A Grey's Anatomy fic by Gigi
Disclaimer: If I owned any of this, do you think my stories would be up here instead of on TV?
A/N: This is my attempt at a oneshot. I was listening to that Rob Thomas song, Her Diamonds, and I just couldn't get this out of my head. This picks up right after Desire. So yeah, I hope you enjoy it and review!
"Pour me another one, Joe," Addison requested after she knocked back her first of hopefully many shots that night.
Joe obliged, tipping the bottle of straight vodka into her small shot glass. "Any special occasion?"
Addison nodded, murmuring a soft "Cheers" before tilting her head back and let the alcohol burn her throat as it went down. "I suppose, if you consider being dumped by probably my last chance of happiness in this personal hellhole that God has set up for me a special occasion, then yeah, I guess you could call it that." She opened her mouth to order another one, but then she got a flashback to the last time she got really drunk. She kept going on and on about how desirable and wildly attractive she was, or at least that's what Miranda had told her, and she wasn't sure she wanted to know what else had happened that day. "Oh, what the hell?" She threw up her hands. "I don't need to humiliate myself anymore. It's not like I need to be drunk to do that. Could you just pour me a cosmo?"
"Not a martini?" Joe raised his eyebrows. Martinis were always her drink.
She shook her head. "Too strong." She leaned forward, propping her elbows up on the bar and burying her face in her hands. With her eyes covered, she didn't notice Alex enter Joe's bar and take a seat a little down the way from her, watching the redhead with a forlorn intensity. Groaning, Addison rubbed her eyes and kept talking. "Ugh, I just can't win with these people, Joe!" she exclaimed. She brought her hands down to the counter, fiddling with her napkin. "It's like no matter what I do, everyone takes some sort of perverse pleasure in making my life miserable."
A few seats over, Alex ordered a beer and quickly took a swig. He felt all kinds of horrible for what he'd said to her earlier. He felt disgusted, sick, sad, guilty...mostly guilty, and when she made that comment about people making her life miserable, it only made that guilt grow. She was feeling awful, and it was because of him. That made him feel twice as awful. He wanted to go over there and somehow dull the pain, but he knew it would only make both of them feel worse, so he let her be. He would just watch her from afar, knowing he probably would only be watching for a very long time.
Joe placed the red drink in front of Addison, and she simply stared into the liquid. "I can't take anymore of this," she whispered, a tear leaving a shimmering trail down her cheek. It dropped from her face to the bar, where it beaded up and twinkled in the lights of the bar like a small diamond.
Alex's eyes fixated on that sparkling bead of moisture. A little piece of his heart broke as another bead fell almost directly on top of it, shattering the one diamond into man smaller shards. It was like each and every one of those shards had landed in Alex's chest. It hurt so much for him to know he caused them to be there in the first place. And he couldn't help her now.
Joe stopped working for a minute and bent down to bring the woman's pale blue eyes to meet his warm brown ones. "What do you mean?"
She sighed, her eyes still shimmering in unshed tears. "I've tried so hard to make myself fit in here," she explained, her voice cracking just the slightest. "But it hasn't worked. Everybody here still hates me." Addison squeezed her eyes shut, struggling to keep the rest of her emotions in check. The last thing she needed was to break down in the middle of a very public place.
"Hey, look at me," Joe insisted, giving her chin a little nudge. When she obliged, he continued speaking in a soft, comforting voice. "People hardly hate you, Addison."
"Wanna bet?" she challenged miserably.
"How could anyone hate you? You're smart, beautiful and incredibly kind. You save babies every day, and you are the strongest person I know," the bartender declared.
Addison let out a pitiful laugh. "Yeah," she agreed sarcastically, "because this is the epitome of strength." She gestured to her current state of being, slouched over a bar and crying into her cosmopolitan.
"Yeah, it is. Only you would be strong enough to go to work every day and face your ex-husband and his girlfriend, knowing people are talking about you, and treat them civilly, even when they don't return the favor," Joe stated with conviction. He moved his hand down to grasp hers. "I know if I was straight, I'd be head over heels in love with you."
A small, sad smile crept its way onto Addison's face. "Thanks, Joe," she said softly.
"No problem," he smiled. "Besides, it looks like there's someone here who clearly doesn't hate you." He nodded his head down the bar, and Addison followed his indication to see Alex sitting there, examining her every move.
They locked eyes for a second. For one second, Alex thought this was his chance to apologize, to take back all he'd said in the hospital lobby. Then she broke their contact, quickly excusing herself from the bar and making her way outside. Alex paid for his beer, grabbed his coat and followed her out.
He found her sitting alone on the bench outside, staring at the full moon, whose light gently illuminated the curves of her face. He stood there, frozen, watching Addison once again, unable to bring himself to break her calm concentration.
Addison was entranced by the silver-white orb that shone, suspended in the night sky. It looked so peaceful, so removed from all the petty problems on Earth and yet still so beautiful. It was far away from Seattle, that much was sure. That's where she needed to be. Her own personal moon--somewhere far, far away from Seattle and its frustrating interns.
Allowing her eyelids to slowly slide shut, she took a long, refreshing breath of clean air. She could go to LA, catch up with her best friends from med school, just get away from it all, if only for a little while. She knew she'd have to come back eventually, but just a glimpse of sunlight would be enough to tide her over until she finally decided what she wanted to do about her miserable, rain-filled existence in Seattle.
She opened her eyes when she felt someone sit beside her. Even in the darkness, she could discern the silhouette of Alex Karev sitting next to her. She refused to be the first one to speak after the embarrassment he'd served her earlier that night.
"Did you know that for the last month, Ava has been trying to fix us up?" Alex finally asked, breaking the cone of silence that surrounded them. Addison still didn't speak. "She pieced together our personal histories ever since she was put on bed rest, and she's convinced we're perfect for each other." He hoped that would elicit some sort of response from his boss, but she remained quiet. "She's been telling me to make a move for a couple weeks, now, but I was too scared. I was convinced that I'd completely screwed any possibility of us when I yelled at you in the supply closet." Addison was still mute, but he could tell she was listening now. "Then today, she overheard you talking to Torres, and she told me that you wanted a guy who barbecues and would teach his kids to play catch. I'm not that guy, but Ava and apparently Torres insist that I will be that guy someday." Addison finally turned her head, studying the intern's profile in the moonlight as he continued his confession. "I freaked out. I couldn't even keep myself from cheating on Izzie, and I didn't want to hurt you like that." Alex turned to look Addison in the eye. "But I don't want to be the person who makes you give up."
Addison tore her eyes away from Alex's and looked down at her hands, which were fiddling with her purse in her lap. At least now she knew the reason behind him blowing her off hours after they slept together, but she still couldn't let herself fall back in. "So what do you plan to do about it?" she asked hoarsely, still staring at her lap.
In response, Alex brought his hand up to her chin, tilting her face so he could place his lips softly on hers. After a few seconds, Addison lightly placed her hand on his cheek, responding to the gentle kiss. Her eyes slid shut and just for a moment, she toyed with the idea of forgiving him. But when she pulled away, she bit her lip and gazed at him with shimmering eyes.
Alex could see it all in those sparkling eyes; he could feel the finality of the moment. Addison's thumb stroked the soft stubble on Alex's cheek, and she continued to examine his face sadly.
At last, Addison stood up, not moving her hand from Alex's cheek. Bending down to his face, she caught his lips with hers one last time. A salty tear broke on the pair's lips, trailing down from her eyes.
Breaking the kiss, she straightened. She wiped her cheeks and summoned all her strength to say the words that threatened to break her: "Goodbye, Alex."
Alex's breath hitched, and it took him a minute before he could respond audibly. "Goodbye, Addison."
Addison turned away from the bench and began to walk away. More and more tears shimmered on her face, falling to the ground like small diamonds and being replaced by new ones.
Alex watched her go, unable to move from his spot on the bench. He couldn't move from the spot where he'd just watched Addison Forbes Montgomery walk out of his life forever.
A/N: Holy crap, I feel like crying now. I really wanted to make this a happier ending, but the song didn't really end happily, either. I don't know, but I am proud of the writing. But it doesn't really matter what I think. I'm thinking of writing a sequel, or maybe make this one in a series of one-shots, one not necessarily related to the other. What do you think? REVIEW!!