"Here we are dear old friend; You and I drunk again."

"Actually Captain, I seem to be in full possession of my mental faculties."

"Laughs have been had, and tears have been shed."

"Captain, must I remind you that I am a Vulcan, and therefore do not—"

"Maybe the whiskey's gone to my head."

"It would seem so…"

"But if I were gay, I would give you my heart"

"I am flattered, but—"

"And if I were gay, you'd be my work of art."

"That is very kind of you, Captain, but I feel that—"

"And if I were gay we would swim in romance."

"I feel I must inform you that I never acquired the knowledge necessary to perform the skill of swimming."

"But I'm not gay, so get your hand out of my pants."


"It's not that I don't care; I do,"

"That is reassuring to know."

"I just don't see myself in you."

"I should certainly hope not…"

"Another time, another time, another scene"

"Yes…I suppose that would be more convenient…"

"I'd be right behind you if you know what I mean."

"I believe I do."

"'Cause if I were gay, I would give you my soul,"

"While that sentiment is a physical impossibility, I am nonetheless flattered by it."

"And if I were gay I would give you my whole being."

"Again, an illogical statement, but I believe I would reciprocate such a thought."

"And if I were gay, we would tear down the walls,"

"While such and activity would undoubtedly be enjoyable, it would be highly inadvisable due to the danger of being exposed to the vacuum of space."

"But I'm not gay, so won't you stop cupping my...hand."

"My apologies Jim; I thought that this would be the opportune moment for such an action."

"We've never hugged. We've never kissed."

"Do you wish to rectify that?"

"I've never been intimate with your fist."

"A fact that you bemoan?"

"You have opened brand new doors. Get over here and drop your drawers."

"That seems logical."