Welcome! For those who haven't read this story before, just continue on and forget this whole little message here. For those who HAVE read the story before, allow me to explain why you have SO many alerts that say I added new chapters that you've already read. So... The story with wicked long, and we weren't even to the good part yet. Which sucks. Thirty four chapters, and not even at the part where... Well, yeah. But, the point is, I just condenced everything down. I didn't cut any writing, I didn't add any writing, I didn't even change a comma to a period. What I did do was take two or three chapters and push them into one word doument so that everything would be shorter and I wouldn't have thirty four individual chapters on this story.

Nothing has changed in the story, I promise.

Continue on your way now...

Chapter One: Preface

For all of you out there who think you're experienced in the world of love; you've been through all the most depressing, heart crushing break-ups there could be, you've been in the most fantastic relationships there could ever be and you've 'found Mr. Right.' Well, I have a wee bit of new for you. I'm the one who's been through the most depressing, heart crushing break-ups, fantastic relationships and I've found 'Mr. Right.' You may ask me how I did it. Well, I'll tell you, but not now. Dad's in the next room and I don't want him to know what I'm writing.

I can tell you one thing, though. It's a little unhelpful, but it's the only thing I can say right now. Welcome to… Love Sucks: Nessie's Guide to Love and Life.

Chapter Two: 'He loves me, He loves me not'

Eight hundred and twenty-three. That is how many flowers I've done 'He loves me, he loves me not' on and it's maddening. I've got two flowers left and I don't know what I'm going to end up on.

I don't really know why I'm so nervous about this. I don't even believe in things like the 'send this to ten people or bad luck for two years' e-mails or the 'the person you love will ask you to marry them if you send this to five of your closest friends' text messages because one, they never happened and two, I'm going to be alive for the rest of eternity so it didn't really matter if I had back luck for how ever many years I was living. I don't believe in omens or curses, so why am I believing in this?

I picked up another daisy. First petal. "He loves me." Second petal. "He loves me not." Third petal. "He loves me." Fourth petal. "He loves me… Oh, screw it! It doesn't matter does it?" I pushed the petals away from me and stood up. I started jumping around my room, bringing my knees up to my chest with each bounce. I pounded my fists in the air, shaking my head all over the place. I heard someone clear their throat. I stopped, standing up straight and brushing my hair out of my face. "Hi, Emmett."

He came in, and stood in front of me. "What's up, honey bunches?" he asked, pulling daisy petals out of my hair.

I shrugged. "I dunno, why?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Because you're jumping around your room like a maniac and you've got petals all over your room, in your hair and, um, down your shirt."

I blushed and looked down my shirt. It was true. It looked like someone planted a garden down there. As I brushed it out, I looked up at Emmett. "You really shouldn't be looking down there. You're my uncle," I said, laughing.

"Eh, well, you know," he said, shrugging. "Anyway, off the perverted road and onto the reality one, what's going on? Why were you jumping around your room? I get home and the chandelier looks like it's going to fall right out of the ceiling."

My eyes flicked around the room. "Where's everybody else?"

"Well, I don't know anything except that Rosalie and Alice are still on their two week shopping event and Carlisle is at the hospital."

"Oh," I said, flopping down on my bed. "Well, anyway. Nothing's going on. I was just doing 'he loves me, he loves me not'."

He smiled. "And I'm guessing you stopped on a 'he loves me not'?" he said, sitting down next to me.

I looked at him. "Well, no, actually. I just gave up and got pissed off."

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it, obviously confused. "O… kay?" he said, running his hand through his hair. "Well, no more jumping. You're going to break the ceiling, alright?"

I nodded, not really paying attention. "Uh-huh, right," I said in monotone.

Someone knocked on my door. "Can I come in?"

"Dad!" I shrieked, jumping off my bed and running to fling open my door. "Hi!" I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. "How was your trip?"

He kissed my head and held me back. "It was great, love. Your mother and I had a wonderful time," he said, smiling.

"A.K.A., they had sex, Nessie. See, with you around all the time, they can't do that, but if they go away… board your windows," Emmett said, walking out of the room.

Dad punched him than looked at me. I gave him the 'totally disgusted' look. "That's not true-"

"Yes, it is!" Emmett shouted from down stairs, interrupting him. "You know it is, Edward! Don't deny it!"

Dad sighed. "Moving on. You look different, honey. Did you change at all? You look more grown up," he said, pushing my side bangs out of my face.

"I don't know, I sort of stopped paying attention to that stuff."

Lie. I actually have been paying more attention to it than I should. I mean, come on! Would you pay attention if you grew two whole cup sizes in three weeks? He knew this. "Renesmee, you're beautiful no matter what. Stop worrying about it, alright?" I nodded. "Alright, then. Do you want to come hunting with me and your mother?" he asked, leaning against the door frame.

I shrugged than nodded. "Sure, why not," I said, grabbing my Converse out of my closet and following him down the stairs. "Hi, Mom! How was your trip?" I said, going over to hug her.

She gathered me up in her arms. "Hey, baby. It was fun," she said, hugging me tightly.

I smiled. "Good." I stepped away and looked at her. She looked different to me, more happy and relaxed. Maybe Emmett's right, I thought, putting my shoes.

Dad came and sat next to me. "He's not right, Nessie. He's far from," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

Emmett poked his into the living room. "It so is true, Eddiekins," he said, smiling deviously.

Dad gave him the death glare. "Okay, let's go now," he said, taking Mom's hand.

We walked out of the front doors, running down to the forest. Mom and Dad went out right away, chasing God know what. I stayed where I was, carefully listening and smelling. I caught a scent and ran after it. I was difficult to catch it; the frigging deer was jumping all over the place. I wasn't really hungry –I'd hunted earlier with Emmett– so when I finished the deer, I found Mom and Dad and told them I was going back to the house.

I tromped through the forest and walked out into the back yard. My heart fluttered when I saw Jacob standing there with no shirt on. Why am I feeling this way? I've seen his chest before, his lovely, lovely chest… No, snap out of it, Nessie. You're too…*sigh* in love with him. Oh, dear, Lord. I'm dead.

He turned his head. "Hey, Nessie! How are you?" he said, walking over to me.

My heart started humming in my chest. "Oh, hi, Jake." I could practically feel the heat radiating off of him; that's how close to me he was. "I'm… fine I guess. What's going on with you?"

He shrugged. "Eh, not much. I was just talking to Seth. He said he was going to try to come down for your birthday." It was true. He was holding his Blackberry in his right hand.

I lit up. I hadn't seen Seth since I was a baby. "Really?" He nodded. "When did he say he was going to come down?"

He looked up at the sky, thinking. "He said maybe by Sunday, if he could. It's a good time. You're birthday's on Monday, right?"

I huffed. He knew my birthday was on Monday. "Yes," I said solemnly.

He took my hands and my stomach jumped. "I can't believe you're turning thirteen. It seems like only yesterday you were a little baby crawling around the floor. You've grown up so much since than I'll tell you that." He loves me… "It's so weird." He loves me not…?

I sighed, my breath coming out in little bursts. "Speaking of my birthday, I have to go call Alice and tell her I don't want my party to be a sweet sixteen," I said, sliding my hands out of his. "I'll see you later."

"Aren't they coming back from their shopping thingy today?" he said, pushing his hair away from his face. God, it's so scraggly and sexy.

I nodded. "Yeah, but that still gives her three days to plan, if she doesn't go to school on Monday." I walked up to the house and opened the door. Emmett was sitting in the living room with his laptop on his lap. He was typing rapidly. "Who are you talking to?" I asked, sitting next to him.

"Alice and Rosalie," he said, hitting the Enter key so hard a corner of it broke off.

"On the same IM?" I tilted the screen down so I could see.

He scoffed. "No. They're on different ones," he said, clicking on the flashing doc in the toolbar. It was Rosalie.

IceColdBeauty39: looking 4ward 2 it! ;)

MuscleMan28: u don't even kno…

I rolled my eyes and sat up straight. "Could you tell Alice I don't want a big birthday party?" I asked, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

He huffed. "Fine." He clicked on the IM with Alice.

MuscleMan28: Nessie wants 2 hav a small bday parT

Shopaholic66: y?

MuscleMan28: Idk. she's weird

Shopaholic66: *Huff* tell her 2 bad

He looked at me. "Too bad," he said, smiling.

I glared at the screen than ran up to my room. As I sat at my desk I moved my finger across the mouse pad of my laptop and my back round came up. It was a picture of me and Jacob at First Beach, before we moved to Chicago. I was sitting on his shoulders and we were standing in the water, waving at Alice, who was taking the picture. I smiled and opened up IM and signed on. I clicked Alice's screen name.

BronzeBabe87: Alice, PLZ don't giv me a big bday parT!

Shopaholic66: y not? i always did b4.

BronzeBabe87: i just don't want 1 this yr, u kno?

She didn't reply for a minute, and I thought that she left me hanging there. Than she replied.

Shopaholic66: well, fine. ur such a parT pooper!

BronzeBabe87: thnx.

Shopholic66: LOL. C u l8r, k? back round 11. tell Esme, alrite?

I sighed with relief and logged off, closing my laptop. Someone knocked on my door just as I flopped down on my bed. "Come in!" I said, closing my eyes.

"Mission accomplished?" I heard Jacob say. "What the hell happened to your room?" I completely forgot I still had the petals all over my floor. "Did a flower shop explode in here or something?"

I sat up. "No, it didn't. I was just… being… weird," I said, embarrassed to say that I was doing 'he loves me, he loves me not,' especially since he was the one I was doing it about.

He laughed and sat next to me, holding out a plate of cookies to me. I took one. "So, um, did you tell Alice?" he said through a cookie.

I looked at him. Christ, he's close. "Oh, yeah, I did. She agreed. I don't know what she's going to do, but you know," I said, taking his glass of milk from him and taking a sip. "I just hope I get good presents."

"As oppose to the crappy ones you got last year?" he said sarcastically. "I mean, come on. Your family practically gave you a whole Prada store and silk sheets." He ran his hand along my light purple sheets, raising his eyebrow at me.

I scoffed. "That is so untrue," I said, knowing full well that it was. I had this one rack of clothes that had been birthday presents last year. They were all Prada.

"Anyway," he said, "are you excited for your birthday party?"

I rolled my eyes and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Ecstatic," I said sarcastically. "Alice is going to make a huge ordeal even if I asked her not to. She just doesn't understand that she may like big parties and lots of presents for her birthday but I'd rather watch football with Emmett and Jasper and go to bed afterward without wearing new silk tank tops and shorts that Alice bought me."

His back stiffened and he pulled the plate closer to his pelvis. "O…kay, Nessie, I'm, um, going to go now…" he said, standing up stiffly and walking out of the room.

I sat there for a minute, not quite sure what happened, than burst into hysterical laughter, realizing that poor little Jacob Black had gotten a boner picturing me in my pajamas.