Hi everyone! I'm thinking of starting a new story with some scenes of New Moon written from Edward's perspective, but only if there's enough interest. The first chapter is Edward's POV of the day before Rosalie calls him to tell him Bella has jumped off a cliff.
P.S. I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes in the following chapters, but I'm not a native speaker.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything, Edward too… The only reason I don't hate her is because she's one of the best authors on this planet, so I guess she deserves Edward *sigh*… :)
Doomed to failure
'Bella…' I half whispered, half moaned. 'Bella…'
It had been precisely six months, sixteen days and eight hours since I'd last seen her, since I'd last breathed in her incomparable scent and kissed her soft forehead before disappearing into the woods. Once I had been far enough I'd finally let my body feel the pain, really feel it. I had let out a desperate and agonized cry as my knees buckled beneath me and I crumbled onto the ground. My entire body ached – except the hole in my chest where my heart should have been, for I'd left that with her. It seemed like thousands of knifes where piercing my stone skin and at the same time someone was tearing me to pieces.
I had been sitting there for a while, letting the pain wash over me, pulling me down as tearless sobs wracked my body while I tried my very best not to sprint back to my love, my life, my Bella.
And now I was sitting here, in a dark, gross cellar in South-America, mourning over the one girl I had ever loved and the one girl I would ever love.
I'd been euphoric for months, living in what I believed to be my own little heaven on earth, while – in reality – it was a ticking bomb, waiting eagerly to explode and destroy everything.
I closed my eyes and saw Bella, as always. In all those months there hadn't been one second in which she wasn't on my mind. I always saw her, and I thanked heaven every day that I had a photographic memory; I could recall the endless depth of her eyes perfectly, the adorable blush that covered her cheeks whenever I would touch her, the warmth she radiated…
My head sunk between my knees as I tortured myself with images of Bella, but though those images were haunting me, I didn't want to – and I simply couldn't stop reviving those perfect memories. I was addicted, just like I was addicted to her… Sometimes I really felt like a junkie who was trying to resist what he craved the most, but who was already doomed to fail at his attempts…
No, no, no, no, no! Damn it, no!
My two favorite words to describe my ridiculous plans to return to Forks were pathetic and selfish. Selfish… It had once been the most repulsive word for me, but not anymore. In my mind, it used to be automatically connected to Bella changing into one of us. Now, when I thought the word, it was connected with returning to Bella. It seemed like a beautiful word now, because if I would let 'selfish' conquer, I would be happy again. All the agony of the past months would vanish, it would just be a horrible nightmare, a distant – yet very real – memory…
'Just to see if she's happy…' A little voice in my head pleaded. 'If she's happy you'll just go back, she doesn't need to know you've been there…'
I sighed. Only a very, very thin string – ready to snap anytime – was holding me in place right now. I knew I would grasp every little chance or excuse with both hands to justify the decision that would mean the end of this almost unbearable pain… and the end of Bella's safety. Her happiness and safety were much more important than any pain I could possibly endure, right?
'But what if she isn't happy? What if she wants you to come back?' The voice was back, louder than before.
'Like she would ever want me back,' I argued with myself.
Even if I would be pathetic enough to give in to my desires and go back to my sanctuary, I would have to beg on my knees for years and even then she would have absolutely no reason to take me back. But I could always try, and just being in her presence – if she would allow me that – would be pure bliss in comparison to this…
No. I would not go and see her. I would not intrude her safe world again. I would not ruin her life. She deserved a happy life with someone who could give her everything I couldn't; a normal human life, children, growing old together…
I would just stay here in this pointless cellar, reliving pointless memories of my one and only love while enduring my pointless life.
Please review me, reviewers will get a sneak peek of the next chapter :)!