Translator's Note:

This is the beginning of her diary. I had just uploaded the wrong file and that was the other part and sorry about that… To compensate I put 2 entries at the same time.


14 years old- My family

My Family

Dad 41 years old. Sometimes he has a bad temper, but he's nice.
Mom 40 years old. I look up to her, but her straight forwardness scares me.
Me 14 years old. In the beginning stage of adolescence. The age that's hard to deal with. If I describe myself with one word it would be, crybaby. I'm full of emotions. I'm naive and I easily get mad and easily start laughing.
My little sister 12 years old. I see her as a rival in both school and personality...although lately I've been pushed around by her.
My little brother 11 years old. He's a tricky one... a little scary. He's younger than me but sometimes turns into an older brother. He's also like a parent to Koro(the dog).
My youngest brother 10 years old. He has a wild imagination, but he can be a little careless.
My youngest sister 2 years old. She has curly hair that she got from my mom, and her face is from my dad (especially her eyes... it's what it looks like when the clock hits 8:20) She is very cute.

Mary died...

Today is my birthday. I grew quite a lot.
I think I need to thank my mom and dad.
I need to get much better grades, and be healthier so I won't make them sad. In order to do that, I want to make this beginning of my youth important, without any regrets.

I'm going camping the day after tomorrow. I need to finish my homework so I won't have to worry about it.
Go!Go!Aya!

Tiger, the fierce dog next door ripped Mary's head off, killing her.
Mary, who was very small, approached the monstrous Tiger with a friendly wagging tail.
I yelled with all my might, "Mary no! Come back over here!" but...
Mary must be frustrated... she died without being able to say a word. If she wasn't born a dog, she wouldn't have died so fast. Mary please be happy somewhere else!

The new house is finished.
The large room on the eastside of the second floor is me and my sister's room. The ceiling is white. The wall is wooden brown. The scenery outside the window looks different than usual. I'm happy that I have my own room, but it seems too spacious and lonely. I wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Starting off all refreshed!

I'll wear t-shirts and pants (it's easier to move around).
2. Chores to do everyday- water the lawn, pick weeds, check for bugs behind the leaves of the one tomato vine I planted. Also check the leaves of the chrysanthemum for cockroaches, and if I find any, take care of it right away.
3. Not to slack on my homework
than that, write in my diary every day.
I'm going to make sure I do all of these.


15 years old- The sickness creeping up

Sign

I think I've been losing weight lately.
Is it from skipping meals because of the loads of homework and science project?
I can't put my thought into action so I worry.
I blame myself but there seems to be no progress.
My energy just continues to drain.
I want to gain a little more weight.
Starting tomorrow, I need to act more according to the plan I wrote out before.

It was drizzling today. Walking to school holding a heavy bag and to make that worse, an umbrella, is a pain.
As I was having these negative thoughts, my knees popped and I fell forward at a narrow road about 100 meters from my house.
I hit my chin pretty badly. As I gently slid my hand on my chin, I felt the sticky blood covering my hands. I picked up the scattered bag and umbrella, turned back, and headed home.
My mom came out from the inside saying, "Did you forget something? You better hurry or you're going to be late."
"What's wrong?"
No words came out and all I could do was cry.
My mom quickly got a towel and wiped my face which was covered with blood. I felt the sand cutting through the wound.
She said, "We're going to have to go to the doctor," and quickly helped me change into clean clothes, placed a band aid over my cut, and jumped into the car.
I got 2 stitches without any pain killer.
I grit my teeth and dealt with the pain, because it was my fault for being clumsy.
But more than that... I'm sorry mom for making you take a day off work.
I thought to myself that maybe my hands didn't help me when I fell, because I'm kind of slow... as I looked at my aching chin in the mirror.
But I'm glad it was under my chin. My future would be dark if a scar was left in a place where people can see.

My grades in P.E.
7th grade= B
8th grade= C
9th grade= D
I'm so frustrated! I guess I need to try harder.
I was hoping that the circuit training I did during summer vacation would help a little, but I guess not.
Well, I suppose it's because I didn't continue it long enough (the voice from the shadow= Exactly!)

In the morning, inside the kitchen where a slight light and breeze was slipping through the window with the yellow lace curtain, I cried.
"How come I'm the only one who is not athletic?"
Today, there is going to be a test on the balance beam.
My mom covered her eyes and said, "But Aya, its okay because you are smart. You can just stick to whatever subject you enjoy and make use of that in the future. You're good at English, so you should master that. English is an international language so I'm sure it will be of good use. So don't worry if you get a D in P.E..."
My tears had stopped falling. There was something left for me.

I shouldn't be such a crybaby.
My body won't move the way I want it to. Is it being anxious, because I skipped doing my homework that I can finish in 5 hours each day? No, that's not it; something in my body is starting to breaking down. I'm scared!
My heart feels as though it's being squeezed. I want to exercise. I want to run. I want to study. I want to write neatly.

"Namida no Toka-ta (A tear's toccata)" is such a good song. I fell in love with it. When I eat while listening to that song, it makes the food taste even more delicious.

This is a discussion about my little sister.
All this time, I only noticed my sister's mean side, but I started to think that she is actually really nice. The reason for this is because when we walk to school, my little brother leaves me behind and he just walks his own pace, but my sister walks with me.
Even when we cross the bridge, she holds my bag for me and says, "Make sure to hold onto the rails."

Slowly, my summer vacation mood is fading away.
After cleaning up dinner, I was about to go upstairs and my mom said, "Aya, come sit over here."
My mom looked very serious and I was getting nervous, thinking about what I was going to get punished for.
"Aya, lately your body is constantly looking like you're going to fall forward, and you walk very unsteadily moving from side to side, do you notice that? I've been watching and I'm worried. Let's go see a doctor."
I asked, "...which hospital?"
"Just leave it to me; I'll look for a trustworthy place."
My tears started to fall endlessly. I wanted to say "Thank you so much mom, and I'm sorry to make you worried," but I could not make any words come out of my mouth.
I wondered if my clumsiness is from staying up late at night, eating at different times, but thinking that there is something wrong with me and that's why I have to go see a doctor, left me to do nothing but cry. My eyes are starting to hurt from crying too much.


Translator's Note:

Reviews and feedback are appreciated...