There's No Noddy


Characters: Tenth Doctor, Donna Noble, Second Doctor, Zoe Heriot, Noddy, Big-Ears, PC. Plod

Pairings: None

Summary: "It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy." Ah, if only Donna had known... Slight AU, Spoilers for 'The Mind Robber' and 'The Unicorn and the Wasp'.

It was business as usual for the Doctor. A dead body, a famed novelist, Morphic Residue and a companion buzzing with questions.

" Yeah, but think about it. There's a murder, a mystery and Agatha Christie." Donna was beaming with her observations as the Time Lord turned back to her, alien goo in scalpel.

"So? Happens to me all the time."

His companion persisted. "No, but isn't that a bit weird? Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders, did she?" She scoffed out loud. "That's like meeting Charles Dickens and he's surrounded by ghosts. At Christmas."

For a moment the Doctor cast his mind back to a snowy, ghost ridden evening fifty six and a half years hence and several dozen miles away before he started to respond to Donna's apparently absurd suggestion. "Well—"

"Oh come on. It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy. Could we? Noddy's not real, is he? Tell me there's no Noddy!"

The Doctor gave her an odd look and considered a response as his mind (he really was in a reflecting mood today, wasn't he?) thought back even further in his personal timeline...

Approximately Five Hundred and Fifty Gallifreyian Years, Eight Regenerations and Outside the Realms of Known Reality Earlier...

Making their way out of the caves where they had just confronted the sinister Medusa and survived, the Doctor and Zoe found themselves emerging into a windy cliff face which chilled Zoe to the bone. "Oh dear, I not sure if I'm enjoying all these various fictional constructs, Doctor."

Her friend nodded sagely. "Yes, I rather feel the same way. Still, we managed quite well with the Medusa, and once I've found Jamie and returned the TARDIS to its rightful form and learnt whose behind this Land of Fiction I should be able to get us out of here – I think."

This had indeed been a troublesome journey – forced out of Time and beyond reality from the threat of an exploding volcano upon defeating the Dominators and their pet Quarks on an alien world of the future, the Doctor and his companions Jamie and Zoe had found themselves at the mercy of White Robots, charging unicorns, roaring Minotaur's and troublesome school children, not to mention transversing a forest of words and even meeting Lemuel Gulliver!

The actions of the mysterious controller of this place had caused the Doctor to lose his ship and one of his companions, but he was determined to ensure that everything would be-

"Doctor, look!"

The memories of recent events made the Doctor miss Zoe's sudden gasp for a moment as she pointed at a set of figures walking across the path in front of them, heading in their direction. It was instantly clear that they were not normal people – short at just four foot each, one with enormous ears, another in a policeman's uniform and at the front, a child-like figure with bright red cheeks and a red costume, topped with a blue hat and bell which rang every time the boy moved his head on the gritty path.

"Oh my giddy aunt..." The Doctor was spellbound for a moment; then the hugest grin erupted on his face. "How marvellous! It's Noddy, Big Ears and PC. Plod!"

Zoe blinked to check what he was seeing was real, but the figures were still there and heading towards them. She vaguely knew who the Doctor was speaking of from holo-vidised versions of cartoons of the late twentieth century, but this was the first time she had actually seen these fictional characters, much less for real.

Ever the person to do what seemed impossible the clownish Time Lord walked right up to the trio and smiled warmly. "Oh hello there, nice to meet you all. I'm the Doctor."

Noddy smiled and then looked about with some nervousness. Big Ears walked up to the Doctor and shook his hand. "You'll have to excuse him, he's looking for his pet dog – poor Bumpy went missing in the mountains and we haven't found him yet, have we Noddy?" A shake from Noddy's head gave an affirmative to the Gnome's statement. "Have you seen him? Answers to the name of Bumpy."

The Time Lord shook his head as Zoe attempted not to gawk too much at the impossible scene happening in front of her. "I'm sorry Noddy, I'm afraid I haven't. And I would be careful if you carry on in that direction if I was you – there's a rather nasty monster called the Minotaur in those caves, I'm afraid."

PC Plod spoke up. "Heh, not to worry, it's why I'm here. I'll be sure to put any trouble makers behind bars like I do with those pesky goblins Sly and Gobbo." Zoe attempted not to giggle at the idea of a four foot Policeman try and arrest a horned beast three times his size, but it must have shown a little as his cold stare suddenly met her. "Hope you two aren't up to trouble, maybe messing about with that Master's Toy Robots in that Castle of his." He points a bony short finger at her shiny outfit. "And that costume of yours is a little indecent, if you ask me."

Before Zoe could give a heated response the Doctor stepped in. "Not to worry, PC Plod, I'll be sure to see that I and my friend will keep ourselves out of trouble. You say the Master's Castle is just ahead of us?" At a large nod and bell noise from Noddy he beamed. "Oh thank you Noddy, that is most helpful. Well I'm afraid we must be off, but it was lovely to have met you all."

He shook Noddy's hand warmly. "I have always wanted to meet you, young fellow, and I have to say that you seem as bright as I thought. Now I wonder if-?" At this he pulled out his beloved recorder and played a tune Zoe didn't recognise at first, until with a start she recalled hearing the Noddy Theme Tune in the past. The Doctor was playing Noddy's own music to the figure himself!

But at the sound of a happy bark from the nearby boulders she realized his true intentions as sure enough Bumpy bounded into view and rushed at Noddy, knocking the boy over and licking his face as the wooden boy laughed loudly and patted the Toy Dog on the head. Big Ears was smiling and even PC Plod looked impressed.

"Well I'll be a monkey uncle, your flute saved us a lot of effort, and just in time for tea as well!" Plod took the Doctor's hand and shook it firmly.

Big Ears spoke up. "I must thank and reward you, good sir. Perhaps you'd care to come down the hill to Toy Town, I'm sure that Tessie Bear would have some tea on the go for us-"

The Time Lord shook his head. "I must thank you, but I and my friend are searching for another of our party ourselves and we mustn't keep him waiting, even to visit Toy Town. Toy Town, my goodness... Well, I must say goodbye to you all, it was very nice to see all of you."

Zoe shook each of the Toys by the hand herself, even giving Noddy a quick peck on the cheek, who blushed more red than usual and instantly appeared very shy. But in a matter of minutes, the set of characters were heading down a side-path away from them. In the distance the Doctor and Zoe thought they could just make out in the heavy mist beyond colourful buildings and cars in the distance... but they couldn't be certain as the figures vanished from sight.

The Doctor appeared happy enough. "Well it's nice to know that not everyone in the Land of Fiction is quite a bad lot. Meeting Noddy... I never thought I'd top meeting Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson with Susan, but..." An odd look from Zoe got his attention, and he regained his wits quickly. "Yes... Well, let's find this Master of Fiction's Castle, shall we?"

So the pair moved on, prepared for more possible encounters of those fictional characters beyond the realms of-

"Oi! Spaceman! Murder to solve!"

A sharp thud to the shoulder flung the Doctor back to sharp, painful reality. "Ow! Donna! Sorry, I was miles away."

"Yeah, I could see that. What happened?" Her face betrayed some level of interest and her eyes widened in delight. "What was it? Did... have you actually met Noddy?" She barely paused before she shrieked in delight. "Oh god, I can't believe it... you've met Noddy! How brilliant is that? Oh, is he made of wood? And how Big are Big Ears' ears then? And the car! I bet you've seen his car! I wanted that car when I was five. And Bumpy! You met Bumpy! Oh and-"

"Donna." The Time Lord had to let her down gently, Best to leave that encounter to himself. "Donna... Really. There's no Noddy."

Her face betrayed first disappointment and then scowled. "Spoilsport."

He patted her shoulder gently. "Sorry. Come on, murder to solve." As he moved to the door he frowned slightly, appearing to be thinking aloud and lost in thought once again. "That Master of Fiction fellow said he wrote about a Captain Jack Harkaway... I wonder if he was based on-"

"Doctor!" Donna had her hands on her hips in irritation, and fearing another shoulder attack the Doctor followed her.

AN: For those not aware of the 2nd Doctor's Adventures, 'The Mind Robber' was a five-part story from 1968 that saw him and companions Jamie and Zoe battle the Master of Fiction (no, not that Master) in a world beyond reality where nearly everything or anything, including Unicorns (And yes, actual Unicorns, not thieves calling themselves such.), Medusa and the Three Musketeers could be and were real. Since this would be a perfect place for the Doctor to run into Noddy and therefore conflict his statment in 'Unicorn and the Wasp', I wrote the majority of this ficlet during that particular adventure - as stated Jamie was seperate at the point I set the piece. Its a good 1960's Classic Who story and well worth picking up on DVD in my opinion.