A/N: Hey everyone! 'M back with another humor Rogue & Remy fic. The thought struck me as I was thinking about new plot ideas to do: why not have a body swap? And then just so many ideas were all popping into my head at once! I'm really pretty psyched about this one and I hope you guys like it too. Anyway, tell me whatcha ya'll think!
Rogue groaned softly as she bridged the first step into consciousness. Her head pounded away a mile a minute and she vaguely wondered who had hit her with the sledgehammer. Rogue took an extra minute of shut-eye, just resting, before she forced herself to lazily open her eyes.
Her blurry gaze met with the white ceiling of her bedroom and Rogue suppressed another groan as she flexed her fingers and stretched her legs, trying to get the tingle out of them. She frowned when the tingle refused to dissipate. Something didn't feel right. As a whole, Rogue felt…different. It was a strange feeling, like she wasn't really accustomed to the long length of her legs or the practiced ease with the flex of her fingers.
Rogue turned her hazy gaze to her hand and squinted as her eyes focused. What the…? Her hand was half covered in a fingerless, black glove, the type Remy always wore for easy access to his powers. Is mah hand bigger than normal? Rogue flexed her fingers experimentally. The tingle was still there; her fingers coiled in and out with practiced ease and finesse. Yawning, Rogue clawed at the blanket on top of her, fighting to push it away as she sat up.
As soon as Rogue's fingers came into contact with the blanket, the comforter lit up a bright magenta color that glowed softly in the surrounding darkness. Rogue jumped away and yelped as her foggy mind registered Remy's power triggering, kinetically charging the blanket. She had half a second to digest this before her eyes popped open wide with realization. Rogue dove out from under the comforter and leapt into the air as the blanket, filled with kinetic energy, exploded behind her. The force of the explosion threw her forward—right onto the bed next to hers. Rogue crashed into the bed's occupant and rolled, falling off the other side of the bed with a thump.
"What the hell?" An annoyed voice responded to her attack, sitting up in bed. Rogue's eyes widened at the sound of the voice. Bobby? What the hell is he doin' in mah room? "Remy, just what the hell are you doing?"
Rogue groaned softly and picked herself up off the floor, turning and looking around the room for Remy. He wasn't there. Rogue's eyes turned back to Bobby in time to catch him rolling his eyes. "Oh give it a break, I know it was you. Come'on, man, do you have to go exploding things this early in the morning?"
Rogue blinked once as his gaze stayed steady on her. "I—uh…" Rogue froze at the sound of her voice.
Husky and undeniably masculine, her voice was not her own. Her tongue felt weird and thick in her mouth. Rogue blinked again in confusion as she brought both her hands up to her eyes, staring in wonder at her fingerless, gloved hands. Ah swear, mah hands aren't that thick…what's goin' on here?
Bobby shook his head at her. "You can never keep still. I'm going back to sleep. Don't explode anything over me again, okay?"
"Sorry…" Rogue mumbled softly, again her voice sounded deep and manly. Rogue glanced down at herself to make sure she was alright—only to take a double take and rear back against the wall in shock. Her back hit the wall behind her as her eyes widened in horror as she looked down at herself.
Instead of her shapely, curvy, feminine figure she was used to, Rogue found herself staring at a broad, flat, undressed chest. She couldn't believe she hadn't felt it before, but Rogue was severely underdressed and—Rogue's eyes widened even more as she felt a telltale member that she had no reason to ever feel as a part of her body.
Panicked and breathing heavily now, Rogue got to her feet, ignoring the stabbing pains from the explosion, and rushed over to the adjoining bathroom that every room in Xavier's had. When she saw her reflection, Rogue froze in fear as her heart pounded away at a mile a minute.
Staring back at her was the reflection of a man she knew all too well. A shocked expression across his face that mirrored her own, Rogue stood in horror as her eyes roamed the length of the mirror. Red on black eyes zipped up and down in accordance to Rogue's scan as she looked herself up and down, analyzing the lean, wiry body she found herself in. A flat, shirtless chest led down to lean, corded, muscular legs that stuck out of short boxers with a whole mess in the middle that she had no curiosity to look at.
It went on for at least half a minute before Bobby grumbled at her to shut up and threw a pillow in her direction. Rogue lifted her hands out of the way as the missile assaulted her, in no such mood to experience another explosion. Breathing labored, Rogue put a hand to her—his—chest and felt her—his—heart beating rapidly under her partially gloved palm. Rogue pulled her hand away quickly in fright as her red-on-black eyes lifted again to stare in abject horror at her body.
What's happened ta meh? Did…did Remy do this? Oh-my-god! Is he in mah body?! Horrorstruck at the notion, Rogue shouldered her way out of their dorm room—careful not to touch the handle, in case Remy's mutation went off again. She could still feel the persistent tingling in her fingers and didn't want to risk setting anything off. Rogue felt weird and unmatched, running through the halls in Remy's body like this. Her fingers twitched and her legs felt unnaturally long, her strides longer than they would have been in her own body. Her muscled, masculine body felt abnormal and Rogue was uncannily aware of how breezy it felt to run like this. She was beyond uncomfortable.
When Rogue reached her bedroom door, she hesitated before grabbing the door handle. It didn't light up like the blanket, but Rogue wasn't too willing to push her luck. She quickly twisted the knob and threw open the door to reveal herself—or her body, at least—standing in the middle of the room as she glanced around in confusion.
"No!" Rogue shouted, charging in and leaping at herself. She tackled her body to the ground as her body made a surprised gasp and yelped. Rogue fell to the floor with her body below her and made quick work of pinning her body beneath her. The imposter in Rogue's body didn't even struggle as Rogue sat on her stomach and pinned her down beneath her. "What did ya do?" Rogue demanded harshly. "This isn't funny, Remy, ya asshole! Fix it!"
Remy-in-Rogue's body smiled up at her from underneath her. "I didn' do dis."
"Lihke hell ya didn't!" Rogue roared, pulling back a fist to hit him—before hesitating.
Remy's grin broadened. "Y' not gunna hit good ol' Remy, chere. Not when he looks like dis—are ya?"
"Remy!" Rogue growled. "Fix this! This—this—stop this!"
Kitty woke up at the loud voices and rubbed her eyes tiredly before sitting up and glancing at the clock beside her. "Rogue?" She asked wearily, glancing at her roommate's bed. "It's four thir—oh my god!" Kitty gasped as her eyes rolled over the bed and focused on the two on the floor. "Remy, what're you doing?!" Kitty gasped, jumping out of bed and speeding over to them.
Before Rogue even had a chance to respond, Kitty swung at her and connected solidly with her jaw. A blazing pain erupted at her jaw and Rogue grabbed the spot with both hands in pain as a soft moan escaped her lips. Who woulda known that Kitty hits so hard? Kitty hauled back for another punch.
"No, Kitty!" Rogue shouted, holding up her hands in a surrender motion. "This isn't what it looks lihke—" she barely got the sentence out before the second punch connected, this time with her eye. Rogue was pitched back with this one and toppled off Remy.
Kitty went to Remy's side and looked down at him tenderly. "Are you alright, Rogue? He didn't…"
"'M okay." Remy responded, but he had winced when Kitty hit Rogue. When he got his body back, that would hurt, he knew. Kitty started over for Remy's body again before Remy called out a warning to stop her. Trying his best to imitate Rogue's lilt instead of his own, he told her. "Kit-do yaah t'ink tat yahh could give us a moment? Remy—Ahh…mean, Remy an' me, we gotta talk."
"Are you sure, Rogue?" Kitty asked doubtfully, glancing between them both. "He was jus-"
"Ahh know." Remy waved her off, doing a poor imitation of Rogue's accent. "Ahh jus' gotta talk wit' ta fil-guy."
Kitty was looking at her strangely. "Okay Rogue… if you need help, just scream."
Remy nodded. "I'll do tat."
Rogue was still rubbing her chin as she clambered to her feet. Kitty gave her a dark glare. "Don't try anything." She warned.
Rogue grabbed Remy's hand and started walking out of the room with him. "Let's go." She snapped darkly. Rogue led them outside into the hallway and trampled down it until they had left the dormitories. She turned into the first empty classroom that came into view and turned on Remy, breathing heavily as if she'd just run a marathon. "Ah want the truth, Remy. Did you do this ta me?"
"Cherie, I assure y', it was jus' as terrifyin' for Remy t' wake up without his parts as it musta been fo' y' t' wake up wit' dem."
Rogue breathed out heavily again. "This can't be happenin' ta me."
"T' y', chere? Y' be blessed t' be in Remy's shoes fo' a time. Maybe y' learn how t' have fun, heh? We're like a Rogue-and-Remy mixed now! Like a Remgue or-or a Romy! We're a Romy, chere!"
Rogue glared at him sharply. "Do you think this is funny or somethin'?"
Remy smiled. "Maybe a lil' bit. Hey—y' can touch now Cherie, don' go wildly whorin' in my body now, y'hear?"
Rogue swiped at him, but Remy easily ducked. He grinned at her again. "Hey, fille, remember what we said 'bout hittin' ourselves?"
"Screw you, Cajun."
"Y' de Cajun now, homme." Remy was obviously enjoying himself. "Don' go ruinin' my rep now. Dere'll be absolutely no hittin' on de boys, y' got me?"
"We need ta think about how ta get outa this." Rogue redirected his attention. "Ah have no intention of stayin' lihke this fohr any longer than Ah have ta."
"Remy's fine wi'h dat idea." Remy agreed with her. "But I have t' request dat we don' tell anybody 'bout dis little switchy."
Rogue's eyes widened with horror. "Of course we're not telling anybody! The last thing Ah want is ta be the laughin' stock of the school."
"Not t' mention, dey'll dink y' crazy." Remy paused, then added. "Well, crazier dan dey already t'ink y' are fo' ever resistin' me, heh?"
Rogue glared at him darkly, but held back from swinging at him again. "We're gunna need ta be convincing as each other." She warned. "Lihke that accent ya put on me back there? That wasn't convincing."
Remy pouted. "I did good!" Remy protested. "I held out on all y' 'yaahh's an' screamed 'ahh!' for all m' 'I's."
"Ah don' not 'scream Ahh! when Ah say Ah."
"Y' jus' did." Remy pointed out.
"Shut up!" Rogue growled irritably.
"See now, y' gunna have t' watch y' temper like dat too, Cherie. Remy's a very cool, calm boy. Very fun. I don' ever get angry."
Rogue glared at him.
"Dat either!" Remy said, making his point. "None o' dat 'm-so-mad-at-de-world crap is gunna be convincin'." Remy spoke again before Rogue could. "Now, y' try Remy's accent. Make 'er convincin'."
"It's not hard ta talk lihke an idiot." Rogue spat. Remy put his hands on his hips in a stubborn movement. It looked a little too close to the same kind of stubborn reaction Rogue would give for her comfort. Rogue huffed. "Oh look, dat fille is slidin' her ass all over de place—let's go have a feel!"
Remy grinned roguishly. "'M so proud o' y'."
"Now you trah." Rogue directed. "Talk lihke meh."
"Ohh mah, Ahh jus' feel so horny wit' mah unfulfilled desire ta touch dat beautiful Cajun Remy!" Remy held his hand over his heart dramatically. "Woe is me!"
Rogue suckerpunched him in the boob. "Ow!" Remy cried out, grabbing her body's boob. "Dat hurt!"
"Don't touch them!" Rogue protested, swatting Remy's hand away from her body's chest.
Remy grinned lazily. "Oh, y' mean like diiiiss?" He poked himself in the boob again before cupping himself. "Oh, dese jus' feel soo sexy, I—"
Rogue tackled him and grabbed his hands, holding them away from her body. "Don't touch me, Remy! Ah'm serious! Ah'll—Ah'll—"
"Y' do what?" Remy asked, still smiling despite Rogue's anger. "Touch me? Go ahead, fille, feel free. Y' can even hold it if y' want—"
Rogue winced. "Ugh! Stop! No more!"
Remy giggled. "An' usually Remy sees de girl sayin' dose words, not 'imself."
"Remy, Ah will tie ya up and lock ya in the closet if ya don't start behavin'." Rogue threatened.
"Oh yeah?" Remy pushed. "Y' jus' gunna lock y' body away?"
"Ah'm stronger than you now." Rogue threatened.
"Dat don' mean nothin'." Remy shook his head.
Rogue glared again dangerously. "You're not gunna touch me again, got it Cajun?"
"What is it 'm supposed t' say here?" Remy gave her that cockeyed smile that he always wore. It looked strange and different, coming from her face. "Oui, master?"
"That'd be a good start." Rogue lifted her new chin to him. "Ah'm not lettin' ya out 'till ya promise it."
Remy lowered his gaze to his own body on top of him. "Y' forgettin' somet'ing, chere."
"An' what's that?" Rogue asked snappily.
Remy lifted his knee and brought it up to Rogue's crotch quickly. A white hot, searing agony tore up Rogue from the spot. Rogue's grip on Remy disintegrated as her hands went instead to his member and she held his crotch in pain, moaning softly and blinking away tears.
Remy grinned down at her as he got to his feet. "Dat still hurts more dan a boob-punch."
Rogue whimpered, still holding his crotch.
"Remy knew y' wanted t' touch him, chere."
"You…asshole!" Rogue breathed heavily, shutting her eyes as the pain slowly started to recede.
"Here, Remy help y' up, fille." Remy grabbed his body from under the arms and hauled himself up, patting his shoulder affectionately. "Dere, dere, it'll be alright." Rogue had to lean against him for support just to stay standing.
"That kills!" she moaned, wincing and putting her head back against her own chest.
"Hey, look at de bright side." Remy pointed out. "Dey're my balls."
"Don't ever do that again." Rogue warned, finally standing herself and stepping away from Remy.
"Remy jus' wanted t' show y' dat y' don' hold all de cards wi'h me." He paused. "So what now?"
"Now that mah balls are on fire or now that we're done?" Rogue snapped.
"Remy actually meant de whole switchy-part. Where do we start lookin'?"
"Ah don' know." Rogue replied, removing her hands from his crotch now. The action made her blush as she realized that she'd been holding on to Remy's goods for quite a little bit there.
Remy caught her blush. "Like what y' feel?" He asked her naughtily.
"Shut up." Rogue replied, her blush increasing terribly. "Let's jus' get some rules down right now."
Remy gestured graciously. "By all means, chere."
"First—you will not touch me, Remy—not any part of me!"
Remy nodded. "An' I have no qualms 'bout y' doin' de same. Nex' rule?"
"Lihke Ah'd want ta." Rogue sneered at him. "Next: Ya will not kiss, flirt, suggestively touch or whisper ta any girl in this mansion."
"So I can call up a hoe from outside de mansion, gotcha chere. Next?"
Rogue glared at him darkly. "Ya will not look at me when ya go ta shower or go ta the bathroom."
"Any more, petit?" Remy asked, obviously ignoring everything she was saying.
"That's all fohr now, but Ah'm allowed ta add ta the list whenever Ah want."
Remy nodded. "Okay. Dat sounds fair. Y' ready fo' my rules now?"
"Your rules? Ya don't get rules."
"Now chere, dat's hardly fair." Remy began reaching for her pants. "If I don' get rules—"
"No! Fahne!" Rogue protested. "What are your rules?"
Remy smiled and ran her hand through her hair instead. "My rules are dis: y' not allowed t' turn an attractive woman away."
Rogue gaped at him. "Ah'm not gunna sleep with a woman if she comes hoe-ing up on me!"
"Y' don' have t'." Remy explained patiently. "Y' jus' politely make up an excuse 'till we get dis all worked out."
Rogue made a face that showed she was obviously displeased. "And?"
"An' y' will not make Remy look stupid o' gay, 'kay?"
"That goes fohr me too." Rogue warned.
Remy nodded. "Dat's fine."
"Nothing else?" Rogue asked.
"No, dat good fo' now, but Remy reserves de right t' add t' de list too."
"'Kay, so where do we start?" Rogue asked, anxious to get this awful ordeal done with.
Remy yawned. "I don' know 'bout y', chere, but it's four in da mornin'. 'M goin' back t' bed."
"What? Yah jus' leavin' us lihke this? Jus' lihke that?"
Remy shrugged. "Y' can join me if'n y' want. Maybe we switch back if y' sleep wit' y'self, heh?"
Rogue growled irately as Remy reached for the door handle. "Night, chere. Dis gunna be an interestin' morning, heh?" the door shut behind him. Rogue breathed in a deep sigh and ran her fingers through her now-shorter hair.
"Why is it always me?!"