"A TARDIS would be handy right about now," Rose quipped, watching the last shuttle leave the surface of the planet they were now hopelessly stranded on.
"Let me just pull one out of my arse," the Doctor responded with unexpected dry sarcasm, wrapping his hand around hers.
She glanced up at him, then back to the fading light in the purple-orange sky. "Jack could. Merry Christmas, by the way."
"Oh sure, Rose and I will work during the office party! We can monitor everything!" He slapped himself with his free hand. The one that had briefly belonged to another him on another Christmas day. "I was thinking…yaay! No boring small talk! Lots of wanton naughtiness in the monitoring room! I wasn't thinking… whoops, fall through a crack in the universe."
Rose shook her head. "Shouldn't you have?"
"Well, I wasn't expecting to fall through the crack in the universe while engaging in said wanton naughtiness."
She eyed him, then slid her hand out of his. "Then I guess I just don't know you any more."
His cheek twitched as darkness fell upon the primal landscape. "I knew you just a few--"
Her sharp, pointy, painful elbow connected with his side. "Unveiled innuendo. Not helping." She thought about it for a moment. "I won't say we used to get into less trouble. Before. But it was never something that could be avoided by not… you know. All the time."
The Doctor snorted as he began looking around at their environment and their resources, or lack there of. A jungle planet was a jungle planet was a jungle planet. "Fifty-eight percent of the time they could be avoided. That's not ALL the time. It's only… slightly more than half the time. And if we can find where those explorers shuttles were launched from, we should be able to find some left-over technology. Which means we should be able to find some way of communicating if the crack opens again."
Shoving his hands into his pockets, the Doctor began walking quickly toward the edge of the clearing that contained the least-dense foliage, assuming that was a good place to start. "When. I mean when. Of course I mean when .Why wouldn't I mean when?"
Rose clomped after him, arms slid awkwardly behind her back, still trying to hook her bra closed from before this all stared. "Because of the time my mother had to save us from Cybermen!"
"That was a fluke!" The Doctor called behind him, his voice nearly drown out by the night sounds of the foreign planet.
Rose finally gave up and slid the bra off and tossed it into some bit of shrubbery with enormous flat leaves. "Or the time that Millie from the mail room had to save us from garbage monsters!"
With his longer legs, the Doctor managed to put some distance between them, all with a few easy strides. "Doesn't count! We saved four solar systems that day!"
"And blew up the car park!" Rose started running to catch up.
"Incidental property damage!" He stopped and examined a square column camouflaged by some plants. "Which also is an example of how we got into–and out of–trouble without naughtiness being involved."
Out of breath, Rose stopped beside him. "Fifty-whatever percent is still too much percent."
Removing his not-so-sonic screwdriver from his pocket, he pulled away some of the plant life and popped open a panel. "They were tracking the energy produced by the crack, but they had no idea what it was. I may be able to get enough data from their records to figure out when the next ripple is coming through. Fifty-eight. I think the ratio is just proof that we need to do it more often."
"Um…no. Unless we want to increase our odds of certain death while doing things in public we really are too old to be doing in public."
"Hear me out. I figure if we just keep at it, but we're just terribly persistent, eventually, we'll get sick of each other." An information screen popped up, and the Doctor scrolled through the data files on the badly disguised terminal.
Rose leaned against the small column housing the terminal, and her uncontained breasts swayed a bit. The Doctor's eyes were locked on her chest, not on the numbers rushing by. "It'll be a good thing. It'll increase productivity by seventy-eight percent, troublesome field situations by fifty-eight and reduce the number of times Jackie walks in on us down to zero."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Rose shook her head. "Um… no." Waiting for the Doctor to get back on task, she took a quick look around. "So… why did the scientists take off so fast? I mean, when we're done scouting a location, it takes us hours and days to pull out. They were gone in seven and a half minutes."
The Doctor was, mercifully, back to looking at the numbers and trying to figure out the pattern, like a good Doctor ought to be doing. "I don't know," he muttered absently. "Evacuation drill? Real evacuation?"
"Evacuation?" Rose asked cautiously, looking at the slightly luminescent creature hovering over her discarded bra. Tapping the Doctor's arm, she pointed to the bipedal thing that looked like a giant glowing dog. "Maybe to get away from that?"
It threw her bra aside and focused its attention fully on Rose.
Before the creature could dart toward them, the Doctor grabbed her hand and they took off full-tilt through the woods.
"Maybe not more shagging," the Doctor offered in gulping, air deprived huffs as soon as they were behind the biggest, heaviest tree in their path. "Maybe just less near active cracks in reality?"
Rose peaked out from behind the tree, grabbed his wrist and they started running again. "Ya think?"
THE END… Maybe.