Disclaimer: I do not own House. M.D
Okay, a kid fic, but I love 'em and as far as I can see this one's a little different :) Just for fun anyway!
Pandora is based on Karen out of Outnumbered, an amazing show - there's plenty of clips on YouTube if you're interested (or episodes on BBC iPlayer if you're in the UK) .
Disclaimer II: I don't own Outnumbered.
"House, why is there a small child asleep at the table?" asked Kutner with a furrowed brow.
House looked from behind the patient's file to the girl curled up on the chair, then towards the confused doctors sitting round the diagnostics table.
"I could ask you the same question," he answered disappearing back behind the folder, "The patient's liver is failing; heart, brain and now liver. What connects them?"
Taub, sitting next to the girl, fidgeted awkwardly.
"She smells abit, do you think she's homeless?" he questioned looking at the girl who wore a baggy sweater, knee length shorts and sneakers. Her mid-length curly blonde hair fell a little over her face as she breathed rhythmically. She looked about six.
"Good idea," mocked House, eyeing the other doctor round the folder, "But the patient's a he and he isn't homeless, as far as his wife and three children are aware at least."
"Is she the patient's child?" asked Taub.
"Have you even read the file? The patient's black," replied House, apparently reading intently.
"She could be adopted," said Kutner flatly.
House peeped over the folder at Kutner and rolled his eyes before disappearing again.
"We should call Cuddy," suggested Thirteen.
House sighed and placed the file down severely on the table. The girl stirred, mumbled something and began snoring.
"She'd accuse me of kidnapping it -" he said.
"Her," reinforced Thirteen.
"Somebody's broody, watch out Foreman or there'll be a little Seventeen on the way."
Foreman raised an eyebrow.
"Why don't we just wake her up?" he suggested calmly.
The room silently agreed with this logic, but looked awkwardly at one another, unsure how to proceed. House noticed their reluctance with concealed glee, none of them had much experience with children, and he knew this one wouldn't wake up.
"Go on then, I hear it's good luck to wake up children," smirked House.
Foreman momentarily froze, but to prove his point he got up and walked over to the girl. He crouched down next to her, shook her arm gently and said "wake up".
The girl turned her head, looked at him with bleary eyes and mumbled "go away" before returning to sleep with her head tucked more securely between the chair and her shoulder.
Foreman tried again, talking a little louder this time, but the girl's skinny arm swung out to shoo him, and whacked him in the eye. Foreman reeled, and the girl snuggled deeper into the chair.
Foreman stood up clutching his injured eye and glared at House who appeared to be massively enjoying the moment.
"Early cirrhosis of the liver could have previously damaged the heart and brain: Hepatatic encephalopathy," Forman concluded in order to avoid bruising his pride as well as his eye by attempting to wake the child.
House nodded curtly.
"Kutner, Taub, go snoop around his house for signs of alcohol or anything relevant, see if we can ascertain the cause of the liver damage before it wrecks his body even more. Thirteen, test for infection. Foreman, go check out the patient, find out what daddy's been up to."
"What about the girl?" asked Taub, trying to stand without nudging her chair.
"I'll sort it," said House.
The doctors reluctantly accepted this and sped out the room to their respective duties. House waited until their white coats had disappeared down the hall.
"You can stop pretending now, Pan."
The girl started laughing, still curled into a tiny ball on the chair. She unfolded her legs and sat up to look at House, a red mark on her cheek where her head had rested.
House raised his hand with a smirk, she sat forward on the edge of the chair, feet dangling, and gave him a high-five.
"The snoring was a nice touch."
"I don't snore," she said seriously, she had an English accent.
"Even when you pretend-sleep?"
"No. But you snored really loudly all night."
House stuck out his tongue.
She grinned, her blue eyes sparkling.
"You smell," House stated.
"I told you I needed a bath…I told you yesterday!"
House pondered this.
"I have a plan," he said suspiciously.
Fifteen minutes later Pan was sitting in House's office wearing a bald-cap, her hair tucked inexpertly away.
"Pretty," House smirked.
Pan giggled and scratched at the plastic covering.
"Why do you have one of these?"
"I have my reasons. So you remember where paediatrics is?"
The girl rolled her eyes.
"Duh," she sighed.
"Good. One of the nurses should give you a bath. Just remember to play sick."
The girl nodded and skipped out of the office.
"I said sick!" House called after her, and smiled when he heard a little cough echo back.
He spun in his chair, suddenly bored.
He picked up his phone to prank Wilson. He'd annoy Cuddy later too, for not letting him have the day off. She might regret that…
To be contined :)