What if the one of the few men Jack Sparrow is terrified of and a too-cruel ex-Captain had known each other? I might do another story where Laura and Teague know each other, if my life ever dims down a bit...But I have so many other projects to co-author in the Twilight genre, it's NOT. FUNNY. And plus school's speeding around the corner. Too many projects, reports and fund raisers and extra-curriculars to count... *shudders* I can definitely wait 'til college.

Full Summary: The ten years were up, and to keep the Brethren Bonds stronger, the 10 lords must unite and tack down an adventure, or so says the original law. That's what the Pirate Lord of the Mediterranean intended to do, get it done and get it over with. But when she gets a little sidetracked in her daughter's affairs with her nemesis's son...Well, Mother Knows Best.


"YOU call this a TOMATO?" cried Laura Smith, handling a large round tomato being cradled between her long fingernails. " It's not even that scarlet red that you see when it's ripe! This is orange!" Laura stopped eying the tomato and turned her glare to the vegetable vendor. Without a second thought or a moment of hesitation, she wound her arm back and pitched the tomato right at the face of the vendor.

The vegetable vendor surprisingly let the fruit come at him with full impact, leaving behind a large goopy amount of red residue over his face and probably a red burn later on. Which under it, by the way, his eyes remained monotonous and glaring. Captain Teague Sparrow only expected this much out of the fiery captain. He deadly stared back at Laura through the muck, with lips pursed. "Just because we are undercover, doesn't mean you can throw food at me."

Laura placed her hands on her hips bitterly, "Yes it does!" she pronounced, sticking her inwardly sloping and pointed nose in the air.

Teague brought his hand up to his forehead then groaned, slowly bringing his hand down his face to wipe the tomato gore off. "You have hated me ever since my Jackie started dating your daughter." he tensely stated. "Ever since, you've despised me."

The mad she-devil snatched another tomato and brought it up to her face. She honestly intently studied its plump ripeness, carefully stroking her chin. "Oh, no! That's not true at all! I've hated you since the day we met."

That was the nonchalant way about her; it didn't matter what she was doing, but she was always advertently keeping a perk-to attitude which utterly just confused and especially annoyed some people. Laura also used it to coax her way out of many situations.

Teague clutched the bottom of his apron, maybe about to clean his face, low and sullen like. The captain was only annoyed by everything around him...And getting the role of the vegetable vendor... 'We're too conventional these days,' thought Teague. 'None to creative...They're all just too lazy!'

"Laura, we met each other when Jack and Arabella introduced us."

Laura had the tomato hovering in front of her face, preparing to fire again with a skeptical eye. She then lowered it with a sweet smile on her face. "Now Teague, that may be true and all, but we both know that deep, deep, deep down," her smile faded and turned to a down-turned snarl. "...I really do hate you. I'm sorry, but that...There is no layer inside of me that doesn't hate you. None. Nada. Zip!" she illustrated with her free hand. She then punctured a small slit with one of her long fingernails into the fruit; a small stream of juice going down her thumb.

An apron covered Teague's face in attempt of cleaning it, but Teague still very well heard. Through it, he mumbled something inaudible. "Meh-veeing-meh-moomph."

Laura pressed her palms to the wooden counter and leaned over, eagerly. "What was that, Chico Español?" ...She had just set the soon-to-rot tomato back in with the rest.

The Spaniard lowered his cloth from his eyes so he could glare at her. "Pardon my French, Frenchie, but the feeling in mutual." He lowered his apron and returned to his upright posture. "You, madam, are the devil reborn and that, you shall remain."

Laura placed her hand to her heart and pretended to tear up. "Why I think that is the nicest thing that you have ever said to me!" She blinked back tears, miraculously beginning to glisten in her hazel eyes.

Teague retorted amidst fisting his hands and putting them to his hips. "This is the only conversation you've ever had with me! Usually I was the one doing all the talking, you were just quiet...Silence...Daggers!" Teague slyly pulled out a small pocketknife from his trouser-pocket and thumbed it behind his back.

"Speaking of which," he continued, "meet me in that dark alley ova there a quarter to midnight, and we'll talk." Teague tried to restrain a smirk while the wooden handle was in his palm.

A sweet, red innocent smile came onto Laura's lips. "Well Captain, I hesitantly must ignore your attempts of flattery and raping me."

Teague seemed to freeze in place, but shook with aggravation; with knuckles white and left eye twitching. His adam's apple recoiled with sickness and lips twisted. Slowly his tongue flicked outward in disgust....A Sparrow trait.

He massaged his throat, "I... I think I just threw up a little bit..." His head slowly shook. "A'right, screw waiting!"

Teague whipped the dagger out from behind his back then leaped onto the counter, knee and a foot, and tried to spring for Laura: enemy captain. His left fist clutched onto Laura's collar (No anger came to her eyes) and the other about to lunge for her neck.

But she nonchalantly grabbed Teague's wrist while in mid-plunge. He had to kneel there on the table in mid halt, glaring at eye level with his own kohl-lined eyes to hers.

Laura still had the guiltless and sweet look on her face, with a sweet-tempered cock of her head. Unfortunately, it was a look nearly any man would fall for.

"Now Captain," she whispered, "Can't we act like civilized pirates?"

Teague blinked the anger out of his eyes, replacing it with a quizzical brow when he shook his head back and forth. "I was wrong, you are simply the devil's mum!" With that he climbed off the weak counter with Laura releasing her grip.

"Sorry Teague, but I already married him about 30 years ago!" She perched her elbow on the plank board and plucked out another zucchini to inspect. "To hell with him that stupid Scotsman drunkard." she mumbled darkly. Also diverting her eyes from Teague. Even he knew that Laura had dark memories and a bad marriage...

"Sad life... I pity it." he mumbled under his breath.

Laura once again placed her hand to her chest, "Why thank you, Teague! Finally, somebody understands!"

"No, I meant for the Scotsman!" Teague rested his chin in the palm of his hand, and rested his elbow by Laura's. "I feel bad for him. I really do."

Laura turned her head back to Teague and scowled, "If this is some 'hard-to-get' tactic you're trying out, I'll punch you between the eyes..."

Teague's adam's-apple retracted again. His hand flew to his throat. "God, there's that barf again! I don 't understand why it keeps coming up!"

The other antagonist in this on-going feud put the zucchini back among the rest, not letting her eyes off of Teague. "I swear I'll kick you where you do not want to be kicked...But, of course, that throwing-up you keep complaining about could be the result of some sickness, maybe the flu?" Laura began picking dirt from beneath her nail, pretending to be ever-so interested in it. "Or possibly some other disease. That puking just can't lead to anything good, I swear.

"Perhaps it's a symptom of a reminiscent illness. Yes, I know, I am simply not a doctor, but I am quite keen on the quite-so medical updates, you know,—" She suddenly stopped her speech short and froze, her eyes automatically fixing themselves wide into space.

Laura jolted up and hastily slammed her palms to the counter. "Did you ever get rid of that semen infection?"

"DIE, WITCH!" Teague screamed out. He drew out his pocket knife once more and leaped. He lunged right over the counter to finally get to Laura. Though fast and sudden and so close, Laura swiftly took and nice side-step out of crazed Teague's path. Her smug smile came back to her lips and hands tied nonchalantly behind her back as Teague crashed to the ground.

...Matter of fact, it was almost a face plant. Teague dived face-first over the counter and threw himself to the dirt and gravel road. His body followed and thumped hardly to the road, all but a few amazingly seemed to notice among the loud bustle of and out-skirted town of Panama City. His tired legs and abdomen skimmed by the force of the hurtle; such force made his hands loosen and his pocket-knife roll out in front of him also crashing along the earth.

His left cheek seemed to be glued to the ground as he moaned, groaning in pain. Laura had barely an emotion over this.

She heedlessly took a step forward and —peered over him, barely concerned of a line of blood leaking from under his hand. "Quit trying to grope me, you ignorant ape!"

Teague breathlessly lifted his head, giving himself and the ground about a thumb's width apart. While Laura smirked to herself, he inconspicuously reached his hand underneath his shirt collar to the second hidden blade strapped to his arm. Tearing it out of its sheath, he grabbed it and swung his arm out wide and clockwise too quickly for Laura to notice it clash with her Achilles' tendon...It promptly sliced deep and true to its course and, on impact, blood flashed from the veins the rustic blade ruptured.

Laura's quickly widened in hidden pain and pulled in a deep gasp, just in utter shock, trying to keep her composure. Her head snapped down and saw the oozing blood creeping over the blade Teague held...Too stunned to process anything...Her eyes simply narrowed as her face twisted up into petrifying snarl.

"Blo—Bloody hell, Teague," she silently stuttered. "Why the hell would you bloody fucking do that?" Oh, nothing but utter dignified repulsion for him.

"'Bloody' being the operative word," Teague seemed satisfied with the gruesome effects, "Are you menopausal on this exquisite morning? Another one of your many mood swings? Because it seems very likely it's that time!"

She lips were still upturned in a horrifying snarl at Teague. "I...HATE you...You...Will. Die." She venomously hissed the last three words of the threat. Then, reached with her hand under her outer leather bodice; a moment later she pulled out her own small knife She gulped down the pain of her heel and flipped her hair back bluntly to shake off the pain. Also to clear her viewpoint and expose the fury in her eyes.

"I hope you die at my dagger point." Laura bluntly said. She raised her arm high in the air with the sharp knife pointed down, aimed above Teague's head. Laura to unclenched her fingers and let it fall.

But out of the corner of Teague's eye, he caught sight of the knife and flipped over onto his back, resulting in the sharp point to just barely skimming a vital nerve point of his shoulder, probably causing a grazed cut, through his canvas shirt and pinning him to the ground.

He sneered, "Damn it," he crossly muttered.

Laura's brows knit together as she bit her lip; muttering to herself, "I'm always this much off," she said illustrating with her index finger and her thumb. "That much."

She huffed and blew red-auburn bangs out of her face. "Well, likewise to you, Teague, I too, keep a second dagger on me." This time, she pulled at the waist of her skirt and stuck her other hand down her own thigh.

Teague couldn't help the comment, "Well, well, lookie, lookie. Look who's trying to sexually assault the other now!"

Laura kept her hand down her white skirt, yet with her good heel and spiked boot, stepped forward and onto an...area sensitive to men. She still casually searched for the knife strapped to her thigh.

"Just for that, I am going to kill you twice now!" exclaimed Laura. "I will kill you, bury you, then dance on your grave." She found the leather strap and slyly smiled. "Then, I will dig you up, miraculously copy you, then kill all of your copies, bury them, then dance on their graves." Her thumbnail flicked at a small brass buckle. "I shall repeat this until the day I die."

The captain under rolled his eyes. "What? Are you going to rape all 'em too?" After that comment, Laura brutally stomped more weight down upon him.

She whipped her hand back out of her skirt and managed to swing her bad heel like a bat out of hell onto Teague's chest. She balanced and dipped down upon him, savagely taking his collar and bringing his face to hers. Her teeth clenched furiously and seethed her words down on him, glad to watch him gasp in pain.

"Just for that, I'm going to drink the Aqua de Vida! I'm going to KILL you for ETERNITY, Teague Sparrow!" Nobody in the bustling brown gravel streets seemed to mind their yelling, but found it normal, and hardly worth nothing to glance at.

Teague's face curled up with the wicked woman's pain, but managed a smirk, "Are you sure you're going to kill me?"

Laura still fumed and dug her heel deeper into Teague's 'special place,' "You. Die. Now."

He suppressed the pain. "But then you'd have to kill me first!" Teague seized Laura's bad ankle and squeezed. Even at the touch, all the air left Laura's lungs and she almost collapsed atop of him; the hand not being used to choke Teague instantly went to her knee, to try to balance herself.

Teague's smirk grew broader...

"And that just might be a bit difficult!" he gleefully cried!

Teague swiftly rolled to the right, knocking Laura right over. She tumbled back to the dirt and crash-landed onto her shoulder; finally hopeless.


So, what do you think of this cruelly unique story? Reviews, no matter how short, are very much appreciated! I know it was an abrupt place to stop, but again, this was another random file I remembered and asked my friend to send to me. I didn't quite know how to end the fight, 'cause honestly, it could go on forever between those two.

(And how did I know about a few very specific lines above? It's called basic cable, including TLC, Discovery, and HistoryChannel. Get some.)

Reviews are loved!!! ---Gypsy