AN: HAPPY EASTER UNLESS YOU AREN'T CHRISTIAN OTHERWISE JUST HAPPY APRIL 4

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where Draco put his shoe in my cardboard box.

Then, all of a sudden, Voldemort started flying towards me on a broomstick.

"No!" I shouted in a voice but then Voldemort shouted, "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Hermione's cat shot out of the end of my wand and started hissing and clawing at Voldemort's face.

"Ebony," he yelled, after getting the ginger cat off of him. "Thou must kill Harry Potter!"

I thought about Harry and his green eyes and his black hair and how his face looks just like Daniel Radcliffe's. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Harry before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. (AN: Why didn't Rowling think of this? Fuck magic, Dumbledore should have just popped a can in Voldy's ass)

"No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled.

"If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"Why would you kill Draco when his dad is like, your best friend ever?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. He crossed his eyes and drooled a bit. "I hath telekinesis." he said cruelly, disregarding the question I had asked. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted.

"Well, why can't you do it yourself?"

"Because I don't want to masturbate!"

wat

"I meant, why can't you kill Harry Potter yourself?"

"Because even though I want him dead, I need a seventeen year old girl to do my dirty work."

Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do.

Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing no makeup because he is straight. He looked kind of like a cross between Tom Felton and Nosferatu.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I said.

"That's okay." he said all happily.

Then we went back to Hogwarts while trying to walk and suck face simultaneously.