Aaaaaand it's another Bleach crack fic! Thanks for all the awesome reviews on my last one (.net/s/5274971/1/Im_Gonna_Scream_in_a_Minute if you wanna read it) and I hope this one will end up as good! :)

I OWN NOT BLEACH and yes, for all of you waiting, i think I'm going to fit in ulqui in a dress this time! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Ulquiorra: *hides under bed*


Gin was just exiting his room, closing the door and locking it carefully behind him. He had not neglected this routine ever since Grimmjow and Nnoitra had crept into his room and painted it a bright pink resembling Szayel's hair.

He turned around.


Gin suppressed a groan. "Hello, Aizen-sama."

Aizen smiled, the sickly smile of a two year old when he wants candy. "Welll. What a coincidence! I was just looking for you and here you are!"

Gin felt sure it was no coincidence. This seemed a little sketchy. He eyed Aizen nervously. What did he want know? Gin to scrub the linoleum in Aizen's bathroom? Or to go buy new uniforms for the Espada?

"Well. I was thinking…"

Here we go, Gin thought, bracing himself.

"If you wanted to buy me something, the next time you were in Karakura Town…well, I know what I would like."

Gin paled. He frantically checked his mental calendar. Oh no, he thought, have I missed- No, hang on. "Aizen-sama, your birthday's not for another two months." Gin said, flatly. "People don't get random presents, you know."

Aizen glared. "Gin, I am your lord and master! I demand you to buy me,"-Aizen paused for dramatic effect-"A SWIMMING POOL!"

Gin gaped. WHAAAAAAT???

"And not one of those pathetic above ground plastic things. I want a real, proper, Olympic sized swimming pool installed in Las Noches. Before the month is out. Or," he added, creepily, "someone will pay!"

"But Aizen-sama! Where am I supposed to put a swimming pool? An Olympic sized swimming pool!?"

Aizen sighed. "gin," he said, wearily, "what do you think I built Las Noches so big for?"

Gin thought. "um…" Aizen interrupted. "So I could have lots of rooms empty for whatever I might need them for, 'kay? I'm sure you'll find room for my swimming pool. Tootle-loo!"

[Tootle-loo? Oh dear, Aizen, my respect for you just dropped pretty dramatically. Like approval ratings for GW Bush.]

Gin was left staring helplessly at his receding back. Oh dear god.


"A pool? Awesome! I can't wait!" Grimmjow yelled joyfully. Haribel nodded in agreement, a marginally cheerful look on her normally blank face. Even Ulquiorra, the Suicide Hotline's number one caller, [or at least when he was alive, I guess] seemed pleased with the idea. Gin facepalmed. He had expected this kind of response.

It was Starrk who pointed out the first problem. He raised his head from the table long enough to say, "How are we going to get pool guys from Karakura up here to install it?" then he flopped back down and went back to sleep. This observation put a slight damper on the meeting. But Grimmjow strolled up and clapped Gin on the shoulders, nearly knocking down the thin ex-shinigami. "Oh, I'm sure Gin will find a way to fix that up," he said, gleefully. "He's a very. Smart. Guy." Grimmjow accented each word with a spine shattering pat on the back. Gin made a mental note to ask Aizen to talk to Grimmjow about Personal Space.


"Um, yeah. Rectangulars good, I guess, and, um, how deep does it get? 'Cause we're going to want to be diving in it. Uh huh…yeah, ten feet's good…and the shallow…? Four? Yeah, yeah. Excellent. No, price's not an object. Yeah…where…? Oh, er, can I get back to you on that? Uhmmm. You'll have it ready…? Very good, very good. I'll come check it out…hows about next Monday? That good for you? Yes, that's all good. Just give me a call. Bye." Gin put down the phone with a sigh. It was lucky that the Karakura Pool People were so cooperative. But he still had no idea how to get the pool installation to work…maybe he could take the things through the gargantuan [I know what it's called now! Thanks to Vilaagua and Scorpio113 !] and somehow not let the people know…nah, that would be harsh.

He could blindfold them all.

That would be sketchy.

Gin was a sketchy person.

He would blindfold them.


"Um, Mr…I was just wondering…are you in the mafia?"

Gin was startled. "Huh? What?"

"Well, I mean, you are blindfolding us…so we don't know where we're going , so the obvious answer is that you're in the mafia and don't want us to know where your headquarters is." The pool guy seemed pleased with himself for figuring it out. Gin lept at the answer. "uh, yeah. I'm in the mafia. Don't tell."

"That's alright, Mr. I've installed pools for mafia people before. I know the routine."

Gin didn't want to know why mafias wanted pools. Maybe they used them to drown victims. Or to take off stress after a particularly brutal day.

He led the blindfolded pool crew through the portal, and carefully into Las Noches. Because of all their equipment, they had to use the delivery entrance that Aizen had installed for the time when Grimmjow had demanded a Porche Carrera and had thrown a fit until the car had been delivered.

Gin had picked out a large airy room for the pool, and he watched as the men got to work. He sighed in relief. It was out of his hands, now, or at least until the pool was ready.


So...there it is. I hope you like! :D