Disclaimer: I own neither Valve, nor Nintendo.

Late Night Grawling


Once upon a time, in a faraway place, there was a place. A place where inanimate objects are named Sasha. A place where guns can be designed by you, built by you, and upgraded by you. A place where you can find black, Scottish cyclopes. A place where it claims that Sun Tzu used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth, herd them onto a boat, and beat the *bleep* out of them; and that is why when a group of animals are together like that, it's called a zoo… unless it's a farm. A place where assassins can be mistaken for crazy gunmen. A place that claims that "if you came where I came, you be *bleep*ing dead!" A place where spies can star in porn with your mother then sneak into your base to *bleep* you!

Ahem, sorry for that. Anyways, our story begins with a desert. Yes, hot, humid, hey is that a pond? Oops, sorry mirage.

Now imagine this: inside a fence stand two opposing buildings. And that in-between them stood a wooden bridge with water under it. One was built by wood and looked like rather poor effort compared to the other one, made by concrete. Both of them inside looked like a rather respectable HQ.*

Inside the concert building, inside the respawn room, which looks like a bare hospital room, every one of the BLU (Builder League United) team sat around discussing their plans. But who cares about them?

Our protagonists are the RED (Reliable Excavation & Demolition) team. Currently, they were discussing their own plan. However, their faces were obscured by shadow.

"Okay, here's my mine plan: the sword and dagger. The "sword" will serve as a front by making a frontal assault. Heavy, Medic, Soldier will compose this team. Meanwhile, "dagger" team will go under and go the briefcase, as "sword" team causes commotion. "Dagger" team will be composed of Spy and Scout. Lastly, the remainder of us will guard the briefcase. I'll cover the roof, Pyro will cover the bridge, Demo'll cover the sewers, and Engie will set himself up in the Intel room. Sound plan?"

Most of the group mumbled their approval. The lead figure turned his head to the heavy. "Yes, Heavy, you can have your sandwich."

The Heavy looked up from his lunch bag and held up a sandwich. The Heavy stuffed the sandwich into his mouth and started to chew. Suddenly, he choked and spat out the crumbs. His eyes bulged with revulsion. "Bologna! Augh!!!" The Heavy screamed as he rubbed his hand over his eyes.

The Soldier walked up to the Heavy and whacked him on the stomach with his shovel. "Vomit, Maggot!" He shouted as he sat back down. The Heavy puked it all out, and sat back down wiping himself.

Everyone simply stared at the Soldier.


10 minutes later…

The gate opened and the whole BLU team poured out to fight. Getting out of the respawn room, they separated. The BLU Pyro ran to the second floor, and then looked out the clearing. Pyro looked like a deranged firefighter, armed with fire retardant clothes, boots, gloves, and a gas mask. He was armed with a flamethrower, shotgun, and a fire axe. He was unaware of the red dot on his forehead.

Boom! The bullet penetrated the BLU Pyro's skull and came out on the other side. The Pyro's body went limp and fell down from the balcony.

On the RED's building balcony stood a lone figure. He was dressed in cargo pants, and shoes that had very small heel platform. The shirt he was wearing had their sleeves rolled back. His vest had a machete tied to the back. Finally, his head had a wide brim hat with one side bent to the tip.

However, some would have taken one look at the sniper and remark that he was too young to be running and gunning. Behind the sunglasses perched upon his face were two eyes the color of blue as deep as the sea. They shine with a certain youthful arrogance and enthusiasm. Most of his reddish brown unkempt hair was contained under his hat. One could say is face suggested it was carved from "angels." If you call yourself a Brawl fan, if you didn't pick that hint up, the scout wouldn't have said it better.

Pit smirked as his kill fell to the ground. He even waved as the body hit the floor. However, his amusement was dropped as he saw the BLU Demoman and Pyro (newly revived) run out the door.

"Holy Duly, we're done for!" Pit shouted in an australian accent. Despite the negative comment, he raised the scope to his eye and waited for a target. His wait was short as the BLU Soldier marched outside to join with his short-term destiny, a bullet to the head. The BLU medic rushed out, so blissfully unaware of the Soldier's demise, so much that he joined the soldier in his fate.

Both Demo and Pyro felt something wrong and turned to look at their comrades' corpse. He observed the bodies and let the thoughts run through. The BLU Demoman snapped out of it faster and rallied the Pyro into following suit. "Go!"

Running in front of the balcony, he shot out a sticky bomb and ran above it. It detonated and propelled the Demoman upwards… right into the scope of Pit "G'day!"

The BLU Pyro turned around and looked at the backup he was getting. Then, assured of his safety, the BLU Pyro turned and entered the building. The sound of shovel, axe, and fist hitting face could be heard.


Meanwhile, the RED Spy and Scout (AKA Meta Knight and Sonic in that order) were silently spelunking through the sewers. Meta Knight's only adjustment to his outfit was that he was now wearing a suit, with actual dress shoes. Sonic, however, changed his outfit drastically. He was wearing the clothes of the scout: hat, earpiece, sling bag, t-shirt, shorts, baseball socks and shoes. When they nearly went around the corner, Meta Knight grabbed Sonic and dragged him behind the corner.

"Hey, man, whacha do that for?" Sonic shouted in street kid voice, while shoving Meta Knight. Meta Knight simply played it cool and adjusted his tie. Then he proceeded to show Sonic the Engineer building his dispenser next to his sentry.

Sonic shrugged, "So?" Only to notice that Meta Knight was gone.

The BLU Engie grinned as he observed his two machines. Just then, a BLU spy entered the premises. "Employers wish everyone to return to base." The BLU Engie observed the BLU Spy carefully. The tension was so thick that…that… Scooby Doo can cut a hole in it and eat it like a six-foot sandwich.

Then the BLU Engie shrugged. "Alrighty then." The BLU Engie went up the stairs, and the BLU Spy pulled out his electro-sapper device. He then revealed himself to be Meta Knight, and attached his devices to the sentry gun and dispensers. Satisfied by his work, he gestured to Sonic before cloaking himself and running off.

The Electro-Sappers soon set the machines on fire. The BLU Engie ran back too late to stop his creations from exploding. He engaged himself to cursing, until he became aware of another sound of other than his cursing.

The sound of footsteps.

The BLU Engie turned to look at the sewers, only to see a blue blur and the sound of baseball bat hitting skull.

The BLU Pyro, Demo, and Soldier had retreated to the building while the BLU Heavy held off the RED offensive. Suddenly, a blue blur ran past them. They all tried to shoot at it, but to no avail. The blue blur then proceeded to run circle around the confused BLU Heavy. To taunt him even further, Sonic was yelling to the BLU Heavy. "COME ON, STEP IT UP!"

The BLU Demoman tried to shoot down Sonic as he ran outside, but was silence with Sonic's Scattergun. The BLU Soldier was likewise greeted with the baseball bat. The BLU Pyro tried to "flame Sonic up," but he missed.

The scout dashed up the stairs and the hallways to retrieve the briefcase. Meanwhile, the BLU Heavy and Medic were waiting for Sonic to show up. Instead, they got Snake dressed in the garb of the RED Demoman. He was dressed in a red one piece with a vest full of grenades on it, and a do rag.

Snake smirked "Keep cha waiting, huh?" he said with a slight Scottish brogue. The BLU Heavy simply fired at Snake with his minigun, screaming with glee and delight. That was until the belligerent BLU Heavy and Medic looked down to see an eyeful of sticky bombs and grenades. "Oh, this is bad!" KABOOM!


Meanwhile… A BLU Scout, Pyro, and Engie managed to evade the sticky bomb death trap that Snake left behind, and the various people lurking around the base. Now they were at the room that held the Intel.

"Okay, okay, how about we all rush and make it for the briefcase?" They all nodded.

"Charge!" Shouted the Scout as the group charged into the room… and into the maelstrom of firepower that came from several sentries located throughout the area while Wario the Engie came in with his shotgun. For his costume, just imagine him in overalls with a construction helmet on. Oh, and he had goggles. After that little massacre, Wario laughed at their feeble attempt to capture the Intel. He laughed so hard he jaw dropped, and he had to manually put it back into place.


Just after that fiasco, Sonic came out and ran out the front entrance, intel in hand. But not before making another trip around another battered BLU Heavy, saying "Your too slow!" Then Sonic ran back to the base, leaving that BLU Heavy to be blown up by a rocket.

The RED Soldier stepped out into the clearing. He was dressed like a WWII American soldier, with boots, helmet, and bushy brown tail? Fox began to run towards the building, stopping to shoot a rocket at the battlements. Once inside, he saw a BLU Heavy and Medic arguing which way to go. He made them choose neither, and stopped to reload his rocket launcher.

Unbeknown to him, a BLU Spy had taken off his cloaking device behind him and was ready to backstab him. Fox jumped at the sound of a scream behind. He turned to see Meta Knight standing with a bloody knife behind the BLU Spy's corpse. Fox raised an eyebrow. Meta Knight started to activate his cloaking as he left Fox with some words. "You have much to learn…"

Fox nodded as he absorbed the information. He walked up to the body, to make sure that the spy was down. Then he ran off in another direction, rocket launcher on the shoulder and screaming, "Here I come!"


Not long after Fox left, a BLU Scout peeked out to see that the carnage has ended. He was running towards the balcony, when a needle stopped him cold. The scout did a face plant and so didn't see the harbinger of his destruction. It was Kirby with a Syringe Gun. He was the RED Medic. And so he was wearing only glasses and red latex gloves. "POYO!" He said in a German accent.

"Medic!" A strong Russian voice cried out. Kirby switched to his medic gun, and set out to find the man in need.

It turned out to be the RED Heavy who called for help. He was dressed in the regular costume of a heavy. He had on a short t-shirt with a vest that had a bullet belt circling around his shoulder. His boots nearly reached his knees, obscuring part of his pants. And his stormy blue hair matched his equally intense blue eyes. In other words, it was Ike sans headband.

"Get behind me, Doctor!" Ike shouted as he charged up his minigun and started to fire at the crowd of BLUs coming out the door. Man after man, body after body hitting the ground below, bullet case after bullet case emptying into the floor.

After the slaughter had ended, Ike and Kirby raced up the stairs into the building that lead to the BLU Intel. They followed the hallway into a huge room with several passageways to take. It also had every one on the BLU team with their guns pointed at the two REDs: the Soldier, Pyro, Scout, Heavy, Engineer, Demoman, Spy, Medic, and Sniper.

Ike took one look at them all and smirked. "Ha, look at you and your little baby guns!" The BLU turned and looked around. Sure, he had a minigun, but their guns outnumbered his, even if their guns were puny.

"I was told we'd be fighting men!" By now, the whole BLU team grew nervous. How could one man with a minigun, with so many facing him, still be so confident in his ability? Unless... he had the power to back it up.

"All right then. You'll get no sympathy from me!" Ike the Heavy shouted as he reved up his minigun. At the sound, the whole BLU team turned and ran, even trampling over one of their own.

Ike frowned. "Cowards."


Pit looked up from under his scope. His eyes widened in suprise. He gestured to the RED Pyro AKA Mario. Mario paused from cooking a poor sould medium well over where Pit pointed. Coming out of the BLU ran out Sonic across the bridge. He was running away from a crowd of BLUs.

"Oh shoot!" Pit and Mario shouted. Sonic ran past them, since Pit jumped down from his place. The BLU scout had reached them first, then he realized he was staring into the barrel of a submachine gun, courtesy of Pit. "Say hello to my little friend, Al Capwne!" Pit shouted as he shot the scout down. Mario pulled out a shotgun and started to fire on the crowd. "Hope-a Sonic gets-a there soon!" "Stop being so stereotypical Italian!"

Meanwhile, Sonic was lost in the RED building trying to find the Intel room. "I'm sooo lost!" Sonic moaned as he zoomed around the building. Soon he spotted Kirby. "Medic!" Kirby turned.

Sonic turned his back to Kirby. "Hit it, doctor!" "Kirby" then shed his disguise to reveal a BLU spy. He raised his dagger to plunge it into Sonic's back when... BASH! Sonic turned his head to see Wario with his wrench crounched over the BLU's Spy. "Umm, thanks."

Wario pointed over at a certain room. "It's over there?" Sonic asked. Wario snickered. "Thanks man!" Wario also followed Sonic, though it was pretty useless.


"Oh crud, we're out of ammo!"

Pit shouted in panic as Mario shook his shotgun in disapointment. Ike, Kirby, Snake, and Fox (they came late) couldn't also conceal their panic as they looked at their guns as though willing them to suddenly replenish their ammo stocks. The BLU team simply grinned and started to advance on the helpless REDs.

The pseudo-aussie breathed out. "Well, it was a pleasure to fight with you tonight, men." Pit said as he drew out his machete. "Indeed, it was honor." Ike sighed as he cracked his knuckles. "Let's-a go!" Mario cried as he tightened his grip on his fireaxe. Kirby gagged then spat out a bonesaw, and picked it up to use. Fox had his shovel in hand. Snake found nothing on him to use as a melee weapon, so he opted for the whisky bottle he had on him.

They stared down the BLU group and they readied themselves. At first, silence. Then deep roars, and a "Poyo!", erupted forth from their throats as they charged the enemy. The BLU simply stood their ground and began to level their weapons.

By then, the group, in a dramatic speed, were only 1/4 of the way there. The BLUs took aim, 1/2 of the way there. Their fingers were squeezing the triggers! Oh no, they're only 4/6 of the way there! They won't make it! SWEET STARS ABOVE!!! I CAN'T WATCH!!! AT LEAST SPARE KIRBY A PAINFUL DEATH!!!

Then Kirby stopped and dropped his saw. Everyone stopped to turn at Kirby. "They got Kirby! #!^&%*#%$%!" Snake cussed. However, Kirby stood rooted to his spot. Pit followed Kirby's gaze and looked where he looked. What he saw made his jaw drop.

Meta Knight stood in the midst of the jumble of clean corpse, his butterfly knife dripping. Nearly everyone on the bridge stared at Meta Knight. The Spy Knight looked at everyone and shrugged. "What?"

Pit frowned. "Thanks man, you ruined the drama."


Suddenly, an alarm clock went off. Pit woke up quite startled. He was sitting at his computer desk. When he shook the computer from its sleep, he found that he fell asleep during a round of TEAM FORTRESS 2. Pit moaned as he covered his eyes.

"No more late night gaming."

BRAWLING + GAMING = GRAWLING