Kunoichi's Guide to Love

Fanfic featuring Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka

CHAPTER 1: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

"Ino Yamanaka, I love you, but I think you've officially lost it," proclaimed Sakura, slurping on her milkshake. She levelled her pretty green eyes at her best friend. "Naruto is not in love with me."

Ino rolled her baby blues over her Diet Coke and pointed a nicely manicured finger at Sakura. "Hmph. You know what you are, Sakura? Totally heartless. Not to mention damn stubborn. You and Naruto – how cute! I mean, can't ya just see it? Long walks in the moonlight, training together, little blond kids with green eyes … Sharing the last noodle of instant ramen—ow!"

Ino nursed her arm while Sakura gave her the evil eye. "I hope that bruises. You, missy, have been watching too many fucking Disney movies. And, ew! There is no way I would have sex with Naruto," she sniffed.

"You're such a snob," smirked Ino. "Come on, you'd sleep with Sasuke, wouldn't you?"

"Ino, I can't believe that you of all people would compare Sasuke to Naruto. Sasuke's a freaking sex god, Naruto is … Naruto. He's nice and all, but not hot."

"Listen, Sakura, I know you don't want to hear it from me, but … Sasuke is probably gay. Come on, he's rejected every girl in town—"

"You mean, he's rejected you," muttered Sakura, but Ino ploughed on.

"—And my sources say that he was spotted with Sai in a gentlemen-only club."

"Oh, God, I don't even wanna think about that. You don't mean the Chippendale one in that side alley?"

"The very same one."

"Eesh. Sasuke in a thong. Actually, hells yeah!" Sakura cheered. Ino smacked her on the shoulder.


"Now, we're even," smiled Ino. "And seriously, do not underestimate Naruto. Remember how scrawny he used to be? Well, you know how I have a lifeguard job at the pool, right, and how that means I can check out the local physiques—"

"Perve on the under-16s—"

"Whatever. Anyway, I saw Naruto there the other day, and he has totally filled out. Totally Sasuke-level," Ino winked.

"Aha, there ya go! Since you're such a guy pervert and he's such a girl pervert, you two should totally hook up!" Sakura exclaimed, triumphantly draining her milkshake.

"Who says we haven't already?" grinned Ino, enjoying the holy-shit look on Sakura's face. "Babe, I'm joking. See how pissed you look? This is proof of your secret feelings for Naruto!"

"Screw off," Sakura snarled.

"Whoa, whoa, okay, Miss Anger Management. You don't need to be so harsh. To me, or to Naruto. Hey, remember that time he bought you an ice-cream after medical practice?"

"Don't," groaned Sakura, head in hands.

"And then you made him so nervous he dropped it, and he was trying to scoop it up when you just walked past?"

"Stoppppppp. I feel so mean."

"Aha, but that was nothing compared to the time he accidentally – accidentally! – spilt ramen down your favourite shirt. Before the poor guy could even say sorry, you punched him right into the Stone Village. It took him 3 days to get back, you broke 4 of his ribs, and when he did get back he had to apologise for a week and buy you 2 new shirts before you deigned to talk to him again. What gives? Why're you so mean to him?"

Sakura's face had been turning redder and redder as Ino's story progressed, and since Ino had such a loud voice, the whole diner had heard everything. It would probably be all over the hospital by tomorrow. Unwilling to stay and get humiliated any longer, Sakura scraped back her chair and slammed it back into the table, causing Ino's Diet Coke to spill.

"Hey!" Ino exclaimed as Sakura weaved her way round the tables, angry tears pricking her eyes. Before any of this got out, she was going to apologise to Naruto. Right now, he was about the only person she could trust. Ino was right about one thing; she was too harsh towards him.

Before Sakura's hand could even reach the door, it spun open and a wild-eyed brunette smacked into her.

"Hey! Watch where you're—Tenten?!" Sakura exclaimed, helping Tenten to her feet. The normally cheerful kunoichi's eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, a telltale sign of crying. Her hair had fallen out of its two tidy buns and was lank and greasy. Her eyes had huge bags under them – it looked like she hadn't slept for days – and her clear skin was blotchy and spotty. She wore trackies and a baggy tee. In other words, Sakura thought, she looked like crap.

Instinctively, she drew her friend into a hug. Tenten's body fell limp under the pressure.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Brown eyes huge in her sunken face, Tenten choked, "I need your help," before bursting into tears.

You likey? Huh, sure hope ya did, cuz I didn't _ Way too unplotted, even for me. Flame me, flame me. You know you want to. Nah just joking ^_^ I don't really like it but that's me for you ... I hate everything I write, especially when I KNOW it's shit. What I really need is someone to give me a freaking plot to all of this ... Ideas, please! xx