario Brothers game. There is grass, pipes, blocks to punch, and so on.
A koopa turtle named Simon is walking along.
Simon: Ahhh……What a beautiful day, nothing could ruin this day for me.
Simon suddenly hears Mario's voice.
Mario: That's what you think!
Simon (turning around) : Huh?
Mario leaps into the air and jumps right on Simon, injuring him.
Simon: Ow!! Ouch!! What the hell do you think you're doing, you crazy man!?
Mario (Ignoring him) : I'm coming to rescue you, Peach! (Runs off)
Meanwhile Simon just lies injured, he is in tears at the pain he's in.
Simon: (Sob) My left leg….the fat asshole broke my left leg. I don't even work for Bowser if that's the reason he jumped on me. Well he's not getting away with that!
Simon pulls his mobile phone out of his shell. He dials numbers
Simon: Hello, police? I have been violently attacked by a man in blue dungarees, he has a big mustache, a cap with the letter M on it and wears a red shirt. He is a human and he's heading for Koopa Village, a population populated by turtles, so he should be easy to spot. I myself am lying here injured, my left leg is broken and my stomach is really sore.
Police Officer: We'll get right on it!
Mario is walking along stomping on some he suddenly hears police sirens. He then hears a gunshot and jumps. He turns round to see two human police officers with guns, a male one and a female one.
Male police Officer: Alright, You sick animal-murdering bastard! Put your hands up!
Mario doesn't argue. He does what he's told. We then see Mario in handcuffs inside a police car, driven away. At seeing this some goombas and turtles cheer in joy.
We then see a goomba mourn over the goombas, Mario just stomped.
Goomba: Aunt Jenny? Aunt Jenny…….No! I'm sorry I told you, you smelt like pee.
We then see Simon in the inside of an ambulance
Simon: My life is flashing…..before my eyes.
Driver: Hang on there, dude! We're almost there!
Scene 2 – A bar in the mushroom kingdom.
Luigi is sitting in a bar enjoying a drink of cola when he spots Wendy O'Koopa across the bar looking depressed. He then walks over to talks to her.
Luigi: Hey, Wendy. What's up? And aren't you a little young to be drinking?
Wendy: The drinking age is different for koopas. Go away.
Luigi: I see why you'd say that to me. Listen, I actually don't care for being a hero anymore, it just isn't for me, and I've been through too much fear in the few adventures I've had and I just got sick of it. So what's up? I'm not going to hurt or insult you in any way.
Wendy: Well if you must know, I'm unhappy because I don't know who my mother was. When I asked Dad, he just said me and my brothers were adopted from a home when we were babies and he didn't know.
Luigi: Or so he wanted you to believe. You were too young to really know. I know your mother.
Wendy: You do!?
Luigi: Yep. Or in this case, mothers.
Wendy: Erm…what do you mean?
Luigi: Your father really liked hookers, Wendy.
Luigi: I used to see him in some of the clubs I was in. It's a shame he never took a hint to wear a condom.
Luigi: You have four mothers. One I think is responsible for delivering three of your brothers. Charlene, I think her name was, Sherry and Eva were the names of the other two but I forget the name of the last one though, but they were responsible for you and your other brothers. Turns out the birth rate is different for koopas too. It's tragic a human gets nine months.
Wendy: I can't believe I'm hearing this!
Luigi: I think Charlene, is in the bathroom right now giving a blow job to a human. Why don't you pop in and say hello?
Wendy runs out the bar screaming.
Luigi: Tch…try to help somebody and what do you get? I'm glad I gave up being a hero.
Scene 3 – Princess Daisy's castle.
Announcer: And now it's time for Luigi's random thought of the day!
Daisy: A gold coin for your thoughts Luigi?
Luigi : I hate how people think Ronald Mcdonald's a pedo. One of his friends is actually a police officer named Big Mac. How come Big Mac doesn't arrest him if he really raped kids?
Daisy: Luigi. Here's 10 gold coins. Next time I ask. Don't bother.
The end for now. Will there be a Super Mario Sketch Show Episode 3? Stay tuned!