Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural or the lyrics used. They belong to Kripke and Olivia Ochrestomanci. The Song used is "Lullabies Don't Work No More". The artist has songs based on Supernatural and they're absolutely BEAUTIFUL.
Here's a link to more of her songs- .com/artists/ochrestomanci
Summary: Sam tells Dean why he did it and why he can't do it anymore.
Sing Me a Lullaby
"I wanted revenge. Because of what she did to you, what they all did."
"But I'm right here Sam. I'm back."
Sam shook his head
"No. I hear you scream in your nightmares, in mine too. You can't be the same. She took that away from you."
Dean stayed silent
"I wanted to die." Sam went on before Dean could interject. "But I had to kill her first. I had to avenge you and then I could die."
"But I'm here now Sam. And Lilith's dead. And this whole Apocalypse thing…we'll figure it out. We won't get played with by either side anymore. It's us again. Just us against heaven and hell and everything between." He laughed bitterly "Just like it's meant to be. We'll fix it."
Sam smiled and shook his head
~I locked the windows, blessed
The doors are sealed with lines of salt
The only thing that could break in's
The harsh light from the parking lot~
"We can't. You're not the only one who changed Dean. We can't be who we were. And what I've become…" Sam looked down and clenched his hands "I need…I have to die. I have to make it right. I have to keep you safe."
Dean dropped to his knees and pulled Sam to him, the younger cold and still.
"We're never gonna be safe Sam, we're hunters. But we have a chance together." Dean was desperate to get through to his brother who was so close to the edge, fearing he may have already gone over. "That's why they did everything to drive us apart Sam. They're scared of us, of what we can do when we're together."
Dean touched his forehead to Sam's, "I don't care what color your eyes are or what you've done, been manipulated into doing. We're brothers."
~Another shitty motel
Another body to exhume
Another nightmare shaking you
Another vision waking you~
Dean clung tighter to Sam, feeling him slip away even in his arms.
"Dean…I have to…"
~I wish that I could take back all the things that you have seen~
"I wanna die Dean…let me die…"
"let me die…"
~When we were young and you
I'd tell you it was just a dream –
I'm here to keep you safe, I'd say,
And that part's true eternally,
But I can't tell you truthfully that it was just a dream.~