It has been awhile since I've updated this stream of stories! Once again - I do not own DW, I do not own this song.

This was written with Nine/Rose in mind - around the Boomtown time.


If It Kills Me

*Jason Mraz*

Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

The Doctor looks at her, standing there against the counter at the chip shop talking to Captain Jack and Rickey. They were ordering and they were making her laugh.

That laugh that he wanted only for himself.

Turning, twisting and tearing the napkin in his hands, he can't help but feel that jealousy creep up in him. He wasn't used to feeling it, didn't like it.

Didn't like that he had to feel it at all around her.

Didn't she understand? Didn't she see?

He wasn't about to spell it out for her.

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

Rose was laughing hysterically on the way back to the Tardis at something the Doctor had said.

Her hands often found his. Or his arm. Or the length of his jacket. She spent so much of her time touching him. And he spent so much of his time finding excuses to touch her. Her laugh made him feel warm and he found himself wanting to feel it more and more.

The Doctor looked back at Mickey, trailing behind. He didn't look too happy.

Looking back at Rose, he was confused as to why they had to bother with Rickey anyway – it was obvious that she didn't need him anymore.

She had the Doctor now.

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

He wants her.

It's taken him forever and yet, not, to admit that to himself. When did it happen? He often wonders it to himself. Perhaps it was when they met Charlie-boy. Or maybe it was at "run."

The Doctor thinks he may never really know. Only that it did.

Rose gives him hugs that last too long to be simply cordial. She looks at him like he lights up her world. And he wants her to keep looking at him that way. And he wants the hugs to melt into something more. He wants her.

The Doctor wants Rose to want to be his.

Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

The feeling tingles up his arms. It trails through his insides and make his hearts want to burst. It only happens when she's there.

And sometimes when she's not.

The urge to touch her, to want to kiss her is beyond anything he had ever felt. There were other things to think about. Much more important than his wants, but still, the thoughts won't leave him. The Doctor wanted his normal life back. But he didn't, because then he wouldn't have her.

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said I would
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

He stares at her when she isn't looking.

The Doctor sees her bite her nails, or fuss with her hair. He sees her smiles and her laughter. Rarely, but at times, he'll catch her frowns and her discontent.

He wonders if he's the one that's put them there.

But still. He says nothing.

He just loves her from wherever he is.

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me