Jack: So let me get this strait, about two or more years ago your mother told you about a scene in a movie she saw, and suddenly (ages later) that scene comes back to you in the middle of the night mind. And from that scene, you have an idea for this story?!
MLC: You said it. That's right. I couldn't have said it better.
Jack: Did you just say I'm right?! Are you sick or something?! MoonLightCrow doesn't own the show about the card game motorcycles.
"And remember, Crow, no candy for him, nothing noisy and most importantly, NO bad language. He still hasn't said his first word, and I don't want to hear him saying something like 'crap', 'shit' or any other words which belong to your standard vocabulary," Aki remembered her husbands best friend as she handed over her one-year-old son, Dai, who was now looking curiously at the orange-haired man who was holding him.
"Sure, sure. Leave it to Uncle Crow! You wouldn't be able to find a better babysitter in the whole area of Neo Domino or Satellite!" Crow announced pointing at himself with one hand while the other one was holding Dai. Aki gave him a skeptical look, unsure if she really could trust the words of the delivery-man in front of her.
"Aki, Crow has taken care of children for more than five years already. I think he'll be able to handle it," Yusei reassured Aki as he pulled her closer by putting an arm around her shoulder. Unlike his wife, he fully trusted Crow and his ability to take care of children.
"See? Apparently you're the only one who doesn't trust me. But, I guarantee that nothing will happen to this little toddler, otherwise you'll get back your money plus I'll pay the costs for the hospital. You just enjoy your your second anniversary dinner …Wow it's been already two years already… time passes so freak-"
"Crow! Firstly, quit rambling. Secondly, we aren't paying you. And thirdly, didn't you just promise me that you wouldn't use bad language about two minutes ago?" Aki snapped at Crow who was gently rocking the baby while becoming uncharacteristically nostalgic. Searching for help, Aki looked at Yusei.
"Stay calm, Aki. It could be worse. I doubt that Jack would have been a better choice," Yusei stated. That was enough to shut Aki up. He did have a really good point after all. Dai probably could have bitten Jack's left foot while crying bitterly and Jack would continue ignoring him until he shut up, which would make it even easier to ignore him. "Well, we'll be off now. You know how to reach us. See you later!" Crow kept nodding and then also waved good bye.
Tiredly Crow leant back on the big sofa of Yusei's and Aki's house. Dai was an incredibly good boy. He hardly cried, ate his food, and hardly struggled when Crow needed to change his diaper. Okay, Crow hated the last part anyway, no matter if the baby was struggling or not.
"Ouch! What the-!" The sudden ringing of the telephone was enough to make Crow fall off the couch. He had never liked the ring of this telephone, somehow it always ended up making him jump whenever it rang while he was over.
Rubbing his throbbing head, he picked up the phone. "What is it, Aki?" The delivery-man muttered into the receiver after he had checked the name that was blinking on the display. "…No, I didn't swear. …No, he hasn't said anything yet. …Yes, I fed him and changed his diaper. …Yes, he is being good. …No, nothing happened to him. …Dammi- uhm… Aki, please, I know what I'm doing. Your son is perfectly fine; you need to loosen up a bit! …Sure, sure. Enjoy the rest of your dinner. Bye!"
After his last sentence, Crow hung up without waiting for Aki's answer. "That woman's so friggin' over protective… It's incredible how Yusei's able to stand her every hour of every day," the orange-haired man sighed, failing to notice his use of strong language. He seated himself on the couch again and crossed his arms behind his head, ready to fall asleep. And he did indeed did fall asleep.
"WAAAAHHH" Crows eyes shot open as an earsplitting wail echoed through the room. Jumping right up off the couch, the babysitter's right food caught on the small glass table and he stumbled, dragging the table down with him.
"Argh… I really shouldn't rest on that couch when there's something that could make me trip…" Crow muttered as he looked at the broken pieces of the glass that, until a minute ago, was the table top. Aki was going to kill him for that, she loved that table. "…Fuck."
Crow's expression was horror-struck. Far too late, Crow noticed that he had accidentally broken the promise involving cursing.
"Fuck," a little voice from behind him laughed again. Crow gulped heavily and carefully snuck towards the crib where he had put Dai.
"Fuck." Oh crap, now Aki was definitely going to kill him.
And it was going to be a slow and painful death.
The orange-haired man's tongue had slipped once, with this dreadful result. With a helpless expression plastered on his face, Crow picked up Dai and looked at him. "Ya know, little guy, if you say this when your mom is here, Uncle Crow is a dead man," the delivery-man sighed. He was already thinking of who he would mention in his will.
"Mom?" Crow's face lightened up. A tiny glimmer of hope appeared at the end of the dark tunnel of fear; fear of the wrath of an upset mother. "Fuck mom!!" the little boy exclaimed happily, not having the slightest idea about what he had just said.
Crow's jaw dropped.
That tiny glimmer of hope had just turned into a hideous monster that waited at the end of the tunnel, ready to eat him at any moment. "Dai, why do you hate me so much? What did Uncle Crow ever do to you?" Crow whimpered as he looked at the little boy who was seated on his arm. "Dai, please, you have to forget what I just told you!!" the orange-haired man begged as he knelt down, placing the boy on the ground and bowing his head lowly.
"Mom! Fuck mom!" exclaimed Dai as he started to pull Crow's hair. At the moment, the older man was considering if jumping out of the ground floor window was an effective way to commit suicide. Probably not. That meter and the few centimeters would only lead to a sprain at best, and that also would only be the case if he landed wrong.
"…I'm so dead…" Crow muttered as he got up again taking the little boy with him.
Crow jumped slightly, almost dropping Dai (who only laughed because of this). Crow'd never get used to that damned telephone. It was Yusei this time. The orange-haired man wasn't sure if he should pick up. But, if he didn't pick up, then he'd have to come up with a damn good explanation.
Hesitating, he picked up. "He- Hello? …Ah, Yusei! …Don't worry, Dai's doing good! …huh? Me? Well, I'm not feeling too well, maybe I'm sick." Crow's mind laughed bitterly at this. Sick? As soon as Aki got back, he was dead! "…No, no! I- It's no bother. You don't have to come home earlier just because I'm not doing as good as usual!" Not as good as usual? He was as good as dead! "…No!!! Really!!! You can take as much time as you want! Everything's perfect!"
'Yeah, perfectly fucked up!' Crow added silently. "…No, Yusei, I'm serious. I can survive for the next few hours without a doubt!" As long as Aki didn't show up earlier than he expected. "…Yusei, quit worrying about me. You should only worry about Aki right now!" 'And how, you'll bail her out of prison after she murders the person who was babysitting your son!'
The conversation went on like that for about five minutes until Crow started to pretend that there were issues with the connection and finally hung up. Helplessly, the adult looked at the toddler who was crawling over the floor. He was still endlessly repeating the only two words in his vocabulary.
"Dai… If you don't forget the stupid word that starts with 'f' your mom will kill me. Why don't you understand that?!"
Dai looked at his babysitter cluelessly as if to say, "What do you mean?".
Crow shook his head and picked the boy up again. "Why were you crying before anyway?" asked the adult. He was answered with the boy pointing at the milk bottle on the kitchen table. "Alrighty then, Uncle Crow is gonna make you some milk!" Crow exclaimed as he walked over to the table to grab the bottle.
While the milk cooked he played with Dai, mostly to distract himself from the fact that his death came closer with every passing minute.
Dai was sleeping inside the crib in the living room, and Crow was yet again sitting on the couch staring at the completely ruined glass table. Shifting uncomfortably, he thought about what kind of punishment awaited him when Aki heard Dai's message, as well as the disappointed look that Yusei would give him. Nothing was worse than Yusei's disappointed stare; it was a silent torture.
About half an hour passed when Crow suddenly heard the door being unlocked. "Crow? I'm home!" Yusei called, as he entered the hall. Crow gulped. Silently, he was already telling his parents that he'd soon meet them in heaven. Well, if he even made it there. Until recently, he was a thief; a foul-mouthed, nonreligious person. Well, so much for going to heaven…
"Yusei… I- Wait a sec! Where's Aki?!" Crow wanted to apologize right away, but the absence of his supposed murderer changed the whole situation.
"Well… It was something about the Sushi. Apparently it wasn't as fresh as it was supposed to be…" Crow had to suppress the urge to jump for joy.
Getting a hold of himself, he nodded understandingly. "Poor girl. And on your anniversary…" Crow wasn't being completely hones; he would rather have a sick Aki in the hospital than a dead Crow in a coffin.
"Crow, what happened to our coffee table?" A shiver ran down Crow's spine. Crap. He hadn't cleaned up after he had smashed the little table!
"Well… uhm… Dai was sleeping and I… er… fell asleep, too… and suddenly Dai… uh… well, uhm… He cried. And I …" the orange-haired man stammered, scratching the back of his neck guiltily. In a way, the floor had suddenly had become incredibly interesting.
"Phew…" Shocked, Crow looked at his best friend. Did he really sound relieved just now?! "Man, am I glad that that thing is finally gone! I never understood why Aki liked it so much. That thing was hideous! I owe you one," Yusei sighed, sounding happy somehow.
"Well, I guess I'll take you up on that offer right now. Please, no matter what happens, protect me from your wife!" Crow begged, letting himself drop to the floor and look up at Yusei pitifully.
The raven haired man looked at his friend, surprised. "What the-?! Why?"
Crow fixed his gaze back on the ground. "Well… I guess Dai should explain that himself…" Carefully he walked over to the crib. Yusei followed suit as Crow gently woke up the toddler. Yusei still stared at Crow, having no idea what his friends meant.
Dai opened his eyes and immediately laughed when he spotted Crow and Yusei. Crow gulped heavily, now was the moment of truth. "Well… I accidentally didn't watch my language and…" Again, the floor seemed to be the most interesting thing inside the room.
"Fuck mom!!" the little boy laughed loudly as he saw his daddy. Quickly, Crow glanced at his friend, who was now wearing a very interesting expression as he thought about what the little boy just said.
"…Crow… How in hell…?!"
Crow brought one finger up to his chin and looked all over the room but never at Yusei or Dai. "Uhm… the 'f' part came… well… after I accidentally… ehem… smashed the table. And he added the mom after… ya know… I stated that Aki is gonna kill me for that…" the orange haired man stuttered fearing what would come next.
At first he heard nothing, but soon he heard something that caught him completely off guard. Yusei was chuckling. Silently at first, but it soon turned into a nice laughing-fit. "Crow, you're right! Aki will definitely kill you. First her table and now that!" By now Yusei was already fighting back tears because he was laughing so hard. Uncharacteristic. Definitely uncharacteristic.
"Fuck mom!" Dai exclaimed again. Apparently he seemed to feel intelligent (in some way) when he said it.
Yusei turned serious again. "Crow… I hope you know that you're my best friend and I never really minded your bad language because it's just the way you are. Actually, I knew that something like this would happen."
Crow raised an eye brow quizzically. "And how does that change the fact that Aki is going to kill me?"
"I believe parents should listen to their children more often," Yusei whispered with a very, very odd tone in his voice.
Crow had to keep himself from laughing out loud.
Note: I always imagined Aki to be an overprotective mother once she had child(ren). I don't know why, though. It's just the way she seems to be.
Same goes for Yusei. I just figured that there had to be a slightly ( a very, very, slightly) perverted side deeply hidden beneath that whole Mr. Nice Guy attitude. I know, kill me for that if you want to! (Although I'd prefer you didn't!)
As usual, I'd have been screwed if it wasn't for my beta, Z.
Jack: How? How are you able to write something like this without feeling ashamed?! And by the way, how do you explain the OOCness?
MLC: Oh, believe me, I do feel ashamed cuz of that. A lot. But it's just too amusing as to leave it unwritten. And hell, the OOCness is why I am ashamed! I completely suck at keeping characters IC! I fail!
Jack: Why are you telling me that? I knew that already all along. Review. Please.