Character/Pairing: Uhura/Spock, Kirk, McCoy, Sarek, Amanda
Summary: Spock finally confronts the inevitable.
'Yes Bones, what is it?' Kirk looked over at his intercom, momentarily pausing his conversation with Spock, who stood before his desk, hands clasped behind his back.
'Jim, I'm gonna have to cancel dinner. Ny just showed up and wants to talk. Looks like she had a fight with that Vulcan bastard she married.'
'Uhhhh….' Kirk glanced over at Spock in time to witness his stone façade slip.
McCoy cut the connection off with a quick 'Thanks, Jim. Talk to you later.'
Kirk closed his mouth and let the awkward silence lay between them. He wanted Spock to fill in the gaps and he wasn't going to push the situation. As usual, though, Spock had a way of testing people's patience. And Kirk was feeling tested for sure.
Exasperated, Kirk said, 'Look Spock, I need you to talk to me. Do I have to make it an order? Is that what you need?'
Spock had been standing there for some time, certainly longer than socially accepted within human circles. He had restored his face to its customary blankness, but now his eyes dropped to the floor and he asked, 'Jim, may I speak plainly? As…as a friend?'
Kirk's stomach clenched with worry as he realized how serious this fight must've been with Uhura for Spock to wind up in here. He waited for him to continue, watching Spock's face closely for any hint of emotion.
'I have avoided Nyota for several weeks regarding our wedding plans. I…find myself at a crossroads both personally and professionally and I am uncertain on how to proceed.'
'But Spock, you've already married her back on Lycaon IV. I don't understand why you'd hesitate to go through what's essentially just a matter of course.'
'No, Jim. It is more. My father and T'Pau have to verify and recognize the bond as well.' Spock stopped and took a deep breath, 'The antidote has not worked.'
'Whaaaat?! When did this happen? Leonard said that you'd know right away and it's been weeks…'
'I know that, Captain. However, I had to be sure and so waited longer to see if the antidote would be effective. It has only suppressed my ability to shift.'
'Oh jeez, Spock. Bones is going to flip when he finds out.' Kirk rubbed his forehead, dreading the conversation. 'No wonder he's been at me lately, trying to make you go to Sickbay. Shit, he must've known something was up…'
'Captain, I am resigning my position effective immediate.'
'What?!! Spock, what the hell are you doing?!' He looked up at him stunned, not anywhere near recovered from the news that the antidote failed and yet here was Spock trying to resign.
Kirk snapped, 'Believe me, Spock. This is very much off the record. And no, you can't resign! Denied!' He frowned angrily at the Vulcan, who only calmly raised his eyebrows in response.
'I understand, Jim. However, I do not think you fully understand the implications. If Starfleet is made aware that they have an emotionally and physically compromised officer serving aboard the Enterprise, they are within their right to do as they wish with me. They could ground me or dismiss me.'
'Like hell! I'd never allow it.' He pressed his lips tight, trying to clamp down his agitation for Spock's sake.
'Jim. Please. I appreciate what you would do to help me. But there is also the matter of Section 31.'
'What?!' he sputtered. Damnit, Kirk thought, he had to stop sounding like an imbecile. 'Section 31 is a joke, Spock. An old wives' tale for gossipy captains.'
'Do not equivocate, Captain. I know you have your suspicions regarding the events on Lycaon IV and I share them. If knowledge of my transition were to become widespread…' Spock looked away, 'I am not comfortable with people knowing my status.'
'Well, we don't have to say anything. They don't need to know…..'
'I cannot lie. I cannot ask every one to lie for me either. I have not told Nyota yet.' Spock looked down at the floor, studying his boots. 'Neither have I told my parents. If I do, there is a possibility that I would be declared v'tosh ka'tur…a Vulcan without logic…and exiled. My marriage bond to Nyota would not be recognized.'
'But…Spock. Who would do that to you?'
'Captain, there are many Vulcans who do not embrace IDIC, some in my own family. And as illogical as such actions are, there is a great deal of political maneuvering within the family. Sarek's position would become exceptionally vulnerable.'
Kirk sat back in his chair, genuinely stumped as to how he could help his friend navigate such a minefield. 'Spock, I know one thing. Nyota loves you. And I've seen the two of you together. You make a great team, you guys really do. You've got to talk to her and go over your options together, then go from there. And talk to your parents, Spock. I don't believe for a second that they wouldn't work round the clock to protect you. And you can be damned sure that I'll be doing the same on my end.'
Spock was still studying his boots.
'Damnit Spock. It'll work. I'll make this work.' He leaned forward as Spock slowly raised his head and looked back at him.
'I know, Jim. You have my gratitude for your optimism.'
Tapping his stylus on his palm, Kirk added, 'You need to tell McCoy. In fact, you need to tell him as soon as you leave me. Understood? You know he'll want to plunge back into the labs to find out where he went wrong.' He narrowed his eyes at Spock, 'And I take it the decision to re-up for the next five year mission is contingent on what answers we find?'
Spock nodded his assent, 'Nyota and I planned to do so after our wedding, but all remains in doubt now.'
Kirk dismissed Spock with some well-meaning reassurances, but privately admitted to himself that there would be a long road ahead for everyone.
'It wasn't a fight, Len. Spock doesn't fight. It's too damned illogical.' Uhura folded her arms and leaned back in her chair with a frustrated sigh. McCoy propped his feet up on his desk and put his hands behind his head stretching a bit.
'No, he just ignores you. Like he's been ignoring me.'
'He has? Why?' Uhura frowned.
'Been trying to get him down here for a follow up. Told Kirk that he'd better get on him or else I will. So what's his problem?'
'I don't know! I've been working my butt off on this damn wedding for weeks and I need help. I contacted Lady Amanda expecting that she'd have the details of who's in the groom's party so I can make arrangements for them at home--then, I come to find out that Spock hasn't talked to her since Lycaon! God, that was embarrassing. So when I asked him about it, he gave me the old two-step and said he needed to meditate.' Uhura sighed. 'I'm sooo tired! And stressed!' She leaned forward and put her forehead on the edge of the desk.
At that moment, the door to McCoy's office slid open to admit Spock, who stepped inside, and put his hands behind his back. He fixed his cool gaze at some point over McCoy's head.
McCoy's eyes narrowed, 'Well, what do you want? Did Jim finally tell you to come down here?'
'Yes, Doctor, as a matter of fact, he did and what I have to tell you pertains to you both. Though I would have preferred to tell you each separately.'
McCoy put his feet on the floor and muttered, 'Kill two birds with one stone? Perfectly logical.'
'What is it Spock?' Uhura lifted her head from her arms, looking at him worried. She could feel nothing of him through the bond and couldn't read his face; the knowledge chilled her.
'The antidote failed.'
McCoy shot to his feet, incensed, 'What?! Why the hell didn't you tell me this weeks ago?!'
Spock finally returned Uhura's stunned stare and apologized to her, in Vulcan, for avoiding her and not telling her immediately.
'Why, Spock? Why did you wait?' She felt the sting of tears as she answered him back in Vulcan.
'I was weak. And ashamed. I want to give you everything, k'dwa. But this is no longer possible. If you choose to walk away....from me. From us...I would not stop you.'
'Damnit, Spock! Why do you do this to me?! Why do you give up so easily? Why don't you fight for us?' She stood from her chair in distress, her hand covering her face to hide her tears. She turned from Spock and faced the wall, trying and failing to compose herself.
McCoy just stood there watching them, hands on his hips, his anger fading into bleak concern as his two friends volleyed back and forth. He thought back to his earlier warning to Spock when he'd given him the antidote--that if it didn't cure Spock, he'd become a carrier and any children he had with Nyota would suffer the same fate.
McCoy went over to Uhura and handed her a tissue for her tears. 'Here, darlin'. It'll be okay. You'll see.' He took her in his arms and held her as she started to sob into his chest. He looked over her head at Spock, who was openly frowning at them. 'Spock, just let me run a few more tests on you and I can get going again on what's wrong...'
'I should inform you that the antidote was not a complete loss. It did suppress my symptoms. And I thank you Doctor...for I do appreciate your efforts on my behalf. However, would you carry out the research on your own? I do not want others to know of the antidote's failure.'
McCoy winced a little when Spock said 'failure', but then Uhura lifted her head from McCoy's chest, her cries having quieted. Spock watched her for a moment then extended his two fingers towards her. 'Attend me, my wife.'
She thanked McCoy with a teary smile and an affectionate pat on the chest, then, after a second's hesitation, reached out to Spock to touch his fingers with her own.
McCoy watched them leave then sat heavily down into his chair suddenly drained. He wiped his face with both hands and then decided that maybe it wasn't too late to join Jim for a nightcap.
Uhura dropped her hand from Spock's as they walked through Sickbay and out into the corridor trying to ignore the looks from the medical team. And from Christine. Her eyes felt hot and puffy from crying. She was numb, but mostly from the tension that had been released after building up for so long. She looked over at Spock, his mouth and eyebrows set in a grim line.
She didn't know which to be more upset about: that he didn't tell her what happened or that he started shutting her out. She was still practicing her Vulcan mind exercises, but she didn't always have the strength or the ability to reach out to Spock through the bond. It was so easy for him to just cut her off with nothing.
They were in his quarters and she sat down behind his desk and folded her arms. 'I'm not going to walk away from you Spock. But I'm not going to be hurt like this every time you decide you can't handle human emotions. You used to be able to talk to me….'
'Nyota, I made a mistake. One that I will endeavor to not make again. Will you believe me?' He walked over and knelt down beside her. He took her hand and stroked the back of it, 'K'hat'n'dlawa, it will be harder than I thought. I may be exiled for what I have become, not to mention that our children would suffer this burden as well. I could not bear for you to suffer such a stigma.'
She turned to face him, 'Spock, I love you! I made a commitment to you a long time ago. Nothing's changed that—not even this. Why do you think I agreed to marry you when we were on Lycaon? I could've said no, but I didn't. Don't shut yourself off from me, Spock. I need to know what you're going through.' She put her other hand on top of Spock's.
He closed his eyes and let his shields down, opening the bond to her. She cried as she felt his emotions sweep into her mind. His dread as he realized the antidote hadn't worked. His growing shame and embarrassment. Fear of disappointing her and despair at losing her. Love for her. And now concern as she began crying harder at the revelation of his emotions.
Spock hugged her close, then stood and gathered her in his arms to kiss her gently on her lips. He kissed each tear stain under her eyes, tasting the salt. He tucked her head under his chin and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her as she continued crying into his chest.
'I need to feel you Spock. I know we'll have fights. We've had plenty of disagreements already. But you don't need to shut me out. You're not just off by yourself anymore. You have me. We're supposed to rely on each other.' She drew deep, calming breaths.
'I am sorry, Nyota, for hurting you. I truly am. I only meant to spare you more pain.' He looked down at her and wiped a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. Then he placed another gentle kiss on her lips, intending to lead her to his bed so she could rest.
Uhura had other ideas though and she opened her mouth under his tentatively, hoping that he would respond. It had been a long time for them. A long time in not sharing each others bodies and she needed Spock's touch. The bond, revitalized by their physical intimacy, practically sang as Spock slid his tongue into her mouth. New emotions, made even stronger by Spock's disciplined denial, swarmed Uhura, sending an electric current through her body. Want, need, lust. She was overwhelmed by how much he had missed her and yearned for her company.
Spock broke their kiss, 'It was illogical to have kept us parted. How could I have denied us from feeling this?'
'I know you wanted to keep from hurting me, but you only wound up hurting yourself too.' She stroked the side of his face, then traced a finger from his sensual lips to the very tip of his ear. 'Do you know what I want, Spock?'
'Nyota, I know you intimately.' Spock murmured softly before kissing her again. His hands were on her breasts now, thumbs grazing her hardened nipples through her uniform before lowering down along her back. Her ass filled his hands in a very pleasing manner he decided, and then slipped under the hem of her skirt to explore her further. He dragged her red underwear down, relishing in her cool, smooth skin against his palms. He pulled her close, so she could feel how hard his cock had become and she rolled her hips against him.
They kissed each other, tongues darting and flicking against each other, savoring the other's taste and feel. Uhura lowered the zipper on Spock's pants and pulled his cock out gently. Spock groaned as she squeezed and stroked his length. Their bodies and minds aflame, he picked her up and brought her to his bed.
Not bothering to remove their clothes, he laid her down and quickly settled between her spread legs. He pushed her red skirt up past her hips. They kissed again briefly as she guided him into her and he began bucking into her impatiently. Under his shirt, she scraped his back with her fingernails as he pumped long, hard strokes into her. His boots dug into the bed, gaining traction for him to thrust faster as she lifted her hips to meet him. Their eyes were closed, as if to protect from the intensity of both the physical and mental sensations.
Suddenly, Spock grabbed each of her wrists and pulled them over her head, pinning her arms to the bed. His pace slowed and she opened her eyes in surprise to look up at Spock. His intent black eyes were staring back down at her, 'Am I fulfilling your needs, Nyota?' He punctuated his words with a stroke that made her gasp. 'Tell me. Tell me how you love me. That you are only for me.'
'Yes! God, yes! I love you Spock! Please fuck me, please don't stop. I'm yours, baby. Only for you.' She keened as he renewed his quick pace, arching up powerfully against Spock as her orgasm ripped through her body and mind, triggering Spock's own loud and groaning release.
Later, much, much later, after Spock woke her with a steaming cup of Vulcan tea, Uhura sat next to him as he contacted his parents on Vulcan. She sipped her tea and asked him what time it was over there.
'It is late at night. I imagine that my father will not be pleased for contacting them at such a time.'
It was Lady Amanda who answered after several beeps, the room was dark and her hair down. She squinted at them and then her eyes widened as she realized who was calling.
'Wait, just one moment, you two. Let me get him from the study.' She left the screen, calling softly for Sarek.
Spock looked over at Uhura, his eyebrows raised in surprise, 'She seems to be expecting us.'
'Well, I think she knew something was up when I contacted her earlier. Mother's intuition I'm sure.'
Sarek and Amanda came back into the screen and sat down, with Sarek speaking first, 'Tell me what has happened, Spock.'
**Ok. I'm ending it like this because I plan on picking up the thread in future stories. I'm thinking first of the bridal shower, the bachelor party, the wedding and honeymoon.**