What song reference?

Here's another one from the meme. The prompt asked for Bones giving Spock a massge to treat carpal tunnel syndrome. I threw in Kirk because I am an incurable Spirk devotee. I tried to keep all the medical terms in the realm of reality, so for the most part the medicine is real. And stuff. :D

Warnings: Kirk, and dodgy situations? XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek!

"Well, it sounds to me like carpal tunnel syndrome," said Doctor McCoy, examining his patient with a shrewd eye. "Or don't you want to do the diagnosis yourself?"

"Well, Doctor, that would explain the numbness." Spock shifted, irritated, on the medical bed. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he had had to remove his outer uniform shirt and now sat, discontent, in black. "And the paresthesia." He rubbed distractedly at his right wrist.

"Well, there's a way to know for sure." McCoy came over and took hold of Spock's wrist. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow, but did not pull away as the doctor started to bend his hand forward at an angle.

"You intend to use Phalen's maneuver? That method is not as accurate as an electrodiagnostic test, Doctor. Surely you wish to be acc-"

"Hush up, Spock! It's fast and easy and a relatively good test. If you get symptoms from this, we'll move on to the machines. But I'd rather not recalibrate the monitor for your physiology if I don't have to."

"You have a stunning devotion to duty, Doctor." They passed a minute in silence before Spock tried to twitch his hand away. "I am experiencing a tingling sensation in my right index finger and thumb."

"Looks like CTS, then." McCoy sighed, let Spock go, and went to make a note on his padd. "I'll schedule a diagnostic test and, if necessary, corrective surgery, as soon as you have time."

"Thank you, Doctor." Spock hesitated a moment, afraid to admit… "I am experiencing some discomfort at present, and I am not needed on the bridge for another twenty-three minutes. Is there a short-term solution you could suggest?"

McCoy blew out his cheeks and crossed his arms. "We could try a steroid injection. That would alleviate the symptoms for a little while." Aware that he was being a bit of a bastard, McCoy asked, "Can't you just will the pain away, Mister mind-over-matter?"

"I am allergic to the necessary agents," cut in Spock, completely ignoring the jibe.

"A brace, then? It would keep your wrist still."

"Impractical. I require full mobility to perform at a satisfactory level." He paused. "However, such a matter would not be a concern at night. Doctor, a brace could prove a nocturnal solution. I fear my meditation has been interrupted much too consistently in recent days."

"I can get one for you," replied McCoy, noticing that the Vulcan did seem to be slightly sluggish. "You haven't been sleeping, have you?"

Spock closed his eyes for a moment. "No."

"Well, I can try a massage. In some studies that's been shown to help. And it's fast." He shrugged. "If you're up to it, of course."

"…I suppose that I am not averse to the idea." Spock allowed the doctor to take his hand again. At first, McCoy concentrated on the base of Spock's thumb, rubbing gentle circles into the muscle there. Spock felt himself relax slightly under the ministrations, and he momentarily let his mind fall away from the annoying numbness in his wrist. This was rather pleasant. Perhaps he should teach Jim how to-

What the crap?

The doctor's fingers had found his own and they were moving together in a highly inappropriate manner! A relaxing, but highly inappropriate manner. Spock felt a blush creeping up his neck.


McCoy cleared his throat. "Relax, Spock, I'm a doctor. I'm not holding your hand because I want to." Despite his gruff tone, the pressure did not ease up and the doctor continued the massage.

Spock bit back another protest as McCoy started stroking the underside of his fingers and rubbing the knuckles. He could tell by touch that McCoy was unaware of the treatment's, uh, effects, but that wasn't going to-

Their fingertips met. Spock could no longer keep his blush at bay, and his cheeks turned an attractive shade of chartreuse.

"Doctor McCoy, if you would please withdraw your-"

"What's the matter, Spock?" McCoy said at almost the same time, examining the change in Spock's complexion with bewilderment. "Are you… blushing?"

There passed several seconds of awkward silence before the hiss of the sickbay doors caused them both to turn comically away.

"Bones! I know you don't use your liquor for anything other than medicinal purposes (yeah right), but the ambassador we're supposed to be meeting on Garalys really likes Saurian bra- What the hell." Kirk stared at the scene in front of him with a blank expression.

McCoy released Spock's wrist, and the Vulcan immediately pulled away like he'd been burned.

"What were you doing to my Vulcan, Bones?" The captain stalked over, not quite angry so much as baffled. And very amused. "I haven't been able to make him blush like that since that one time we were up late and more or less alone in the cafeteria – Spock, you remember this, right? And you got that-"

"I remember." Spock swallowed. "I will now don my uniform. Do you require my presence on the bridge, Captain?"

"Uh, yeah, in a bit. You sure you don't want a minute… alone, first?" Kirk smiled innocently as he looked his lover up and down.

"…I shall be in my quarters. Please inform me when I am needed." The Vulcan got up off the medical bed without his usual grace and made a beeline for the door. Kirk waved after him.

"So, Bones, before I go join him, what exactly were you doing?" Kirk's smile now was quite far from innocent. "Tell me! You weren't giving him a prostate exam, were you?" Bones spluttered. "Do Vulcans even have prostates?"

"For God's sake Jim, I was just giving him a massage! He has carpal tunnel syndrome, and physical therapy is often beneficial in relieving some of the symptoms in the affected digits…"

Kirk burst out laughing and slapped the doctor's shoulder in a reassuring manner. "Don't worry, Bones! I'm sure you didn't know that you were kissing him."

"Kissing? What?!" McCoy looked mortified.

"Yep. Vulcan hands? Super sensitive. How erotic, eh?" Kirk took a moment to catch his breath, as laughing your ass off was quite hard work, and bit his knuckle pensively. "You know, I'm really more concerned with why he didn't tell you what you were doing." He aimed a speculative blue eye at his cringing best friend. "Maybe he wanted you to kiss him?"

"Hell no!" If the doctor scowled any harder, his eyebrows were going to permanently join together. "He was probably just tired and forgot to say anything." He hoped.

Kirk shrugged. "Whatever. Any time you want to join us, just give a yell."


"But I've heard that threesomes can be very healthy for relationships! What's your medical opinion?"

"Get the hell out of my sickbay!"

Thankfully, the doors closed before the padd could contact Kirk's head. Then he might have had to deal with both of them at once!

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