When the Delinquents Sigh
Also known as "Complicated Math Makes Complicated Things"
by: Xin Fyrrae
A/N: I asked my friend to give me three random things for a fic. He said:mango, nipah, and zero. Here's the result.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Cromartie High School". If I did, I'd be proud of having one of the best anime dubs ever.
"Kamiyama, this doesn't make sense!" Hayashida growled as he smacked the workbook in front of him away and folded his arms, the bright purple Mohawk twitching irritably. "I may not be good with numbers, but I sure know one thing – you can't divide by zero!"
Kamiyama shook his head as he took out the pencil behind his ear and grabbed the book off Freddie's head, placing it back on the table. "The object here, though, is not to think of it as divided by zero, but think of it with algebraic logic in order to accomplish the equation that seemingly looks like dividing by zero, but ends with a different result other than what you would expect when you normally divide by zero. Do you understand that?"
"Jeez, even I didn't understand that," Maeda said as he sat from a distance watching them use his table next to a small, white seal. "And will you please tell me why is it that you always have to go to my house to do all your shit?"
"Now, now, Mada, watch your language," Kamiyama responded as he waved the pencil towards the blonde while Freddie went out of the room.
"But this is my house!"
"Be that as it may, we must uphold ourselves in your house as respectable young adults and hard-working students."
"But Kamiyama, we're delinquents," Hayashida argued, the Mohawk balancing the pencil at its tip. It fell and landed perfectly at the middle of its gravity on Hayashida's nose. "We're not supposed to uphold ourselves or do any of that stuff you just said. It's not how delinquency works!"
The dark-haired student gave a sigh as he rubbed two fingers on his forehead. "You're going off on another tangent, Hayashida, focus on the work at hand."
"But it's math!" Hayashida retorted, gripping the side of his head with his hands as Freddie walked back in with a mango. "Tangents are part of math and I hate math! Especially this!" He raised the beat-up workbook. "I mean, what the blue flying fudge is calcoolus anyway?"
"You dumbass, that's calculus," Maeda butted in as Freddie pulled out a knife out of nowhere. The blonde looked next to him. "And while we're on a different topic, what the hell is this seal doing in my house?!"
The seal barked and attempted to move its flippers. "Mada, now you're doing it too," Kamiyama scolded as Freddie tossed the mango up as well as the knife. "We're not focusing on your house, we're focusing on calculus."
"Wait, how in the name of all that is still sacred and untouched did Hayashida – freaking Shinjiro Hayashida –manage to get into calculus anyway?!"
"Hey, what are you trying to say, Mada?" Hayashida shot back, his Mohawk pointing straight at the blonde. "What about you? Can you understand calcoolus? Or are you too much of a moron to man it up?"
"You pickin' a fight with me?!"
"You're sure as hell I am!"
"Those are brave words for somebody that doesn't even know how the multiplication table of nine works."
"Now you're just playing dirty, you fudging chicken," Hayashida growled as Freddie caught the knife by the handle, five slices of mango attached to the blade. "Aren't I your friend? Then shouldn't you be supporting me though this ordeal and backing me up?!"
Maeda gritted his teeth, and shook his head with a sigh. "Yeah, I guess you're right…" he muttered.
"Thank you, Mada, I appreciate it."
"Alright, now that that's over, we can get back to the work at hand," Kamiyama said, picking up the book and pointing a paintbrush at the two. "Now, in order to divide by zero – "
"But that's impossible!" Hayashida groaned. "That equals to eight!"
"You idiot, that's not an eight!" Maeda corrected harshly. "That's a freaking infinity! How can you not know that?"
"Well, sorry, nerd."
"You pickin' a fight with me?!"
"You're sure as hell – "
"Will you two cut it out?!" Kamiyama snapped, pointing a toothbrush at them in a menacing manner. "Honestly, can you not settle aside your differences to focus on this simple equation?"
"It's honestly not as simple as you think it is, Kamiyama," Maeda simply told him as Freddie suddenly looked at his hand to see no mango slices or knife. "It's really complicated, as anything divided by zero is technically considered undefined and unknown."
"But that is why the point of calculus is to make that undefined and unknown defined and known!" Kamiyama explained as he placed a Sailor Moon Transformation Pen behind his ear. He then turned back to the table. "See – "
Suddenly, he realized that the seal from earlier was face-to-face in front of him, wearing a blue wig and carrying a knife that was dripping with orange mango juice. "Nipah ~" it squeaked with a mango slice in its mouth.
It was then that Freddie suddenly charged into the room again with his mighty black stallion, breaking down the paper-thin doors, and knocking the wig-wearing seal into the sky with one front kick of his stallion's hooves. The seal went flying until it became nothing more than a star in the sky as the wig landed on Freddie's head, the knife blade in between the stallion's teeth, and the mango in his outstretched, victorious hand.
There was a long, awkward pause, before Freddie and his horse trotted out of the room, Freddie eating his last mango slice in triumph.
"Anyway, back to dividing by zero," Kamiyama continued, taking out the pencil from behind his ear and picking up the book. "See – "
"My HOUSE!" Maeda immediately shrieked.
"SHUT THE FUDGE UP ABOUT YOUR HOUSE!" Kamiyama and Hayashida yelled back.
Feedback and comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading!