Please tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome.


How did I get here, is the question that I am asking myself right at this very moment. How did I get minutes away from bearing my soul to millions of people around the world just so she could hear my song to her?

I close my eyes and start to remember the day she left. The day that started me on this crazy journey here to this very moment when I am going to sing my heart out for her.

This is for you baby.

Looking back I remember how much Sadie had been around to make sure that I didn't go crazy. She stayed her distance from me but made sure that I had a bit of an update on how her sister was doing. Sadie had said it was because Jude was stubborn. Well, stubborn and weak when it came to me.

She was making great music at her new label and was doing good on her own Sadie told me one day while we went out for coffee. It was starting to be a kind of a sad conversation I could tell, because Sadie was in a sullen mood. I didn't know why at first, her relationship with Darius was a strong as ever, and World Instant Star was going great and we were almost done (all hail Tom Quincy, #1 judge).

We had been talking about some of my solo stuff that I have been recording in my spare time (which I didn't have too much of) and what would be happening for the World Instant Star finales including trying to get me to sing at the finale. Then, it was like she had something else on her mind, something more important than what were had been discussing. She started talking about my most favourite, hated subject… Jude.

Sadie started talking about Jude, my Jude. Jude apparently loved the contract because she was given almost total control of her album. Her producer was okay, reminded her of Jamie a little bit, smitten with her and letting her get her way most of the time… but still a perfectionist, just like me. The way Sadie was describing this guy to me, I started to get jealous. That was until Sadie said the producer's name, Alice.

That got a shock out of me. Sadie must have looked at the expression on my face because she started laughing. I remember her saying something like "Oh Tommy what did you think? That her producer was like her two favourite guys put together? Ya, I kind of did too when she described her to me… too bad Jude said that she doesn't swing that way", she chuckled.

Sadie continued to talk about Jude. She also loved the people… but she didn't have anyone to love her. Don't get me wrong I was so happy to hear that, but then again I wasn't going to do anything to Jude to make her want to come home.

Later that day I got an e-mail from Sadie when I took a break from mixing a new one of my songs. It was weird because of what was written at the top of the message.

I know that this wasn't intended for you to read... but I think you should and maybe do something about it. ~ Sadie.

It was a letter from Jude.

Dear Sadie,

I know that things have been hectic on both sides for us but I want to hopefully get a response from you soon. Yes, I will help you and Darius out with the Instant Star finale because I was the first Instant Star. Things are great here, I am almost finished my album. Yay, only need a song or two to finish it up and then I will come to visit for sure, Alice promised I could.

Now, how are you doing? How is D, still treating you great?

How is Tommy doing… and don't sugar coat it this time, how is he doing? How are his songs going? I have that song that you sent me, the one that you said he recorded a little bit after I moved, All We Are. It's really good… I love it really. I listen to it all the time for inspiration when I am stuck writing. I know it sounds silly but I love hearing his voice, it's like he is still with me right here, that I wasn't the idiot that left him in Toronto when I should have taken him with me. But I was too scared of the commitment that it would mean for him to move across the ocean with me. I have never admitted this to anyone and I swear that if you tell anyone I will deny it… I should never have left without him.

I want to come home permanently after the album, but I can't because I have some other commitments here that I just can't leave. They think that the album will be such a huge hit here, they are thinking about a huge tour here in Europe and even going back to Canada and maybe even the states because so many of their artist lately have been doing amazing in the States. I could be the next Leona Lewis they are saying, but with a wilder edge.

I would tell you to say hi to Tommy for me… but you probably can't.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Jude

I was really pissed off that Sadie had sent Jude one of my songs. The song, All We Are. It was my song that I wrote to let Jude know it was okay for her to be gone and that we were okay. I still remember how it felt to write that song. It was almost uplifting, because it felt like I was going to be okay. Or at least okay without her.

I remember sitting in my living room with that stupid scrapbook that Jude had started putting together before she left. Then I had the urge to get these feeling for her out. I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing.

It wasn't a letter that started flowing onto the paper, but the start of a beautiful song. It was all the things that I wanted to say to her, but couldn't bring myself to actually tell her. She told me to let her go, so I was doing just that.

But I couldn't actually let her go. She was my other half. This was the song letting her know what she did was okay with me. That I would live, that even we could live.

I decided that the song should start with a piano opening; she loved me playing the piano.

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you
And all along, you were shaded with patience,

Your strokes of everything that I need just to make it

Lord knows I'll fail you time and again,
But you and me we're alright

We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose
I need to get some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground

Lord knows I'll fail you time and again,
But you and me we're alright

We won't say our goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need all we need, a lover's alibi

Every single day that I can breathe, you changed my philosophy
I'm never gonna let you pass me by
So don't say your goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change [x2]
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

The message wasn't really for me… but Sadie being Sadie must have decided that she had to give me a reason to go after her sister. She wanted Jude to be happy, and happy was with me. I remember how our conversation about Jude started earlier that day; she had been trying to persuade me to sing at the start of the World Instant Star Finals Showdown, as they called it. I had initially said no, but maybe that's what Sadie was trying to get me to do. To sing there so I could get a message to her sister? But would Jude be listening to me all the way in London? I didn't think so.