Bella's FanFiction

(AN: I love True Blood and just decided to write my own example of a fanfiction. In no way am I making fun of it. I'm rather mocking the few bad lemons I have read back in my early fanfiction days.)

"Oh Bill," sighed Sookie as she felt Bill enter her wet opening. The quiet he provided with his dead brainwaves was pleasure enough but the feeling of him inside her was paradise. –

"Love, what are you reading?"

Bella quirked an eyebrow as she turned to her man. "…Nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing, love. Your heart rate spiked like crazy. What are you reading that has you so excited?"

Bella's hands rushed to pull down the screen of her laptop and hide her page but Edward's stone fingers had wedged themselves in the space needed to close. He flipped open the laptop and let his eyes graze across the window. "What the f-"

"It's fanfiction!"

He looked puzzled. "A fanfiction is a story written by fans for their choice of category. I personally enjoy True Blood fanfics."

"But they were…they were…they were-"

"Have sex? That's called a lemon Edward, and this one isn't very good if I do say so myself. I mean, sure, I've never written and my brain probably couldn't string together some simple words but this …kills time."

By now the rest of the family had come and were now looking over their shoulders to read the simple smut on the page. Bella could've died of embarrassment. Emmet and Alice were laughing. Jasper was holding his wife. Esme and Carlisle were questioning the maturity level of the page seeing as how the amateur writing the story had clearly gotten the basics of sex wrong. Rosalie scoffed at the writer's incompetence. "Bella, a monkey can write better than this!" yelled Edward.

"I'm pretty sure this takes less skill than a monkey has, Edward," sighed Rosalie in agreement.

"Well if you guys think you're all such experts on the matter, why don't we have a contest?" asked Bella

"Uh, love-"

"It's a CHALLENGE!" yelled Emmet, not being able to resist the thrill of winning.

Carlisle intervened. "If you guys are going to do this at least set up the rules."

"You'll be graded on three factors," interrupted Esme clearly in an out of character moment. "One, the kink factor. Two, the accuracy of the sex. And three, the creativity of the story. Each couple will have to write about on of the many couples in the house so we'll all be familiar with the background workings. Is everyone okay with that?"

"Yes." It was unanimous.

"Meet Carlisle and I back here in one hour with your story and we'll judge it."

Silently they all filtered out of the living room and into their own rooms to write. This should be fun.