PCA: Pacific Coast Academy
Chapter Three: Intermission
I've been dead and gone but now I'm back, if only for a short while. I still love you all, especially those who haven't forgotten who I am, or at least those who haven't forgotten my story.
The next few days proved to be uncommonly stressful. I ate very little, talked at a minimum, and spent most of my time in my room deciding what I would be taking with me to the Academy and what I'd leave home with Charlie and Jade.
Hunter would be one of those things I'd have to leave behind.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for a few moments before it was time to head out to get registered (I was not looking forward to it) I watched as Hunter sat on his favorite quilt blanket on the floor playing with a large assortment of brightly colored wooden blocks. He was stacking them up neatly, piling them up as high as they would go before they came crashing down in a loud manner, eliciting a series of laughs and giggles from his lips as he began his ritual again.
I couldn't help but wonder the moments like these that I'd miss while off at school. I couldn't help but feel that by giving in to Charlie and Jade's wishes of having me experience a life outside of motherhood—something I've gotten so accustomed to I'm afraid to let it go—that I was somehow giving up on my son, no matter how much Charlie and Jade tried to convince me other wise.
Their words came flooding back.
"We just want you to live a little, Bella, be a teenager again," Jade had said to me with watery eyes. "We want you to be happy, truly happy."
Before I could say I was happy, I was fine, Charlie interjected. "You've not been out with friends other then Lee since you had Hunter. You've not been a teenager since you've had him. Sweetie I know you love him but he's fine here with us, can't you see that?"
Yes, I could see that, but he'd be better with me here! I had wanted to scream. But every time my jaw would drop and words would threaten to come out, they'd interject, and their arguments would come faster and faster and soon what they'd both be saying would just blur together into nothingness and garble until finally I exclaimed:
"Fine! I'll go! I'll leave!"
I had run up to my room, slammed my door. I had fallen asleep on my bed with my face in my pillows and tears threatening to drown me in my own sorrows.
I was weak for having given in.
I sniffled, remembering that night just a week and a couple days ago. I felt something hot and prickling form the corner of my eyes and blinked as a fat wet tear streamed down my face. I let it fall till it fell into the corner of my mouth and I could taste the salt of my sadness leak onto my tongue.
I quickly brushed away the wet indicator of my weakness.
Oddly enough though, I had always thought of myself as a strong person. I had gone through being a part of a slit family since I was five, divorce battles and dealing with a new "father" in my life. I had dealt with being raped by myself, had told no one and yet still kept people hidden in the dark. I had kept the knowledge that I was pregnant with Hunter the first few months, keeping everything that happened inside me. I had to push through the taunts and the jeers, all the pointed fingers and all the lies spread.
And I survived it. Through all of it, I came out of every thing just a little bit better everyday. I had Hunter, I had Lee. I was strong for them, strong for my parents too. It was something I had learned to do through my life.
But Lee was gone, and my mother was too preoccupied with Phil and baseball and wine and cheese parties to be troubled with a teenaged daughter and grandchild. Hunter was all I had; who else was left for me to put up a strong front for in the face of adversary once I was put into a place I had never been, where there was no sense of familiarity for, no comfort to come home to?
But the real question was: who would hold me together once I really started to fall a part? Because my strong front would only last so long.
Lennox: Yep. Update. Surprised, right? Well so am I.
This was a spur of the moment thing. I've been bouncing back and forth the idea of just quitting writing fan-fiction all together, but then I started this up to see if I could continue this and well, let's just say that won't happen.
Don't expect fast-coming updates. I have a busy life. I may/may not post a fuller chapter later today or this week where Bella get registered and whatnot. Maybe some Edward/Bella interaction, finally.
Later loves, leave a review if it's worthy enough, and hell, even if it's not, tell me why.