Just an old blurb I wrote a while back to get stuff off my chest. If there's one thing two years of college has taught me its that I don't know a damn thing. I just wanna be happy, and I'm not about to argue with happiness when it stares me in the face. ...Even if that means falling head over heels for a man named Sebastian and getting myself engaged two months later.
Scandalous, no? *wiggles eyebrows moronically*
More importantly, Domination will not be updated soon. I am ashamed. -_-'
I've never thought very much about my sexuality. It's never really been something that I needed to think about.
I've been in love with Madeline for over twenty years. Before that, I was in love with the flowing curves of the female figure and never once thought maybe I would be attracted to anything else. It just never crossed my mind. Schooling, then ghosts, then college applications, and finally world domination is what I've thought about, not what pleases me in the bedroom. That was always a given.
I suppose life just enjoys pulling the rug out from under your feet, though.
I'm still very much attracted to women. The insinuation that I'm not wouldn't particularly bother me, as I'm well aware that world will incorrectly profile anything it doesn't understand, but I simply want this to be set straight. I still find women attractive.
I just happen to find Daniel more attractive.
Where this revelation came from I haven't the foggiest clue. Perhaps it developed over time or perhaps the potential has been there my entire life, waiting for the right man to fill its vacant spot. Either way, it doesn't matter very much. What matters is that the attraction is here now and no matter what I do, it refuses to go away. I simply can't take my eyes off him anymore. Half the time I lose our battles out of sheer inattention than any lack of ability. Daniel has taken notice, but luckily he's much too dense to connect the dots. Then again, maybe the notion that I find him attractive is just too outlandish a conclusion for him to come to. If the tables were turned, I'd certainly feel the same way.
I'm not quite sure what to do with this attraction now that I have it. Acting on it is a possibility, but then when considering the likely consequences, it quickly stops being a possibility. Perhaps this is simply a strange, mid-life crisis phase. Maybe I can wait it out and it will eventually go away. All I have to do is ignore it and keep my sights set on Maddie as I've done for the past twenty years. The only problem with that option, is that I simply don't want to. Frankly, and I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but pining after Madeline has become boring.
Daniel offers an entire world of refreshing excitement that I can hardly keep away from him for long. It's an incredibly good thing we're already mortal adversaries, or else my constant badgering might be a tad suspicious. I do have to wonder why I've found myself so suddenly attracted to him, though. Surely age has something to do with it. Daniel has grown into a fine paragon of form, powerful yet graceful, brazen yet humble, intelligent yet mindful. All the qualities I've never gotten to experience in another person peppered with his stubborn, impulsive, and fiery flare. Daniel is nothing like the boy I first met him as. Now nearly twenty years old, the hybrid has become my true equal in every sense of the word, offering me a legitimate challenge and constantly standing up to my own power. It's absolutely infuriating, and I love every second of it.
Some nights, after waking from a dream full of all the illicit caressing I can never have from my little badger, I lie there and imagine a sickening idealistic fantasy. One where Daniel reciprocates my inexplicable desires and our greatest trouble becomes the reaction of the public, something which would really, hardly be a trouble at all. I imagine Daniel would be quite fret, and I would be the one to sooth his concerns and remind him that none of it mattered. I would tell him that people, his family and friends included, could never understand a matter as deep and complex as us. They would be too confused and shocked over the coupling of our relationship to understand that nothing mattered but the happiness we both had. Biased opinions and personal judgement would cause blindness to what was truly present, a mutual and welcoming union of two people in the throws of love. Two people, two hybrids, who never should have fallen in love, but despite all the evidence to the contrary, despite all the expectations, rose above the fabrications of society and found a light of happiness that overrode all else.
Then, of course, I open my eyes and remember that I'm not floating in a realm of happiness, love, and light; that reality is one with a lonely bedroom, dark shadows, and twenty more years of pining after unrequited love.
And Daniel wonders why I'm always so bitter.