A/N: This thing started out by just being inspired by LOST. But I was thinking about it today and it went in a whole different direction. I know this has been done so many times over, but its an alternate ending to 2x07, Chuck in Real Life. I think it says all the things that needed to be said so I hope its good.
Summary: She couldn't tell him that she was holding herself together at the seams. She was falling apart. She knew he hated vulnerability more than anything and she hated that he in turn would hate her in the same way. She couldn't have that. She couldn't have the one person who seemed to understand her just hate her.
Disclaimer: All belongs to Gossip Girl. Some belongs to LOST.
Blair didn't look up at his distinctive voice. She knew it was only a matter of time before he came looking for her. He knew her in a way that the others just couldn't. They never would be able to. They were two halves to the same evil, masochistic, narcissistic, manipulative, beautiful whole.
He didn't like it. Whenever she went off like that, he never liked it. Like when she was trying to burn the bridge between what she once was and what she was striving to be. It just wouldn't work. She was who she was and he loved that person. He loved her. He hated that she couldn't see that. And he hated how he couldn't say it.
She was glaring at her reflection in her bathroom mirror, tears finally drying out, though the remnants of her make up showing at least some evidence of it to begin with. She refused to look at him through the miror.
He was never blind though everyone else seemed to be. It seemed inconceivable that she was invisible to them. To him, there was nothing more captivating, more enthralling, more mesmerizing than Blair Waldorf.
"What are you doing, Blair?"
Blair spun to face him in the doorway. She didn't like how he stressed her name. No one said it like he did. It spoke deep within her soul. It made her want to tell him the truth.
"Why did you leave? We had an agreement."
And there was the hard question. She couldn't tell him that she was holding herself together at the seams. She was falling apart. She knew he hated vulnerability more than anything and she hated that he in turn would hate her in the same way. She couldn't have that. She couldn't have the one person who seemed to understand her just hate her. She couldn't tell him that as soon as she saw him and Vanessa together, as soon as she knew he was giving to that Brooklyner what he found it so hard to give to her, she couldn't stay. She fled.
Blair couldn't meet his eyes. His eyes were penetrating. They scorched her and she didn't like the fact that he seemed to see things so clearly when she was so lost. She couldn't face him. Not like this. She couldn't admit to him that she was so fragile that she would break at the slightest sign of conflict. The slightest criticism, the slightest deterioration of her emotions and she just shattered into a million pieces. He didn't deserve that. He deserved someone who was whole.
"I'm sorry," was all she could say. There was nothing else. She was nothing else. But it bit out with sarcasm. She tried to edge her way around him to escape. He wouldn't let her.
"Are you?" he asked darkly, clutching her shoulders. She wished he didn't hold such power over her but there was something just so intoxicating about him.
Blair raised her eyes to glare at him. If anything, she could always match him, stare for stare.
"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not as pefectly indifferent. I'm sorry I'm not as good," she spat defensively.
"What's happening, Blair?" he asked softly. Looking into her eyes, he could always tell something was brewing near the surface. It was obvious she was just spewing nonsense. He couldn't remember the last time someone called him good. No one ever had. Except her. He knew she was near her breaking point and he didn't want her to destruct. He wanted to fix her. He wanted her to be okay.
"I guess Vanessa just holds you more captive than I ever could," Blair said, wrenching from his painfully tight grasp, going back into her room. He wasn't about to let her go like that.
"Don't walk away from me," he said extending his arm quickly and grabbing her by the wrist.
"Let go of me," Blair said shakily, trying to break his grasp. He tightened his grip, pulling her close to him as she struggled.
"Blair," he said in almost a pleading tone. Almost.
"Don't," Blair warned greatly. He didn't let go. She tried to extricate herself. Her hand formed into a fist as she berated his chest, trying to break free. He just wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his chest, holding her close and not letting go and she fought him.
Blair pressed her face into his designer clad shoulder letting her shaking breaths turn to sobs.
"Please," she whispered. "I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I'm not so close to falling apart."
"It's okay." He wasn't one for comforting, but Blair made everything natural, like he had been doing it all his life. When he was with her, things just came to him and he gave into it.
When Blair looked into his eyes, she wanted to believe him. History told her that she couldn't trust any man that came into her life. They were just fleeting. They disappeared as soon as they came. But he made her feel safe. That wasn't safe at all. She trusted the one man that was most likely to flee at the first sign of conflict. But she trusted him anyway.
His usual cold and indifferent eyes were open and caring. It wasn't something she would usually associated with him, but he was always different when they were alone. When it was just them, he wasn't what people labeled him. He wasn't whoring or boozing or cruel. He was gentle and sweet. But only with her. So she trusted him.
"Now what are you talking about?"
Blair stilled in his arms. This wasn't right. He couldn't keep toying with her like this. She backed off immediately, her cold gaze already in place.
"I can't believe you," she spat.
"Me?" he demanded. "You're the one who isn't making any sense."
"I knew it," she said coldly. "You're not sorry at all. This isn't okay."
"Blair," he said curtly. "You're not making any sense."
"I saw you with her," Blair burst out. "That... low rent charity case."
"I was doing what you asked me to," he said slowly. "What you asked me to."
"Please," Blair said scornfully. "I saw the way you were with her. I saw how you were so... enamored with her. Something new and interesting because what you had before just wasn't cutting it."
"Really?" Chuck asked. "Did you see soon after she serviced me how I kicked her out? How I told her it all meant nothing? I did what you asked me to do. I humiliated her. For you. I did this all for you. Because you asked me too. Now you're punishing me? We had an agreement."
"That was before..."
"Before you changed your mind?" he asked angrily. "You're scared. You never wanted to be with me. I backed you into a corner."
"God, Chuck, are you that blind?" Blair couldn't help but yelling. His face fell. He didn't like being caught offgaurd. "You think that this wasn't all a plan? That I didn't want you to back me into that corner? I know that you like being in control so I made it look like you were. This whole thing was just an excuse. You know I could have handled this myself. I missed you, God damnit. I let myself miss you the whole summer and look where I am. You actually... like her and its all my fault. God, I love you, and I drove you right to her. I love you and you can't even say it back. And it all makes sense. I was fooling myself. Because you don't. You just don't."
He stared at her blankly. She knew that she had crossed a line. Maybe if she had stayed she at least could have had him physically, if not his heart. But she was an overacheiver. She wanted it all. She wanted something she just couldn't possess.
"You're insane," he said finally, "you know that?"
It was her turn to be confused. He lunged forward, and grabbed her by the waist on one motion, pressing his mouth to hers. And she was warm. He braced his hands feircely on the side of her head, caving to the passion that he loved drowning in.
He was touching her again. But she couldn't understand why.
"You are so stupid," he muttered into her skin.
"When you asked me to say it..." he began. "You have no idea how much I wanted to. But you were going off in that car with him. I thought if I had said it, you would have left me anyway, and that would have hurt a million times more. I convinced myself that if I had you just one more time that I could get over you. But you just caught up with me."
She was shaking now.
"God, Blair. You are so stupid."
"Insulting me isn't having the effect on me that you would expect," she repsonded coldly.
"Blair," he shook his head. "I have been in love with you for so long. I thought that much was obvious. If not when I was trying to sabotage your relationship with Nate, at least at the wedding."
"And then you left."
"And I told you why."
"I saw you with her..." Blair said, losing momentum. They were both stupid. It was obvious now. They were both so insecure about each other, not thinking that they were enough for the other.
"I thought it would make you happy," he replied into her hair. "I thought if I did what you wanted of me, you would be grateful. Then I could find out if what we had was real."
"It was for me," she replied.
And then it happened.
She looked into his eyes and trusted him. And believing that he wanted to make her okay, she took his face in her hands and pressed her own to it. He froze for a brief moment. If anything, she was petrified of rejection. Even after everything he had said to her, she was still terrified of his rejection... more than anything. Then, he wasn't still anymore. His arms curled instinctively around her and her heart thudded in unison with his.
There was her answer.
But he was still Chuck Bass.
So he shoved her against the wall, their bodies connected, in a fit of passion as she threw her head back and groaned.
Kate: I'm sorry
Jack: Are you?
Kate: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not as perfect as you. I'm sorry that I'm not as good.
Jack: What's going on with you?
Kate: Just forget it
-What Kate Did