Disclaimer: The day will come when I, ruler of the terrible stories, shall own Twilight. It will be the same day that pigs fly, llamas invent time travel and teachers will give us less homework! Beware, readers, that day is coming and then the world as we know it shall melt into a pile of sludge.

Scene 10: The Volturi Castle-Place

Bella: I like what you've done with the place. All the mangled bodies give it a really… cosy feeling.

Jane: Thanks! What do you think of the paint? I chose it myself. I think it matches the floorboards nicely.

Edward: Oh god, the interior design talk is worse than torture! Kill me now!

Bella: I thought you were already dead?

Edward: It's a figure of speech.

Jane: We could test that if you want?

Edward; I'll pass. Where are we going anyway?

Jane: To the chamber of doom, from which there is no return. The chamber contains raw fear, and the walls are made from the bodies of the dead and dying. A hundred million trapped souls cry out for help from beneath the floor of bones.

Bella: Sounds like it could do with a lick of paint. Eddie-kins, go and get my emergency decorating kit. It's in the car.

Edward: I can't, we're prisoners.

Jane: Not prisoners, just guests who have to do what we say and never get to leave.

Edward: Sounds like we're prisoners to me.

Bella: Sounds like Jessica's house party. That was horrible, all th-

Jane: We have arrived. Stop your foolish bantering, mortals. The old people shall see you now.

Edward: For the last time, I'm immortal. And I don't like your attitude young la- Aaaaaaaaargh!!!!! The pain, the PAIN!!! Oh, make it stop, have mercy etc…

Bella: This should be the worst moment of my life, my little Eddie-kins is being tortured by an evil vampire. Yet all I feel is that a pizza would be nice right now. With mushrooms and pineapple.

Jane: Well, I would like to drink your blood. We can't all get what we want.

Bella: But that's not fair!

Jane: Life's not fair.

Bella: You seem happy enough.

Jane: I'm dead. Death is fair. If people don't give you what you want, you kill them. Simple.

(The doors swing mysteriously open to reveal Aro, Caius and Marcus with their cloaks flapping in the breeze from a large fan. They look altogether very menacing except for Aro, who has a ridiculous grin on his face. Edward assumes it's supposed to be welcoming.)

Aro: Welcome, children. What brings you here on this fine day?

Edward: Your miniature minion dragged us here.

Jane: Grrrrrr….

Caius: Kill them all! Kill all humans! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Marcus: Can we hurry this up a bit? I want to watch Extreme Makeover, Home Edition.

Bella: OMG, that's my favourite show!

Caius: Kill! Ki- what? How did you say OMG? It isn't even a word! How can you pronounce it? Aaargh!

Aro: Jane, torture Bella until we find out her secret. It has been my dream to say OMG correctly all my life.

Jane: It isn't working. Can't I torture Eddie-kins instead?

Edward: How is it possible that you know my nickname? Why does everyone call me that? I hate it!

Jane: Hello Alec!

Edward: Oh great, isn't one of you enough? Now you have a twin. Why don't you just take over the world already?

Alec: Because that' next month's goal. This month we're going to try and clone Aro.

Edward: That's disgusting.

Jane: So's your face, Eddie-kins.

Bella: Hey! Only I can call him that!

Jane: Well now I can too, bitch.

Bella: Oh no you didn't!

Jane: Oh yes I did!

Aro: Cat fight!

Jane: Grrrrr…

Bella: Grrrrr…

Edward: Alec, should we leave? How about a grizzly bear or two down in the forest?

Jane: Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

Bella: Right, that's it. We're going. And you are definitely off the Christmas card list!

Aro: Nooo! Not the list! We vow revenge!

(Bella and Edward leave. Aro falls to the floor, dry-sobbing at the thought of not getting a Christmas card from his beloved Carlisle. Jane and Alec are poking Caius and running away. Marcus is upset because he missed his programme)

A/N: REVIEW OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE VOLTURI!!! Next chapter will be the last chapter. This was the longest chapter I've written so far for both my stories and I'm almost at the 6,000 word count. I want to become a Beta so I'm nearly there. That's actually the reason for this abnormally long authors note. And the 6,000th word was become! Yays! =)