disclaimer: boomchakalaka. not mine, but i'll dominate someday...


Chocolate


Last night I had a dream that Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes proposed to me. My response?

Well duh, saying yes and crying into his arms of course. Although I do think if someone ever asked me to marry them my first reaction would be "What the fu—" and then I'd sort of just stand there like an idiot and make the entire situation even more awkward.

Not that anyone would propose to me. My fingers are like the size of those small weenie's that you put on a stick and eat as party dishes, so the possibility of getting a ring to fit on any of my fingers other than my thumb is zero.

It is a shame though. The entire dream was very lovely. Minus the crying. Except since it was a dream I cried like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. So it actually wasn't that bad.

"Please, just murder me and send me to Tim Burton. He'll understand what to do with my corpse." I groaned against the pillow. It actually smelled good though, aside from the little drool I left on it. I took Nel with me to the Laundromat and used a good dose of Downy on all my bed sheets. I could sniff this pillow all day.

My previous encounter with Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes wasn't so pleasant. For one thing, I am the most incoherent and misinterpreted female who wears Snoopy helmets, apparently I can't hold anything without dropping it or spilling it on something or someone, and I have no life.

Yes, this is the stuff that belongs on the headlines of newspapers.

Maybe I'm just awkward twenty four seven and become even more awkward once the person I like shows up. Ugh, he probably thinks I don't own a brain. Which I do, it just doesn't work when I'm around him. Like it goes into stand by mode and doesn't turn back on until I stop looking at his face…if that makes any sense.

"Sweetheart, you're never gonna get anywhere with an attitude like that." Matsumoto said, helping Hinamori make lunch for us.

Psshh. My attitude is completely and wholly optimistic. There is nothing but happy thoughts flowing through my head. I groaned again, but the sound came out more like a muffled dinosaur.

"You complain too much Rukia, you know that?" Momo stated, sounding a little preoccupied.

Ha, like I didn't know that before. The only response I could come up with was another muffled grunt of frustration. Why am I the only one in this stupid apartment that doesn't make any sense? If I'm that socially inept I might as well become a hermit and pretend the light burns me. Although it'd be very cool if I could sparkle. There's always Hello Kitty body glitter that I've got in the bathroom. Hmm…I might be a genius.

"There you go again with the attitude thing dear." Matsumoto commented, a smile in her tone.

I lifted my head and turned over on my back. Oh, I smell spaghetti. "My attempts at being witty are completely failing and I've recently spilled a smoothie on my possible love interest. If that's what you'd even call my perception of him." I sighed, snuggling deeper in the bed sheets that were on me. I had made my own bed on the living room couch and hadn't moved since I woke up, which was like three hours ago.

"I just think you're psycho." Hinamori mumbled, thinking I didn't hear her.

I jerked up, ready to throw a pillow at her and ended up getting whiplash from getting up too fast.

Matsumoto ignored us and started humming what I think was 'Single Ladies' .

Struggling to get up out of my cocoon of blankets and feeling wobbly already, I thought "Put a ring on it!"

I ended up rolling over and realizing mid-fall that I was, as expected, going to fall. Stupid hardwood floor.

I should've gotten carpet.

.X.o.X.o

I've gone a week and a half without seeing Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes. To be exact it'd be twelve days. That's good right? Maybe my clumsiness will wear off the next time I see him…if I ever see him again. What if I never see him again because he thinks I'm such a freak that can't speak and spills smoothies on people? Oh no! Why? I didn't do it on purpose!

Crap to the max.

Remember your breathing exercises Rukia. Breathe in, breathe out. Whew.

"Hello? Are you there? Rukia?" Renji asked, standing outside of the apartment building, talking through the speaker and waiting for me to buzz him in.

Yup. Tonight I am going to a party with Renji to try and improve my inept ways.

Not really.

Got you there didn't I?

But I digress…Renji just wants to go hang out with his loud obnoxious friends and is forcing me to join. Fun times.

I look like I'm attempting to show cleavage when all there is is just a flat collar bone dipping into an area where there's supposed to be 'tatas' as Nel calls them.

V necks only look good on people who have boobs and are somewhat curvy.

Which I am not…

"I'm here. Now shut up." I buzzed him in, searching for my apartment keys in my bag.

To my disadvantage, I am one of those people who have over ten keys on a small metal ring and take forever looking for that one needed key. Luckily, my apartment keys have Pokémon stickers on the top part.

Renji walked in, making me question how he knew the front door wasn't locked, and curiously said "You're wearing that?"

I scrunched up my nose in irritation. "Thanks fashion guru Renji, any suggestions?"

He laughed. "Untwist your panties and put tighter pants on and your leather jacket and then we're set."

My panties are not in a twist. Hmph.

Making it clear how I didn't want to get dressed again but knowing that what Renji wants Renji gets; I loudly sighed and trudged towards my room.

When I came back out he approvingly nodded and said "Much better. Now let's go."

It was only nine thirty when we left so I was hoping we'd leave the fun fest in an hour or so.

After a fifteen minute drive to lord knows where, Renji parked in front of a ginormous house with loud music and lights flashing different colors in the windows. Since when did I become a person who went to house parties?

Sensing my distress, Renji grabbed my hand and dragged me inside, not noticing as I kept tripping while walking towards the front door. How caring.

As soon as the front door opened I could feel the loud music blasting in my ears and pounding at my chest. Gosh, I'm probably gonna be deaf by the end of the night.

My first decision was that I regretted even walking into the stupid large oversized house.

Why?

Event 1) As soon as I got near the drinks Renji ditched me by giving me one of those "I'll be right back" moves.

So I stood there scanning the crowd of dancing college kids and watching as they 'bumped' and 'grinded'.

How vile. I thought, scrunching my nose up in disgust.

I stared at the punch bowl and served myself the pinkish red drink until it reached the top of the plastic cup. Why do I not trust this innocent drink? I have seen enough of those teen movies where those stupid teenagers get drunk off their ass because of spiked punch. Hmm, I'm definitely not one of those stupid teenagers. Eighteen year olds are totally wise.

I poured the drink back into the bowl and looked for something else. Oh, there's water… I think. Yeah, that's totally water. What else could it be?

Grabbing the pitcher full of water, I poured myself another plastic cup full.

A hand landed on my shoulder and I jumped, nearly spilling the contents in my cup all over myself.

I turned around and met a fairly, semi attractive face. Nothing compared to Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes of course. This kid looked really goofy though and had brown hair that was parted down the middle. "Hey, name's Keigo." He said with a bright smile.

I blinked at him. "…Hi?"

Gee creep, mind telling me why you're talking to me in the first place?

He laughed (Did I just say what I thought out loud?) and a boy shorter than him, around my height but taller than me, walked up next to him. "Don't mind him, Keigo's an idiot and feels really confident when he's drunk."

"Oh, no wonder his breath smells." I commented, thinking that it wasn't just the body odor in here that smelled horribly. The other guy smiled and nodded. "Name's Mizuiro." He said, holding his hand out for a handshake. What day and age did we revert back to? And since when were people this polite at house parties? Am I in the right universe?

Awkwardly, I shook it and tried to smile. "I'm Rukia…"

"Renji's friend?" Mizuiro asked, pouring himself some punch.

I nodded, watching as the partially drunk kid, Keigo, swayed from side to side with a lopsided grin and stared at me.

He reminds me of a ThunderCat with the way his hair is so wavy. Maybe he has claws…

"Yeah, Renji just ditched me and now I feel like some sort of creep just standing here watching people." I said, staring at my water and finally taking a large gulp of it.

Holy hell! My throat just went on fire! "What the hell kind of water is this?" I nearly screamed, coughing and hitting my chest.

Mizuiro laughed, although barely audible because of the loud thumping music in the background. "This definitely doesn't seem like your kinda place." He took my cup and dumped it on the floor beside me, ignoring the fact that it landed on Keigo's feet. Not that he minded. I'm pretty sure he was up in his own little world.

I nearly had to strain my ears with the few words the new person, Mizuiro was saying. Gosh does this guy seem to know what he's talking about.

"What do you mean?" I shouted, feeling like an idiot. I swear if I start yelling when the music stops I am so walking out of here.

Smiling, Mizuiro sipped at his drink. "I'm just saying that…" You see, I would've known what he was talking about after that but I think I just drowned in a pool of drool and shock because for one thing, Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes had just walked in through the front door, and for the second thing, the stupid obnoxious music was causing me to go deaf in both ears.

"Uh huh." I nodded, mouth agape and pretending I was listening to Mizuiro when I was actually following every step Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes was taking inside the house…with a girl he had his arm on!!!!

Event 2) Stupid, stupid idiotic college kids and their random ideas of throwing stupid footballs inside of a house!

Still not paying attention to Mizuiro—well I tried to but once he started using hand gestures for something I stopped— my heart probably imploded with the sight I had just seen.

Amidst saying "Uh huh" again to chatter box Mizuiro and feeling moronic and teary eyed because of Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes and his might be undoubtedly beautiful girlfriend, the most unexpected thing happened that night.

"Hey Keigo! Here it comes!" Someone shouted over the music, standing with a group of friends across the room.

I am a delayer of my own reactions.

But I do recall that as this was happening and a flying ball was soaring through the air, I caught Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes, glancing at me.

OH GOSH! SOMETHING JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE!

AND IN FRONT MR. SPECTACULAR AMBER BROWN-ISH EYES AND HIS MIGHT BE UNDOUBTEDLY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND!

.X.o.X.o.

I…I think I blacked out.

My head hurts like a bitch. What just happened?

My eyes were still shut and I groaned, trying to snuggle up to an unfound pillow.

Why is my bed so flat and uncomfortable?

"Is she waking up?"

"Think so." Giggling? Guys giggle? "She looks constipated."

"M-Momo?" I asked, rubbing at my head and trying to get up.

Why does it smell like sweaty people and alcohol?

I blinked my eyes open. "OH MY GOD!" That wasn't a good idea. I just hit my head on the wall behind me. Where did that wall come from?

"Hey!" A few people around me shouted in surprise.

Obviously I was wide eyed and had the expression of a shocked smurf. "WHERE AM I? AND WHY AM I ON THE FLOOR?" I screamed, staring up at the group of people surrounding me.

"Calm down sister, you're safe with us." Someone answered, his expression mellow and apparently happy.

Sister? Who is he calling sister? I'm not his sister! I don't know him!

"She looks like a cornered mouse." Was that Keigo? "Come here little mouse girl." Oh, yes. That's Keigo and his stupid goofy smile and his wavy ThunderCat hair, offering his hand to me.

I slapped it away angrily. I am not a mouse girl! I do not eat cheese off the floor! Although I did do that once…but that was in second grade and someone dared me to! Plus I got a quarter for doing that…

"Settle down Rukia, you just got hit in the face by a football." IN FRONT OF MR. SPECTACULAR AMBER BROWN-ISH EYES. NOT FAIR. "You're fine. You just got knocked out for a while." Renji said, popping out of nowhere and kneeling by my side, placing a hand on my head.

Where the heck have you been, traitor?

Pshh, leaving me to fend for myself with these morons. "Ow." I replied, glaring at him and massaging my head.

"Rukia! How many fingers am I holding up?" Asked Keigo, his hands suddenly in my face.

"I can't see them." I huffed, blinking again.

"Oh no! She's blind!" A girl gasped from behind him. Keigo gasped as well and sort of flailed around in front of me.

"I'm fine." But my head hurts and I'm going to put a chimpanzee down somebody's pants if I don't get out of here.

I looked up at the crowd that was still surrounding me, although some leaving and deciding I was fine. Geez, I didn't die if that's what they were waiting for.

Although I might as well have since I just got smacked in the face by a FOOTBALL in front of MR. SPECTACULAR AMBER BROWN-ISH EYES!

"Are you sure you feel okay?" Mizuiro asked, standing beside me and looking down at me with a bit of a smile on his face.

My only response was: "WHO THE HELL HIT ME IN THE FACE?"

.X.o.X.o.

It turns out no one manned up to saying who hit me. Thus I'm not ever going to a party until I find the culprit…

Of course I would've gone home that night, yelling at Renji while driving me home for this lovely night, miserable.

But I definitely would've felt a lot better if, while walking out the door and having Renji give me a piggy back ride (simultaneously cooing at me and mocking me), I didn't see Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes and the girl he walked in with beside him, watching me (Mr. SABishE, not his stupid might begirlfriend) with an amused smirk on his face as I was being lugged to the car.

What the hell is he looking at?

Shouldn't he be wondering if I'm fatally injured or suffering from severe trauma of losers who don't know how to throw a stupid football?

WELL?

I'd feel and think angrier if the girl Mr. Spectacular Amber Brown-ish Eyes isn't so beautiful. I'm not saying she's drop dead gorgeous. She just has nice black spiky hair, a pair of knockers that seem to look good on her and not fake (I think), and a better body than I have, and a tomboyish, tough appearance that just makes men want to run to her or possibly away from her. I even saw Renji stare at her for longer than ten seconds. That never happens unless we're window shopping together and he sees capes.

The girl does look like she can beat up anyone though. I'm glad I'm not some crazy bitch who runs her mouth nonstop and then ends up in some intense cat fight. Why do they even call it a cat fight? Women aren't even cats. They're just men with occasionally larger butts and large front areas. Plus we bleed from an unwanted area…Too much info? Yeah I think that's a bit too much…

When I got home it was almost ten fifty and I was ready to bust out The Little Mermaid and bitch like the adult that I am about Ariel falling in love way too fast. Honestly, hasn't she thought of divorce problems? What if Prince Eric turns out to be some cheating jerk that just wants sex and leaves her because he sees some hotter babe like Lady Gaga? Also, Ariel is only sixteen! Who does she think she is, Jamie Lynn Spears?

Kids these days!

Interrupting my thoughts, someone knocked the door and I jumped.

Gosh, I live in a world of bats. It's eleven and I am trying to watch Disney movies. Doesn't anyone understand who crucial to my day that is?

"Who is it?" I shouted, wrapping my Harry Potter blanket around myself and attempting to get off the couch

"Hi, does Rukia Kuchiki live here?" Well this definitely isn't Renji. He never sounds this flustered when talking to me.

I blinked and opened the door, meeting an unfamiliar face.

"Who the hell are you?"


a/n: i love classic coca cola bottles. i have one. amazinggggggg. anyway, yes. took me forever to update, but whatevs. the story goes on. horrendous? atrocious? totally fantabulous? wonderfully yummy? push my favorite button to let it go on. mhm. you got it. go right ahead babycakes.