A/N: This is just a silly, silly parody that my silly mind came up with while reading more silly parodies and dreading the beginning of Sophomore year which, incidentally, starts August 26th. You know... tomorrow.
This is also my first crossover so, you know...be gentle.
Disclaimer: Ehm... I do own a copy of all HP books and Pokémon Ruby, Sapphire, Leaf Green, and Platinum but I'm quite afraid I don't own either series/franchise.
"Are you absolutely sure you two want to go through with this?" a worried, bushy haired girl in her late teens said, pacing slightly and staring at the two guys in front of her.
"Shut up, Hermione. Yes," Ron said, representing himself in the usual rude manner which made Hermione crease her eyebrows.
"And you expect yourself to turn into something masculine, I suppose? Only the best for Ron Weasley, right?"
"'Course! And Harry's gonna turn into a bloody Hippogriff or a reindeer or something."
"A stag, not a reindeer," Harry said, irritable. "Don't worry, Hermione, we'll be fine. Worry about yourself too, yeah?"
"Oh but we all know I'm much cleverer than you two!" In response to Ron and Harry's exchanged looks, she added impatiently, "Well we know it's true!"
"Fine. You think you're so smart, you go first," Ron said, determined to make Hermione make a fool of herself but knowing that it probably wouldn't work.
"Fine." Hermione stood at one spot on the floor and closed her eyes, willing all her energy and concentration into transforming to an animal; one which the three of them were slightly anxious to see.
After a minute, it worked. With a gentle pop, an otter replaced Hermione in the middle of the room, with Harry and Ron both making slight exclamations of shock. Perhaps none of the three of them had really suspected it would work. A bit more concentration, and Hermione was back, her hair a bit ruffled, her expression self-confidence, and her eyes beaming.
"An otter...," she said softly, "just like my Patronus. I really do love otters...."
"Right then, let me try." Harry got up and stood in the place Hermione had been only seconds before. He did exactly what Hermione had done a few moments ago, and it took about the same time to transform with a pop.
However, there was one twist.
Harry wasn't a Hippogriff, as Ron predicted, or a graceful stag, as he himself had thought.
Oh Merlin no.
Instead, he was a flopping, reddish-orange fish with two spikey yellow fins and two side fins with a white, matching a tail fin. His mouth was gaping open, his eyes perfectly round with a small black dot replacing his previously bright green irises. He had two long yellow whiskers hanging from beside his mouth. He was something the likes of Hogwarts had never even imagined before, excluding the Muggles who may have recognized exactly what he was.
"Uh... Hermione?" Ron said, his eyes almost as wide as fish-Harry's. "That's not a reindeer."
"No...," Hermione agreed, her brain going haywire as she tried to think of how this could possibly happen: a Muggle Japanese video game creature transformed from Harry Potter? "No, it's a Magikarp."
"A Magic carp?" Ron said. "What's that? So it is a magical creature?"
"No, no, a Magikarp, M-A-G-I-K-A-R-P," Hermione said, trying to understand both for Ron and for herself. "See? Listen to him."
Ron listened and heard Harry now emitting a sound that sounded oddly like, "Karp, karp, karp...."
"It's a monster –"
"HARRY'S A MONSTER? AAAAH!"
"NO, you idiot! A creature from a Japanese video game in the Muggle world –"
"What's a –"
"It's a game that runs off electricity, in this case it's hand held – oh never mind, take Muggle Studies."
Harry quickly turned back into himself, only to proceed with shouting, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL –"
"Please, Harry, stop shouting! We get enough of that when you're filled with angst! Just listen to me – you turn into a Magikarp, from Pokémon!"
"Yes. You grew up with Muggles, you really don't know what it is?"
"No. I was neglected, remember?"
"Well, it's... it's a game that Muggles play, from Japan and made into English versions, and it's where people capture these creatures, like Magikarp, and train them to be very strong. Some Pokémon are strong, like er...." Hermione hastened to think of a comparison the two would understand. "Some are strong, like a Giant, and some are weak, like, er... a
"And I'm a strong one, right?" Harry asked eagerly.
"Just... no, Harry, I'm sorry. Magikarp could probably be considered one of the weakest and most pathetic Pokémon there is."
"But that's impossible! I'M HARRY POTTER," Harry shouted, starting up one of his little yelling sprees that he was so known for.
"Well, he's filled with that angst you mentioned earlier, Hermione," Ron said, laughing rudely at Harry's situation, before proceeding to yell, "HAHA, HARRY'S A WEAK LITTLE MAGIC CARP!"
"Oh yeah?!" Harry shouted some more, "You think you'd be anything better?"
"Yeah, I do!" Ron quickly replaced Harry's spot on the ground where both Harry and Hermione had turned into Animagi – or Pokémon – and did the same concentrated mind exercises his friends had. His transformation was... quite a surprise as well.
He turned into, not an animal, as Hermione had, and not a red fish, but a surprising, serpentine kind of formation of grey rocks that had to be over twenty feet tall. He had a sort of horn protruding from his head, and looked quite more menacing than Harry's Magikarp form. To add to his scariness, he put a whole through the ceiling and would have crashed through the floor had he not turned back into a human a moment later.
Ignoring all the calls from other Gryffindors ("WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!") he allowed a smug look on his face and smirked triumphantly down at Harry and Hermione.
"Two words. Beat, that."
Harry was easily angered by the fact that Ron could possibly be better at anything than him, of course, and the three of them knew it.
"Hermione!" Harry demanded, and the girl let out a scared squeak to acknowledge him. "What is it these 'Pokémon' do?"
Hermione, however, was staring at the spot where Ron's rock-head had been and was muttering the words, "Onix... I would have never... an Onix?"
"O-oh, l-let's not get into that...," Hermione said, looking away from either of them.
"He's right, Hermione," Ron said, still smirking. "What do they do?"
"They, uh... they battle."
"ALL RIGHT, THEN, POTTER!" Ron shouted with no hesitation. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A POKéMON BATTLE!"
"No," Harry said, "I'm better at deul–"
"Sorry, Harry," Hermione said, "but when someone locks eyes and challenges you, you have no choice. You have to battle him."
"Urgh, fine." Harry and Ron walked to opposite sides of the room and transformed back into Magikarp and Onix, and proceeded to follow a Pokémon's natural instinct and battle. Hermione stepped back in the exact same way she had when a Troll was coming at her.
Immediately, the battle began. Onix used Iron Tail and Magikarp was flung against the wall, still emitting it's "Karp, karp" sound. In return, Magikarp used... Splash.
Onix triumphantly used Bind, but only for a second before remembering it was his best friend that he was almost killing. Instead, he threw Magikarp back on the ground and followed up with an Earthquake.
By this point, Onix's astonishing weight and force was destroying Gryffindor Tower and helpless, Pokémon-less Gryffindors were fleeing – except the ones who had been told Gryffindors were supposed to be brave so many times that they thought their pure nerve alone could stop the Onix.
Before Magikarp could do anything, Onix used Screech and everyone in Hogwarts covered their ears, cursing whoever was emitting the high pitched shriek.
Finally fed up with being beat and sick of seeing his one true home destroyed, Magikarp perched himself upon his belly, flattening his bottom yellow fin to the ground. In a flash, he shot back at Onix a very surprisingly powerful Hydro Pump, a move which for ordinary Magikarp it is impossible to learn.
Onix, due to it being a Rock- and Ground-type, had a double weakness to Water-type moves, and promptly fainted, bringing much of Gryffindor Tower crashing down with it.
The next day, Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat in the newly repaired Gryffindor Common Room with the burden of months of detentions and hundreds of house points lost for being unregistered Animagi, nearly killing more people than Voldemort had, and just being immature. They were talking lightly, pretending the catastrophic battle hadn't happened, when something came up.
"Hermione," Ron rounded on her, "I thought you said Magikarp is the weakest Pokémon there is!"
Hermione looked at him angrily. "I did, and it is. Magikarp can't normally learn Hydro Pump, so I don't know how Harry used it."
"Well maybe if he hadn't used Earthquake on me I wouldn't have had to!"
Hermione looked at the both of them. "Well, I guess Harry would be on a higher level than Ron...."
Ron looked away, ashamed.
"But at least when Ron evolves into a Steelix, he'll only have a single weakness to Water-type moves.... Of course, when Harry evolves into a Gyarados he'll have an immunity to Steelix's Gound-type moves like Earthquake...."
"Wait, what's a Gyarados look like?" Ron asked. Hermione pulled out a picture she had taken from an old Pokémon handbook she had. Ron put his head in his hands, muttering, "Oh, Merlin...."
A/N: Sorry if the trio is too OOC or anything, I only have eyes for Marauder-era fics and they have taken over my brain with their... silliness. And sorry for typos, I'm a bit too lazy right now to proof-read thoroughly and I just want to get this posted. Please review!