Disclaimer: ResistanceIsNotFutile does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.
Chapter 1: The Beginning
It was a dark and gloomy day as several figures hurried through the pounding rain.
"Why did Nemesis have to sign us up for this Therapy class," Emperor Palpatine grumbled as he and Darth Vader entered into the therapy room.
"I think Nemesis gave me a clip board with the answers on it," Vader replied as he pulled out the clip board. He then held it up so that they could both read it.
Vader: You're in therapy because of your problem with choking people and your anger problems. If you need any other reasons just watch Revenge of the Sith.
Palpatine: Your obsession with eliminating the Jedi and ruling the galaxy shows that you need to cool down and discover what you really want to do in life. Plus, I don't like you.
Voldemort: The whole thing with spending seventeen years of your life trying to kill a young wizard, who posies no real threat to you. You also were unable to kill a baby.
Sauron: Putting all your powers into a ring shows that you really need some common sense. It was only a matter of time before your ring fell into that volcano.
And no! You may not kill anyone. Eating chocolate or watching Star Trek can help calm people down.
"Great! How am I supposed to let out my anger, if I can't kill anyone," Palpatine mumbled.
"I don't know," Vader frowned. "But something inside tells me that the answer is in the light side."
"The light side? No that can't be right, you must be hallucinating, my apprentice."
"Yes my lord." Looking around, Vader saw that Voldemort and Sauron were already there, and looked just as unhappy as him and Palpatine. Then General Grievous entered the room.
"Roll call," Grievous roared. "Darth Vader?"
"My name is not TOM RIDDLE!"
"Good we are all here," Grievous remarked.
A blond-haired girl studied the object in front of her. To think that it had only taken a few days for her life to be turned up-side down, like a pancake.
"Hey Nemesis, what are you doing?" a diminutive girl walked into Nemesis's room. "And what is that?" She pointed at the large green pitchfork in Nemesis's hand.
"Oh, hi Darth Fishstick," Nemesis ginned at her friend. "This is my pitchfork." A new idea began to form into Nemesis's head. "How would you like to learn magic?"
"Breath in, breath out," General Grievous instructed.
"This absolutely pointless," Palpatine muttered to Darth Vader.
"Do you have to say "yes master" to everything," Voldemort grumbled.
"Sorry, it's become habit after being his apprentice for twenty years."