Disclaimer - I do not own Bleach nor D Gray Man

A/N - this is complete and total CRACK so ye be warned. Written because lieutenant-taijiya thought that it would be funny.

Evil Tea Party

Sousuke Aizen was completely and utterly bored. He was lounging around in his throne room in Hueco Mundo, casually flipping through some intelligence that his Espada had brought to his attention, when he came to something that caught his interest. It seemed that there was a man called the Millennium Earl who was turning those useless humans into weapons called Akuma, which he then used to murder other humans.

Aizen thought that this was an interesting idea and he wanted to learn more about how exactly it worked and whether or not he could use it in his own plans. So, his decision made, he called out to one of his co-conspirators. "Gin!"

"What is it Lord Aizen?" the silver haired man with the fox like face asked, appearing as though out of nowhere.

"There's a man called the Millennium Earl," Aizen explained, offering the paper to Gin Ichimaru. "I want you to go and find him for me."

The smile that decorated Ichimaru's face became, if possible, even more sinister. "And what shall I do once I find him? Shall I kill him?"

"No," Aizen said in his customary calm voice. "I want you to invite him for tea. There are a few questions that I would like to ask him."

Now if Ichimaru was confused by this order from his boss he never let on to that fact. He merely nodded and left to carry out the orders that he had been given. Being a Shinigami made it easy for Ichimaru to follow the Akuma, who possessed the souls of the dead, and they in turn led him to a large castle where he assumed the Millennium Earl lived.

When the Shinigami reached the door of the castle he casually knocked and then waited for someone to open the door. He would give them a few minutes before making his own way inside, just to be polite. After all Aizen wanted to talk to the man called the Millennium Earl and he would probably be less than cooperative if Ichimaru sliced his front door in half.

A creaking sound signified that the door was being opened and Ichimaru had to admit that he was somewhat disappointed that he hadn't got to resort to violence. A seemingly normal looking human wearing a maid's uniform appeared at the door but Ichimaru knew instantly that it had to be one of these Akuma that had been talked about in the intelligence report. He could see the soul that was coming out of the body and he had to admit that it was somewhat gross.

Shrugging this thought off Ichimaru smiled widely at the Akuma. "I'm here to speak with the Millennium Earl."

The maid seemed somewhat dense and merely nodded and ushered Ichimaru inside. Ichimaru couldn't believe that this thing was just going to lead him to the Millennium Earl but he wasn't about to complain. It made his job a hell of a lot easier.

The Akuma maid led the way down a long corridor before coming to a stop in front of a closed door. Opening the door she said in a low voice, "Someone to see you Lord Millennium."

"Come in, come in."

Ichimaru entered the room at the bidding of the man's voice and he had to hide his shocked expression as his squinty eyed gaze fell upon an enormously fat man wearing what seemed to be a perpetual smile. His eyes were narrowed and it was obvious that he was angry that the Akuma had allowed this stranger inside however the smile remained none the less.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" the Millennium Earl asked, his gaze locked on the new arrival.

"Lord Aizen would like to invite you to tea so that he can discuss these Akuma that you have created," Ichimaru said to the man, not even the slightest bit intimidated by the fat man. "He is quite intrigued."

For his part the Millennium Earl wasn't sure whether this was a trap thought up by the Black Order or not however the thought of tea and perhaps dessert was too much to refuse. With his thoughts he summoned Tyki and Road, his two favorite Noah, and then turned back to Ichimaru. "I will come along with you as long as my children can come as well."

Ichimaru shrugged. He didn't really see any harm with that. It was obvious that the man was thinking that he may need reinforcements later but it didn't really matter. None of them were a match for Aizen so the fat man could bring as many people as he wished.

"Very well," the Earl said, still flashing that ridiculous smile. "Shall we go then?"

Ichimaru nodded and proceeded to escort the Millennium Earl and the two Noah to Hueco Mundo. When he arrived there he was informed that Aizen was waiting for their guests and so he led them to the room where Aizen usually met with his Espada.

The leader of the Hollow was already seated at the head of the table, with Ulquiorra and Grimmjow seated to his right and left respectively. Ichimaru gestured toward the empty chairs and the Millennium Earl and the two Noah sat down across from Aizen and the two Espada.

"Welcome," Aizen said as cups of tea were given to the three new arrivals. A wide assortment of desserts had also been provided and the Earl's beady little eyes widened. "Please help yourself," Aizen said, noticing the way the Earl was eyeing the food.

Anyone who entered the room at this point would have found it the strangest sight ever. Two of the most evil people on Earth sitting at the table having tea and dessert as though they weren't both involved with plans to destroy the world.

For awhile no one spoke as they ate the treats that had been provided but then, once everything was gone, the talk turned to the Akuma and the Earl's plans for destroying the world. Aizen listened intently, somewhat impressed by the man's plans.

"That sounds like a very good plan," Aizen said once the Millennium Earl had completed his explanation on Akuma and how exactly they were created. "You'll have to let me know how it turns out."

"I propose that you come to my place for tea next week," the Millennium Earl said, taking a sip of tea and gazing at Aizen in an appraising kind of way. "Then you can tell me all about your plans and how you make those, Hollow were they?"

Aizen nodded, slightly surprised that the Millennium Earl knew about the Hollow. "I suppose that would only be fair. Alright then, your place next week."

The Earl nodded as he and the two Noah got to their feet. "Feel free to bring along your delightful guests." As he spoke he nodded to Ulquiorra and Grimmjow who had both remained completely silent during the little get together.

Aizen nodded.

And this was how it came to pass that every Saturday the two supreme evils, Aizen and the Millennium Earl, got together to have a tea party and discuss their plans for world destruction. Which left four very unhappy henchmen named Tyki, Road, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, who were forced to attend every one of them.

A/N - the crack. . . Oh it burns! Ha ha, Aizen and the Millennium Earl are having tea parties. Evil tea parties!