Chapter three...Aaaand I messed up big time. NO ULQUI! IN DRESS I MEAN!!! I's so sorreeeeeee! i had it planned out how it was going to happen...but the chapter turned out longer than expected and I'm going to have it next time. I know...I keep putting it off...but now i know EXACTLY how it will work...*evil laughter*

I OWNS NOT BLEACH

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, the other Espada made their way to the clothing department. Suddenly, Szayel asked, "Where's Starrk?"

Everyone looked around. It was true; the Primera Espada was nowhere.

Gin mentally facepalmed. Already, they had lost three Espada: Ulquiorra and Grimmjow to the candy shop and Starrk to-

"Hey! There he is!" Nnoitra waved his long arms and pointed…to the window of a Mattress Giant.

In the window was a huge bed and mattress, and on the bed was…

"STARRK!" Shrieked Aizen. Starrk didn't move. Maybe the plate glass window muffled Aizen's voice. But then again, Starrk doesn't really wake up when you yell at him anyway.

Nnoitra walked over a banged on the window. "Hey! Lazyass! Wake up!"

Starrk didn't move. Nnoitra walked back over to Aizen, who seemed frozen by the sight of his Primera Espada sleeping in full view on a bed in the window of Mattress Giant. Nnoitra shrugged. "He's out fo' the count, Aizen-sama. Sorry, but no one can ever wake Starrk up if he's gone to sleep. No one except Grimmjow, because he's so damn loud, and Grimmjow's presumably raping Ulquiorra under a table covered in gummy bears right now. The table, I mean, is covered in gummy bears. Not Ulquiorra. Though it would be pretty hot if he was."

Normally Aizen would have Cero-ed Nnoitra and then committed suicide after hearing this, but he wasn't really listening. "Gin," he said, rubbing his forehead tiredly, "Go get Starrk out of that sotre. Cero him if you need to wake him up."

Gin smiled. I mean, Gin smiled, even more widely and evilly than he normally does. Because Gin's always smiling. ALWAYS.

And so the ex-shinigami went into the store. He noticed that the store people had not noticed that there was a guy sleeping on one of their beds, and Gin figured this was a good thing. Aizen didn't want any attention drawn to them. He went over to the window. He stood in front of Starrk. Starrk snored slightly. Gin rolled his eyes. How on earth had Starrk become the first Espada? It was beyond him. "Starrk." Gin said. Starrk, of course, didn't move. "Starrk." Gin said again, a little louder. Starrk didn't move.

Gin sighed, then joyfully aimed a Cero at Starrk. "WAKE UP YOU LAZY LITTLE-"

The Cero hit Starrk. Starrk jumped. "FUCK YOU JEAGERJA-oh, hi Gin." He looked a little singed around the edges, but otherwise okay. Gin grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him out of the store, then dumped him at Aizen's feet. "He's up!"

Aizen frowned at Starrk. "Why did you go into that store?"

Starrk smiled lazily. "They had reeeeeally comfy beds…"

All the Espada stared at him blankly. Then, all at once, all the Espada turned to the nearest wall, and, in unison, began smashing their heads against it. Starrk looked at them, bemused. Wow, I think I'm the only sane one around here!

A few people stopped to watch the interesting synchronized head bashing, but not too many. It was a mall, after all. One little girl commented, "Are they training for the Olympics?" To which her older brother replied, "If that's a sport, why not?"

They walked away laughing. Aizen immediately ordered everyone to stop bashing their heads against the walls, dammit! And they all did. Because Aizen is a scary guy with god!complex issues. And everyone must obey him.

Gin sighed. "Can we get on with it?"

He felt twitchy. Every time someone made a trip into Karakura, they ran into a least one shinigami/Quincy/supernaturally gifted human. It was weird that the entirety of Gotei 13 hadn't already burst into the mall looking for the source of the abnormally high reiatsu.

For once, Aizen actually listened to Gin, and they began walking towards the clothing department. At that point, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow appeared. Both looked agitated and pissed off.

Nnoitra looked expectantly at them, and all the Espada tried not to think about Nnoitra's prediction of what exactly Cuatro and Sexta had been doing.

Not an easy task. Nnoitra had been very colourful with his description.

"Aizen-sama!" yelled Ulquiorra, "There are two shinigami present in the mall! Kuchiki Rukia and Kurosaki Ichigo!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Szayel. Everyone turned and looked at him. Szayel coughed and folded his hands behind his back. "Please continue, Ulquiorra."

A little freaked out, the Espada turned back to Ulquiorra, who took a deep breath. "Maybe we should leave."

A chorus of dissent.

"nah. Too much trouble."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Traveling through the Gargantuan makes me airsick! I don't wanna have to come back later!"

"Are you scared of two little shinigamis, Ulquiorra? I thought you were supposed to be good!"

"And one of them's not even a real shinigami! You gotta be kidding…"

"Zzzzzz…zzz…zzz…"

"SHAAH-DDAP!" hollered Gin. He glared around. "Let's just go buy the fucking bathing suits. Then we can leave! And if all you blithering idiots can just stay together and STOP SLEEPING" he yelled at Starrk, "Then we can get this whole goddamned ordeal done with quicker! MARCH!"

***

"There, right ahead!"

A stampede of Espada.

Grimmjow stalked right up to the cashier and asked, bluntly, "Take me to your fucking bathing suits section, Earthling!"

Szayel rolled his eyes and wished that he had never lent Grimmjow his science fiction collection.

The cashier looked rather frightened. Grimmjow tapped his fingers on the counter impatiently. "Come on, woman! Haven't got all day, you know! Got puppies' to kill, walls to deface, laws to break, girls to screw! Hurry it up!"

Szayel shoved Grimmjow aside. "Forgive my comrade's rudeness and vulgarity, M'am," he said, smoothly, "but he is an unrefined lout who should be Cero-ed for his impertinence. I will, however, also ask that you show us to the section reserved for swimming outwear."

Now cashier looked a bit confused. Nnoitra poked his head around Szayel and said, "Just tell us where you keep the bathing suits."

The cashier pointed shakily to a corner, and the troop of Arrancar made their way over.

As they approached, Aizen gathered them all around, and said a few things. "Alright. You can all pick out a few bathing suits and try them on…but no taking hours and hours little teenage girls, only one purchase is permitted, guys SHALL NOT wear bikinis" –glare at Nnoitra, who looked crestfallen- "And absolutely no Speedos because that's CREEPY. Off you go!"

Grimmjow immediately fell upon a pair of yellow swim shorts with little black kittens playing all over them. "KITTY!" Then he spotted a nice pair of teal ones with a black band on the top…hmm. Choices, choices.

Ulquiorra picked up the first plain black thing he saw and went into the changing room.

Starrk fell asleep against a rack of suits, and toppled it over. He woke up in a mass of bathing suits, and so found a pair of red shorts with black stripes with white borders along the sides.

Ulquiorra found that the black shorts were too small and went back to look for a larger pair.

Grimmjow agonized over the kitty suit, the teal one, and a new one he had found decorated with balls of yarn.

Nnoitra bemoaned Aizen's outlawing of the bikini and went to spy on the women's changing room.

Haribel was having trouble. There were a lot of bikinis, but all of them were weird shapes and colors and were really tiny in a way that made her fear for the state of humanity. Finally, she found a sort of modest pale blue affair, with little daisies on it. She crept into the changing room, discovered Nnoitra's hiding spot in the folds of a rack of discarded clothing, punched his lights out, and tried on the suit. It fit nicely, and Haribel went to go look at shoes. Nnoitra lay unconscious in the rack.

Zommari and Yammy fought over a purple pair of shorts with stars on them. Zommari won. Yammy cried in a corner before trying on a yellow pair with ducky's on them. Yammy liked ducks.

Aizen ordered a custom made Arrancar style suit which he had designed himself, and Tousen got one too. Gin was offered one, but he fell in love with a stripy thing with skateboards on it and declined the offer.

Grimmjow ripped his hair out over the kitty suit, the teal one, and the yarn decorated one.

Ulquiorra found a black suit with dark green down the sides.

Starrk fell asleep with his head on the red bathing suit he had picked out.

Szayel hadn't found anything to his tastes yet.

Grimmjow tipped a clothes rack over on top of Starrk, who didn't move.

Grimmjow decided that the yarn suit was too flamboyant and discarded it.

Ulquiorra decided that the green and black suit would do nicely.

Haribel wished that she had money to buy a pair of Doc Marten's that looked good with her Arrancar uniform.

Szayel found a plain white and blue swim suit, but it was too small. So he quietly poured growing powder that he had developed in his lab on it until it was the correct size and decided to go see if he couldn't wake Starrk up.

Grimmjow was at the end of his rope. "ULQUIORRA!" He finally screamed. Ulquiorra came over. "What, trash?"

Grimmjow was too agitated to even be annoyed at the insult. "Help me pick which suit to buy." Ulquiorra examined each. Then he said, "for the sake of my sanity, please do not get the cat one."

Grimmjow agonizingly recognized the logic behind this. The cat suit just wasn't very practical in the long run. "Okay." He gently put the kitty shorts back on their shelf. His cerulean eyes filled with tears. "I'll get the teal one…"

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. "If you're so ripped up about not having little felines on your swim suit," he snapped, exasperatedly, "Then Cero some cats off the other suit and sew them onto the teal one when we get back! Just not too many. Like, three."

"OH! THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! Why are you do smart, Ulqui?"

"Because I am. Now hurry up; Aizen's getting impatient."

The Espada went to alert Aizen that they had all found what they wanted, and they went to the register. The cashier, who was, at this point, wishing they would just leave, nervously scanned the items and Aizen paid with his Credit Card de Infinite.

***

They were trudging through the mall when suddenly, Szayel said, "Where's Nnoitra?"

He was nowhere in sight. Gin clutched his head with his hands. "Can we go nowhere without someone getting lost?????"

Haribel suddenly remembered something and went red. "oh." She muttered. "I know where he is." She ran off, calling, "I'll go get him."

A few minutes later, she emerged from the store, dragging half-conscious Nnoitra and blushing furiously.

No one really wanted to ask.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Cashier...XD
And yes, i guess nnoitra is pyschic...in a weird, twisted, perverted way.

ooo...I know this is my own fic but i can't wait for the swimming! To see my sexy little Ulqui in a swim suit! and a dress! %D *fangasm*

Grimmjow: Hey! That's MY little ulqui! not yours!

Me: dude, this is not a yaoi fic. He's MINE! MINE! Go read some GrimmUlqui or UlquiGrimm...whatever.