Miscalculations and Happy Accidents

Edward is that guy. You know, the one you just don't bother with, don't even consider. For starters, he's ridiculously good looking and he knows it. I swear, girls line up to impale themselves on his dick. To make it worse, he's really smart. Like to an annoying degree. Edward is a Trivial Pursuit master, which I suspect is due to him cheating. There's just no way anyone knows that much about micro-biology and old 70's sitcoms.

Smug fucker loves to show off, too. He's got an opinion on everything and has to share it, whether you're interested in hearing it or not. The topper is, he's a spoiled rich kid - a pair of his jeans cost more than my truck. Edward is the kind of guy that girls dream about.

Not me. Not even close. I'm not the kind of girl that ends up with guys like Edward Cullen.

All that aside, he's my ex's brother and he hates my guts. Not that he doesn't have a good reason to. I've been a twat to him, pretty much since we first met. Hey, some guys are just asking for it.

Emmett and I had been messing around for a few months, when he invited me over to his parents' place to party. I was still stupid horny for him and looked for any excuse to get on top of him. Visiting him meant confirmed sex for me, so I was there. He told me he had the run of the house while his parents were in Europe.

Sometimes it's just so bizarre to me that I even know the Cullens. I grew up in a double-wide trailer and they have a three-story five bedroom mansion. Emmett always teased me when I would get uncomfortable with the way they throw around money. By "uncomfortable," I mean bitchy. He thought it was cute, which just increased my bitchiness.

By the time I arrived at the Cullens, everyone was already pretty trashed. Jasper and Emmett were wrestling on the floor like a bunch of goons, and Alice was passed out in her room, which left me sitting with Edward. We were doing shots of Patron while he blathered on about Chinatown, his favorite movie, and his hero god, Roman Polanski.

I was drunk and annoyed that Emmett was more interested in putting his sister's boyfriend in a head lock than having sex with me, so I took it out on Edward. I made an off-hand comment about Polanski being a no-talent pedo, which pretty much shit on his happy fanboy parade. Whatever, it's not like he hasn't got a million brainless girls dying to agree with his atrocious taste in movies.

Alright, I'll admit that Chinatown is actually a really good movie, but it will forever be tainted for me. Being distraught over your wife's brutal murder is no excuse to fuck a minor. I don't care if you're the second coming to modern cinema. Edward was at least smart enough not to argue with me, he just picked up his drink and went to sit in front of the TV. He sulked like that for the rest of the night until he passed out.

Emmett and Jasper finally got bored with beating the shit out each other and we started cleaning up. I was really buzzed and still pissed about Edward giving me the cold shoulder, even if I deserved it. I'm a bitch, but I did have a point. He didn't need to get all fucking butt-hurt over it.

So, in my impaired state of mind, I thought it would be hilarious to give Edward an emo makeover. Of course Emmett was all for it and played interference with Jasper while it pulled out my makeup. When I finished, Emmett was laughing so hard he was bent over double, tears in his eyes. Even Jasper was smirking, though he warned me that he thought I went too far. I just shrugged and dragged Emmett up to his room. We woke up the next morning to the sound of Alice's hysterical laughter and Edward swearing loud enough to wake the dead. Emmett and I just looked at each other and laughed.

Ever since then, Edward had some kind of vendetta against me. He always had a smart-ass remark, or a thinly veiled insult tailor-made to piss me off and he always had to argue every point with me. I thought it would stop when Emmett and I broke up, but of course Alice had her hooks in me by then. It's like Jasper says, "Once you're a Cullen, even an honorary one, it's for life."

He was right, nothing slips by Alice. I still get dragged to family picnics, birthdays, and anniversary parties. She even arranged an elaborate surprise birthday party for me this year that I really could have lived without. I love Alice, but she takes this whole family inclusion thing a little too seriously sometimes.

At least Emmett and I had a good break-up, a first for me. We were really more like fuck buddies anyway. Most of our "dates" consisted of drinking, watching sports, and fucking, so who needs fancy titles like boyfriend/girlfriend? It was a blast while it lasted, but once he met Rose, it was over. Still, I love hanging out with the Cullens. They're a hilarious, crazy bunch. Even Sullen Cullen, as I liked to call Edward, can be good from a laugh or two.

So, with all this shit between us, the last place I thought I'd ever be was in the back of Edward's Volvo. Who the hell drives a fucking Volvo? It's my birthday, and I'm single, big fucking surprise. The Cullens, Alice specifically, were trying their best to cheer me up with a party. I decide to salve the pain of not having gotten any in an embarrassing long time by doing shots with Emmett and Rose. A disturbing amount of alcohol consumption later, I'm hanging off the bar as I try to convince them to take me home with them. Rose just laughs at me, bitch, and tells me I would hurt myself trying to keep up with them.

Damn tease!

After they leave, I move to sit next to Jasper and steal sips of his mint julep. He's the only straight man I know that drinks that shit.

"Leah, you need to ease up before you end up under the table." Jasper gives me a worried smile and bumps my shoulder with his. I smile. It's hard for me to ever be in a bad mood with that tall drink of Texas charm around. It's kind of spooky, when I think about it.

As the night wears on, Alice starts to look tired and gets this weird guilty look as she and Jasper announce they're heading out. She's doing that little hemming and hawing thing she does when she has bad news for me. I try to give her a pissy look, but I'm too drunk to raise my eyebrow properly. Jasper's behind her, looking like he's going to bust up laughing.

"Sspit it out Alish," I slur and realize I'm drunker than I thought I was, then I wonder if "drunker" is a real word. I start to giggle, cause it sounds funny in my head. Alice starts to talk again and I realize she's still there. Whoopsie!

"I rode with Jasper, on his bike," she gives me a weak smile as she holds up her pink Hello Kitty helmet.

I just nod, not understanding. She has a girl boner for Jaz's bike. I know this because she rides with him every chance she gets.

"So, I asked Edward to give you a ride home," she says in that high-pitched whine she gets when she's feeling guilty.

I think my eyes actually pop out of my skull, as I stand up to protest and nearly fall over. Strong hands grab hold of my shoulders, holding me steady, and I turn my head a little too fast. I'm suddenly face-to-face with Edward fucking Cullen. He's giving me that trademark smug ass grin of his and I'm doing my best to scowl at him.

"Sullen Cullen's my DD? I thought we were friends, Alice," I whine, and hate myself a little for it. Edward laughs and Alice starts to apologize more.

"Alice, just go and let me take care of the cry-cry girl," Edward says with a groan and a wave of his hand. Jasper drags Alice out of the bar, as she continues to apologize, and I'm left alone with the biggest asshole in the bar.

"So, you want a cup of coffee or a greasy burger with a Band-Aid in it?" he asks with a big ole' grin, wiping away every smart ass comment I was thinking up with that disgusting mental picture. I cover my mouth, fighting off the waves of nausea.

"Coffee it is." The fucker laughs as he waves at the waitress. Bastard knows my weakness, and shuts me up quick. I am so easily grossed out when I'm drunk. Fuck!

We sit here, while I sip my coffee and try to ignore the weird ass look he's giving me.

"How do you like twenty-five so far?" he asks, eye-balling me like he knows some joke that I don't.

As my head starts to clear slightly, I look at him a little closer and realize he's serious. I shrug and take a sip of my coffee as I think about the day. Dad called really fucking early to brag about Seth's grades and update me on all the Rez gossip. I got the day off from work, so Jake picked me up and treated me to dinner at our favorite Mexican place. Then, I got drunk for free off my favorite dysfunctional Brady Bunch.

"Not bad," I say, and he gives me that same look that I don't understand. He's so weird sometimes. I don't like regular conversation with Edward, it feels... odd. I prefer the cold, soulless asshole that I know and love to hate.

"With one exception." I give him a pissy look as I stand up and pull some crumpled bills out of my pocket to throw down. He grabs my hand, takes the money and slowly slides it into my pocket. My jeans are tight and they're these weird designer ones that Alice gave me. The pockets are right up front, on either side of the zipper. I feel Edward's hand graze over me, as he pulls his hand out of my pocket. I'm suddenly wet, and pissed the fuck off.

My shock and anger must be showing on my face, because the son of a bitch is smiling, like he knows he just touched my pussy.

"Don't insult me, Clearwater. I think I can manage to buy you a cup of coffee for your birthday," he says as he throws down his own money. He stretches his arms above his head and the motion pulls up his t-shirt, lifting the hem above the top of his jeans. The action catches my eye. There's a light smattering of dark hair just below his belly button, that continues down to disappear beneath the waistband of his jeans. I immediately cringe and look away. I don't need to be thinking about Emmett's baby brother like this. Sure, I'm only a year older than him, but it's just weird.

"You ready?" he asks with a smirk and I nod, wondering if he noticed me eying his treasure trail.

"Sure thing, lead the way to your douche-mobile," I sigh and inwardly cheer as I see his smile dissolve into a frown.

Edward's always been sensitive about his car. His parents bought it for him, so of course I have to tease. I bought my piece of shit truck at a government auction for two hundred bucks. I have to buy Jake a ton of fucking beer and pizza to keep it running. Edward deserves to get a little flack for getting everything he wants without having to lift a finger.

He turns to walk out of the bar without a word, and I stumble after him, feeling like a fucking idiot as I bob and weave the whole way.

"Wait the fuck up," I yell, as I stumble across the street heading towards the bank parking lot where he's parked. He's already at his car door when he looks up at me, and his eyes go wide.

"Leah!" He yells as he comes running towards me and I stop, while I try to figure out what he's freaking out about. The horn blares in my ear as I hear the screech of tires and I turn my head. I look right into the headlights of an SUV.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" I scream and my legs turn to liquid. Edward's there, catching me before I fall on my ass.

"Are you okay?" He asks, breathless and kind of pretty, with his bronze hair lit up by the headlights.

"What the fuck? You crazy bitch!" the driver, I assume, yells as he sticks his head out the window.

"FUCK YOU!" Edward and I both yell at the same time.

I look at him. He looks back, and we start to laugh. He starts to lead me toward his car and I flip off the driver who's still screaming as he pulls away. We make it to his car and he leans me back against the passenger door.

I watch him, the street lamp casting odd shadows, making Edward look kind of hot as he digs in his pocket for his keys. I never noticed how muscular his arms are, or the definition in his chest. His muscles flex under his t-shirt as he crosses his arms and sighs.

"It would be easier to unlock the door if you weren't covering it with your ass," he says, giving me an annoyed look.

"If you were half as skilled as you claim to be, you'd move me yourself."

I don't even know what the fuck I just said. I know what I meant to say, I think. Shit, maybe I don't. My brain is still a little foggy from the alcohol, and coming down from my adrenaline high. Edward's staring at me, an eyebrow raised and the corner of his mouth pinched up, in what could either be a smirk or grimace. It really could go either way. He could be confused by my drunken babbling, he could be annoyed, or he could kiss me?

That was... unexpected.

Oh, hell yes! Is all I can think, as his tongue slips between my lips and he grinds his lower body against mine. It's been nearly six months since anyone's even kissed me. This is weird and awkward, but I don't give a fuck. I need this, more than I realized. Even if it's coming from Edward, who's now breaking the kiss.

"Hey," I complain breathlessly, as he pulls back and moves me out of the way.

"Give me a second. I don't think you want to have sex out here," he says with a smirk, as he starts to unlock the door, and glides his knuckles over my breast. He hits my nipple just right and I bite back a gasp.

"Who the fuck said I'd put out that easy," I sneer as he pulls open the backdoor and turns to me, that fucking smug look still in place.

"Oh, I wouldn't presume to dream that you would stoop low enough to fuck me," he says, as he pulls me up against him and kisses me again. God, his tongue is fucking my mouth, swirling and tugging on my tongue. I moan a little as he pulls away again. Fucking tease. "I'd love to get a taste of you," he whispers in my ear as he pushes me through the open door and onto my back. I lay on the backseat, breathless as he drags me up further, climbs in, and closes the door behind himself. The space is impossibly small and I'm getting dizzy from the way his mouth works on my nipples through my t-shirt and bra.

"You'd get a better taste without the clothes in the way." I groan and he starts to pull my t-shirt out of my jeans.

"Yes, ma'am," he mutters against my bare belly button, and the air goes out of me. With a tug, the button of my jeans pops free and oh god, he's unzipping my pants with his fucking teeth. I feel his hot breath warm me through my cotton thong and I have to lay my head back.

His mile-long tongue slides down between my jeans and the crotch of my now wet thong.

"Holy fuck!" I buck and moan, as my hips rise up off the seat. He digs his nails into my hips and pulls my jeans down in one rough yank. We start the not-so-sexy task of removing my boots and pulling my jeans the rest of the way off. I lean back, watching Edward lick his lips as he stares at me, and I tighten a little.

"Like what you see?" I ask with a smirk. His eyes rise to meet mine and he throws down a smirk of his own.

"Not bad," he says with a shrug, and I swing my leg over to kick him, but he catches it midair. "I'd like the sight of you naked on my dick, better," he says as he slams my leg against the backrest and lowers his face to my soaking wet pussy. I have no breath to deliver a good comeback - I'm too busy moaning like a horny idiot. He moans back at me, and as he licks me through the thin cotton, his fingers trace a line along the outside of my pussy with his fingernail. I'm shaking a little as his finger snakes under the edge of the material, lifting it up and out of the way. His tongue slides over me, circling around my clit and making me scream.

"Fuck me," I gasp as my hips buck under him and I force my eyes open to watch.

"If you keep asking like that, I just might," his says, in a hot stream of air that scratches across my sore, wet clit. He's looking up at me from between my quivering legs. I've seen that look a thousand times on his face. I always took it as annoyance or anger, but now as his tongue is sliding slowly in and out of me, I realize it's hunger.

"If... you, uh god, keep that up... I just, oh there, yes, faster," I plead, forgetting whatever I was going to say as I feel the itch of my climax claw at the back of my spine. He traces fast circles over me, then slips a finger inside and curls it up, hitting me just right. I scream and writhe as I start to come, and he works my clit hard. His finger is swirling inside me, making me come again, just as I was coming down from the first orgasm.

As I start to settle down, he slides his fingers from me and I pull my legs up to my chest, rolling onto my side. I'm giddy, grinning to myself like a fucking tool. I look over my shoulder at Edward who's sitting in the seat next to me, wiping his mouth and giving me the biggest grin I have ever seen.

"Jerk," I blurt out of instinct, because he shouldn't be rubbing it in and I shouldn't be smiling. His eyebrow goes up again.

"I'm the jerk that just got you off," he says as he leans down and bites my ass. I yelp and scoot away, to sit up. He's still leaning towards me, and I incline my head till there's just a few inches between us.

"I suppose this makes me owe you, huh?" I ask as I look at him, a sly grin on my face. I see him take in my meaning and the hungry look returns.

"I'll take whatever you'll give me," he says in a low voice, as his tongue slides over his bottom lip and I attack him. My mouth smashes against his as I claw at his belt. He's laughing and I bite his lip lightly. He stops and I feel a wave of triumph as I unhook his belt. I get his pants open and snake past his boxers to pull him out.

"What do we have here?" I say against his mouth, and he groans a little, his breath sliding over my lips. I dip my tongue into his mouth one last time before I press a hand to his chest, making him lean back. He watches me move down, his face so fucking sexy as he smirks. I drag my eyes from his and look down. Houston, we have a problem.

At first, I'm not sure what I'm seeing. Okay, I know I'm holding a dick. It feels like a dick. I can feel his pulse beating against my palm and it twitches when I give it a little squeeze, but it's not like any dick I've ever seen before. All I can think as I stare at him is: hm, it's like a hot dog in a turtleneck.

"You've never seen an uncut one before, have you?" He sounds so smug as he asks and I realize there's no way I can play this off. I nod, my eyes wide.

"I just didn't expect..." I stop short, realizing I was about to mention that Emmett is cut. I'm not too drunk to forget that I shouldn't be reminding him that I'm his brother's sloppy seconds, but it's too late. I can tell by the look on his face he knows where my mind was going.

"Carlisle participated in a research study," he starts to explain and I feel him soften a little in my hand, so I shake my head to stop him. Shit, way to kill the mood, Leah. I panic and grab the front of his t-shirt, hauling him toward me.

"Get back in the game, Edward," I hiss in his face, before I bite down on his chin. He groans as I let go and lick over the nice bite mark I've left. "Now, teach me how to steer this thing." I lick my lips as I glance down at his dick as it stiffens against my palm.

"Okay." He sighs as I slowly stroke up and down his shaft. "You can keep doing that," he moans, his face shifting as I test out different ways to squeeze and stroke him.

After a few movements, I get used to how the outer skin slides so smoothly and easy. It's so strange to not see the head, but it's so hot to watch how much every little move affects him so much. I get a little bolder, stroking him harder, and the skin slides down far enough for me to see the head peeking out the top.

"Shit," he yelps and practically jumps across the car.

"Sorry, shit! What did I do?" I ask, as I cringe at the pained look on his face. He slowly breathes in and out, trying to compose himself.

"You, just... you can't pull it down like that," he says, still a little shaky. Then he smiles at me and I feel a little less like an ass. "The head is very sensitive when I'm not fully hard. You just need to give me some time... and warning." He takes a deep breath.

"Sorry," I say weakly, though I'm still confused. He groans, his eyes rolling with frustration.

"Imagine if I yanked back the hood on your clit," he says with a devious smile, and I flinch. "Yeah," he chuckles as he leans his head back, and seems to relax a little. He turns his head to me, his eyes searching my face and I sit there, debating what I should do next.

"Leah," he says my name softly as he lifts his finger, curling it towards himself. He has a smirk on his face and I lean in closer. "It's time to get back in the game." He presses his mouth to mine and I sigh a little. As we continue to kiss, I slide my hand over him again, picking up where I left off. I take extra care to not move too fast or stroke him too hard, as his tongue slides in my mouth.

Reluctantly, I pull back. He looks at me with a lazy smile and it makes me want to bite him again. I keep my eyes locked on his as I start to shift my body. I slide a leg to the floor and try my best to not fall on my face as I kneel between his legs. I lay my cheek against his thigh and stare up at him. His hand brushes my hair away from my face and the gesture throws me off for a second, so I shift my eyes back to his dick.

"Are you ready for me to try this?" I ask, my breath brushing his shaft, and he shudders under me. I rise up to touch his his dick to my lips.

"Yes," he sighs and sinks a little further into the seat. I chuckle and slide him into my mouth. I lower my head slightly and delight in the tension I feel in the muscles of his legs. I lightly glide my tongue over the top of his dick. He's making this low moaning sound that's making me wet.

I have to widen my mouth, stretching my lips a little to accommodate him, which sends chills down my spine. It's strange to feel that same smooth glide of his skin with my lips and tongue. He's breathing through his mouth now, in short pants, as his hips rise up a little. I swirl my tongue around the top, like I would on the head of a cut penis and I don't get the reaction I normally do. He does seem to like it, but not any more so than me licking him, in general. Disappointed, I continue to explore with my tongue and I feel the little divot at the top. I know his head is in there, I saw it pop out a little when I pulled his foreskin down too hard earlier. I remember how he compared his dick to my clit and wonder how similar they really are. I slowly slide my tongue in the opening, feeling it give way. He lets out the most fucking hot whimper, as my tongue slips inside to slide along the ridge of his head.

"Leah," he says, his voice strained.

As he claws the seat, I feel a little guilty and pull my tongue back. I smile around his dick as I look at him. He looks like he can't decide whether to fuck or strangle me and I take him deep into my mouth.

"You're going to pay for that."

His threat loses most of the sting as he moans and thrusts up into my mouth. I start to move over him with renewed purpose, hell bent on getting the cool, collected Edward Cullen to blow his fucking top. I'm setting a decent rhythm when I feel him touch my shoulder. I look up and he looks like it's hard for him to think. I like that, a lot.

"Move back up here."

He speaks in a raw voice as he pats the seat next to him. I raise an eyebrow and pull him out of my mouth, enjoying the sad look that crosses his face. I don't ask why he wants me to move, I think I know why. I climb up and crouch, my stomach pressed to my knees and I take him back into my mouth. I feel his hand slide underneath me, pushing up, and I lift my hips enough for his hand to slide over me. I moan around him as his fingers push my thong aside, then slide into me. I falter for a second as he shifts a little, sinking his finger even deeper, then his fingertip brushes that spot inside me again. I groan and clench. He moans as his other hand gently brushes my hair off my face. I look out of the corner of my eye to watch him.


He stares at me, his eyelids heavy, mouth open as he breathes my name and slides another finger into me. I moan as I start to move again, my mouth gliding over him as I raise and lower my hips on his fingers. I'm itching, cramping, clawing towards my climax. He rises up into my mouth, as his fingers tangle in my hair, and I need more. I slide my hand over his, closing my fingers around his hand. I'm rewarded with the feel of his fingers closing on my hair, in a painfully tight grip, and it's just what I need.

"Fuck, you like that?" His voice is raspy as I do my best to nod and press on his hand, pushing my head down onto him. "Oh god, this is un-fucking-real."

He exhales as he starts to move my head, the itch ignites into a scolding burn and I let go. I slam my hips down on his fingers as he moves my head up and down on his hard cock. He makes a strangled cry, and on the down stroke, I feel the head of his cock bump the back of my throat, just as my body explodes. I shake, my orgasm flaring through me as he thrusts his hips up against me, his dick pulsing in my throat. I swallow before I let him slide from my sore lips, and he slide his fingers from me. I take a few minutes to admire his fully emerged dick. The skin is still partially covering his head and I can see it's all shiny and bright pink, like bubble gum. The thought would make me laugh if its size wasn't so intimidating. Did I really have all of that in my mouth?

"Mmm, like what you see?" he asks, and I look at him. He's licking his fingers like they're covered in honey. Pleasure washes over me. I have to look away for just a second and I hear him chuckle. Smug fucker to the end. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and give him a hard stare.

"Now, are you going to drive us back to my place, so you can show me how to get a condom on that thing?" I ask, as he continues to smile at me.

Edward drives like a madman. Of course, I'm not doing much to help the situation. I'm naked from the waist down, with one foot propped up on the dash. I ditched my underwear in the back seat, for him to find later. He's been doing a great job of ignoring me, so, I grab his hand and start running his long fingers over my pussy.

"Are you insane? You're going to kill us," he growls, his eyes still on the road.

"I don't see you taking your hand away," I say, as I pull his fingers up to my mouth so I can lick them slowly.

"Fuck." He shudders and the car accelerates, as another wave of pleasure flutters through me.

When we reach my apartment, he does the world's worst job of parallel parking while I try to jam myself back into my jeans. Barefoot, with my jeans unzipped, I lead him up the stairs and to my apartment door.

"Having issues?" he asks, his hot breath skimming my ear, as his fingers dig into my hips. I try to ignore him as I'm lining up my key with the lock, when he pulls me back into him. He's rock hard and wedged right between my ass checks.

"Edward," I groan as I bite my lip against the pleasure searing through me, and he answers me by biting my neck.

I'm shaking and so fucking ready by the time I manage to get the door open. We practically fall through the doorway and I scramble to close it. As I slide the deadbolt into place, he presses against my back, slamming me up against the door. His hands are sliding over my hips, inside my jeans, as he starts to pull them down. Edward works them down to my feet and I kick them off. His hands slide up my sides and grab the bottom of my t-shirt. I raise my arms as he pulls it up over my head and I'm left in my bra. Edward's already working, unlatching the hooks and pushing the straps off my arms.

He returns to my back, his hands sliding up to cup my breasts and his mouth sucking on my earlobe. The feel of him fully clothed and pressed against my naked back is turning me on so much, that it's taking all my strength to keep from humping the door.

"You feel amazing." He sighs as he kisses a trail down my neck to my shoulder, making me tremble.

"You can feel me anytime, if you do it like this." I smirk as I press my cheek against the cool, smooth surface of the door.

He chuckles, his breath grazing over my back, leaving goosebumps in its wake."I want to do more than that," he says, sliding his hands down my torso. They dip between my legs and his fingers hook inside me. "Where are those condoms?" He groans as his fingers slide from me and I utter a whimper of disappointment.

"Bedroom," I say, as I grab his wrist and lead him back to my room. Thank god I just did a laundry round up. My room is my nest, and is usually dusted with a thin layer of clothing over every surface. I have a system, I swear. Tomorrow is Sunday, aka laundry day. That means this morning, while on the phone with Dad, I gathered up everything piece of clothing I own into two large duffel bags. I usually spend the afternoon at the laundromat, with coffee and a book, getting it all washed.

I pull Edward into my clean bedroom, kicking the laundry bags out of our way, and let go of his hand as I go to my bedside table. I pull open the top drawer and start digging through the random shit. Chapstick, nail clippers, and an embarrassingly well-worn paperback romance all get shoved out of my way as I continue to search. Why do I have toothpaste in here?

"Is there a problem?" Edward asks, and I look over at him. He's sitting on my bed, leaning back on his elbows with a prominent bulge in his pants. Shit.

"Just a second," I say, trying to sound cool, but end up sounding irritated. I reach under the bed and feel the lip of the plastic storage bin. I pull it out and rip the lid off, tossing it over my shoulder.

"Well, Ms. Clearwater, what have you got there?" Edward's laughing, his head right above mine. He can plainly see my rather impressive collection of sex toys. I ignore him as I reach past my bright pink double-sided dildo and grab the box of condoms. As I pull it out, breathing a sigh of relief, Edward reaches past me into the box to grab something before I can stop him.

"What's this... Anal Eze?" He's speaking in a mocking tone as he reads the label on the small bottle.

"It was a free sample."

I scowl at him as I slap the bottle out of his hand. I pull the mile-long strip of condoms out of the box and tear the first one off with my teeth. I toss the box and the rest of the condoms to the floor as I stand up. Edward is leaning back, his whole body shaking as he tries to stifle his laughter.

"Laugh all you want, fucker, just get your dick out while you do it," I say, smiling as I tear open the package. All the humor has left his face as he starts to unbuckle his belt and slowly open his jeans. "Too fucking slow," I say as I climb onto the bed, knees on either side of his legs.

"Calm down or you aren't getting shit." He hisses at me, a frown of concentration on his face. I wonder why he's suddenly pissy until he eases his jeans and boxers down off his hips. His hard, practically purple cock pops out. It bobs for a second, tapping just bellow his bellybutton. I stare at his dick, condom in hand. The head is fully exposed and the foreskin is just a pale ring of skin beneath the head. Now it looks like the kind of dicks that I'm used to seeing, with the exception of its size. It is... scary.

"Earth to Leah," Edward says as he taps my thigh.

I swallow as I hand him the condom. He shakes his head, takes it from me and starts to slide it on. I watch, fascinated, as he somehow manages to stuff himself into the thin piece of latex. Once he's done, he lets out a slow exhale. His eyes are wide and I can see little beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip.

"Is that okay? I mean, is it too tight?" I ask, because he doesn't look comfortable. He shakes his head and chuckles.

"It's okay. It's better this way, otherwise the foreskin slides too much and it can slip off," he says as he takes another deep breath and smiles at me. There's no hint of sarcasm or bravado, just an unguarded smile. That small, simple smile hits me in chest like a sledgehammer and I fall on him, kissing his beautiful mouth for all I'm worth.

His hands are on the sides of my face, pushing me back and I let him, but feel shy when his eyes meet mine.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

His eyes search mine, like he's waiting for me to back out or something. I can feel every inch of him pressed against my stomach and I'm suddenly trembling with anticipation. I nod and his eyebrows wrinkle as his mouth frowns. I match his expression, wondering what the hell is wrong. He closes his eyes, letting out a slow breath and then opens them again to look at me.

"Say it, out loud," he says, with such intensity that I feel myself contract as I open my mouth.

"I want you inside me," I whisper against his mouth and he closes his eyes as he groans. I bite his chin and enjoy the way his whole body seems to react to it, shuddering and gently thrusting against me.

"Do you want to fuck me, Edward?" I ask, as I lick a line from his chin to his ear. I push up with my hands so I'm kneeling, and I position myself above him.

"Fuck, yes. God, I do." He's growling as I take hold of him, sliding my hand up and down, still enjoying the way his skin glides and how it makes his hips jerk a little.

"No more teasing," he says. His voice is raw and it sends a wave of tingling pleasure rushing through me, bursting through my pelvis. I hold his dick just below my pussy as I watch his face. His eyes are fixed on the small space that separates us, his hands gripping my legs, nails digging into my flesh.

I press his head into me, just a little, swirling my hips as I moan. The tease is delicious, but Edward's groaning again and pulling on my sheets. I decide to really drive him crazy and shove myself down onto him, or at least I try. I sink down over his head and stop, a painful pinching sensation make me hiss. Edward moans as his hands go to my hips, supporting my weight while I catch my breath. His eyes are closed, his hair around his face turning dark with sweat. I lick my lips and rise up, making sure to keep him inside me, then I press myself down the rest of the way. I put my hands on his chest for support and stay there, with him buried inside me, as I pant and tremble.

His eyes open, his hands slide up to hold my breasts, then his mouth opens, but he doesn't move. I lean back, which makes me sink a little more and he bottoms out. I feel the impact like an earthquake - it's ratting my teeth and making my brain seize.

"Oh god!" Edward gasps, saying what I don't have the strength to say, as I grip his wrists to give me enough leverage to start to move. I start out slow, savoring the sting as it turns into a pleasurable heat, and begin to move a little faster. Each time I sink down, he hits home and each time, I get that much closer to coming. My brain counts down with each stroke as I ride him, and he moans as his fingers dig into me.

The low, urgent sounds that he's making are spurring me on to ride him harder. I lean forward, putting my hands on his chest, so I can move faster in my attempt to drive new and interesting sounds from him as I bounce above him. His face is alive, though his eyes are closed. His mouth is open as he pants and talks, though he's saying nothing coherent.

"What's that, Edward?" I ask, leaning down and licking his bottom lip.

He growls, his hands grabbing my shoulders and pulling me forward into a kiss. He slides out of me as we kiss and I moan in frustration. Edward laughs and flips me onto my back. An embarrassingly shrill scream of surprise comes out of my mouth as he does it. He climbs over me and I slide my hand into his thick hair, grabbing a handful. He hisses as I pull him down to meet my mouth. Edward rewards me by biting my bottom lip as he slides himself back into me in a long, slow push.

"Oh fuck!" I can't stop it as I moan, and Edward's chuckles vibrate through me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, Leah?" He's smirking above me. I lift my legs, tilting my hips, and he slides in deeper. He chokes on a groan and it's my turn to smile. He moves inside me again and my smile disappears as I close my eyes. Edward shifts as he moves my legs, pressing my knees toward my chest, and I let out a little grunt as I readjust to the new position.

"Is this okay?" He asks, his voice soft, his tone gentle and concerned. I open my eyes to see him poised above me, his arms behind my knees and his head just inside me. He doesn't move, just waits there for my answer. I start to nod, but then I remember he seems to like me to say things out loud. I take a moment to swallow before I answer.

"Yes." As I breathe out the word, he starts to slide back into me, leaning down as he goes so deep that he hits bottom again. This time it's all pleasure overwhelming my body in trembling waves, and the word becomes a hiss.

"Mmm... how about this?" he asks. His breath is on my face as his hips move in short thrusts, making me yelp and gasp for air. "Tell me how this feels," Edward pleads and I struggle to breathe, wondering how I'm supposed to answer. How do I describe the intensity, the aching delight, and overpowering sensation of fulfillment? I sputter and shake my head.

"Overwhelming," I blurt out as he thrusts into me, and groans.

"More," he says in a high-pitch, almost desperate tone. The sound seems to pluck at something inside me, reverberating through my whole body. I don't know if it's a demand, a question, or if he's just speaking a language that I don't understand.

"It's almost too much." I gasp, hoping that it does justice to this intense pleasure that's filling me, threatening to burst. I try to convey all that I'm feeling as I look at him and see it mirrored in his face. I've never seen this look from him before. Edward looks like he's having trouble breathing and he puts his hand on the side of my face. He brushes his lips over mine and murmurers something I can't quiet make out, before he start to move with more purpose.

The climax catches me off guard, slamming into me without warning and making me rise up into each of his thrusts.

"Yes, come for me," he pleads as he quickens his pace.

"Harder," I moan as I shamelessly writhe beneath him. He grunts and pounds into me, sending me into another wave of pleasure. I scream as it rockets through me as he shouts and thrusts in a frantic rhythm.

As his thrusts slow down, I shudder and shake, too weak to do more than take it. Edward is flushed and breathless as he finally stops, his forehead resting against my breast. I feel the ghost of a kiss touch my nipple before he pulls out, making me groan from the loss. I roll onto my side, tucking my knees to my chest.

"Where's the trash?" he asks in a weak voice.

"Over there." I gesture towards the nightstand, but don't look up. I hear him shuffle around, then the wet plop as the condom hits the bottom of the trash can. I wait for what I know is coming next. There are a few different versions. He could get dressed quickly and leave. Or, he'll try to make awkward conversation, make-up fake excuses and then leave. I just lay there, waiting for Edward's spin of the classic exit strategy.

"Hey." He sighs and curls up against my back, his arm sliding around my waist. "You going to freak out on me now?" He whispers in my ear, laughing a little. I get pissed and I shift onto my back to look at him. He's got that smile again, just a simple smile, his fingers tracing little circles over my stomach.

"No." I sound sullen and it annoys me, but not as much as the look on his face as he kisses the tip of my nose.

"Good, because I just need twenty minutes to catch my breath and I can give you your real present." He sighs as he flops onto his back, and I feel my eyes bug out.

"Are you kidding?" My voice cracks a little as I slap my hand down on his chest and he laughs.

"Of course," he says, pulling me on top of his chest. "It should only take a couple of minutes," he says with a smirk, as his fingertips play over the side of my face. I smile despite myself, and lean down to bite his neck.

"Mmm... Happy Birthday, Ms. Clearwater," he says, moaning as I lick his Adam's apple.

Author's Note:

Thanks to MsKathy for being a harsh (beta) mistress and DevilKalika for the being my Yoda in the ways of the Parka.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to this story - all copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners.

This was originally written as an entry for the Parkward One-Shot Contest

To see other entries in the Parkaward Contest, please visit the C2 page: