Alone in this house again tonight

I got the T.V. on the sound turned down

And a bottle of wine

I sat on my big chair. My favorite one. I closed my eyes, listening carefully for any sound that hinted at my sparkling was still awake. When I was positive she was in recharge, I turned on our vid. screen. I made sure the volume was on a low setting before taking it off of mute. A cube of high grade sat on the table next to me. I took a sip, watching as the news flickered across the screen.

There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me

The way that it was and could have been surrounds me

I'll never get over you walkin' away

I sighed, my optics moving to a picture on the wall. I moved closer to it, flicking the vid. screen off. The quiet was more soothing for my audio receptors anyway. The picture was of me and the femme who helped create my precious sparkling. The femme was beautiful, cerulean optics complimented a light blue and black paintjob. My sparkling never met her femme creator. I couldn't get over the fact that my sparkling, the thing that we both loved most, was the one to kill her. "Starshine…" I whispered my femmes name, sipping the high-grade again.

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show

And I thought being strong meant never losing your self-control

I sighed heavily, the action sounding shakey. I was on the verge of letting my optics leak. I was almost afraid to. I was so used to being stalked by paparazzi, used to having to hide my real emotions. Those mechs were evil, wanting to 'hit you where it hurt'. But being the second in command of the planet put me in that position. 'Lord High Protector' seemed to translate to 'walking target'. I never lost control with them. Not once. Not even when they accused me of killing Starshine and using our sparkling to gain my position. I was strong enough not to leap out and kill the mech who accused me of that. Probably because my brother was there with a calming hand on my shoulder and my precious sparkling was in my arms.

But I'm just drunk enough, to let go of my pain

To hell with this pride

Let it fall like rain, from my eyes

Tonight I wanna cry

A few cube of high-grade later had me stumbling up the stairs to my bed. Okay, more than a few. I paused at my sparkling's door, pushing it open. I listened to the steady rhythm of her intakes. She breathed just like her mother. I let out a choked laugh at the thought, fluid finally escaping my optics. I shut my sparkling's door again, afraid I might wake her with my slightly hindered intakes. My leaking worstedned as I stumbled up the stairs, gasping to take in air as I moved to my own quarters. I collapsed on my berth and allowed myself to leak, not really giving a damn about anyone seeing.

Would it help if I turned a sad song on

"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone

I felt numb. Hollow. I couldn't believe what had happened. I stumbled into our home, legs weak. It had been a few days. I'd given them enough time to get rid of her body. I didn't have the spark. My precious sparkling was gone, all gone. A missle from that Autobot idiot Ironhide took her down. It wasn't even meant for her! It was ment for that idiot Starscream! I should have never let her join this war. I should have never let her fight in this pit-forsaken civil war. The one that I started. Now my sparkling was with Starlight, and there was nothing I could do. I stumbled up to her room and pushed her door open. Optics closed, I listened. Praying to Primus I would hear the steady rhythm of her intakes or even a, "Hey Daddy!". There was not sound though, and I opened my optics to an empty room. I dropped to my knees and murmured, "Dear Primus… I really am alone…"

Or maybe unfold some old, yellow, lost, love letters

It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better

But I'll never get over you by hiding this way

I went to my own quarters, leaving her door open. I shakily sat down in front of my berth as I pulled out a small metal box from underneath. On the very top was a folded up piece of paper. I opened it and smiled. It was a picture Cyberwave drew when she was younger. It was of Her, her imaginary cyber-puppy Max, and I. There wasn't a background but it was a good picture for a sparkling. I dug through the box, looking through everything. Soon letters, cards, and pictures from both Cyberwave and Starlight littered the floor. My spark ached.

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show

And I thought being strong meant never losing your self-control

But I'm just drunk enough, to let go of my pain

To hell with this pride

Let it fall like rain, from my eyes

Tonight I wanna cry

My optics started leaking harder as I pulled out an envelope from the very bottom. I gasped when I realized what it was. A letter that Starlight had written for Cyberwave when she realized she might not live to raise her sparkling. I was supposed to give it to her when I thought she was old enough, if Starlight wasn't able to. "Primus… I forgot all about this…" I said, opening the letter. Unfortunatly, Cyberwave wouldn't be getting it now. I was even more surprised to find a note that said 'Daddy' tucked inside the letter for Cyberwave. I opened it.

Dad,

I found this box under your berth today. I'm sorry, but I got curious and looked through it. And then I saw this letter addressed to me from Mom.

I don't know why you never talk about her dad. From what I can tell in the letter she loves me a lot, even though she never met me. Do you miss her? I do, although I wonder if maybe you just accidentally spread that feeling to me through our bond. I guess you can miss a person you've never met.

Anyway dad, onto the point of my letter to you. I wanted to write a 'just in case' letter like mommy did for me. I wanted to make sure you know I love you no matter what happens, no matter what stupid thing you do. Starting the war with uncle Optimus was the dumbest thing you've ever done in my opinion. I miss him you know. Can't you try making up? Oh and you leaving in the middle of my graduation ceremony? I'm still upset about that. But I still love you!

Anyway, I hope you don't ever have to read this. I promised myself that I'd take this note out of the box if I survived till the end of the war. But I guess that didn't happen if you're reading this, huh? Well, I hope I made/make you proud either way daddy.

Well, admittedly I wrote this letter because I've been annoyed with you lately and I needed to vent a little bit. Here's hoping the first time you hear this, I'm reading it to you.

Love you with all my spark daddy.

~Cyberwave

I started sobbing as I finished the letter. "You'll never know how proud I've always been of you…" I whispered to the paper, a few drops of optic fluid falling onto the page.

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show

And I thought being strong meant never losing your self-control

But I'm just drunk enough, to let go of my pain

To hell with this pride

Let it fall like rain, from my eyes

Tonight I wanna cry

I let the optic fluid leak. She was dead. She was gone. My spark felt damn near empty. I could only hope she was safe and with her mother. That maybe the war I'd created would end me soon as well...