Author's note: Because my parents easily inspire me now, I decided to try and write a little drabble based off a little spat they had a few months ago. Canada's taken on my role here with America in my brother's. Most of these lines are the same my parents used during the spat, with some added stuff to make them seem more France and England :P


It was supposed to be a quiet night of watching television with his parents. That had been Matthew's initial plan anyway. His brother was in his room playing a video game (as usual) and his two fathers were in the living room on opposite sides. He was in the middle, cuddling up with his bear and waiting for the commercials to stop.

Then a commercial on how to stop snoring came up and his father, Arthur, commented, "You need that, Francis."

"Quoi?" the other man beside Matthew snarled. "Pardonnez-moi?"

"You're a horrible snorer."

"Sacre bleu! I do not snore!"

"Yes you do, Papa," Matthew mumbled with a grin. "You're really loud when we go on vacations…"

Francis looked affronted and pouted. "You're both lying."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Yes, we're just imagining you sounding like a bloody freight train in the night."

"You're the one who snores!"

"I beg your pardon?" Arthur snapped back, glaring at him from where he sat. "I'm the one who's always punching you to make you stop snoring!"

"It's true, Papa. I've seen it," Matthew chuckled.

"Mathieu, you too?" Francis whined. "I don't believe a word of what you're saying. You're just making up things."

"I sleep next to you, old man," Arthur hissed. "I can smother you in your sleep."

Francis seemed to not really be paying attention and grinned. Then he wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh? You're going to touch me in my sleep?"

Matthew's eyes widened as he looked between his parents.

"You're so old your hearing's going? I said I'd SMOTHER you, you git."

Francis laughed and twirled a lock of his hair with his finger. "You just say that now, mon cher, but you can't keep your hands off me~"

Matthew watched as his father leapt from his chair and pounced on Francis, tackling him to the ground. "Uh…"

"Now would be a good time to leave, Matthew!" Arthur snarled as he aimed to punch Francis in the face.

"Oh mon cher, I love when you play rough," Francis teased, flipping them over.

"You bloody—GET OFF OF ME, OLD MAN!"

Matthew ran out of the room, clutching his bear to his chest and grinning slightly. He passed by his brother's room and looked in.

"I heard shouts," Alfred said without looking away from the screen.

"Dad and Papa are having a fist fight," he explained.

"Oooh. Shit, it's gonna be loud when they go to bed tonight, isn't?"


All was quiet, until they heard down the hall, "STOP KISSING ME THERE, YOU—NOOOOOO!!!"

Based off this:

So one night when all three of us are watching a show together, my mom and I start discussing how bad a snorer my dad is (he really is bad o_o), and he kept denying he snores and my mom's like: "I sleep next to you, old man. I can smother you in your sleep."

Dad: "Oh? -grins- You're gonna touch me in my sleep?"

Mom: "You're so old your hearing's going? I said I'd SMOTHER you, you old fart."

Me: "._____." XDDD

Lines I used:

My mom has said my dad sounds like a freight train when he snores sometimes.

She punches him in the arm to make him stop snoring at night lol

My dad likes to say my mom can't keep her hands off him.

He accuses her of snoring when we accuse him ^_^;

And my mom tends to say: "GET OFF OF ME, OLD MAN!" a lot when he's trying to be romantic. I promptly leave the room when that happens :P