I was such a good big brother. No I was the great big brother. Probably more like the best big brother ever if you wanted to get right down to it. No one was better than me. I was awesome…totally fucking amazing. On a scale of one to ten I was a freaking twenty four.
I could not wait for Bella to get here so I could give her the presents that I had spent almost an hour picking out. I had even picked out a cute little gift bag with pink butterflies on it. Alice would be so proud of me for thinking of the presentation. Too bad she was not here to see it first hand.
Her and Jasper was away on some romantic weekend. That was code for a sex marathon since Jasper had been walking around with a permanent hard on because Eddie boy was a frustrated virgin that refused to take it to the next level with his equally sexually frustrated virgin girlfriend. Maybe I would get Eddie boy a present too…Sex for Dummies. Maybe it wasn't that he didn't want to do it but that he didn't know how. I should write my own book on the topic of sex since I was nothing short of a sex god.
Oh there was Eddie's car. Bella would be here in a matter of minutes and I could finally give her the special gifts I had gotten for her. I bet she so impressed with my sweet, well thought out gift that she instantly fell in love with me. I would of course have to decline because I was a wonderful husband completely in love with my fucking hot wife but maybe Bella would be up for something a little different. Things had been getting a little boring and predictable in the bedroom lately. Maybe Bella, Rose, and me could have a threesome. That would be a first as would be being with a human.
Wait just a minute. That was just sick and wrong. She was like my sister. I mean we were not related so it wasn't legally wrong. She was more like a step sister but still…
I think I was just horny. I had not been sexually taken care of lately. I was going to have to demand that Rose take me away on a Fuck Me Senseless weekend too. First of course Rosie would need to go shopping for some new lingerie that I could rip off with my teeth. Maybe even a trip to the sex toy store. Well maybe not an in person trip. After the last trip with Jasper I had been banned for life. That was a long fucking time. But there was always the internet. I loved online shopping with overnight shipping. Put that on my to do list. I bet that had that book online too. I could get it all done in one stop.
There was the door. Bella was finally here. Oh this was so going to rock. I was waiting for her at the door my face almost hurting from smiling.
"Bella," I yelled picking her up in a traditional bear hug. It was a must upon every greeting.
"Need to breath," she whined causing Eddie to send me a menacing scowl. Fuck I think someone smacked him in the head once causing his face to freeze like that.
"Sorry. I just am so happy to see you."
"You just saw me last night," she accused like I had forgotten.
"That was like forever ago. Besides I got you a present."
She frowned at me sending me a menacing scowl that matched Eddie's. They really were perfect for each other.
"You know how I feel about presents and it is not even my birthday or anything. No Emmett I do not want any presents," she told me but that did not dampen my happiness.
"But you will want this one," I explained producing the pretty pink bag shoving it at her. She took it but did not open it.
"Oh come on Bells. I spent so much time picking this out. I even had to ask some lady at the store for help because I was not sure of anything to do with this. She thought I was sweet. She called me a perfect big brother. I know you will think so too when you open it. I'm not going to leave you alone until you open it so save us all some time and just do it," I explained to her.
"Emmett leave her alone. If she does not want it then she does not want it," Edward told me but I just ignored him like I usually did.
"It is alright Edward. Thank you for the gift Emmett," Bella told me before she even opened it. If she was thanking me without seeing it I could not wait to see her reaction once she did.
I had to stop myself from jumping up and down as she slowly started pulling out the items in the bag. Instead of smiling she was frowning and blushing a strange color of beet red.
"Emmett I am going to kill you," Edward hissed rushing at me.
"Don't," Bella told him. I knew she liked it after all.
"Why would you do that?" Edward asked.
"What? I was doing her a favor. I got the text from Alice this morning that Bella was getting her period today."
"The text message from Alice. You know this one," I told him showing him my cell phone, 'FYI Bella will be starting her period today.' We get it every month on the day you start it."
Bella looked like she was going to pass out and Eddie was fuming. I did not know what was going on. This sucked. I thought I was being amazingly wonderful. Maybe Bella just did not understand the true greatness of my gift.
"Look Bells I got you super extra longs. Those are for you heavy flow days and they are scented. I got you the super extra long overnight one which of course is for overnight and they have wings. Then I got you boring regular ones, and ultra thins with odor control, plus I got you the variety pack of tampons with super absorbing tampons, regulars, and lights. Then I got you this feminine spray and these things called douches. There are for that not so fresh feeling. What ever that is? I asked that lady in the store but she just blushed and said that it was not polite to ask a woman that. I take it is nothing good so I got two of those things for you. Then I got you Midol. It is to help with cramps, bloating, water weight gain, fatigue, backaches, and headaches. I also got Pamprin because it also said that dealt with irritability. I figured that would be a good thing. No one wants to deal with a crabby PMSing Bella. Then I got you chocolate and popcorn because I heard girls like go totally postal if they don't have salt and sweet. So wasn't that beyond wonderful of me?" I asked Bella who looked like she was going to puke.
"Emmett it was not wonderful of you. You have embarrassed Bella. I am so telling Carlisle and Esme about this. You are going to get in big trouble."
"I just don't know how I am going to get in trouble for this. It was nice and sweet. I was only thinking about my poor smelly, bloated sister. Yeah it is a good thing that I got the super extra ones. It smells like a heavy flow day," I announced waving my hand in front of my nose.
"You can smell me?" Bella hissed her skin deepening to a tomato color of red.
"Didn't Edward ever tell you?"
She shock her head no until it looked like it was going to fall off. Edward was about to explode. The expression on his face was priceless. Maybe he needed some of that Midol. He looked bloated himself definitely irritable.
"Of course I never told her. A gentleman does not speak of such things to a lady."
"Well I am not gentleman so Bella we smell you. Alice sees it coming and lets us know. That way we can hunt or get out of town or whatever. Its not so bad really. It smells like blood but not the good fresh kind. It is more like an old funky kind. Hey is that where they get the not so fresh feeling from?"
"I think I am going to die," Bella whispered.
"Oh no you won't. I asked Carlisle that. He said that you can not die from having your period. That was good since you get that thing all the time. It seems like you just get done with that and then you have it again. I also asked him what the point was and well he sat me down and had 'the talk' with me. It was not fun. He even showed me a video. It gave me nightmares and I don't even sleep," I told them shuddering. I was never going to get those images out of my head. After that I had not been able to get it up for like hours.
"That is enough," Edward informed me rushing Bella up into his room.
I was so underappreciated.
"Emmett?" I heard coming from Carlisle's office.
God Edward was such a cry baby tattle tail. I was so going to kick his sorry ass.
"Can you come up here? I need to have a little conversation with you."
God I hope there was no videos this time.