I may be drinking…for the past two hours…

Disclaimer: Square Enix and what not.

Warning: crack and stupidity. Rated for suggestive themes.

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"Um…Angeal?" Zack said uncertainly as he stuck his head into the older male's office.

"What is it Puppy?" the older SOLDIER didn't even look up from his paperwork as he responded.

"I think Sephiroth has lost it…"

"Lost what?"

"…his mind," the spiky haired youth whispered as if it were obvious.

Angeal finally looked up, pen poised over a report. Carefully he regarded his student for any sign that this was just another prank he had cooked up with Kunsel. Zack was staring at him with wide violet eyes, hands gripping the door with white knuckles. The smaller male jumped violently when a loud crash and slightly maniacal laughter sounded behind him. With a heavy sigh Angeal got out of his seat and moved past the shaking Second Class. Following the sounds of destruction, the First Class slowly made his way through the halls of the Shinra building. Finding himself outside Sephiroth's office, the brunet sighed heavily and pushed the door open. Strewn around the room were nearly fifty beheaded Barbie and Ken dolls. Sephiroth was perched on top of his desk, Masamune in hand cackling in a way that was far too much like Hojo for comfort. In the corner was a small bound and gagged blond cadet.

"Hey buddy," Angeal said carefully, "What cha doing?"

"I have conquered them all!" Sephiroth crowed, eyes wide and gleeful.

"I can see that," the raven haired male smiled as he took a slow step forward, "But why did you tie up that cadet?"

"He is my war prize!" the silver haired general declared, holding up his sword, "I shall make him my bride!"

"Did he agree to that?" Angeal asked slowly, receiving a frantic shake of the head from the blond.

"War prizes need not agree to their fate," Sephiroth snorted, "You know that."

"Maybe you should let the cadet go back to his duties-or you could point your sword at me, that works too," Angeal held his hands up in surrender as he found Masamune a few inches away from his nose.

"My prize shall never be taken away from me! Ask Tseng if you don't believe me."

"I'll just go and do that," the brunet said carefully, shooting an apologetic glance at the cadet. The poor blond just pouted pitifully, big blue eyes begging the SOLDIER to stay. With a sigh Angeal turned and darted down the hall towards the Turk headquarters. "We have a problem," the SOLDIER declared as he rushed into the Turks offices.

"I'll say yo," a redheaded Turk groaned, "You SOLDIER boys have no respect. Ever hear of knockin?"

"If it's about the General we've assessed the risk and decided that it's better for everyone's safety to allow him to keep the cadet," Tseng said bluntly as he leaned against the door frame to his personal office, his arm in a sling, "The President agreed just before he slipped into a coma from the beating Sephiroth gave him."

"You can not seriously mean to leave that poor cadet with Sephiroth," Angeal glared at the group of Turks who simply shrugged at him, "Do you have any idea what he'll do to that boy?"

"We have a fairly good idea," Cissnei smirked, "He is calling Strife his bride after all."

"So you're really just going to let Sephiroth keep the cadet?" the brunet asked incredulously.

"You want to try to stop him?" Tseng asked, leveling Angeal with a flat stare.

"…"

"That's what I thought."

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Sephiroth skipped out of his office, his bound prize thrown over his shoulder and a string of doll head around his neck. Today had been a good day. The blond shifted slightly, attempting to get the General's shoulder pad out of his stomach, receiving a sharp smack to his ass for his efforts. "Now now," Sephiroth cooed, "I don't want you going anywhere, we have so much to look forward to tonight."

The cadet groaned slightly, but went limp in his captor's grasp. The silver haired male just smiled and rubbed the blond's back in an almost soothing manner. The General quickly made his way to his apartment, throwing open the door and tossing the blond onto his couch. Slamming his door shut, Sephiroth clicked the lock and grinned down at his captive.

"So beautiful," he murmured, "Such a lovely prize. Let's get you out of those clothes."

X_x_X_x

"Sephiroth!" Angeal yelled as he pounded on the General's door, "Open up!"

When five minutes and no response had come the First Class SOLDIER let out a low growl and kicked the door in. Stomping into the apartment, Angeal was met with disarray, clothes thrown all over the living room and furniture knocked over. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, the brunet slowly made his way towards Sephiroth's bedroom. Pushing open the bedroom door, Angeal stopped short. Sephiroth was sprawled across his bed, clearly nude under the sheets, snoring loudly. Beside him was the blond cadet from earlier, a smug expression on his face as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"Hey," the blond said, waving at Angeal with two fingers.

"Um…hi…are you okay?" the brunet asked, carefully looking the small male over for any signs of injury.

"Oh I'm good," the blond smirked, "I'm Cloud by the way, don't think we were ever really introduced what with the whole being held captive thing."

"Uh…I'm Angeal…."

"Yeah I know. So…what can I do for you?" the petite blond cocked his head to the side slightly.

"Just making sure you were okay," Angeal scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Doing great," Cloud smiled and waved as the SOLDIER slowly turned and walked away.

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Okay…wrote this while drunk. My friends and I came up with a drinking game where we watched Inuyasha and took a shot every time Kagome was a bitch. Got really wasted. I wrote this with an equally drunk friend literally clinging to my shoulder and giggling her ass off. I cleaned it up since my grammar and spelling are horrible when I'm drunk. Considering doing what happened in Sephiroth's apartment in a second story. Maybe not, depends if people want it or not, I'm not going to spend time on something I kind of care about if no one cares. Ya know? So anyway, please review.