Disclaimer: No, because the author of Gakuen Alice is a Pure Sadist and I haven't graduated to that level yet. I think I'm more of a Piranha Torturer-esque Sadist. X)
Because without the light, darkness is inevitable.
You killed him.
The astonished eyes scattered around the room are looking at you. For what, you can't possibly know just yet because your brother is lying on the ground just a few feet away from you and he's dead. His beige skin is now the color of thick, black soot and from half closed eyes, you glimpse the glassy, reflective grey that you both share as you kneel beside his prone body.
You can't bear to touch him because you know that the blank look on your face will crumble once his skin makes contact with yours. This is your little brother, after all. And you can't help but think this isn't the right order of things. You're more than a few years older than him and isn't he supposed to be alive? He's supposed to be the one that outlives you.
You're not supposed to have to bury your baby brother.
It's just not the right order of things.
You're aware that your body is stiff and that Serina is saying something about Hi-sama wanting to send condolences even though you're certain she used to despise him. There's mindless mumbles from around you or it might be the fact that you can't seem to focus on anything inconsequential coming from someone else's mouth.
You need your little brother to say something, to tell you that he's just joking like he always is and to tell you that you're being such a worrywart again! Just lighten up!
But he doesn't.
There's something thick in your throat as you look at him. His skin is so dark now… it's enough to make you nauseous.
Without another breath, you turn around and head out the door, ignoring the questionable sounds from around you. Where you're going, you have no idea. Well, truthfully, you know you're going to go into your study to sit in your chair until you have the presence of mind to think things through, past the fact that Izumi is gone.
Everything is a blur around you and it takes you a minute to realize that you're leaning heavily against one of the stone columns of the school. The ragged, hoarse dry breaths resounding in your ears belong to you.
You push yourself off and walk briskly to your office.
A flash of the image with Izumi on the ground makes you stumble and while you make your way once more, you can't help but think he wasn't supposed to go like this. Nothing like this. Anything but this.
Your baby brother.
The one that you killed.
Oh sure, he didn't die by your hands… but by bringing him here, you secured his death. Of course, you did have good intentions, didn't you? You brought him here for a reason, or if you're being honest to yourself, several reasons. Only one reason isn't selfish. For one, you brought him here because you thought he'd make a difference and give hope to your students right?—Which he did.
He'd been one of the most favorite teachers at the Academy when he'd only been working for two short years. He made people smile, he made people hope and he made sure that there was a brighter future for everyone… that was just how Izumi was.
But what did you do to reward him?
You killed him.
You could've easily put the picture in your deepest desk drawer and forget you'd ever seen the Alice staring back at you.
But you're selfish.
Not everybody knows that about you, but you're selfish. You've always liked being in Izumi's presence because he's fun. He smiles. He always makes the most of bad situations and he's willing to take risks. Whether or not he'll harm himself doesn't even cross his mind.
That's what separates you from him. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, you're not quite sure.
You've always been one to think things through and weigh out the pros and cons. But Izumi… as long as it benefits someone else, he'll do it, no questions asked.
You can't help but remember the time he took the blame for leaving the back door open and letting mom's favorite dog get run over on the streets. See? You really didn't deserve having a brother like him. Ironic though, that he'd look up to someone like you when everyone should be looking up to him.
You're already collapsed in your chair when images of your past assail you. Images of Izumi and you – usually he's doing something carefree and obnoxious and you're busy scolding him on the outside and laughing with him on the inside. It's almost enough to make you laugh if you didn't feel so responsible for everything that happened to him. He could've had something better outside the realm of Alices and the like. With his Nullification, he couldn't have hurt anybody. Nobody had to know.
But you… you brought him here. That mantra in your head is going off again and you're aware that your ears are ringing like nobody's business.
You've been rubbing your eyes for a while, but you don't have the intention of crying. In a few short hours, you'll have to listen to questions, make hard decisions and try to hide all of this from the student body because God knows they'd all panic when they hear Izumi's…
There's that thick organ in your throat again and with resolution, you pull out the hidden drawer in your bookcase and pull out the bottle of rum. You don't usually drink but today… today you'll drink to Izumi.
But if you're being honest, you really just want to drink to forget.
Someone is knocking at the door and Jinno's hesitant voice is coming through the crack. You tell him to come in and don't even try to hide the alcohol from his view. You know that, in some way, he'll understand.
"Yuka Azumi has successfully made it outside," he tells you in that forced monotone of his.
You nod your head and breathe a sigh, only you already knew she would. If there was one redeeming thing you could've done, it was to help her get out of here with Izumi's child.
If anything that thought makes you even more nauseous. You take a swig of the rum to help ease the ache and without a word, you make a gesture for Jinno to have some. He refuses and with a few words that you don't quite hear, he shuts the door to leave you with your own devices.
You lean back in your seat, pausing with the bottle at the seam of your lips.
You think about the rumors you heard of your brother. The ones that state that he'd fallen for a student, only you know it's not false. Yuka Azumi was the girl Izumi fell in love with, the same girl that is pregnant with his child. You remember wanting to rub at your eyes to clear the glow that was on her stomach but it was just there and you knew, the moment she looked into your eyes, that it was Izumi's and he hadn't even had the chance to know.
The fact makes the pieces of your broken heart crack even further.
Izumi's child is an Alice. You don't know whether you want to curse the world or if you're just… happy that there's going to be a living and breathing reminder that your baby brother made a mark on the world.
The child won't have a father, you think sullenly. Kuonji – the bastard – made sure of that. It isn't a mystery to you that Kuonji was behind the whole thing. If anything, you're glad Yuka cursed the bastard with the Alice stones she punched into his gut. Because Kuonji killed him… killed the only person you've ever really loved.
And for that, he was going to have to suffer.
There is nothing left of your bottle of rum so you resist the urge to throw it across the room and instead, place it gently on the floor and close your eyes. You're leaning forward in your chair, resting your chin against the knuckles of your hands. You're unconsciously digging your elbows into the desk pretending it's Kuonji's face.
But you don't feel angry for long. Everything is far to melancholy for you to have the presence of mind to build up a blind rage of hatred toward your bastard associate.
You slump against the seat with a sigh.
There's a noticeable shift in weight in you because you feel so… light… empty… You're smart enough to know denying it is futile. You miss him. You miss Izumi. You miss knowing that you'll see him somewhere in the school, smiling at his students and laughing that infectious laugh of his. You find it ironic that you'll even miss how completely… careless, carefree he is.
You wouldn't mind cleaning up his messes for the rest of your life if Izumi was around to make them.
There's a slide show of memories with him flashing behind your closed eyes and you're having a rather difficult time keeping the tears at bay. You want to remember him but this is too much. You can't face him right now, not when the image of him lying prone on the floor with sooty black skin is fresh in your mind.
And since you're a coward, you open your eyes to banish the assault of memories.
The world is dark.
You know it's rather cliché but one thing is true: Izumi was the light; it made sense that everything seemed more suffocating without him.
Like a void.
You've always been clear-headed. You've always known what to do and how to do it. You've always just had that kind of mind that Izumi used to croon about. But when you open your eyes and see nothing, you can't help but think that nothing's ever been so nebulous before.
And it scares you, the fact that you have absolutely no idea what you're going to do now, without him. Of course the idea of revenging him seems rather appealing to you, but you know that after you pass out on your desk, you're going to dismiss the idea.
In your fuzzy mind, you briefly wonder what it is that Izumi would want you to do.
The answer almost sends you reeling but your mind is just too far gone to give life to the action.
Save the children.
You're not too certain about much right now, but you're convinced about that.
And before the darkness envelops you completely, you're positive about something else.
Without Izumi, nothing would be the same again.
I know the massive age difference between Yuka and Izumi is rather cringe-worthy, but you can't blame me for liking the guy, right? Um, the events here are almost dead-on canon, if only the timing of the events are a little shifted around. Question: Kazu is eleven years older than Izumi, right?
This is kinda weird and I've never written in second person before but I didn't like the way it turned out when I tried writing it in third person. It was too - impersonal. Anyway, hope you liked. (I know this is short compared to my other stuff but it was hard to expand on. Ahem, epic fail for me. Being on vacation melted my brain.)
Expect something else random to be posted by me tomorrow or in two days. :D (You can tell I'm a happy nut right now.)
I saw an awkward turtle on my vacation. It was kinda awesome. :D I shall call it Norman.
My Hopeless Romantic