Fall on You
Disclaimer: Don't own anything...lyrics by Rob Thomas.
Spoiler: "Shifting Equilibrium"
"…you and me got so much to prove
you're the only thing that I can't lose…"
What probably surprises her the most-although it shouldn't-is the lack of hesitation from either of them as they stumble towards the bedroom.
She doesn't even take a moment to appreciate the uniqueness of his apartment, its distinct lay out and furnishings that completely define who Ray is and always will be, despite whatever personal tragedies might afflict him.
She only momentarily thinks about halting him so he can give her a proper tour, but then he slips his tongue inside her mouth, and wraps his arms possessively around her waist, so any coherent thought escapes her.
They should have at least gone to dinner or grabbed a beer and talked, but the last couple months, hell the last couple years, have felt like one huge game of foreplay, so when Ray kissed her outside the hospital, in the parking lot, after offering to show her his place, Neela no longer had a choice in the matter.
Not like she would have chosen anything but this.
She feels the backs of her legs hit the bed, but she halts Ray before he can set her on the plush surface.
He raises an eyebrow at her, but doesn't say anything, instead choosing to silently stroke the skin above the waistband of her jeans.
Neela smiles softly, realizing forlornly that she's screwed up so badly by this point that the simple pause in her movement can make Ray question her desire to be here. So without hesitation, she reaches underneath his t-shirt, traces the defined lines on his stomach, and pushes the material over his head.
They break contact for exactly a second, but it's enough to make Neela reel for his touch and before she knows what's happening, Ray pushes her on the bed, climbing in between her thighs without the merest of invitations.
Neela parts her legs further, wrapping them around his hips, before she responds to his kisses with equal fervor, glad that the unsure look is wiped off his face.
They move swiftly against each other, touching and kissing skin with the expertise of old lovers.
The irony doesn't escape Ray, because he's waited for this moment for so goddamn long, and not even the anticipation could compare to the feel of Neela's soft, warm body beneath his, free of barriers, both physical and emotional.
It's different this time, he thinks, and gasps slightly when her nimble fingers make quick work of his belt, then his zipper, and then her slightly chilled, bare feet hook into his jeans and push them down his body.
He stills his assault on her breast, holding her nipple between his fingers, to watch her face as she does this; and when her feet glide over the entire length of his legs without so much as wince or flinch, his heart begins to beat more rapidly in his chest, because he's reassured she's the only woman for him.
Of course, he's known that for years, but its different now.
She wants him.
Neela wants him…all of him…every little inch of him…and he's witnessed it first hand.
His entire body grows rigid in his reverie and Neela opens her eyes, arching into his hand eagerly,
It's her turn to feel anxious, to question if perhaps he's changed his mind, if this kind of intimacy with her, the devil bitch who's toyed with his heart for years, has proven to be too much.
"Sorry, sweetheart, just a little surprised is all."
He doesn't know why he says it, but he figures he has already exposed a part of himself that is seldom seen, so there's no going back.
"Why?" She asks, and Ray sucks in a breath as he feels her short nails run over him through the thin material of his boxers.
"If you want me to answer honestly, you'd better stop that." He quips back teasingly, but the threat is empty, because pretty soon she's pushing his underwear down and he pulls his tongue over her nipple, eliciting a sound from her that makes him even harder if that's at all possible.
She tastes sweet and spicy and her skin smells like cinnamon and soap, something he remembers from when they lived together and she'd leave random articles of clothing all over the living room.
This smell has haunted him for years but now it arouses him, sending shivers down his spine, encouraging him to dip his head lower, over her breast, tracing the soft, flat planes of her stomach, and down to the apex of her thighs.
The first touch of his tongue sends Neela in a tailspin and she's arching off the bed violently, her body begging for more as she feels Ray's lips all over her, expertly bringing her closer and closer over the abyss.
She feels that familiar pressure build in her stomach until the fire is on the brink of explosion and she has her first moment of hesitation.
She loves what he's doing, but she doesn't want it.
She wants Ray, all of him, inside of her, with her, shuddering besides her.
Selfishly, Neela wants to watch him as he lets go…she wants to see it all.
So she runs her hands over his short hair and down to his shoulders, trying not to spasm as he hits a particularly sensitive spot. For once, she doesn't trust her voice to stop him, so she uses actions, scooting down lower until Ray looks up at her, an inquisitive expression on his face.
Yet, she doesn't even have to say anything, before he covers her body with his, taking only a momentary detour at his nightstand, reaching for a condom.
She stops him with her hand, still looking him square in the eye.
"Alright then," He smirks, kissing her shoulder, "Prepared as always, I like that."
There's a low chuckle in his voice and Neela smiles as well.
With any other man, she would blush and look down, embarrassed at the implications, but with Ray, she's looking him boldly in the eye, trying to ascertain the exact color of his iris, when he leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss on her lips.
The laughter stops then and he runs his hand down her thigh, propping her up higher as in one swift motion he slides into her warmth.
Neela actually has to catch her breath.
They stay still and completely solid against one another, until they can't take it anymore.
Ray shifts slightly and Neela arches her back and suddenly, as if they're moving to the cadence of some song only familiar to them, they start gliding against each other.
It feels so fucking good, so goddamn natural, but the tightness in her chest doesn't go away, because she can put aside her ability to be easily embarrassed, but she can't deny that it's her fault, all her stupid fault, for prolonging their separation.
As if sensing her anxiety, Ray leans down and kisses a trail down to her breast, pulling her nipple into his mouth only momentarily, before locking her legs around his waist and pulling her arms over her head.
He watches Neela as her eyes open and close, the erratic arching of her body and the sounds she makes, overpowering the tension she feels, but he can see it in her dark irises that she's battling with herself and he can't stand that.
"Neela…" He whispers and for the first time both notice just how much silence is around them, the only sound is the movement of their bodies and the rustling of the sheets,
She opens her eyes and watches him, the heat between them and her warmth becoming too much for him, making Ray lose all coherence of thought and self control.
He doesn't even remember anymore what he was going to ask, because she tightens around him, digging her ankles into his back, running her nails up and down his biceps, and as if guided by some mystical powers, Ray thrusts one last time and they both let go, falling so deeply that nothing else seems to matter.
All the insecurities and guilt and worrying over waiting too long completely escapes Neela as she holds on to the only tangible thing she's got, the one constant in her life that no matter how far away he goes, never fails to be there for her.
Neela clings to him, shivering as Ray rolls onto the bed and pulls her to his side.
He's still reeling from his orgasm but doesn't fail to hold her tightly against him, almost as if he's afraid she'll disappear.
Neela swallows the lump in her throat and turns around in their embrace, looking up at him as Ray runs a hand affectionately through her sweat soaked waves.
"You okay, darling? I thought I lost you there for a second." He's smiling at her, and it's genuine and the lump in her throat continues to grow.
He's laying besides her, completely exposed, both body and soul, as he has been on display for so many years, waiting patiently for her to take him and love him like he deserves.
She hasn't done any of that until now, but Neela's decided that she's done playing games and it's about damn time she swallow her self-pity, drown out her guilt, and be there for the man that she is sure loves her.
So she nods silently, and wraps an arm around his waist.
"I love you, you know that right?" She says quietly, and feels the low rumble of laughter in Ray's chest, right where his strong heart is beating.
"Yeah I do." He replies, thinking it's so like Neela to downplay something as important as that.
But he feels her heart beating too, and it's erratic and he knows she's nervous to say it to him, not because it's the first time, but because it encompasses so much more than just one emotion.
Its Neela telling him she's sorry for everything that's happened, events that are probably not even her fault, and although Ray would like to say his issues have all been completely resolved, it would be a lie.
They both have a lot of growing up to do, and though Ray is never certain about the future, when he feels Neela throw her leg over his without any hesitation whatsoever, he realizes that whatever they need to do, they'll do it together.
"I love you too."