A Horse, Of Course
"What would you rather be: a unicorn, but with no horn, or a horse who's got a horn?"
"Well aren't they both just horses, really?"
"No. One's a unicorn."
"But if a unicorn hasn't got a horn, then it's just a horse."
"It's not a horse, it's a unicorn. They're different."
"Well a unicorn's all white and sparkly, isn't it? And a horse is just, you know. Sort of plain. Not sparkly. Not magical."
"And you've met a lot of unicorns, have you? Shared a pint with one down the pub last week, I reckon? Watched the football match together? Which was his team, then?"
"No. But everybody knows what unicorns are like, don't they?"
"All right. So I'm a unicorn, and I've got no horn, then. What happened to it?"
"What d'you mean, 'What happened to it?'?"
"What happened to my horn, I mean. Did I lose it in a great, violent go with another unicorn?"
"No. You just... don't have one."
"I've never had one?"
"So I was born without a horn."
"Then I'm a horse."
"You're not a horse! We've already just been through this! You're a unicorn!"
"Not really, if I haven't even got a horn! Some unicorn I am."
"All right, all right! Tell me about this horse, then--"
"--not a horse--"
"--the horse who has got a horn."
"Oh. Right, well... You're a horse, then, you're not a unicorn... But you have got a horn, like a unicorn. But you're a horse."
"So I'm a freak. All my horse mates are going to be galloping about going, 'Oh, look at him, he's got a bloody horn just like a unicorn! What a prat!"
"Well they wouldn't be saying that, because they'd already be your friends. They would have already seen your horn, you'd have had it your whole life, see."
"But I would get laughed at by anyone new I was just meeting, though, wouldn't I?"
"Well, yeah, maybe."
"But if I was a unicorn who had no horn I'd get it just as much."
"Right, well... It seems to me like there's only one proper answer to this one."
"You don't know? I figured you'd have seen this coming when you thought of the question; in fact, I thought it was why you made it up. I've overestimated you."
"What, then? What have you overestimated? Which would you rather be?"
"...I think I'm going to get a cup of tea now, is what I think."
"Andy! You didn't even answer the question! Andy!"