I'm ALIVE!!! Although it may come as a shock to some of my readers, yes, I really am alive. XD I apologize for the ungodly delay on Tattered, so I'm putting this one-shot up as an apology. Forgive me! This idea originally came from somewhere long ago, a prompt or something, so it's not an original idea. I find Matt's little note quite in character and I thought it would make for a great one-shot. Please enjoy!

EDIT: This is AU!!! I forgot to mention that earlier. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, World of Warcraft, The Legend of Zelda, Mario, or Pac-Man


Dear Mello,
Please get pregnant. At least then you'll
have an excuse for being all pissy.
Thank you.

Love,

Matt


"You damn motherfucker!"

The dark-haired techno geek sighed heavily as he tapped his nearly finished cigarette on the edge of the overflowing ashtray. Mello really did need to quit yelling at him or he was going to end up an old deaf man.

"Yes, love of my life?"

"I told you to get me some damn chocolate! I don't see my fucking chocolate, you bitch!"

"Baby, it's on the counter."

Not even looking up at the angry blond, he kept his focus on the game in front of him. World of Warcraft was seriously the bomb, and his Blood Elf was a badass arcane mage.

"No it's not!"

The goggles hid the twitch his eye did, but he refused to take his attention away from the screen of his laptop.

"Yes, it is, sweetie."

"Quit calling me all those goddamn names!"

"Ok."

"Gah, you fucking make me sick! Why can't-"

Matt perked up as Mello stopped in mid-sentence. There was silence for all of two seconds before there was a rush of footsteps and the sound of Mello throwing up into their dysfunctional kitchen sink. Now, Mello throwing up was something to worry about. As a matter of fact, he worried enough to post AFK on the chat in his game.

"Mello, are you ok?"

The angry man couldn't answer as another wave of nausea passed and he puked even more. Matt carelessly tossed his cigarette in the trash can and stepped next to his lover. Rubbing that leather clad back affectionately, he used his other hand to hold back the blond hair. It would be a shame to get his lovely and well-groomed hair covered with vomit.

"Dang, it looks like you're puking up a chocolate factory," he observed.

Mello attempted to punch him in the ribs, but the wave of sickness left him too weak to complete such a task. Instead, he slid to the floor slowly with the help of his considerate, if stupid, lover. It looked like he wanted to say some very mean things, but he just leaned his head back on the cabinets and took deep controlled breaths. Matt squatted in front of him and looked at his pale face carefully. This was definitely not a normal thing for Mello. If anything, that guy never got sick with anything, and he always insisted that it was the chocolate that kept his immunity up. Of course, Matt was accused of being too stupid to catch anything.

"There, are you feeling better?" the younger man asked as he rubbed the scarred shoulder gently. "Should we take you in for a check-up?"

Mello shook his head stubbornly and just continued to focus on his breathing. A few minutes passed before he even looked ready to talk. Matt patiently waited and was rewarded with another onslaught of verbal abuse.

"I don't need a motherfucking check-up! I'm, ugh, just fine…"

His words lost their intensity as another wave of sickness passed. He held on to his stomach as if the source of all their problems was there. Noticing this, Matt pointed it out. "Hey, maybe you got a stomach ache from eating all that chocolate?"

"As if, you jackass."

Matt rubbed his chin for a moment before coming to a decision. "Ok, I'm taking you to the emergency room."

"What?! NO!!!"

Ignoring his violent boyfriend's ranting, Matt grabbed the blond around the waist and hauled him up. As he carried the older man over his right shoulder like a sack of potatoes, he used his other gloved hand to plug in his left ear, hoping to at least spare it from permanent damage. Ha, as if he was that lucky.

~_~_~_~_~_

"WHAT DID YOU JUST MOTHERFUCKING SAY, YOU BASTARD?!!!!!"

Matt's holding on to Mello's barely long enough hospital gown was the only thing that kept the bipolar blond from beating his doctor to a pulp. The dark skinned old man was shaking his head in confusion as he checked the papers over and over.

"I'm sorry, but there's no mistake," he replied. "You are two months pregnant."

Another string of foul words came from Mello as he tried to strangle the poor doctor from a distance. Matt tilted his head to the side a little and was awarded with a pretty clear view of his older lover's firm rear end. Mmmm, he was so sexy…

"Ahem," the doctor interjected, making the gamer look up.

"Eh? Did you say something?"

Both the doctor and Mello shot the clueless man exasperated stares.

"I was asking if you wanted to claim the child as yours."

"What for?" the dark-haired man asked. "It's not even born yet, so who cares?"

Mello looked away in anger, but the doctor shook his head in worry. "Dear lord, how is this child going to survive?" he asked some uncaring deity.

"Listen, dude, whatever. If Mello's pregnant, then what do I give him? Can he still eat his chocolate?"

At the mention of his favorite food, Mello turned back on the doctor with a strange murderous look on his face. Again.

"Y-yes, chocolate should be just fine."

"Ok, so what else do I gotta do for him?"

Matt's fingers twitched unhappily as he struggled to keep from lighting up a cigarette. After all, it was against hospital rules and he didn't want to get kicked out before they told him what to do to take care of his lover.

"You don't have to do anything for me!" Mello screeched angrily. "We're not doing anything but removing this damn tumor from me!"

In a swift unexpected movement, Matt stood up in front of Mello and slapped him across the face. The European man just stood there in shock and the doctor just gaped. How could this guy even think about hitting Mello?!

"Don't you dare," Matt hissed, the anger clear in his eyes, even with the goggles filtering it. "I don't care if you don't want it, but you are not going to kill it. You'd just be another Kira wannabe."

Mello looked down and pursed his lips, but he didn't push the matter. Matt turned on the doctor and stared down at the man with the same intensity. "Now, what the fuck do I do?"

Gulping, the doctor nodded. "He can't have any more alcohol, cigarettes, dangerous situations, drugs, and he really needs to eat better. Although he might survive off his chocolate addiction, the baby can't. It needs nutrients."

"Anything else?"

"Mello is going to need a lot of rest, and you're going to have to survive his fluctuating hormones. He'll be having cravings, mood swings-"

"Eh, I can handle that," the younger man said with a shrug. The anger in his voice and body language had seemed to fade away already, but Mello still wasn't saying a thing. "I've been living with that ever since he moved in, so I'm good."

~_~_~_~_~_

When they got back to their apartment, Mello headed straight for the bedroom without a word and closed the door behind him. Matt sighed, but went straight for his laptop. He seriously needed to burn off some steam by PKing on World of Warcraft. Yes, killing other players was too much fun.

A few hours and a pack of cigarettes later, he still hadn't heard a peep from Mello, so he decided that he should go in and check on him. On his way to the room, he took a detour and grabbed one of the foiled chocolate bars that were sitting on the counter. Pushing the door open, he saw the older man curled up on the bed, his back facing the door.

The blue eyes hidden under the goggles ran over every curve of the most beautiful creature that ever had the displeasure of crawling on the earth. Pale smooth skin peeked under the leather vest with a few raised burn scars accentuating the otherwise flawless skin. That perfect ass led down to the perfect legs clad in their tight leather pants. Then there was those expensive ass alligator skin boots that hid perfect little feet with their cute painted toenails. Rolling up over the lower half up to the back, Matt's eyes traveled up that perfectly curved back and gazed happily at those perfectly thin arms. He could see the perfectly shaped muscles, some of which were covered in those darkened burn scars. The scars led up that lovely neck to that perfect face which was mostly covered by the most beautiful hair. It was pure gold spun from dead cells on top of the most perfect head.

Yes, Matt thought that Mello was perfect in every single way. No deformity deterred the younger man, and to his love-struck eyes, they actually completed his angry lover. Sighing happily for being allowed to drink in the sight of his boyfriend, Matt made his way to the bed and sat on the edge of it. Smiling, he tossed the chocolate bar in front of Mello as a kind of peace offering, but the blond didn't take the bait. He continued to pout without even looking at the dark haired man.

"I'm sorry," Matt started off as he dared to scoot a little closer.

It really had to have been a shock to the blond when his normally passive, unfazed lover snapped and slapped him. It was the first time that he had ever been slapped in his life and the stinging burned across the unmarred side of the face. He had been punched many times before and had even survived having half of his face practically burned off, but this pain was so much different.

Matt's gloved hand ran over the expensive boots and he tugged on the foot a little, trying to get the sulking man to uncurl a bit so that they could have a conversation. Predictably, the other man didn't budge at all.

"I said I'm sorry," Matt tried again as he crawled closer to his boyfriend and nuzzled his neck.

"Jackass," he heard whispered softly. There was no venom or anger in that statement; it was just a statement of fact.

Matt smiled and kissed the scarred crook of his neck. Although the nerves were mostly seared off in the fire, he knew all the places where the nerves did survive, making that raised flesh even more sensitive than his other skin. The gamer's soft warm tongue rubbed against one such spot making Mello shiver.

"I shouldn't have hit you," Matt apologized again. "I'm sorry."

Mello sighed and pushed away that warm mouth so that he could sit up. "Quit apologizing already, it's pissing me off."

His perfect lips were stuck in a scowl, but that only made them even more tempting to the American. He leaned forward and pressed a quick peck to them before backing up to look into those toxic green-blue eyes. Hmmm, maybe hazel was the correct term? It didn't matter, only drowning in them did.

"Sorry."

That earned him a thump on the head with his own pillow, but at least the insane blond wasn't trying to rip out his intestines and use them to strangle him.

"I'm not mad anymore, so quit it," he growled.

"Ok!" Matt replied cheerily as he made a move to hop off the bed and go back to his beloved games.

Mello's hand took a hold of his striped shirt and forced the gamer right back to where he was. He looked back in surprise and saw the blond hiding behind a curtain of his hair.

"Don't…do you not want to be the father?" he asked a lot more passively than the normal Mello would which surprised the younger man.

The Mello he knew would have demanded that Matt take responsibility and would have threatened to rip off his testicles if he refused. He wouldn't have even given the gamer a choice in the matter, but this was a question, not a demand. Maybe those hormones were already at work?

"Uh, I didn't say that," Matt replied as he scooted closer to his man. "I just said that I'm not going to stake a claim on the little guy until he's born."

"Stake a claim on him?" Mello snorted. "You make it sound like he's the newest game coming out and you're planning to sleep at the store for a week straight just to 'stake your claim' on one of the damn things."

Matt's utterly contagious smile flashed. "Yeah, something like that. I just got nine moths to wait."

"Seven," Mello corrected with a smile of his own.

Mello's rare smile sent shivers up the younger man's spine and he couldn't help but tackle the blond and attack his mouth. Tongues wrapped around each other as the younger but heavier (for now) man pinned down his lover.

~_~_~_~_~_

"MATT!!! WHERE ARE MY FUCKING CHOCOLATE BARS?!"

The gamer was swinging his Wii remote madly as he ruthlessly attacked the Twilit Aquatic Morpheel. Being careful not to take his eyes away from the screen, he yelled back a reply.

"They're in the far right cabinet, love!"

The sound of ramen noodle cups being pushed around for a little bit was the only reply before Mello yelled back.

"No they're no! Shit, why can't I ever find my damn chocolate whenever I want it!"

Delivering the deathblow, Matt licked his lower lip as he watched the cutscene that followed. Surely Mello could wait just a few more minutes while he watched Zant totally own Midna. Unfortunately, his little love bunny didn't have the same sentiments. Mello marched his beautiful ass into the room and kicked the highly expensive gaming system into the wall.

"Aw man," he groaned unhappily as the gaming system made a strange beeping noise before going silent.

"I want my damn chocolate!" Mello screeched angrily.

"I'm going to have to play that level again," Matt stated disappointedly.

"Do you think I give a damn? Get me my chocolate!"

The dark-haired man smiled and set down the controller so that he could go get his pregnant boyfriend his chocolate. Considering that he had already survived Mello's outrageous temper tantrums for a few good years, his being pregnant didn't seem to change much of anything. If anything, it only made Matt a little happier to due to the fact that he was doing his baby's mama favors, such as finding the chocolate for him. Under normal circumstances Matt wouldn't do anything useful.

"Have you had your fruits today?" he asked as he dug through the ramen to get the bitter dark chocolate that was healthier for Mello.

"Of course," Mello spat out as he followed his younger lover.

Matt smiled since he knew that Mello was lying through his teeth. None of the fruits he bought had even been touched, much less eaten. Pulling out a squished bar of chocolate, he handed it to Mello and turned to make a nice fruit salad. Of course under normal circumstances the feisty blond would never eat that shit, but the baby needed its nutrition.

Seeing what the gamer was doing, Mello slouched over and snuck out of the kitchen hoping to hide so that he wouldn't have to eat the sticky sweet concoction. He preferred to forever munch away on his chocolate bars without having to ever taste anything else. Yes, he would be ok with that. However, Matt had to be the concerned father and he wasn't about to let Mello raise his child on nothing but chocolate. Being a vegetarian, he was going to teach his little baby a healthy lifestyle. It all needed to start when the little guy was in the womb, though, so he wasn't going to let Mello off the hook. Once the fruit salad was complete, he hunted the blond down, eventually finding him hiding in the closet.

"Come on deary," he said with a large smile. "Time to feed the baby."

Mello cursed and kicked at Matt for a few minutes before he finally conceded and followed his younger lover into the kitchen.

"Damn, why can't you the pregnant one?" Mello complained as he swallowed down the cold food.

He made a disgusted face and Matt laughed at him, gently running his fingers through that soft hair. Even though Mello was fighting it, the gamer was sure that his boyfriend actually was a little considerate of their baby. If he wasn't, even putting a gun up to his head wouldn't have forced him to eat the soft fruit flesh.

"Because I'm not as cute as you are," Matt replied. "Besides, I'm used to you being pissy, so this is nothing new. Now, if I were to get pissy, then you wouldn't have been able to survive through the nine months of hell I could have given. See, it'll all work out."

Mello glared at him angrily, but he recognized the truth of that statement. Shrugging, he tried to imagine what Matt would be like if he was as emotional and full of anger. How strange. The blond shuddered, just thinking about it. He would kill the dark-haired man.

"On second thought, maybe this is better," he replied calmly, looking down at the colorful salad. "I just wish that you could eat this shit and it would feed the baby."

Matt stroked his lover's cheek and opened his mouth to get some of the fruit. Mello obliged willingly and forked a large chunk of the detestable cantaloupe into that hot, moist, sexy mouth. Matt munched on it slowly, some of the juices slipping past his lips and down his chin. For not ever going outside, he actually had a pretty healthy looking skin tone, Mello noticed as he watched the moisture bead at the tip of his chin.

"See something you like?" he asked coyly, shaking the beads of moisture off and breaking the trance he had on the ex-mafia member.

Mello blushed and shook his head too roughly. "No!"

"Aw, you don't like me anymore?" Matt teased.

"Of course I do, I mean, don't, er…"

Matt smiled widely and kissed the tip of Mello's nose.

"I'm going to go try to salvage my brand new Wii now, babe. Please finish that up."

Mello watched his younger lover walk back into the living room with his lazy swagger and he couldn't help but drool at that lovely ass swaying. The thought of seeing him naked instantly turned him on making him gulp down the toxic food. Emptying the plate, he ran into the living room where Matt was busy trying to revive his damaged gaming system. The pregnant man didn't even give his boyfriend a heads up as he tackled him.

"Augh!" Matt yelled as he was squished between his horny lover and the cold wall.

Mello attacked his lips with such a feverish intensity that Matt was left speechless with his mouth hanging open. The blond took full advantage of that hanging mouth and dragged his tongue along the inside as he busied his hands with removing Matt's troublesome clothes. His teeth nipped at the already swollen lips and his fingernails scraped along the tender flesh making the gamer moan loudly.

Panting, the blond continued his attack and dragged his tongue over those soft lips and down that chin to lap up any saliva and to taste that sweetly disgusting taste of fruit. Leaning forward, he ground his erection against Matt's hard length. The perfect sound echoed against the walls as Matt moaned sensually. It was a struggle, but the gamer's overwhelmed mind finally seemed to catch up with what was going on. He took a firm grip of Mello's sharp hips and pulled it flush against his own hips, grinding into the older man above him.

"Oh, fuck me," Mello moaned as he rubbed up against his lover. He was pregnant, but that didn't mean he was dead and unable to be sexually active. Besides, who could think of anything relating to abstinence when they had such a perfectly delectable man living with them? Matt was an absolute sex god and Mello just couldn't keep his hands off the younger man.

"Will you, mmnh, be ok?" Matt replied as he began sucking on that beautiful neck and licking down the scarred flesh.

"Just fuck me you asshole!"

Chuckling, Matt pushed himself off of the wall and peeled those tight pants off of his horny lover. He blond under him moaned just at the sensation of his hands pulling off those pants and rubbing his pale skin. Smiling, he couldn't wait for the noise his lover would make once he was impaled on the almighty cock of perfection. Sucking on his own fingers, he watched as Mello squirmed eagerly under him. He was wearing a modest black shirt that was covering the small budge in his stomach but as Matt began stretching out his impatient boyfriend he became curious to see that little budge for himself. He never got to see it during the day when Mello was fully clothed, and at night when they had sex, Mello always made sure the lights were off.

Making sure that Mello was sufficiently distracted by his talented fingers, he edged up the shirt and stared happily at the lump. It wasn't very large, but there it was smoothing out his lovely abs. No longer was there the solid six-pack proudly at attention; instead a smooth pale roundness caught his blue eyes. The gamer couldn't help but to lean over and kiss right above the belly button.

"Hey, what-"

Mello began to complain angrily about his stomach being exposed, but Matt yanked out his fingers and shoved in his throbbing cock. The European man cried out in surprise and Matt didn't give him a chance to recover as he thrusted in, being careful to hit Mello's prostate repeatedly. The blond cried out in pleasure, arching his back completely off the floor. His rounded nails dug mercilessly into Matt's back as he spread his legs for further penetration and the gamer clenched Mello's ass tightly to push in deeper.

"Oh baby, push push push!"

"Mmmm, Mello, so tight, so fucking tight."

"Harder, damn it!"

Matt just had to chuckle at his needy lover. The poor guy was completely under his thumb when they had sex. He kissed the rounded stomach again as he obliged the writhing man beneath him. Mello clenched the dark hair and brutally yanked on it with every thrust.

"Hope this doesn't do anything to the baby," Matt mumbled as he continued to pound into the other man.

"Wh-who cares," Mello gasped as he tensed up. "C-comi-aaaah!"

Matt groaned in pleasure as Mello clenched around him as he continued to pound into his boyfriend until his orgasm passed over. Panting heavily, he pulled Mello into a soft full kiss. In all honesty, he was happy that Mello was still willing and able to have sex during his pregnancy. Maybe having a baby wouldn't be so bad.

~_~_~_~_~_

Memo to self: never take anything for granted. Matt had prided himself on being immune to any kind of nonsense that Mello would undoubtedly throw at him, but months of a very pregnant leather-loving blond had successfully grinded his sanity into a barely recognizable pulp. Adding to that the fact that Mello was no longer interested in having sex, he could be considered legally insane.

Groaning at the fact that the steamy porn currently buffering on his laptop was not having any affect on his raging hard-on, Matt couldn't help but mutter curses under his breath. After all, no one said anything about pregnant people getting super sensitive! Even a tweaked nipple would cause Mello to bruise and getting his ass pounded several times a day was way out of the question. And then there were always the horrid insecurities.

"You don't think I'm sexy anymore," Mello would accuse on a daily basis.

"That's not true," the helpless gamer would reply. "You've never looked better in your life."

"Oh, so you're calling me anorexic now?! You think that my being a fat slob is an improvement?!"

Ah, yes, he was getting used to sleeping on the stairs outside their apartment. He was even on a first-name basis with the previously unknown neighbors. Throwing his hands up in exasperation, the brunette decided that he would have to find another way to take care of his proud erection. Seriously, who could blame him for getting turned on by the sight of Mello coming out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel? Of course, he was screaming about his clothes not fitting anymore, but damn. A pregnant god's body was still a god's body and he was addicted to it.

"Matt? What are you doing in there?" Mello timidly asked from the other side of the door.

"Shit!" Matt hissed quietly as he tried to stuff himself back into his pants and turn off his browser at the same time. "J-just playing WoW again, babe!"

Silence. "Are you sure?" came sweet Mello's reply, this time a little more hostile.

"Yes, of course!" he squeaked nervously. He had never been a good liar.

"You're such a fucking liar!" his hormonal partner raged. "I bet you're jerking off to some big-breasted bimbo and you fucking like it! If you like those porn stars so damn much, why don't you go and move in with them? I mean, obviously my carrying your child doesn't mean anything and-"

Tearing open the door, Matt tackled his boyfriend into a tight hug. "Don't say that, Melly-belly," he shushed. "It's because I don't like them more than you that I let you move in with me."

"But you admit you like them," Mello sighed, patting his retarded lover on the head.

"Well, yeah."

Another note to self: never admit to liking porn stars. Ever.

~_~_~_~_~_

Purple bumblebees were swarming around, laughing in a land full of soap bubbles and rainbows. Matt's glazed eyes watched these anomalies of nature and even began to lip-synch along with their catchy tune.

"Matt, er, Hotstuff?"

Snapping back to reality, the grown man turned his attention away from the television program that he had been watching with the toddlers. Hospital waiting rooms were too damn boring. "Yes?"

"Your…wife wants to see you?"

"Wife?" he asked stupidly. "Oh! You mean Mello! Comin' right up!" Bolting to his feet, he stepped over the children who were glued to the screen much like he had been only minutes ago.

As soon as he fell in step with the nurse she gave him a strange stare. "I-is your name really 'Hotstuff'?"

A silly grin plastered itself on his lips as he basked in the glory of his made-up last name. "Of course it is! It's a German name from way back, all the way to the Middle Ages, and my ancestors actually pronounced it 'Horsteff', but as the years went on, it turned into 'Hotstuff'."

"Wow," the lady gaped in awe. "Isn't it just amazing how names can change like that? And it's so cool that you know that about your ancestors! It must make you feel closer to them."

"Yeah, it actually does," he stated seriously. Considering that he was of French-American decent.

"Well, here's the room, Mr. Hotstuff. Good luck with the…wife!"

"Ah, thanks," he replied before walking into the room. As soon as he was in the room, he stared in surprise at the scene that was lain out in front of him. Mello had the doctor in a headlock and was pushing on a rather nasty pressure point. "Um, love? What are you doing?"

Fiery eyes shot up and a savage snarl was stretching across his lovely lips. "What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"

"Like you're trying to knock your doctor unconscious."

"Duh."

"So…why?"

"H-help…" the doctor begged, his blood-shot eyes trying to catch the younger man's eye.

"Because this dickwad touched me," Mello replied calmly, as if he were behaving completely normal. Which, in truth, he was.

"Hmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't doctors supposed to touch you? To, I don't know, check to see if the baby's still alive and kicking?"

"He could just ask," Mello snarled. "It's kicking the shit out of my liver right now, so I bloody hell know if it's alive."

A strange pained noise escaped from the blond's victim, making Matt sigh out of pity. Inside his head, though, he was laughing at the fact that he wasn't the one in the sleeper hold this time. "Sweety-pie, let the doc go, ok? I'm here, and I'll make sure that he doesn't do anything that you don't like."

Mello stared at him in disbelief. "You. Save me? Protect me? What the fuck are you smoking?"

"Ouch, that's cold," Matt whined as he carefully pulled the man out of Mello's deathgrip. "I do protect you."

"You serve me," his pregnant lover crowed.

"Whatever." The old man was now gasping for much needed air as Matt patted on his back comfortingly. "Doc, you might want to listen to Melly. He can get pretty violent."

The doctor stared at him as if he was insane. Which he was. "I r-refuse to be this man's doctor if he's g-going to insist on killing me!"

Mello sat down on the little table and crossed his arms impetuously and Matt rolled his eyes. "Mells, don't try to kill him anymore, ok? He's the only doctor who knows about your condition and I personally don't feel like carving a child out of you." Mello paled at the though of Matt delivering his baby.

"O-okay, but he better listen to me!"

"Capiche?" Both the doctor and Mello nodded in agreement. "So let's get this baby going. How is he doing?"

"I would have known if Mello didn't try to collapse my carotid arteries. I haven't done any ultrasounds yet."

"Well I don't want to know what my baby is!" Mello shouted angrily. "And you'll tell me if you look!"

"Dude, it's human," Matt stated as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

Mello shot him a scathing glare. "Its gender you dipshit. If you treasure your penis, you'll quit acting like one."

Matt shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Just trying to be helpful."

"I promise that I won't reveal the gender," the aged doctor affirmed. "I just need to make sure that the child is growing normally and isn't deformed."

Pointing to his swollen belly, Mello couldn't help but reply snidely, "Can't you tell that the bugger is growing up from the size of this monstrosity?"

"I don't want a deformed baby," Matt decided to add.

"No child of mine could be deformed," Mello snorted.

"But he's also mine," Matt worried.

"Dear god, he's going to be lazy."

The dark-skinned doctor shook his head and wondered for the hundredth time why he was the one "blessed" with these two. "Both of you, please! For health reasons, I need to perform an ultrasound!"

Both of the young men glanced at each other, and after a few seconds of non-verbal communication, they came to an agreement. Mello spoke up for them. "Fine, you can do an ultrasound."

Their doctor sighed in relief. "Excellent-"

"But," the pregnant ex-mafia boss warned with a shake of his finger, "I have permission to gut you if you tell me the gender of my baby."

A nod and a loud gulp was the only response. Carefully lifting up his black oversized hoodie, Mello leaned back on the table and waited to be examined. Matt sat next to him and stroked his hand. The blond hissed as the cool gel was poured onto the stretched expanse of his stomach. Wincing at the feeling of the doctor rubbing the stuff all over his stomach, he glanced at lover. Turquoise eyes widened in shock as a perverted smile slowly formed on Matt's lips. Blushing, he stared entranced as that familiar tongue slid out of its moist residence and dragged along those sinful lips. Damn it, Matt was teasing him! Even though he hadn't been able to copulate with Matt for over a month now, it didn't mean that he didn't want to or that he was immune to all the urges he normally had. As a matter of fact, being forced to stare at his extremely attractive lover and not being able to do anything about it had been killing him.

"M-matt," he whispered, drawing the attention of his strange boyfriend. "Why the f-fuck are you d-doing that?"

"Doing what?" he whispered back mischievously before stroking the back of Mello's hand sultrily.

Shuddering, Mello took deep breaths to try to keep a grip on his self-control. "Are you g-getting turned on by ultrasound transmission gel?" He continued whispering, hoping that the doctor would ignore their conversation.

"Mmmm, no way." The tightness that he was absentmindedly stroking in the front of his jeans seemed to say otherwise.

Blood flushed to Mello's cheeks as he realized that his body wasn't in the mood to listen to him. The gentle motion of the ultrasound wand against his sensitive stomach wasn't helping matters any. "You're so perverted," he chastised his younger lover, but that didn't deter Matt from grinning even wider.

"So are you," Matt retorted before bringing Mello's hand up to lick at the pulse. "You're making the Doc blush."

There was no way on earth to be more humiliated, Mello decided, than growing an erection practically in the doctor's face as he continue with the damned ultrasound. How did this experience get sensual?! "Y-you started it," the blond stammered, shooting the brunette a frustrated glare.

Matt just shrugged. "Hey, I was just wondering if that would work as good as the lube we use." Mello couldn't help the groan that slipped past his lips and he noticed that Matt's hand was working a little faster over his own problem. "Would it taste good?"

"Stop," the Slovenian commanded as he took another shuddering breath.

"Ahem," the doctor coughed, bringing the two men's attention to him. Indeed, his face was practically glowing in embarrassment, but he continued to act as if nothing was out of the ordinary. "The baby seems to be healthy," he squeezed out with a faltering smile. "Try t-to make your next visit in a timely manner. It's not good to wait another five months."

"S-sure thing," Mello grumbled as he shakily sat up. "Now get this shit off-"

Before he had a chance to finish, Matt leaned forward and dragged that stupidly wonderful tongue across the sticky gel on Mello's stomach. Said Mello's hair practically stood on end as he shuddered violently from the stimulation. That tongue delicately ran over his jutting out bellybutton before Matt sat up with a thoughtful look.

"Hmm, not as good as that chocolate lube you get," he dead-panned, ignoring the fact that the doctor was rushing off with a bloody nose.

~_~_~_~_~_

"Names?"

Mello stared irritably at his boyfriend. "Yes, fucking names. Have you thought of any?"

Refusing to budge from the couch that he had burrowed into, Matt just shook his head. "Nope. Why would we have to worry about that right now?"

Pressing his hands against his lower back to relieve some of the pain of his humongous abdomen, the blond scowled. "Because I'm about to burst, genius."

Matt looked dazed for a second before he started to giggle. "Burst? Hehehehe, like a watermelon."

"You're weird," Mello stated. His lover had been steadily getting worse in the head. Like, he was no longer two cards short of a deck. He was now at half a pack. "Are you…are you high?"

Matt's giggling died down and he smiled at the man he loved. "Nope. I'm just trying to keep a firm grip on the imaginary sanity that's all I have left considering that you've managed to give me the worst hell imaginable during these months of pregnancy and I thought that I was prepared but dead fucking Mary I had no idea and please don't talk to me."

Sucking slowly on his expensive chocolate bar, Mello couldn't help but think that his gamer had finally cracked. "Just give me a guy name and a girl name, and I'll leave you alone."

"Bowser and Zelda."

"We're not fucking going to call our child either of those."

"You asked."

"For reals?" Mello hissed. "You can't take two seconds out of your miserable self-loathing life to give me two decent names?!"

Sigh. "Beelzebub and Morgana."

The crack of Mello punching the wall didn't even faze poor Matt. "We're going out, now," Mello commanded.

Heaving his massive weight to his brain-dead partner, Mello dragged him off the couch and got him dressed up semi-decently. Once that was accomplished, he pulled up his stretchy Capri pants and tossed on a loose hoodie to cover up his gut. Sighing, he dragged Matt out of the house and forced them to go on an impromptu date. It had been months since they had done anything together and he figured that the lack of affection was making the both of them go crazy. It was true that he had been more than pissy lately, and he had to admit that for the most part, Matt dealt with it gracefully. Once they were finished with their bloody action movie and a quick meal at a fast food restaurant, Mello came to the conclusion that he needed to apologize to Matt. Yes, the great Mihael Keehl was going to apologize.

The air was crisp as red and orange leaves floated down to the ground. Mello breathed deeply, feeling better than he had in weeks, even months. "Thanks for coming with me," he mumbled, feeling a blush rising.

Matt blew the smoke from his cigarette into the clear air and sighed contentedly. "Yeah. Thanks for dragging me out here. I think I feel better."

"Th-that's good," Mello replied. His hands were fidgeting in front of his oversized belly and he felt ashamed for wanting Matt to hold his hand as they walked to their apartment. He was not some stupid chick who needed positive reinforcement all the time. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk," he added, forcing out the apology. "I didn't make this pregnancy easy at all for you."

Matt smiled and ruffled Mello's perfect hair. "Hey, it's ok. Next time you get pregnant, we'll go out on dates more often."

The blond scoffed. "I'm not going to get pregnant again."

With the both of them grinning, Matt decided to reach over and delicately take his baby mama's hand. He noticed the blush burning on Mello's face, but decided not to comment on it. He didn't want to ruin the moment.

Once they got home, Mello grinned sheepishly at him. "Um, do you wanna try…uh…"

Matt's eyebrows shot up. "Seriously? Can you…?"

"Mmm, I think so. But only if you want to! I mean, I'm not…"

Pulling the embarrassed blond into a gentle hug, Matt smiled. "Yes you are. I promise to be gentle."

And he was.

~_~_~_~_~_

Frowning, Mello woke up to an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. A shudder shook through his whole body and it didn't have anything to do with Matt spooning behind him with a boner. "Ugh," he groaned as he curled in on himself some. The brunette mumbled in his sleep and gently rubbed the rounded stomach both of his hands were resting on. "M-matt?" Mello whispered as yet another round of cramps assaulted him.

"Mngfh."

"Matt," Mello called a little more urgently. "Wake up."

"Ugh, what?" he groaned as he nuzzled the scarred up neck.

"The b-baby," the blond hissed.

"Hmm? We don't have another baby drill 'till tomorrow," Matt yawned.

"Does this sound like a fucking drill?!"

Matt jumped up. "Baby?! You're having the baby now?!!!"

Mello glared at him under his mussed bangs. "Yes. The baby is more than ready to get the hell out."

"By fucking Elume!" he screamed, jumping to his feet and racing back and forth in an attempt to get their things ready to go.

"Do not use your damn techno babble right now, got it?! Now, stop running around like a chicken with your fucking head cut off and grab the baby bag!"

"Okay, okay!" Once the baby bag was secured, Matt ran into the bedroom to help Mello get out.

Cursing under his breath, Mello tried not to cry as the pain wracked his body. It was so intense! "M-mattie, it hurts," he choked.

"It's okay, baby, it'll be fine. Here, just put on your bathrobe and we'll just go. I can call L and Near once we get there." Mello made a strangled noise of disapproval, but Matt shushed him with a quick peck. "Alright, let's go have this baby."

Half an hour later, a very pissed Mello was crushing his lover's hand. "Fucking shit!" he screamed as he had yet another damned contraction.

"You're doing great," Matt forced, trying not to cry as he heard some bones in his hand crack.

"Your getting upset will not solve anything," Near stated matter-of-factly as he twirled some hair around his thin finger.

"Shut up you curly haired bastard!" Mello hissed. "Once you have a motherfucking baby, maybe I'll listen to you!"

"Please," Matt begged the younger boy. "For the sake of my hand, please don't make him angry anymore."

"Hmm, I wonder why the doctor lives 45 minutes away from the hospital," L questioned. "It would have saved Mello a lot of pain and Matt a broken hand if he had lived closer."

"I'll write a complaint after this," Matt tried to joke before another particularly painful clench made a few tears slip down his cheeks.

"I still don't understand why you couldn't find the time to put some pants on," Near grumbled as he looked away from Matt's crooked Pac-Man boxers. There were some cherries in a very inappropriate spot.

Before either Mello or Matt could shoot a scathing remark at the socially inept teen, the good doctor came rushing in with his trusted nurses. "I'm so sorry!" he cried out as he ran over.

"You're going to be if you don't get this thing out!!" Mello threatened.

"Nurse, get that topical anesthesia on now. We're going to cut him, so if anyone is squimish please leave."

Both nurses worked quickly: one putting up that tent thing so that Mello didn't have to see himself being cut up, and the other applying the anesthetic. L came over with the camera to record and Near just shuffled over to offer Matt a shoulder to cry on.

"Are they done yet?" Mello asked Matt with hopeful tears.

"Not just yet," the brunette whispered, placing a quick kiss to his lover's sweaty forehead. "You're doing great, so hold out just a little longer."

Mello nodded and focused on breathing. In what seemed like seconds, a loud squelching noise was heard before the crystalline sound of a baby cry. "It's a boy!" the doctor cried out happily.

The exhausted Mello burst into tears and Matt couldn't keep the stupid grin off of his face. Near patted them on the head in congratulations before shuffling to the corner of the room to get away from all the commotion. L continued to record but he offered his congratulations on their healthy baby boy.

"Eight months, twenty-six days, thirteen hours, and six minutes of hell are finally over," Mello sobbed, pulling Matt into a bruising kiss.

After a brief make-out session, Matt ran his not-broken fingers through his lover's sweaty locks. "Yep; now we got the rest of our lives to raise the little bugger."

"Have you picked out a name for the lucky boy?" the doctor asked kindly.

"Considering that I had to carry him around and give birth to him, he'll be taking my last name," Mello announced.

Grinning proudly, Matt nodded. "Write this stuff down. Father: Mail Jeevas. Mother: Mihael Keehl. Baby: Heath L Keehl with no period after L."

The hunched over man couldn't help the smile that curled on his thin lips. "I'm surprised that you two managed to come up with a name."

Matt just shrugged. "It didn't matter to me as long as it wasn't Dick or anything." The blond was too tired to reply to that, and he just held the brunette's hand to his cheek.

"Well here's the little guy," the doctor announced, bringing over a small black bundle with a tiny pink baby inside.

"Was it really necessary to make the baby's color scheme black and red?" Near asked flatly as Matt took the child into his arms. "I understand that such colors seem to be Mello's favorites, but a little child is expected to flaunt all kinds of pastels."

"As soon as you have a kid," Mello grumbled, "feel free to give him whatever the hell colors you want."

L stepped in before the two could get into another argument. "I think that we should all take a moment to appreciate the child. He is pure and unadulterated by the world. Let's give him a moment before bombarding his ears and mind with drivel."

Nodding in agreement the geniuses all turned their attention to the squirming child.

"He's bald," Matt stated. "And pretty wrinkled."

Final note: do not insult (or question) the looks of Mello's child. Really, if you love your life.


So there it is! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Seriously, I made Mello say "for reals". That's just awesome. And who else but Matt would wonder if ultrasound transmission gel would make good lube? So, if you enjoyed, please drop me a review. Also feel free to point out any errors!

As a side note, Mello's "You're weird" comment to Matt was inspired by Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Not sure why, but I thought that was freakin' hilarious. XD