Book Faces

^^ Yesh, Axy finally wrote another CommanderShipping fic ! Not very fluffy, and not very long, but ahh, it's to the point. =D


Harlan gently bit on the eraser of his pencil. Erasers never tasted good, but it was a habit that he had developed over the years while working under Maxie. The job required skills, patience, and partial insanity, and Harlan had gained all of these traits over the years. Was it because of Maxie ? A little. Mr. Team Magma Boss (Sir) demanded that Mr. Commander Man of Team Magma (Harlan) assist him in a variety of activities, which included helping him cheat in golfing, cleaning his bloody hockey sticks, and preparing him for the inevitable conclusion that he would never successfully own Groudon Pinball. As peculiar as it seems, however, Maxie wasn't the reason why Harlan was who he was today. His boss was only the tip of the iceberg.


A poofy red-haired woman with a blue towel wrapped around her head slipped into the seat next to Harlan. A grin spread across her face as she punched her seat buddy's arm in greeting. This isn't how you're supposed to act in a library, but Shelly didn't care. She always acted like this - in public, in private, in her sleep while she squeezed her pillow of anti-Twilight. As usual, she ignored the librarian who glared at her from across the tables and punched Harlan in the arm again. " Well ? Answer my frickin' question, dumb-ass, " she commanded, her fingers tapping on the table.

There was no point in trying to avoid her. If he didn't answer her question here, he'd have to endure even more embarrassment somewhere else where he didn't need to be embarrassed. He slowly placed his magazine down on the table, followed by the pencil that he had pocketed from the floor earlier. Eye contact was necessary with Shelly. She was always up to something. Most of the time, that something was bad, and there was no need to wreak havok in a public library where innocent people lurked. So, being Harlan, he just scratched his head as he pointed to the magazine. " I'm reading, " he replied. " I found this magazine in one of the bookcases. I never knew Ranger Rick was so knowledgable until today. "

Shelly rolled her eyes. " You're so stupid, " she murmured. " Ranger Rick is for kids, not for twenty-year-olds who always wear hoodies because they think they're fashionable. " Tap, tap, tap, her fingers stroked the edge of the table. She gazed at Harlan smugly. " Besides, did you know that the greatest book in the universe is on the Internet ? "

".....If this is another trick involving hentai, I'm gonna get angry. "

" Of course not. This is better than you seeing chains and girly lingerie on men. " The woman looked in both directions before cupping her hand over Harlan's ear and whispering to him, " I'm tellin' ya, Lanny, it's awesome, even awesomer than that stupid hag of a librarian. "

" I can hear you, you know, " the librarian mumbled loudly enough for Shelly to hear while hiding her face behind a Shakespeare book.

" Yeah, well, I can hear you, too, sooooo....SHUDDUP, YOU STUPID, OLD HAG ! "

Harlan sweatdropped. The librarian continued to glare. Shelly started to snicker under her breath, only infuriating the librarian more. This was why Harlan had become someone he had not intended to be. He couldn't help it - Shelly would always be his girlfriend, though she did sneak off to play air hockey with Archie sometimes. She just had a loud mouth, and nothing could be done about that.

.....Still, something could be done about her heated battles with the librarian.

They both shared the large wheely-chair in Shelly's rec room. She had one leg over Harlan's leg, and the other sticking out, foot kicking the small trash can. The sight was somewhat disturbing, but all Harlan was thinking about at that moment was what book Shelly was talking about. Books were copied on the Internet, but what book could be greater than any of Ranger Rick's magazines ?

Facebook popped onto the screen. Shelly grinned triumphantly. " See ? This is the greatest book on the Earth. It's called Book Faces, and it can do everything from contacting people to getting you arrested by the F.B.I. ! "

"....Why would you want to be arrested ? "

Shelly shrugged. " Dunno. Archie says it's good for conspiracy collaborations with the government. It's easier to take over the world....or somethin' like that. Hell, you know I've been arrested before. " She held up two fingers. " Twice. Damn, that was one of the best two weeks of my life. Who knew jail food was good ? "

Harlan shook his head disbelieving. He knew the greatest book on the planet was too good to be true, and he should've known that Shelly didn't know what she was talking about. She barely read anything. Her copies of the manual for Team Aqua were scribbled with crayons on hot days. The books he gave her for her last birthday were used as Christmas firewood. Why should anything be different ?

He sighed and placed a hand on Shelly's shoulder. It was better to tell her now and destroy her happiness than to tell her later and get his ass kicked for not telling her earlier. " Um, Shelly, I don't know how to tell you this, but....this isn't a book. It's a website. And it's not Book Faces. It's Facebook. "

Pause. " Well, why isn't it Book Faces ? Are the people frickin' idiots or somethin' ? Am I sure you ain't pulling my leg, Lanny ? "

" I'm sure. "

" Damn. Archie's gonna be mad at you when he figures this out. "

" Why me ? "

Shelly looked up at Harlan innocently. " Because I conned him out of fifty bucks, " she replied, leaning against Harlan's chest, " and because I made a Facebook account with your name. " She chuckled evilly, tugging on Harlan's hood. " Isn't being romantic great ? "

" Noooo....." And he buried his face in his hands, dreading the day after this one, knowing that he had to deal with another insane person.....

.....Only this insane person wasn't the woman he loved.