After a little drama...that we won't go into, the title and summary of this fic has changed,
It will now be called: "Awakening Crimson"
Summary: Boundaries are tested and limits are pushed & ultimately broken. How will Edward & Bella endure their journey of awakening under the burden of desire, guilt and ultimately love. Will their prevail?
Thanks to everyone for all your love and support of my fics & my lemons!
Please keep it coming :D
Luv Morgs xxoo
Okay, on to Chapter 11
Some questions are finally answered in this chapter, but equally more questions are raised, when we discover that Bella has been up to some adventures of her own when Edward's not around....hmmm so bet ya can't wait for Bella's POV! Because let me tell you, poor Eddie doesn't know the half of it ;D
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters!
There is nothing on this earth to compare to the sensation and utter satisfaction of lying with the love of your existence in your arms. And now that Bella had been transformed and we could spend our nights awake together, exploring and loving each other- like last night- I can say it's utterly and completely blissful.
I smile widely at my love in the golden light of the new dawn with a smug grin of satisfaction upon my face, to which she grins knowingly back. I snuggle her tighter, wrapping my arms and legs around her naked body, spooning her and holding her to me like I would never let her go.
However a couple of silent and tense minutes later Bella finally moves to address what has obviously been bothering her, as she gently turns to face me within the hold of my arms. She looks nervous and tentative, her eyes not quite meeting mine and repeatedly opens her mouth to voice her worries only to snap it shut again when nothing comes out. Finally I gently grasp her face and look deeply into her eyes, "What is it love? You know you can tell me anything."
"I know," She smiles up at me, but it doesn't quite meet her eyes and I can tell whatever it is, is really bothering her. "It's just that...it's... you know that I love you and only you more than anything right?" She says quietly and seriously, my body instinctively tensing with her tone.
"Of course I know that love. I feel it; I can see it and nothing will ever change that." I vow into her luminous crimson eyes.
"Well, what if...if I...if I did something? If I got carried away...," she broke off mumbling and turning her eyes away from mine, almost as if in shame.
"Love, it's alright, I know,"I sigh softly, trying to turn her face back towards me, but it's as if she doesn't hear me as she continues to mumble and bumble through her confession. I tenderly kiss her forehead as she mumbles, "I didn't mean to...sometimes it's just too much...I feel..."
"Love, I know, its okay," I say louder trying to break through to her, but still she mumbles trying to find the words that I know escape her. I finally cup her face again and turn her up to face me, looking intently into her eyes, waiting until she quietens and meets my own. "Bella. I already know, my love."
Her eyes hold mine for a few seconds, absorbing my words and then abruptly flash in shock. "You already know! But how?" She wonders almost to herself.
"Alice" she finally admonishes with a sigh and I nod slowly, afraid of her reaction. I instantly feel I had better explain myself to her, because who knows what Bella has got running through her mind right now with both our confessions. "Alice thought it was best to, for a lack of a better word - warn me -about what was going to happen with you and when she saw it, she knew she didn't have a hope in hell of keeping something like that from me." I muttered with an almost grimace.
"I admit my love, when she first showed me her visions about what was going to happen, about what you were going to do and who you were going to do it with," I said cringing as the images replayed themselves in my head. "I admit I was angry and felt betrayed, especially when I saw the vision of you and him. But then I calmed down and realised how much you really and truly loved ME." I finished with a genuine smile, kissing her lips tenderly and truly with all my heart, showing her how much I truly loved her as well.
"It also helped when Alice reminded me of what we all had been like just after we'd been changed and I could understand where you were coming from and why you did it." I said quietly, long ago memories flickering in my mind of past similar and intimate situations. "I understand the needs you bear and the sensations & experiences you feel compelled to seek as a new born. I understand that the sensation of orgasm is one of the few ways that you can feel close to human again. Believe me Bella; every time I explode within you I feel so close to being human...alive. I feel almost like my heart could just start pumping again and explode right out of my chest." I smile brightly at her, forever grateful that she has given this to me.
"I know it my love and that is why I understand. Why I cannot deny you, why I won't do anything to stop you from experiencing these situations. I know what it is like to lose your humanity, but trust me my love I understand why you're doing this, why you seek pleasure even from the likes of him." I say softly, trying to keep the sneer from my voice.
"I...we all appreciate what you did to ensure that they won't be a problem for us anymore, but my love is was such a risk, what if he had hurt you? Despite what you might like to think, you are different now. The differences between you and him are wider than ever, wasn't it repulsive?" I ask with wide eyes, unable to comprehend the notion.
"Well...it was...it was...nothing like being with you," She trembled softly, with nervous eyes. "With him it was just sex, while with you...it is everything." She vowed loudly, her eyes shining brightly with the honesty and truth of her words. "Nothing and no one means more to me, makes me feel as whole as you Edward, and despite it all, I love you and only you. I never wanted to cause you pain or anger, but sometimes need and sensation just overtakes me despite my best intentions and reasoning."She said softly her eyes once again falling away from me.
I once again cupped her face tenderly with my hands, holding her reverently. "Bella I understand that this is part of becoming a vampire," I sigh softly, begging her with my eyes to acknowledge that I truly do understand and love her no less for it. "Perhaps my love it is my fault, I should have better prepared and enlightened you that we are animalistic creatures at heart ruled by our desires."
"I guess," I sigh with a frown, "that is one of the consequences and one of my failures for changing you so quickly against your will..." But my speech was abruptly cut off by Bella strongly clamping her fingers over my lips and giving me a stern look.
"Edward you know not to talk like that, and after the other night I thought we were...that you were past your unnecessary guilt." She says quietly with a frown clouding her beautiful face.
"I was...I mean I am, but I still regret not having the time to prepare you adequately, to really enlighten you what being a new born was like. It's pretty overwhelming isn't it?
"Yes it can be, especially when people such as you know who intentionally bait me, and play with my emotions so I can't resist the temptation." She spits with angry fire, shooting straight to my groin. Seeing her fired up like that is hot, I should remind myself later to piss her off and really see what happens when she's fired up. The key word however being later, I sigh with a scowl.
"I know love, I'll talk to them. But honestly from hearing their thoughts and seeing you through their eyes, they cannot resist you either my love, especially when you are so unintentionally alluring." Her crimson eyes flash with fire again and she moves to bite back at my words but I clamp a finger over her lips, "I said unintentionally my love. It's definitely not your fault that the change has made everyone desire you even more." I finish as I watch numerous emotions flash across her still expressive face, from anger and shock to almost a grin of satisfaction. I smile down at her brightly, kissing her lips softly but with so much emotion, whispering softly against her lips, "I love you." As she kisses me back fiercely.
Reluctantly I broke the kiss and carried on with the conversation I knew we needed to have. "Honestly love, we are all okay. I know you're worried how Alice and Rose are feeling and I assure they're fine now. Even they find you alluring my love, I won't tell you about Alice's vision involving that my love, but I assure you I'm fine with it." I finish huskily, while Bella just looks up at me curiously.
"I know you my love. I know you want to experience new things, feel new things and perhaps my love, you may even share some of them with me?" I asked quietly, looking at her shyly.
I watched intently as her eyes widened in shock and surprise, absorbing my words and then seductively darkened with realisation and desire. "You mean you wouldn't mind? That you would want to share something like that with me?" She asks softly, barely containing her excitement from such a possibility.
"Oh yes my love! Just thinking about it makes me want to f**k you so hard." I growl as I roll her underneath me and push her hard into the mattress, practically savaging her lips with the intensity of my desire.
"Oh Edward." There was no time for foreplay, I needed her now, and she met equally, answering my frenzied lips with her own until we both once again reached the zenith of our love.
I leisurely took Bella again in the shower before we finally managed to get dressed and make our ways downstairs. We studiously ignored the glances and remarks about our late appearance and activities; it was after all, eleven in the morning.
Rose was thinking, after having all night, they can manage to only JUST make it downstairs before midday. Emmett and I were never this bad she admonished. I snorted and smirked over at her, "Oh yes you were Rose and you know it." Everyone looked at me curiously after hearing my one-sided conversation, but I just brushed them aside, they didn't need to know.
It was a Saturday morning and nearly everyone was at home except for Carlisle, who was at the hospital and due home in a few hours. Bella plonked down on the couch next to Emmett and proceeded to begin kicking his ass on the play station. They would be busy for a couple of hours until Em eventually admitted defeat at the hands of my very own wonder women. I chuckled to myself with the thought, before I finally turned towards the golden eyes that I could feel boring intently into my back.
"Ok Alice. I know, I know, I'm coming." I muttered with barely a whisper. I reluctantly followed her outside and away from hearing range, where she proceeded to enlighten me of the reason for all this secrecy - That she had seen more visions of Bella's future, predominantly concerning Charlie. She looked and felt grim and I knew I was not going to like what she would show me.
I absently leant against a tree and instantly images of naked Bella tied to a similar tree from the other day flashed through my head, and I was hard instantly. However, my fantasy was abruptly interrupted by Alice clearing her throat, "As much as I enjoy Bella fantasy time Edward, now is not the time."
I sighed wearily, "I know Alice," and had to turn away from the sympathy in her eyes. I suddenly desperately didn't want to see these visions, as I knew they would cause Bella - and in turn me – pain. However, all of a sudden the choice wasn't up to me as Alice abruptly thrust upon me a barrage of horrifying visions and possible future scenario's. When they were finally finished I slumped to the ground defeated, my head in my hands.
She hovered above me, "Sorry to hit you all at once like that Edward, but the quicker the better I thought."
"God Alice, just one is bad enough, but to have all those scenario's thrust upon me. Thank God Bella will never have to experience all of those, but for her to experience just one, are you sure it has to be this way? She doesn't need this pain, this loss; please tell me there is another way." I asked desperately despite knowing my pleas were in vain.
She looked at me with exasperation but also in understanding of my anguish, there was no way Alice wanted to cause Bella pain if she could help it. She yelled at me in her thoughts, don't you think I've tried that Edward. I love her too you know, I don't want to hurt her either, but there are just no other options. She has to choose but either option is not going to save her anguish. I'm so sorry Edward, but you as well as anyone know the price of becoming a vampire. And so does Bella, Edward, she will understand, it will just take some time.
"But will she ever get over it?" I asked with a quiet desperation. "Will she ever forgive me for changing her? For hurting her like this? For taking this away from her? God Alice how could I do this to her?"
"Edward stop. I know what you're thinking, but don't. As much as I didn't want to, I saw what Bella did to you the other night, she showed you there was nothing to forgive and she was telling the truth. You've got to believe her, have faith in her, just as she has faith in you. Together you will get through this Edward." She said softly as she proceeded to show me a vision that pulled at my chest and gave me a faint glimmer of hope.
"Go Edward, tell her and help her get through this. The sooner the decision is made, the sooner she can begin to heal and move on."
"I know Alice, thank you," I sighed grimly as she patted my shoulder reassuringly.
"I'll give you a minute and I'll see you back at the house." She said with a forced smile, her thoughts, no matter how much she tried to hide them, couldn't hide her relief that she wasn't in my position.
Oh god, I thought as I frantically ran my hands through my hair, gripping chunks tightly and irrationally trying to tear the fear and pain out of my head. How was I going to do this to her? She appeared to be so happy, but appearances could be deceiving, I knew when her thoughts wondered sometimes that she was thinking of him, how could I take Charlie away from her? And that's what I was going to do, through my actions I took him away; I forced her into this position. Fuck! I screamed angrily and desperately inside my head only to be stopped abruptly by a hand squeezing my shoulder and feeling an abrupt wave of calm come over me. I sighed in relief and defeat, "Thanks Jazz." I mumbled and silently thanked Alice for sending him out here.
"Edward stop feeling so guilty, you know she doesn't blame you and she won't blame you for this. You've just got to trust in her and be there for her, this is about Bella. She's going to need you to be there for her, to hold her together and you can't do that if you haven't got your shit together right?"
"Yeah" I muttered petulantly, good old wise Jazz, fuckin know it all! But in all honesty, he was right, this was about my love and I had to be there for her, and I would be I vowed as I sprang to me feet and ran back towards the house.
I stopped abruptly when I saw Bella sitting alone and silent on the back steps. She was waiting for me and knew something was up, but was too absorbed in her thoughts to even register that I had returned. I slowly stepped closer to her and her glazed eyes finally cleared and registered my presence in front of her. However as soon as those glazed eyes disappeared I wanted them straight back, because it had to be better than the absolute pain and heartbreak that was overwhelming her eyes now.
She looked at me with the burning but silent question blazing within her depths and it broke my heart to nod at her in defeat. She slowly registered my nod of affirmation and then abruptly let out a strangled hiccup of defeat, her shoulders heaving and slumping forward in resignation. The weight of her pain and anguish bearing down upon her and I fell to my knees at her feet, wrapping my arms tightly around her, holding her together as she confronted the loss of Charlie.
She let out a keening cry of anguish and I knew she wanted to cry tears and was frustrated that she couldn't. I just held her tighter, whispering over and over that I was sorry and that I was here, that I would never leave her. She just held on to me tightly, her fingernails digging into my shoulder painfully, but I couldn't care, I welcomed the pain, I deserved it.
Esme and Alice appeared behind Bella, anguish and pain evident upon their faces and their thoughts eager to help but I just silently shook my head at them. There was nothing they could do at the moment to make this better, to take away Bella's pain and they reluctantly went back inside.
I held tightly to Bella's shivering form in my arms, the sun slowly moving overhead through the clouds as the hours passed and Bella's fragile hold on the human world fractured for the final time and ultimately fell apart.
Despite the pain she was in, I was eternally grateful that she sought solace within my arms and that she didn't push me away. I needed her so much, and I don't know what I would have done if she had pushed me away, shuddering unbearably at the thought.
Eventually she managed to loosen her hold upon me and her forlorn eyes gazed deeply into my own, silently asking me the questions that she couldn't possibly voice. She knew Alice had seen the future and she wanted to know how it was going to happen. I looked at her with anguish; this was not going to be easy. She wanted to know how she was going to lose Charlie or more accurately, how Charlie and Renee were going to lose her. I gently and slowly cupped her cheek with my hand and looked intently into her eyes, silently begging her to forgive me for the painful but necessary words I was about to utter to her.
"Uh..." I barely managed to croak and cleared my throat before continuing. "Ah it's up to you...uh whether you would simply disappear or we ah...fake your death. ...There's no other way. You can't see Charlie again, your eyes, your thirst, it's just too..." I couldn't go on; the pain in her eyes was just too much.
I knew she understood and didn't need me to vocalise her worst nightmare, she just had to choose and I watched her heart break in front of my eyes as she managed to choke, "F...fa...fake my death. Charlie always said it was best to treat things like a band-aid, rip them off quick. This will be less..." she broke off as she sobbed. I grabbed her to me again, trying to hold her together and shield her from her loss, to absorb the pain from her, which I would gladly take in an instant and bare upon my own shoulders.
I continued to hold her tightly until she abruptly broke away from my arms and stood up. I looked up at her in shock, startled and pained by her blank and vacant stare - she was a million miles away.
She quickly turned away from me and ran off in a blur into the shadows of the thick forest behind the house. I immediately stood, ready to go after her, but was stopped by Jasper's thoughts from the forest.
"I'll go Edward; I won't let her do anything she wouldn't want to. Maybe I can help her," he offered with a calm desperation. I appreciated his offer more than he would ever know, especially in light of my glimpse into his mind that showed how he was already nearly overwhelmed from not just Bella's desperate pain, but mine also. And that he was prepared to endure more turmoil for himself, just to be able to ease some of Bella's burden, was truly a selfless and honourable act.
"Thank you." I barely whispered, but knew he heard me as he silently ran off to watch over my love, my life, my everything.
We all knew where she was going...to say goodbye to Charlie and if I was honest - to human Bella. We'd all been there and you never forgot the pain of letting go of those who you loved, it was forever with you.
I knew that Bella was probably just going to hide in the shadows of the trees near her house, waiting for Charlie to return home from work. That she just wanted the opportunity to see him one more time before she could say goodbye and come to terms with her new reality. She wouldn't confront him, she wouldn't risk her thirst like that, and neither would I. I would never allow her to be in the position of hurting Charlie as I knew that was something she would never, ever be able to get passed.
I finally slumped down resignedly upon the back steps of the house to wait for her to come back to me. Waiting and hoping she would come back to me in every way, desperately hoping I wouldn't have to wait too long, but knowing that if it came down to it, I would wait an eternity for her.
Hmm... so what did you think? As always let me know :D
I know some of you love Charlie, I do too, and you probably didn't like this. I'm sorry but it's a necessary foundation for the fic. If you want Charlie to be involved, read my other fic... Yeah readers of that, I know I just gave you a major scoop! You deserve it to show I haven't forgotten about you :D
And now a little treat for you all ;D
Do you want a taste of some of the experiences Bella might share with our dear Edward and others? Well it's just as well that I have written a Future-Take for you concerning just that!! It's an entry for the Twific Auto erotica contest and involves what a lot of you have been waiting for: A threesome! Add the Volvo and we're up for some sexy and erotic times! But be warned, it's not for the lemony faint at heart!
Please check out my entry titled: "And Volvo makes four" at the Auto Erotica contest C2:
(Just replace the dot's)
And please vote for me, only the top five get through!
Voting runs until Feb 22 and is via the link below:
So jump in the Volvo, belt up, hold on tight and get ready for some full-throttle, highly erotic, sexy times! Read, review & VOTE and I'll love you forever!!!
Luv Morgs xoxo