When the Colonel catches a cold, there is no escaping the flames. Luckily there is only one person unafraid of flames….

Dedicated to my good friend Techno who gave me the sudden inspiration.

I don't own FMA.


The weather rarely changed in the eastern range of Amestres. It was hot all year round. The summer was too hot and the winter was too wet. It was far too hot for snow in the winter. Not that any of it mattered. Rain or snow, it was still water and it was still bad for Colonel Roy Mustang. It was a common fact that water made him useless and in an argument it cropped up more than once usually. He hated to be useless but what could he do. To use powerful alchemy he had to accept the only weakness, no matter how annoying it seemed to be.

It was raining one night while Mustang and his subordinates where on an overnight mission. They were on the outskirts of a small town just outside the Ishbal region. Mustang was not impressed by the whole situation He was sat under a tent on a roof of a building waiting for guy to come out of the building opposite to have a smoke. The rain was pounding down on the tent that he, Hawkeye and Havoc were crouched under. It was so heavy the tent was dripping.

"Damn the Eastern winter," he muttered as the tenth drop of rain hit him on his head. Hawkeye gave him a glare to tell him to be quiet. She then returned to looked through the binoculars she had brought. She could see their target now. He was supposed to be the biggest Gang Leader in the whole of the Eastern Region. He went by the name of the Panther due to the rather large Panther tattoo on his right arm. He was dark haired and wore his hair up in a ponytail. She couldn't make him out that much but it was definitely the man they were after. She passed the binoculars onto Mustang who took them grudgingly. He stared at the man.

"That's him alright," he said a few minutes later, "Can you take him out from here?"

"Easily, sir," Hawkeye replied reaching for her sniper gun that was laid at the side of her. She had it in position in a matter of seconds. Mustang turned to Havoc.

"Go and tell Falman and Breda to get ready," Mustang ordered. Havoc saluted and disappeared. Mustang turned to Hawkeye again. "Take his legs out."

"Yes, sir," she replied. She found her target then pulled the trigger. The Panther crumpled to floor screaming and clutching his leg. His body guards immediately jumped into effect. They began wildly shooting around them at anything that moving, all the time shouting 'Sniper'. Hawkeye casually looked through the binocular of her gun to watch the body guards. She pulled the trigger as soon as she got a lock on a none-vital area of their body. Soon there was no one standing. Hawkeye watched as Breda and Havoc wrapped up the scene arresting everyone lying on the floor.

"Not a bad night's work, eh Lieutenant?" Mustang asked his second in command. She glanced at him with a small smile on her face, the kind that she would only show to him.

"What a touching moment," came a voice from behind them. There was no time to freeze. Hawkeye swung her gun round the tent so she could aim at the owner of the voice but she was too slow. A foot pushed her hands to the ground, making her drop her gun over the edge of the building. The foot belonged to a man. He was heavily tattooed and he was holding a revolver, aiming at her head. He then looked to Mustang who hadn't made the effort to move. A twisted smile wormed its way onto the man face.

"It seems such a shame to blow the brains out of such a beautiful woman," the man said, "I'm torn. Shoot the girl or shoot the guy? Well I would like a little bit of fun with the girl, actually."

"Sir?" Hawkeye asked. It wasn't a question more of a prompt for him to hurry up and help her. Mustang smiled.

"You're picking on the wrong subordinate of the wrong Colonel," he said. He got to his feet ready to click his finger when the guy shot the tent over Mustang's head. The tent ripped and a gush of water landed on top of him. The Colonel muttered only a minor expletive before being pushed to the ground by the body of the grunt.

They were scrambling in the rain trying to punch the other as hard as possible. After a few minutes when it seemed that the Colonel was loosing and the grunt was on top of him, there was a sudden bang as Hawkeye shot the grunt in the back. The grunt fell to the side screaming in agony. The Lieutenant lent her hand to the Colonel.

"You should be more careful in the rain, sir," she said, "You're useless if you get wet."

"Thank you, Lieutenant, I'll remember that in future," Mustang said in reply.


"So you came back from the South empty handed?" the Colonel asked his subordinate, Edward Elric, with a rather cocky grin on his face.

"It's not like we had a choice," Edward snapped in reply. He was sat cross legged on the sofa in Mustang's office with his younger brother, Alphonse sat next to him. The brothers were trying to restore their bodies (or body parts) they had lost in a failed human transmutation. So far they had been unsuccessful. Mustang only grinned as Al told off his brother for speaking to the Colonel in that way.

"In any case…" Mustang paused. Both of the Elric brothers looked at him. Mustang only held up a hand. "Sorry. I thought I was going to sneeze. Like I was saying, I any case, you returned without your original bodies and a bill for damages from a small town in the South. Do you know how much trouble you cause? This could take me weeks to clear up in paperwork!"

"You've been doing paperwork for years so I guess you should be used to it then," Ed replied with a grin. Mustang was about to answer back when he suddenly sneezed.

Lieutenant Hawkeye wasn't one for interrupting the Colonel when he was talking to the Elrics but today she had to deliver some very important paperwork to him while Ed and Al were still in the office. She opened the office door and walked into the room, ever so quietly so not to disturb the conversation. However when she looked round the room Ed was on his stomach on the floor in front of the sofa looking slightly flabbergasted. Al was sat in his seat looking quite charcoaled. She glanced at Mustang who was rubbing his nose.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" she asked. Ed was up on his feet.

"You tried to kill me!" he yelled, "And you covered it up with a fake sneeze!"

"Sorry, Fullmetal," the Colonel said with an ever so slight smile on his face, "Honestly it was an accident."

"Yeah, it's a good job that Al's made out of metal otherwise he'd be a pile of ash right now!" Ed roared.

Hawkeye sighed as she placed the paperwork on the desk in front of the Colonel. She gave him a worried glance before taking a step towards him and putting her hand on his forehead. She paused. Ed's anger seemed to subside as he watched the Lieutenant. Mustang seemed to freeze in his seat.

"It seems you have a temperature, sir," she stated.

"Nah," Mustang said, "I'm always slightly warmer than everyone else."

"Yeah," Ed said, "And he's slightly more annoying than everyone else."

Again Mustang went to answer but all he could do was sneeze. Luckily for Ed this time, Lieutenant Hawkeye yanked his collar pulling him out of the way of the on coming fire ball. Ed groaned as his little brother was engulfed in flames a second time.

"Al?" Ed said after the flames subsided, "You ok?"

"Sometimes having a body of steal comes in handy," Al replied happily. Lieutenant Hawkeye rounded on Mustang.

"You are sick," she said.

"No, I'm fine," Mustang said holding up both hands.

"Do you always breathe fire when you sneeze?" she asked, her tone becoming more criticizing with each word.

"I don't usually sneeze," Mustang replied. Hawkeye sighed again.

"Pack up your things, sir," she said, "You're even more of a liability now."

"What do you mean even more?" he snapped back. She only glanced back at him as she walked towards the door.

"It seems you're not only useless in the rain but also the rain makes you ill," she replied, "Pack up your things and I'll take you home."

Mustang didn't have time to complain since Hawkeye left the room so quickly. Instead he turned to Ed who was grinning.

"Wow," Ed said, "She's getting more like your wife everyday."

"Brother," Al muttered getting up from his seat before it crumbled beneath him, "You shouldn't say such things. Lieutenant Hawkeye is like Teacher. If she hears you say things like that then she will hurt you."

"That is true," Ed said with a nod, "But then again, if it ruffles Mustang's feathers, then it's worth it."

"It doesn't ruffle my feather, Fullmetal," Mustang said with a grin, "As a matter of fact I used to live with the Lieutenant."

Ed's jaw literally fell to the floor upon hearing this. Even Al seemed to be surprised too.

"When?" Ed asked. Mustang rose from his chair and started to gather up the paper on his desk.

"Oh, it was years ago when we were both kids," Mustang said happily, "The number of times she fell asleep on the sofa and I had to carry her upstairs before her father found her. She was so cute."

"Who was cute, sir?" asked Hawkeye returning through the door with her coat on and holding his in her hand. Mustang quickly removed the smile off his face.

"No one, Lieutenant," he said quickly, "Keep out of trouble Fullmetal."

Ed didn't say anything until the Colonel and Hawkeye both left the room. He remained speechless for the rest of the day.


"Get yourself changed and get into bed," Hawkeye ordered as they reached the Colonel's apartment. He didn't say anything to complain. He was actually very happy that she was allowing him time off as well as looking after him. He did as he was ordered. Within a few minutes he was changed and in bed. She knocked on his door before entering with a tray of hot drinks.

"Honestly, Lieutenant," he said, "I'm quite capable of looking after myself. Besides, I'm not that sick."

"Hmm," she replied passing him a mug. "It's not how sick you are, it's the fire balls I'm worried about."

She left the room again only to return a few minutes later with a bucket full of water. He glanced at it then at her.

"Erm…Water?" he asked.

"In case you sneeze and set yourself on fire, sir," she replied. Mustang looked uneasily at the water. He had to admit she thought of everything. He smiled.

"Thanks, I guess," he said.

"If you don't mind, sir," she said, "I'm just going to pop home and get changed."

"Find with me," he said, "Take your time."

"Thank you, sir," she said. She left the room again. A few minutes later he heard the jangle of keys and the closing of the front door. Mustang looked at the bucket of water again. How he hated water. He looked out of his bedroom door.

"I wonder if she knows where to get asbestos handkerchiefs from," he thought.

She returned within half an hour wearing a blouse and skirt. Her hair was down since she was no longer at work. She had brought some supplied with her, although it wasn't much. She checked on the Colonel, who was reading an alchemy book in bed. He greeted her when she returned. His greeting was shortly followed by a sneeze and a yelp. She didn't both to ask.

She made dinner for both of them. Mustang was feeling much better within a few hours. He was sure he'd be up for work the following morning. It wasn't until nine o clock that evening when Mustang was relaxing in bed when he realised that Hawkeye had stopped fussing around in his living room. Cautiously he got out of bed and walked into the living room to check on her. She was laid on the couch, sound asleep. He looked her up and down, smiling to himself. He prodded her arm to wake her. She stirred.

"Is there something you need, sir?" she asked. He shook his head. He crept round the sofa and scooped her up in his arms. She was surprised by what he did but she didn't know what to say.

"Do you remember I used to take you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the couch?" he asked. Hawkeye blushed.

"You remember that?" she asked.

"Yeah," Mustang replied, "Ed was so shocked when I told him we used to live together."

"You told him?" she asked in a more annoyed way.

"He asked for it," Mustang replied. Hawkeye sighed.

"The only reason why I fell asleep on the sofa so much was because I knew it was you who would carry me to bed," she said. Mustang chuckled. He walked towards his bedroom carrying her.

"I'm not sleeping with you," she stated. Mustang placed on the bed. He grinned at her.

"I don't expect you to do anything else tonight, Lieutenant, but sleep," he replied with his signature play boy smile.

"Creep," she said. She didn't offer any more complaints as he climbed into bed next to her and pulled the covers over them both. She drifted off into a nice warm sleep while he lay for a while looking at the bucket full of water next to him. Maybe the rain wasn't so bad after all, he thought as he put his arms round her and fell asleep too.


"Hey, Chief," Havoc said as Mustang walked into the office the next morning, "I didn't expect to see you for a few days."

"Well my doctor seems to think I'm well enough," Mustang said, he looked at Hawkeye's desk which was empty. "Where is she?"

"I think we have a first," Havoc said, "The chief has actually beat Hawkeye into the office. So are you feeling better?"

"Yeah," Mustang said, "A good night's sleep has done me wonders. Now, where is Hawkeye?"

As the words left his mouth the door opened and the Lieutenant walked in through the door. She glanced at Mustang then at the other men. Havoc looked at the other men with a confused look on his face. Now something was definitely wrong here.

From out of the silence there was a sneeze. Everyone turned to the Colonel who shrugged. The door of the office swung open again. Ed walked through the door with Al following him. Ed didn't look so well. He sneezed again.

"Damn you, Colonel," he spluttered, "You've given me your damn cold."

"You know when you sneeze, it makes you look taller," Mustang said with a smile. Hawkeye only put her head in her hand as an argument between the two ensued.

The End

Sorry I had no idea what so ever how to end this. Hope you enjoyed, please R&R. Hard to believe I wrote this in two hours. Arg! I'm sad.

Techno: "Pop"

RS: Achoo!