This is my second FanFiction story. I really hop you all like it!
For as long as I can remember I have loved him. For as long as I can tell I have always had the most intense feelings for him.
Edward ad I grew up together and have known each other sense we were born, because our mothers have been best friends sense...well forever. Edward's sister Alice and I were and also are very close, like sisters almost, and his brother Emmett was little a portable teddy bear. My older brother Jasper, who is dominating me by only one year, has been close to Emmett and in love with Alice for as long as I could recall. As children, I used to tease him for it and he's tease me back for my liking Edward. Siblings. What we do to keep secrets!
Edward's mother, Esme, and my mother, Renee, have always been connected at the hip and this caused a huge relationship between Edward and I, which lasted through year after year. As grade six ended, I decided the only person that could have Edward was myself. The relationship we shared that was evolving on very high levels – so big that we spent nearly twenty-four-seven together, of course in the company of Emmett, Jasper, and Alice – and when I'd confided to my feelings, Edward returned them. The summer of grade six I was riding high as we officially got together. Five years can go by so fast and you don't even know where it all went. That's how long we'd been together and still going strong. The story of our lives are so close to identical and so much more detailed then the basic I just gave, and perfect in every way. I'd loved him like a brother for so long until I decided it was time to take some action and never even considered what would happened if it all didn't work out. I'd just known it would be easy.
Us Swans being close to the Cullens ment a lot of together time, whether it was movie night or a camp out. Anything, we all did it together. Well, at least when we were younger. Now growing up all the teenagers held the regular traditions: we had our Friday night movie, our twice a month camping trip, Sunday morning breakfast at the diner. All the parents had work and prior engagements to tend to, so us kids were on our own. It was like victory. No one to tell us what to do or where to go. Because we were all getting very used to being alone we would take the time after breakfast to go to a secluded area for a swim or doing things we probably shouldn't be doing around the small town of Forks, Washington. I have everything I need in life and ever will. Two loving families, friends galore, a amazing big brother, and Edward. How could I not if he is involved?
Nothing would even be complete without him. Ever.
"Okay, you know what I decided on?" Alice asked, trilled as ever. No one answered. "Well, I chose The Forty Year Old Virgin in dedication to our lovely Bella!"
For once I was glad it was only the kids for movie night at the Cullen's huge house. I blushed hard in reaction to the "dedication" and pressed my back closer to Edward's chest. He squeezed around my waist gently. Damn sister of his!
"To the virgin, Bella!" Emmett shouted overtop all the loud laughs, plunging his fist in the air. He sat right in front of the giant TV with his egocentric girlfriend Rosalie. She snickered. She, too, had been a part of the family – Edward's side at least – for a few years now.
"Fuck you all!" I yelled, crossing my arms over my chest. There was no way that their little game was going to leave a mark, much less actually piss me off, though it really did. Oh, why did Alice have to be so nice and dedicate a movie to me? Why couldn't she just put in Winnie The Pooh and dedicate it to Emmett? I felt Edward's soft lips on my ear.
"Ignore them," he whispered deeply, velvety.
I glared at Alice as she hit play and bounced over to sit beside me, where I was snuggled into Edward. She lay her head on my lap and looked up at me. "I don't see," she said confusedly, "why you haven't lost it when you have the perfect guy right here." She hit the arm wrapping around my waist. "I mean, Jasper and I-"
"Don't need to know!" I covered my ears quickly. The last thing I wanted to know was about my brother's sex life.
"Yeah, Alice, baby, don't give her any ideas," Jasper advised from an armchair. "She is my little sister."
"It doesn't matter!" she snapped. "If she waits too long it won't be right! I'm only advising the truth, Jasper, and you know it. You wouldn't wait over a year after we dated and so we did it and so yeah. She's missing out on the teenage years."
"While my best friend and my brother discus my sex life and my status, I'll watch the dedication." I was fuming. Why make fun of the virgin? I thought you were supposed to point the finger at the non-virgins and make nasty accusations, not tease the sexless. The circles Edward drew on my stomach did not do anything for the heat on my veins, pushing hard and fast through them. The comments about my virginity was getting irritating to me and I didn't know how much longer I could take it before I did crack.
I silently gasped. That's it. All I have to do it loose it and then it'll be done. I glanced up at Edward's perfect face.
Of course I was in love with him too much that I would never want anyone else, so why wait? There was no more decision. As simple as that. Everyone had to know all the little stories that you should wait till marriage for the sex were not true, and plus, if Alice was able to endure the pain then why couldn't I? The pain would be nothing, I decided. Just a little pull and it'd all be fine. Smiling slightly I put the sentence together. I'm going to lose my virginity to Edward.
During the movie it was hard to concentrate. Edward's too perfect and too alluring to even consider looking away or extracting myself, and everyone kept laughing to loud and making so-called funny comments. My attention was otherwise divided. Nearly by everything. The movie held next to no interest to me because of the whole reason, which was still too embarrassing, and through the comedy it was just some dry, washed-up film. So not worth our time. As usual Rosalie was cuddling closer to Emmett on the sex – attempt – scenes, and my stomach ached during these parts, even though it was clearly not much in the sex department. That made me feel a little better.
Esme and Carlisle were at some doctor's convention that they dragged my reluctant parents to as well, so we had two houses to ourselves. Two houses, three teenage couples – oh that's a sorry equation. Hmm, Bella, don't do the math too quick, I thought. I could get him alone, all alone, one way or another. Our parents were supposed to be home tomorrow night at some point, which just enlightened my mood altogether. Fuck those like comments they all made because of my virginity. It wouldn't be a problem soon.
Just as the ending credits started, Alice called me into the kitchen. I kissed Edward's cheek as I reluctantly stood and headed toward the damn pixie chick.
"What do you want, Alice?" I asked, picking at a bowl of popcorn on the white island. This house was plain – not in the definitional sense – amazing. The color schemes and Esme's decorating skills would put anyone to shame. The kitchen was like walking into heaven – only in kitchen form.
Without a word I saw form the corner of my eye as she reached down on her side of the island and plopped a big hot pink bag in front of me. She wore a slightly scowling look or maybe it was just serious? She whispered in a low voice. "Okay, Emmett and Rosy want a little more privacy then sharing a house with four other people, so they're taking Jasper's room at your house. Jazz wants to take me on a trail. Now I can buy you time to lose it, Bella, or not. Which is it gonna be?"
I just froze, looking at her like she had three heads.
"I bought you an assortment of sexy things from Lasenza for you to use tonight with Edward." She pushed the bag closer to me. "Take it or leave it."
"Okay, do you want time in case you decide to or not?" she asked irritated. "I can buy you lots of time with this whole thing and there will be no one to interrupt. Doesn't mean you actually have to pop it, but in case you'll have the time. Yes or no? Take it or leave it."
Oh God. Well, I mean, what harm could be done? It was nothing definite, only in case I decided – which, if I remember correctly, I did – to have sex with Edward. Why not?
"Sure, Alice." I nodded slightly. "Thanks."
"Oh, its no problem." She shook it off. "You know what? Jasper and I better do a trail and go get some kind of ice cream in Port Angeles. I'd rather not be anywhere near here when it happens. But its our little secret. No Edward, no Emmett, no Rosalie, and especially no Jasper. He'll kill me if he knows I set you up to lose your virginity to my brother."
I nodded in agreement. "He really would kill you."
"So silence." She rummaged through the bag. "I think you should wear this corset top..." She looked up and winked. I only groaned and rolled my eyes as I resumed eating the beloved popcorn. "I'm kidding. Wear this black nightgown thing. I'll drive him ca-razy. Just make sure you remember the thong and it'll be perfect. I have total faith in you, Bella. You can do it."
"Hey, Bells!" Emmett called form the living room.
"What?" I turned to Alice. "This ought to be good."
"Do you wear a lot of white?" he asked followed by a round of giggles. I looked at Alice but she just shrugged.
"Not a lot, I guess! Why?"
"Oh, nothing. Just wondering. Rosalie just said that white's a virginal color so I had to get the information from the virgin herself!" He roared in laughter.
I groaned. "Fuck off, Emmett, once upon a time you were a virgin too." As expected there was no reply only laughs.
Alice's lips pursed and she tapped her fingers against the white tiling. "They so need to go and devour themselves at your house. I don't know how much more I can take of the two of them here. One's bad enough."
"Yeah, why don't you do that, Alice?" I asked with a suggestive note and a grin.
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, we're all leaving." Before going to rally up the gang she showed which pieces I had to wear to night, and how to tie up the front of the nightgown thingy that did resemble a corset somewhat.
"Um, are you really going to walk in a forest at ten o'clock?" I asked as I followed her out of the kitchen and into the living room.
Her shoulders shrugged lightly. "Yeah, why not?"
"Creepy." I shuddered.
Again she shrugged as I sat back on Edward's lap and she called the attention. "Emmett and Rosalie are going to be staying at the Swan residence and the rest are going to be here. Simple as that, let's get a move on." She tried herding everyone to the door like wild animals.
"Where are you going?" Edward asked Alice.
"Jasper and I are going for a little walk and then to Angeles to get ice cream."
"Why aren't they coming?" Japer asked confusedly to me. Did he even know about this plan? Oh, it might be good if he doesn't. I couldn't imagine....
I took the opportunity to speak. "Looks like Alice wants a little one-on-one time with you, Jasper," I teased.
"Or," Rosalie put in, "maybe Bella wants some one-on-one time with Edward." Little bitch!
"Nope." Emmett shook his head in disagreement, and he sounded so sure. "Once a virgin, always a virgin." I didn't bother correcting this because we all knew how far from true that really was. Emmett was just being Emmett. Saying anything that comes to mind and anything he thinks sounds cool or rhymes. "Night, Eddie, night, Bells," he called over his shoulder as he and Rosalie headed for the front door. "See y'all in the morning for breakfast!" I heard a little Rosalie-giggle before the front door slammed.
I exhaled in relief and nervousness. Alice didn't hesitate to pull on Jasper's hand, tugging him up from the armchair and he turned to look at me.
"Aren't you guys coming?" he asked confusedly, stopping Alice's weak pull. After numerous attempts to get him to move she leaned into his ear and whispered something in his ear. I tried to fight a smile as Jasper's cheeks flushed and he grinned in a suggestive way. Gotta love Alice's persuasion. "Well, we'll see you guys later. Don't wait up."
"We won't," Edward said slowly, the smile in his voice easy to hear. One of amusement, I guessed. "Have fun."
"And vice versa," Alice said in a wicked tone, grabbing Jasper's hand and pulling him for the front door. He waved with his free hand before disappearing around the corner. Suddenly I wasn't so grateful to Alice's little...helpfulness.
"That was odd," Edward said with a smile. "Very odd."
I nodded in agreement and absently as I thought about tonight. Alice did not set any time limits for this, so could I take me time? I didn't feel like pulling him to his bedroom to endure the pain. Ugh, the burning pain.
"Bella," he whispered a moment later, "what are you thinking?" He moved closer to me on the couch.
"Nothing." I shrugged.
He sighed heavily. "If your thinking about all their comments, stop it. I'm sorry about Emmett...but you know him, he thinks with the wrong head." We both laughed. How true that is! "But don't let it get to you. I love you just the way you are."
My arms wrapped around his neck and I kissed his soft, curvy lips. As he deepened the kiss I tangled my hands in his lovely tousled locks. Maybe this whole "breaking the barrier" thing will be easier than I thought, less painful. If I can just focus on him....
"Bella," Edward breathed against my skin, "stop me."
"Mmm." I pulled his face back to mine. We fell back so that he hovered over me, his chest pressed to mine and I felt goose bumps rise on my arms. He gave me the chills with his silky and husky voice, especially when he whispered into my ear. I felt his hands holding my hips, and suddenly it all became more real. I was going to give my lifelong friend and boyfriend of nearly five years my virginity. Of course Edward was worth the sacrifice, so why was I so worried? It should be more comfortable because we'd known each other sense we were born. As I ran my hands up the hem of Edward's shirt, he froze.
His body leaned back so that he straddled me. "Bella, please. Just because Emmett and Alice tease about it doesn't mean you have to lose it." I interrupted before he could continue.
"Edward, I'm ready," I disagreed. "I know we've talked about this and its never been a problem, but I want to. I'm ready to do it, I promise. Please, Edward? Don't make me beg." I looked at him sadly, tying to persuade him. "Please?" I reached up and ran my hand over his clothes chest.
"No you don't," Edward told me evenly. "Your just reacting to the comments, Bella, you don't have to. Its not a big deal and never will be."
I couldn't force the right expression on my face. I tried to put the sad face on but it wouldn't stay, instead I forced through indifference. "Oh, so you don't want
"No, I didn't say that! I just said your reacting to what Emmett and Alice said to you, and I don't want you to regret this. Ever."
"I won't," I promised. "But, Edward, I'm ready."
He exhaled in a gust and pursed his lips thoughtfully. After a few seconds of hard waiting he said, "Come with me." Carefully and without putting any weight on my body, he lifted himself off of me and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. Slowly he lead me up the staircase to his bedroom, and my stomach began to flip at the thought.
Now being in Edward's bedroom didn't mean the usual cuddle and kiss – we're going to have sex, I thought. Though that did slightly excite me, I was too worried about the pain. It was my only thing to be scared about and the only thought I had as we headed through the house levels. I loved the Cullen mansion. It was so beautiful and decorated just so amazingly...I could never get over it. We reached his room, which was also fairly striking. My favourite part was definitely the window-wall that always had a wonderful view.
"Are you sure?" Edward asked, turning to me and cupping my face in his hands.
"Yes," I replied firmly, pressing my hands over his. He smiled slightly, but I could see his apprehension. I exhaled. "I don't know why you don't want to, Eddie," I teased, knowing very well that he despised that name to the end of the Earth. "I'm ready, no matter what Emmett and Alice and Rosalie like to say."
"Stop me if you need to," he whispered as he closed the distance to my neck, planting soft kisses on the skin. I pressed my body closer to his and pushed at the hem of his shirt that so had to go, letting all the sad feelings I had about the soon-to-come pain melt away.
The mattress fanned out around us like a plush cloud, nestling into my back and the curve of my legs. Edward's eyes never left mine as he pulled the T-shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor, and I did the same to his before we went back to the feverish kissing.
Never had I ever put any thought into actually losing my virginity, in terms of what it would be like. I'd known (or heard) about the pain and worried about that through the teenage years, except I never thought about the little things. Like the feeling of the friction between our skin or his breath in my mouth or even the feeling of being wet for him. I didn't expect any of this, and nervousness was the last emotion when I unclasped my bra and he slipped off my underwear. When his kisses trailed further then my neck I was not nervous but excited. The feeling of something made of fabric rubbing against my bare thigh alerted me to the fact that he still wore his boxers. And his major erection.
Slowly, as he sucked and nibbled hard on my neck, I reached down and slipped my hands in the sides of his boxers. I took a mental deep breath. Well there is a first time for everything, I thought. How true. I pushed down the waistband and he shimmied out of them the rest of the way, and slowly leaned back for my viewing. Edward knew that this would be more than one first. My breathing that was already a pant got much worse as I saw his little – metaphor – member.
"And I was hoping I wouldn't have to bleed," I muttered, glancing down at it again. I would have stopped this now at seeing how long his shaft is, but I was in the mood now and very hot, to admit.
"We can stop this now," he suggested lightly. "Its okay."
"No!" I grabbed his wrist before he could grab hold of his boxers. "Edward, I want to do this. We can do it."
And with that the rapidly building kissing started again. He pressed his tongue into my mouth, searching our mine and tangling around it. His mouth sucked my tongue into his and I melted into those touches. God, it was like heaven! His soft touches around my body were just so...indescribable. Loving, that's what. His hands grabbed my hips and pulled be closer, so close I could feel his hard on so close to my entrance...I took in a sharp breath.
He broke our hot, messy kiss and levelled his emerald eyes for mine. "I have an idea. I-It might help you get over the pain, because it is going to hurt, baby," he told me tenderly. I nodded slowly and worried because my fears were confirmed. Keeping our gaze close and strong, he slowly reached his hand down closer to my entrance.
"Calm down," he whispered in my ear, as he slipped one finger onto my folds. He didn't push in to fast or hard, and I exhaled at the touch. It wasn't so bad, but I knew the worst was yet to come. Another finger added in and I began to feel the burn and uncomfortable sting, as he rubbed my clit very softly and feather-like. But I still felt the fire build and add, climb up like someone was fuelling it inside my own body. I shifted underneath his body. Silently I read a question in his eyes like he knew that the sting was flaring up.
"I'm okay," I mumbled because I did not trust my voice on correct volume. "I'm fine, but I want you inside me now." I couldn't take the slow burn of his fingers inside me and needed to get this over with. I wanted to lose this thing so we could share our love on the highest of all levels possible, because Edward deserved to have this part of me all to himself. He loved me for years and we were made each other up, I knew we had to share this.
Slowly he pulled out his fingers and I immediately felt stretched some. Of course not as much as I was about to, but relatively less tight and closed. There was a clear, shiny residue on the tips of his fingers that he licked off with a slight moan. "You taste very good, Bella." His body hovered over mine again and I didn't feel any of his weight. My stomach seemed to drop at what this all meant. I took a deep breath and pressed my head into the big plush pillow, chanting you can do this, you can do this for Edward. The last part helped me quite a bit, so I smiled slightly and nodded to him to continue. My last virginal breaths were near pants and extremely shallow. I clutched the gold sheets – somehow the duvet got pushed aside – in my fists to prepare.
"This will hurt," he murmured to me. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Edward, I just want to get this over with."
He nodded, pecked my cheek, and positioned himself over me. I took a sharp breath as I felt the tip of his cock at my wet entrance, and more pressure applied to the little touch it had been. I cringed as fire started to rage, flaring up from my core and pulsing through my veins. I actually felt choked, like something was cutting off my air. Then I realized I wasn't breathing and as I let it out, I also let out a scream of pain. Another inch pushed inside of me. It was like someone was sticking one of those medieval torches inside of me. I let out another cry and tears began to fall. The feeling of being embarrassed did not last long as he stopped slipping inside and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his fingers, kissing a few away.
"Shh..." He hummed softly in my ear, gently starting to pull out. It was the weirdest feeling, of having something so huge – in both length and width – being taken so suddenly out. But it still was such a relief.
"No, don't," I said quickly, my voice hoarse. "Please, don't. I need to get used to it, Edward, it needs to be broken." I exhaled at what that also meant, but I quickly had to shake it off. My virginity would be ancient history in a few more seconds – it could have been less if he hadn't pulled out half way, though.
"Bella, your in so much pain," he complained softly. "I feel like I'm raping you, what, with your screaming and tears. I don't want to hurt you."
"Then let's just get this over with," I suggested harshly, lifting up my head from the pillow. I had to admit that even though this was hurting like a sonofabitch Edward looked so gorgeous over top of me and naked...Oh my God, him naked was like heaven – I had to lose this now! "Please?"
He pushed my shoulders back against the bed carefully and settled himself over me. I bit my lip to hold in the already-building scream. I did not want to cause any pain to him by showing the true amount of pain and hurt this caused me. I braced my feet against the mattress with very stiff legs, and I felt myself opening slowly. There had to only be about an inch inside of me, and that one wasn't so bad, when he pushed in more I cursed out at the flaring fire and tears surfaced again, painting my cheeks and falling to the bed beneath me. This was worse than I ever expected it to be! The pain and fire and sting...I couldn't think right or even say a thing. Only pant and cry and scream.
"I'm only going," Edward grunted, "until its done. This is so painful for the both of us." I nodded weakly, arching my back reflexively like this would help dim the pain. I swear it only made it worse.
With one more forceful shove – and an earth-shattering scream, panting and waterfall-works from me – Edward pulled himself out of me. I couldn't help but notice the reluctance that caused him. He lay down beside me and I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to see him and feel horrible. Our first time and I had to ruin in because of the scorching pain, which was still firing inside of me. I shifted as I felt his fingers tail along my cheek and wiped away the tears, but more replaced them. Edward cradled my against his chest as I wet his warm skin with my hot tears, rubbing my bare back gently. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I couldn't even find a plus in what he just broke for me. It only felt like I was out of my own body and I was now almost regretting it. Well, not quite, I just felt horrible and upset. The first sexual experience Edward and I have and I can't even take it.
Shaking my head, I sat up. "Okay, I'm tired," I decided in a scratchy and thick voice. Again his hand trailed along my back, raising goose bumps. I shivered.
"Bedtime?" he asked softly.
I nodded. "Definitely. I really want to forget this." I got up from the bed, but was stopped before I got far.
"Um, Bella?" Edward asked. His voice sounded like he was holding back something and being nervous. Suddenly I was getting worried.
"Hmm?" As I turned around to set my eyes on him, I saw what he was worried about.
Oh I did bleed alright. It had to be more than usual, though. Edward's shaft was coated in a watery red liquid and little spots and patterns covered the sheets. Instinctively I looked down and saw I, too, was smeared in a thin bit of the same stuff. It looked like I just took part in some murder. Embarrassed would be an understatement. I took another onceover of the amount of blood before crashing back down on the bloody bed in frustration.
I really hope non of you guy's first times were like that...and I can't imagine if they actually were....
Thank you for reading this! Hopefully I'll keep going with it.