A/N: Hello once again to all readers! Now although this is actually the third one that I've written, this will be the first in your eyes for my alphabetic set of fics! I have long looked forward to writing an alphabetic set, but when I started writing it out…I ran out of ideas! T_T However, I ended up gathering all of my past ideas and the remainder of challenges that Infernum had issued to me so long ago and completely filled this set up. Now, I let you read the first fic for the start of my set.
Note: I am very aware that the kind of loneliness experienced in this story is different than the song suggests, but I was asked to write a sequel for The Hospital and so this was born. Based on the song Alone by Heart. If you have not read the first fic for this sequel or have not read B.O.D.Y., go to my profile and find the other first! And read B.O.D.Y.!!! It is amazing! God, what's wrong with you?! _!
Infernum's Note: It's depressing, really, but the end makes you feel all warm and happy inside so stick it out!!!! Also, no, I don't claim responsibility for this fic, it's entirely Acerbus' fault!
Cold. Cold was all that was felt around him. He didn't understand where all of the heat had disappeared to, but without his knowledge or permission of anyone else around him, it was gone and with it a part of himself.
Jin awoke with a start. Usually he would have woken gradually from his trance, but the chill that was setting in on his bare stomach shocked him back from his dreams quicker than it should have. His eyes flurried open with a dull awareness of what had happened. It took him a few retracing pathways to figure it out.
It was last night that he had discovered who his visitor truly was. He smiled as he thought back. They had talked for hours that night. They had talked and talked and eventually they couldn't talk anymore. Jin looked down at himself as he lifted his covers and sure enough he found what he expected. His bed clothes were hardly hanging on to his legs and shoulders while his bed was less than appealing.
Jin laughed. He wondered what the nurses would expect of him after they cleaned his room today. He was still smiling when he looked around trying to locate his bedmate or partner in crime with whom to share the joke. He smile faded as his gaze met with his open window. The curtains blew solemnly in the breeze that had woke him up. It was apparent. He was finally alone.
He frowned and looked to his bedside expecting to see books again and be reassured that his visitor had just gone to the bathroom or gone to run an errand. Not only was the book he had already read missing, the other had disappeared with it.
Jin whipped around again, hurling looks at every corner of the room that would dare hide his lover from him. His anger pierced the walls just as his vision did. This came to no avail as his friend stayed absent and Jin's eyes did not cease.
He moved his body, flinging his legs off of the side of the bed. Hardly taking time to repair his damaged clothes to make himself presentable, he set off on a mission to search every inch of his room. Normally Jin wouldn't have bothered. His pessimism would have prevented him from even looking around as he would throw assumptions based on the ample bed space.
However, from the loneliness that he had endured, all his gloom and darkness had dissipated and his hopes remained undamaged. If anything, they had grown more in the past night than in years of his "enjoyable" job. With these newfound attractions and buoyant emotions, he felt much happier. For that matter, he felt lighter and even able to enjoy things. His life had changed.
But without this person, the person that had helped change them for Jin, he couldn't survive in this new life. He didn't know what to do or even how he would live in this panorama of sightseeing. Jin knew himself well enough that he would wither on the vine if he didn't have the source of his happiness around him. He did once and had had to sink to desperate circumstances just to wrench him out of it.
The fact that he had escaped his old life of regret so easily and in such a short period of time had confused him. He couldn't seem to really understand his happiness, but what he could correlate was that it had started with that person: Inaba and it was common sense that without him, it would all disappear.
He shook heavily as he hobbled around the room. He was overturning everything, every piece of furniture, every paper, everything. He flung himself at his bathroom door, wrenching it open in a farfetched attempt at hope. He was disappointed with the visibly empty room. He whirled around to set his sights somewhere else, anywhere else. He worked his way over to the window, hurrying as fast as he could.
"Maybe," he thought, "just maybe." When he reached the sill, he sank to the ground. His heart had pulled him down to the floor like gravity. The window was empty. The grounds were empty. The only thing that filled them was the simple, unforgiving wind that whispered soft loneliness at the sobbing figure before it.
When the nurses came in to check on Jin on their morning rounds, they found the room in shambles. Everything was overturned. Even the bed was in ruins. They shook their heads in pity as they walked over to the window. Jin lay on the grass, only a few feet from the window, exhausted and unconscious. They weren't sure why he was out there, but they knew that he couldn't have made it far.
They slowly called a few personnel to remove him from the outside world and return him to his room. They fixed what they could of his room, turning things back over and swapping his sheets. One nurse looked at the other. She was large and well rounded with a thick face. It was completely drowned in sympathy as she changed his sheets. The other nurse was stick thin and unsympathetic as she waited with the other set of sheets.
"You think that it wouldn't have happened to him. Honestly, he looked like a strong young man, but I guess the solitude got to him. After all, he never had any visitors."
"I don't know what you are referring to," the other replied, "I automatically noticed that he was insecure. One look at his sheets can tell you what I mean. Since he didn't have any visitors, it's obvious that he must not be married. Honestly, he is much more pathetic to me."
The other nurse returned a look of irritation as she responded. "Honey, he was stabbed in the side. Don't you have a heart? I could see how much he was suffering. I mean, when you have a big hole in your stomach, I would think that it would cause a lot of pain. Not just physically, but emotionally. Many people that I've seen in this hospital survived only because they had their sisters and wives and husbands and grandchildren beside them day in and day out. And they had it much worse than he did. But considering just how alone he was, it must have been harder on him than on a lot of other people."
She handed the last of the bed sheets to the other nurse and took the ones the other was holding. She set to work fixing those as the other nurse retorted and rolled her eyes. "He's always looking out his window and now he jumped out. Do you know what kind of psycho he must have been? We're probably lucky that we only had to stay around him five minutes at the most. He would probably pull a knife out of his…"
"Don't you dare talk like that!" The round nurse turned around and cut the second off. She was wearing a look of severe annoyance. "I don't care who you are and I don't care who he is, but no one should ever be talked about like that behind their back. The only facts we know are that he is male and that he was stabbed and that he was lonely. It's obvious that he was looking out his window because he was lonely. It's not as though he was thinking of a victim for a homicide or anything! He's just lonely and if you have nothin' better to say than that he is serial killer, you might as well not be a nurse."
She then promptly walked out of the room since she had finished with the bed. The thin nurse scowled at her coworker. She muttered under her breath, "Some co-worker you are, more like a cow-worker. I don't care what you say. I'm having his windows locked tonight." She then marched from the room leaving the other personnel to place Jin back in his room.
Jin opened his eyes slowly. The room had become darker. He could hardly remember what had happened. He moved to reinitialize his brain with logical agreement. As he pulled himself further and further up into a sitting position, he noticed the room around him. It was dark, but he could tell that it was once again perfectly organized. It made him sick.
It made him feel as though no matter what he did to exist or prove his existence, that it would be denied. He continued observing, looking for clues as to what happened. The fuzzy images in his head were enough to tell him that he had thrown things over looking for something, but what was it?
He paused trying to remember. He had woken up and had gone insane, but why? Why couldn't he gather the data to make sense of things? Had being in this hospital drugged him of his senses? No, that couldn't be it. He started looking around and stopped at his bedside table.
Sedatives. Bottles and bottles of sedatives lay there. His eyes widened involuntarily. There were enough drugs on the table to kill him three times over. What kind of doctor would leave that amount of medication lying in a sick, depressed person's room? He checked the bottles just to measure the amounts. He threw them down. They were all empty.
What was going on? What had happened? What could have been happening? Jin clutched at his head, ringing his hair in agony. "What does this all mean?!" Thoughts flew through his mind that he couldn't stop. "Did the doctors…the nurses? Could they of tried to kill me? They left it out as bait maybe or perhaps they just fed me the pills while I slept…thinking that it would look like a suicide…but maybe…did I take them of my own free will? Where did they come from? Why is this happening?"
He pulled and pulled at his long black hair trying to drive thoughts out of his brain, rip them out. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't make sense anymore. He once again moved his legs over the side of the bed and kicked the bottles out of the way. The clattered over to a corner of the room. He moved to walk and look. He had to get away. He didn't know why.
There was something wrong with his brain. He couldn't remember anything. He had to try to retrace his steps. He was desperate. He was clinging to something. He couldn't realize what it could be. His brain was becoming clearer all the time, but none of his memories were resurfacing as he thought they should.
He fell to the floor and traced the patterns of the tiles, the floor blocks glaring up at him as his thin fingers went over their borders. His eyes were getting used to the darkness of the room. He continued moving his hand along one long line after another until he met with a line that connected all of them. He followed it, stretching out along the floor.
Flashes blared in his head. Someone was in this room before. He was right here on the floor, lying on top of him. Him? The person was a him? Yes, it had to be. He bit his lip thinking hard on what had happened. The cloud still persisted but was losing its mass.
Jin crawled over to the door. A thin beam of light issued from the bottom slit of space. He crouched down further to try to understand the drabble of the outside. He had to understand what was going on.
He heard a few people and caught a few words.
"Hey, Ilene, don't forget to give that Dr. Hamelin a hot date Friday."
Someone else replied.
"Edna! Don't embarrass me! I'm not dating the doctor!"
Jin tuned them out and searched for another voice. He found one soon enough.
"So, apparently they brought him in from outside. What kind of person is he that he would jump out the window? If he was on a higher floor…"
Jin craned his neck closer to listen. They weren't too far away from his door and he knew that they had to be talking about him. They had reminded him that he had escaped through his window. It made more sense now. He could remember getting out, but the moment he did…his head became faint and he went down. They continued. He heard a snobbish voice comment to the other woman.
"I know. I was telling Fanny that he was psycho, but she never listens. She always has to play some kind of religious moron or something. I will say though that I did get a few things done."
She laughed heavily as the other person asked with apparent curiosity.
"What? What did you do?"
"I managed to convince the doctor to sedate that bastard. He ended up giving him the highest dose possible because of the way I described his behavior. I even threw in a comment that he claimed he wanted to kill me! Oh! You should have seen the way the doctor's face paled!"
The other laughed along with her.
"Well, that serves him right! If he has nothing better to do than jump out a window, he shouldn't be able to!"
"Ha! Be able to? When he wakes up, I doubt he will be able to remember his name. Those drugs are among the strongest we've got here! But wait, I haven't told you the best part…"
Jin hurled himself away from the door. He knew that if he was near it any longer that he would vomit. He crawled away from it and began tracing the lines again. He hated that nurse. Kill her? He wanted to torture her now, but he did smile to himself. Thanks to her help and to his own room investigation, he was pretty sure that he could remember a little more than she wanted.
He still didn't have everything together though. There was still that one piece of something that he couldn't remember. Who was he? Why was he so important?
Jin slowly lowered himself to sit on the floor. It was cold. He pulled his back against the bed, while holding his side. He was getting better, but it still hurt…badly. The cold…what was it about the cold? Jin jumped. Something had reminded him of the cold. What was it? It was…skin.
Cold skin? Why would he remember cold…wait…was he in this position before? He closed his eyes. "Okay," he thought, "If I was in this position before, why? I must have had someone else in the room with me, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered. Why would I have been on the floor?"
He stretched out again reaching and tracing lines to the door. The moment his cheek hit the ground, all of the heat drained from it. He cringed, but continued stretching out. He kept his eyes ahead. "There was something…there…a person. If I was reaching like this, I must have been grabbing onto something. An ankle?"
Jin shot up. He remembered. The person was leaving the room and leaving Jin behind. He had clutched at his ankle, begging him to stay. That must have been the only reason. Jin crawled away towards his bed. He stuck his face in the sheets. They were fresh and clean. They smelled as though they hadn't been slept on at all. "They must have been changed today."
"I do remember that they changed my sheets only two days ago, so why would they change them again?" Jin smiled a big, evil grin. "Naturally, if I got him to stay… Wait…did I have…with a guy?!" Jin bopped his head against the sheets a few times. He was remembering, but it was still a little odd.
"I thought I was straight! Gah!" He continued moving against the bed. He slowly moved his fingers along the top of the bed. Images of warmth and long legs pulsed through his brain. Then, the cold that was still sinking into his legs made itself known to his memory. Jin remembered that he had woken up and it was…cold.
The person had left. That was why! "I must have been looking for him to have jumped out the window. He must have been pretty important for me to look for him. I wonder though who he could possibly…"
Jin's thoughts were interrupted. He heard a strange tapping. He looked around at the door. It must have been after midnight, so there was no way that the nurses would come into his room. He still listened, but it wasn't even coming from the door. It was coming from the window.
He swiveled around to face the window. By now, it was just a thin sheet of shadow suspended in metal plaid. He couldn't see anyone, but he could hear the tapping. He pushed himself over to the bedside table and pulled the cord to his lamp. Golden light flooded the room. It also lit up everything, even the young boy's face in the window.
Jin looked at him. The face was lit by the warm light, but it was obvious that the cold outside was different. The boy's face was red as though being pinpricked by the wind. It wasn't just that. His face was wet. Tears were streaming down his face. It was obvious that he was struggling to take in breath he was crying so hard. He leaned against the window, his fingers pressed so hard against the icy glass that they were turning snow white.
Jin sat there wide eyed. He knew now. He knew everything. He lunged for the window with only one thing in his mind. "Inaba! Inaba!!! How could I forget you? I remember now! Inaba!"
He flew up towards the boy and the other flinched away slightly, but stayed only a few inches away from the barrier. Jin didn't waste any time. He reached up for the window lock and pulled at it. He had to get Inaba inside. He had to get him back. The lock didn't budge. "What?" He pulled again. It still didn't move. He frantically pushed at the window, shaking his head. This wasn't happening.
Inaba pecked at the window and got Jin's attention. He mouthed words. Jin frowned and tried to understand what the other was saying. He watched as he mouthed, "I'm sorry." Jin's heart clenched. Inaba continued to mouth the word over and over again as he began to shake harder and harder. He leaned in and kissed the glass, fogging it up, before slowly starting to back away, hands on his mouth. Jin shook his head and began banging on the glass.
He couldn't believe it. He was being left alone again. Hot tears flew down his face as he watched Inaba back away. The boy didn't even turn and run. He just backed away staring at Jin's face the entire time. Jin's face contorted into sobs as he couldn't hold it in anymore. He had to make Inaba hear him.
"NO! INABA! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ANYTHING ELSE, COME BACK!!! DON'T LEAVE ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE! COME BACK! INABA! INABA!!!"
The other just stared at him. He took a few steps forward, but stopped, not daring to go any further. Jin begged him with his eyes to come back, but the other didn't move. His face blackened with the flood of tears that poured down his face. Jin continued banging on his window, before he noticed his room filling with white light.
Three or four nurses had rushed in when they heard his screaming. The room was completely full of the sterile while light and it seemed to choke Jin. They all watched him as he continued to punch the window. Only one of them was listening to what he was screaming.
Three of them ran towards him trying to pull him away from the window, but the other only looked out. She saw the boy outside. He had run much closer when he saw the other nurses pulling him away. His face was as bad as Jin's, but much more apologetic.
The other nurses were trying to push Jin back into the bed, but he fought as hard as he could. The nurse at the door knew that he wouldn't win. She finally realized what was going on and why he had escaped through the window. She wouldn't let him hurt anymore. She had to try something. She vocalized.
"LET HIM GO." Her strong voice caught the attention of the nurses and they didn't notice as Jin leapt back to the window and continued to watch Inaba, who was already back to the glass. The other nurses turned to their momentary attention back and went to pull him away again, but the nurse spoke again.
"I SAID LET HIM GO." Her voice shot through everyone's ears. Even Inaba turned his attention towards the first nurse. The other ones walked to her and tried to push her out of the room with their own words.
They all echoed each other. "Are you insane?! He'll kill us all! We need to sedate him!" The thin nurse was there. She murmured through her pursed lips, "You always were soft on him. Maybe I should report you…" The first nurse lowered her head and stared with malice in her eyes. Her voice thundered through the room and the nurses ran from her.
"GET OUT OF THIS ROOM OR I WILL TAKE EVERY DIRTY SYRINGE I CAN FIND TO YOU! GET OUT!!!" The others were gone before she finished. She slammed the door behind her and walked over to Jin, who was still at the window. She put a hand on his shoulder, but he kept his attention solely on the person in front him.
Inaba slowly moved again. Jin jumped, but Inaba didn't stop. Step by step, he began to walk away. Jin whipped around. He was on his knees. "Please…please, open the window." The nurse raised her eyebrows. She quickly walked over and withdrew a key from her pocket. In one fluid motion, she had the window unlocked and had the window opened fully.
Jin couldn't even spare thanks as he leapt from the window and broke off in the fastest run he could. The nurse smiled as the bitter air blew into the room. She leaned on a wall and thought to herself, "So that's what was going on."
Jin hardly made it five feet away from the room when his side began to hurt him. The pain threatened to split his whole body to pieces, but he continued to run as fast as possible. Inaba stood shock still and just watched as Jin ran towards him. He never made it.
He collapsed around thirty feet away from him. He crawled as quickly as he could, but didn't make it far. He couldn't only scream between his gasps for air. "Please! Please…don't leave me! I don't want to be alone! Inaba…please…I don't have anyone else…please…I…I love…"
Inaba's heart dropped. Jin had completely stopped, letting his head fall onto the grass. He couldn't feel his feet run, but he could feel his hands hold onto to Jin's head. He laid Jin's head in his lap and just stroked his face. Tears fell down both their faces and Jin could hardly breathe. He was overexerted and worse was the sedatives weren't out of his system.
They were the highest dose and therefore, could kill him. It was only because Jin was unconscious and the medicine just did its work was why it hadn't killed him, but because he had now…
Inaba held his head slowly. Jin slowly breathed. He could hardly move and could hardly bare to hold on. Inaba pulled at his hair a little. A smile emerged from his tears. Jin shared it. They laughed. Jin coughed hard after he laughed, but they still laughed.
He moved his hand cautiously up to Inaba's face. The other's smile rushed back to frightened sobs. He burrowed his head into Jin's chest. He murmured into his skin, "I'm sorry." He repeated it until he had rubbed Jin's skin raw.
The other could hardly keep his eyes open. He pulled Inaba's head to his and whispered with the deepest part of his lungs, "I love you."
He pulled Inaba's lips into his. The other pushed further, but Jin fell back onto his lap, out of breath. Inaba pulled at his hair again, but Jin didn't move. Inaba screamed and screamed.
When he woke up, he could hardly see anything, the light was so bright. He moved to sit up, but couldn't. He felt so warm. He looked around to find himself deep within Jin's arms and both of them on the bed. His eyes flew open and he quickly looked down. He was still fully clothed. He sighed softly and settled back down.
He looked over. Color was dancing in Jin's cheeks as he breathed slow and steady. He smiled. He tugged on a lank of the raven black hair and waited until Jin's eyes opened. He slowly looked up and smiled at him. Inaba leaned down and kissed each eyelid, before making the same light impression on Jin's lips.
"Well, good morning to you as well." He smiled and hugged the teen closer to his chest before sitting up, pulling Inaba up with him. The door opened and the thin nurse walked in. Her eyes widened at the sight of the two. Jin recognized the snobbish voice.
"Visiting hours have been over for hours." She quickly looked the sight up and down, before she turned to walk away. She remarked, "I could have you arrested for trespassing." She smiled before Jin spoke as well. "Let me make something very clear, if you even touch him, I will do more than kill you, I will make sure that not even the highest dose of sedatives can stop me from ripping out every hair on your head." She paled as she turned to retort, but twitched at the deadly look in Jin's eyes. She opened her mouth and then ran from the room.
Inaba snuggled closer to Jin as another nurse came in. It was the large one who had unlocked the window. She smiled over at both of them. She spoke in a cheerful tone, "I reported that nurse. She had apparently done a few things against our hospital's jurisdiction and intentions. Also, there are no visiting hour restrictions here. Especially not for you." She nodded over to the teen.
She smiled over at Jin before setting something on his bedside table. She spoke as she walked away. "This came for you yesterday morning, but I never had the chance to give it to you."She closed the door.
Inaba drew a sharp intake of breath as Jin picked it up. It was a note written on hospital stationary. Jin opened it. It read,
I really wanted to stay, but I realized that it was a school day and I had a ton of things to do. I wanted to tell you, but you looked too cute sleeping.
I hope you get this really soon. I'm taking both of the books because I think that you read them both already.
Sorry, I'll be back later tonight.
Oh, and, last night was…um…I don't really know how to describe it, but…um…I'm not a virgin anymore, I guess. Um…It was really nice.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I will never leave you.
Jin looked over at the teen beside him who was blushing furiously. Jin looked back at the note and then sighed. "Yesterday was Friday, right?"
Inaba nodded. Jin grinned down at him. "Then today is Saturday, right?"
Inaba nodded again. Jin pushed everything else out of his head. He slowly moved to get up and drained his face of emotion. Inaba looked worriedly over at the other. He moved to the door, pulling a chair with him. He propped it under the doorknob, completely barricading it, and then slowly turned his head, his face full of homicide.
He was back over to the bed and on top of Inaba in less than three seconds. The other looked up at his face in slight fear, but Jin's hard seriousness completely dropped with an evil grin. "Nice, huh?"
Inaba averted his eyes and nodded. He kind of had a feeling that… Jin pounced, "You'll PAY for that!!"
The nurse heard a laughing fit within the room from across the hall. She smiled again. This would be a long, HARD road to recovery.
A/N: ^_^ Okay, so I wrote it in two nights. Both of these nights were sleep deprived and the second was a long way away from the first. I hope you enjoyed it. I hated the second part, but I really liked what I wrote for the beginning, but in retrospective, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. To all yaoi fangirls like myself, I had to force myself from writing a flashback for the sake of the story, forgive me. (Bowing)
I will definitely be writing a lot more of my JinxInaba fics. I love them as Infernum loves his KanaKazu fics. If anyone would like, I can try to write a third installment to this fic/series, but if no one asks, I won't. The only reason I even wrote this was because Infernum asked me to. He really loved the first story, so I decided to go ahead and give him another.
Speaking of which, this story is not only the first in my alphabetics series! It is also the first of a new set of fics that I still haven't decided the number on, that are dedicated to my honey Infernum. HA! I now have one on you to!
Anyway, even though Infernum has a boyfriend, he will always be mine whether he likes it or not. And if this boyfriend gets in my way, I have Mike Tyson on speed dial. Toodle loo and good luck honey, because you won't be getting any slack from me! HA HA! (Kidnaps Infernum while glomping him)
I'm just going on and on, aren't I? Anyway, I hope you liked it. I will be writing more for this pairing (Grabs pairing and hugs it close), so stick around. If you liked, REVIEW!!!
Infernum Note: um... *sweatdrop* Is that good or bad? I honestly can't tell...