It was a bit chilly outside but that wasn't unusual. Carly tossed her book bag on the park bench and sat down, her head resting on her knees. It felt like her whole world was falling apart. Freddie, her comfort blanket, was now branching out and being his own person. He was no longer a love sick 'Carly Shay' fanatic and it hurt. It hurt down to her core for reasons she wouldn't admit.
She was just used to him. He'd always been there for her and she'd assumed that'd never change. But it did change, and the change happened fast. Before she knew it, Freddie was more interested in other girls than her. Girls like Sam, Wendy and even Shannon. Carly wasn't even sure he was still a virgin at this point. If he and Sam could hide their kiss from her, imagine what else they'd hide.
She sat there, letting the wind blow the curls out of her hair, thinking. She thought about school, about Spencer, and her parents. She thought about Sam and how she'd fallen for bad boy Griffin after Carly had given her the okay. Carly still liked Griffin, just a little, but it still hurt that her own best friend would date her ex. Carly didn't even think twice about Jonah when Sam got through with him. A part of her wanted to, just to piss everyone off, just to prove she could be evil and a bitch too. A part of her felt like being bad. She was already skipping class. Why not kick it up a notch?
Carly got up and was about to walk to Groovy Smoothie, knowing some college kids hung out there around this time, when she saw a boy approaching her. He was wearing a black t-shirt and dark denim jeans paired with black Converses. Griffin.
"Hey, Shay, shouldn't you be in school like a good little girl," his menacing voice taunted her. "You don't want your big brother to save you again do ya?"
The way he was talking to her, like she was some kid, like she was a stupid little girl, pissed her off. She was sixteen for freaks sake. She could hold her own without Spencer, without Sam and Freddie.
Rolling her eyes and hitching her tote bag up to her shoulder, she scowled at him. Him with his bad boy exterior and PeeWee baby loving interior. "Don't you have another TeeWee baby to collect?" She knew she'd said it wrong and she knew it'd piss him off.
"Whatever, you're just mad I left you for Sam."
"Wha- You didn't leave me for Sam! I left you, ya PeeWee Baby loving jerk. Go burn down a church or something 'bad boy'!" She began to storm off, not knowing where she was going anymore, just knowing it was to get away from him. "And ya know what," she screamed, turning to face him, "you're not so bad after all. You ain't bad, you ain't nothin!"
Griffin ran to catch up with her, stopping her by grabbing at her waist. "What's your damage? You're the one who's acting like a bitch about the PeeWee babies. Geez, Carly. Sam called and told me what happened between you two. Are you that in love with me still?"
She was growing annoyed with him. She didn't want him back. If she did, it would only be to piss off Sam and hurt Freddie and she had different ways to go about that. "Griffin, look, I'm sorry for being a bitch but I'm really stressed out and-"
"Stressed out? What, your nail polish chip off or something?" His eyes were staring into her soul, like they always did and she almost felt bad for him. He didn't want to be a jerk to her, she'd made him that way by always teasing him and being a bitch. "Don't worry your pretty little head, Carly. Girls like you don't get stressed out. You just go around looking pretty and getting things your way."
"What are you talking about," she asked, suddenly interested.
Griffin sighed and smiled. "Girls like Sam have to be mean and defensive, always on guard for fear someone will use them. You, you don't have to worry. You're good girl Carly Shay, no one would want to hurt you. They know better than that...and besides, you'd cry a river and pout." He laughed and expected her to and when she didn't he apologized. "I'm just saying that you have it all compared to Sam, don't be so hard on her."
"You know she still loves you, right?" Her voice was monotonous, bored with him already, bored with his ideas of her.
"She does? Wow, man, that's good to hear. I just- Sam's not you. And she made me burn my PeeWee babies so I'm kinda pissed at her too." He looked serious for a second before looking at her again. "Look, can I just-"
Before he finished, his lip were on hers. They were soft, moist even. She couldn't help but hold on to him and let his tongue invade her mouth. She missed kissing Griffin, being with Griffin- she didn't miss being Griffin's girlfriend though. She could see why Sam fell so hard for him though.
"What was that for," came her breathless voice.
"I've missed you, Carly. I mean, sure you were a douche but I have a heart and it belongs to you."
"But, it's been like two years. You have to move on, I-"
He shook his head and took a deep breath. "You moved on, I know. But look at it this way, now that Freddie is over you, you can fall back on me, ya know?"
"Fuck off! Take yourself and your ideas and opinions and just shove them somewhere. Freddie is not over me, okay? I'll have you know, we might start dating. And you're icky for wanting me when Sam's so in love with you!" She stood there waiting, waiting for him to apologize, waiting for him to scoop her up and kiss her again just cause.
"You're being a real bitch for no reason, Carls. No wonder I gave up on instant messaging you." He began to walk off, mumbling to himself. She walked up to him, feeling kind of stupid for getting so worked up.
"Sorry, Griffin, or maybe I'm not- I don't know. But, you've been messaging me," she asked, her thoughts going back to the convo with Nathaniel. "Was that you, were you Nathaniel?"
Griffin looked confused before shaking his head. "I have a friend named Nathaniel who I told about you. Why, he say something?"
She quickly shook her head and shrugged.
"Well, you don't wanna be with me and that's fine. Just, just don't be such a jerk to me. Or I'll throw a PeeWee baby at you," he said laughing causing her to crack a smile. "You looked really beautiful on the webshow yesterday," he whispered in her ear as they embraced. She looked up at him and let his lips meet hers again, feeling as if she wasn't herself.
She felt herself changing from good girl Carly Shay to someone she didn't know.
"You sure your Mom won't be back for a while," she asked breathlessly against his skin. He was laying down on top of her and she didn't have the nerve to piss him off. She was a big girl, she could handle it- whatever it was.
"Yeah," he answered almost too quickly. His hands began to roam under her shirt and she shifted uncomfortably, not sure what he was trying to do. Sure she'd masturbated a couple of times thinking about this with him but she didn't know it'd be this intense. "How bad do you want me?"
She almost laughed out loud. What a stupid question. She didn't really want him. Not like that. She just-If Sam could do it, so could she. And it'd be their little secret, her and Griffin's. "Um, I want you so bad," she whispered as he kissed her neck. His hard on was basically stabbing at her crotch area and it kind of hurt. "So, you and Sam do this before?"
He didn't stop to answer her, just kept kissing her neck and trying to take off her bra in a hurry.
"Griffin," she asked, her voice getting deeper and filled with worry. "Answer me," she yelled, pushing him off long enough to sit up.
"Wha- No, Sam never let me do this with her. We didn't do anything." He sighed and began to remove his jacket, eying her like she was a dead carcass and he was a starving lion. "She's more of a prude than you." He smiled before getting back on top of her, his hands roaming up her skirt trying to remove her panties. "Are you getting wet?"
Her eyes grew wide and she froze. Was she seriously about to give herself to Griffin, the boy she dumped because he liked PeeWee babies, the guy she only liked because he was a bad boy? It was just sex, wasn't it? She could do this with him, she could be bad. "Oh, Griffin, I'm so wet for you," she heard herself say as his hands found her clit. She gasped at the sensation. It felt different for a guy to touch her there. "Is this- Is it gonna hurt? Cause I don't tolerate pain well."
He smirked and took off his shirt, kissing her after he was done. "I'll be gentle, I promise."
She backed away a bit, trying to stall. What the fuck was she doing? She was supposed to be in school, not in Griffin's room getting half naked. "That's nice and all but I'm gonna go." She tried to get up but he held her down, his budge digging into her crotch harder. "Griff- Get off of me, okay?" Carly began to get panicky. In the movies, when the guy didn't immediately let up, the girl got raped and her whole life was never the same. She bit his lip when he tried to kiss her and pushed him off of her. "I changed my mind! You're a creep!"
Carly grabbed her jacket and tote bag, heading towards the door when Griffin yelled out her name. She turned around and sighed. "Don't ever speak to me again, okay? Just go back to Sam and leave me alone."
"Fuck, you're such a prude. Relax sometime, it'll do you some good."
"Relax? You call having sex with you relaxing?" Her voice came out high and shrill. Now that she'd said the word, she realized how big this would've been had she given in to him. "Look, I don't know what's going on right now-"
"You're such a prude. Freddie doesn't want you so you think you can run back to me. Well, you're wrong! I'm going back to Sam and I hope Freddie goes back to some girl that isn't you." He took her by the arm and led her to the door. "Oh, and don't worry about anyone finding out about this. No one would believe a goody two shoes like you would do something like that with a guy like me...now get out!" With that he shut the door in he face, leaving her on the other side of the door, on the other side of his heart, alone and broken inside once again.
She looked at her watch and took a deep breath, fighting away the tears. School wasn't anyway near over and she couldn't run home to Spencer and explain why she wasn't at school or why her clothes were messed up. But she was a good girl, at least that's what Griffin had said, and good girls don't skip school or hook up with boys.
So she did something a good girl would do, she went home and ran into her room, ignoring Spencer and his false adult concern. She didn't need him and his rules anymore, she just needed her tears to wash away the pain she couldn't escape.