WARNING: Like the story in the previous chapter, this one will NOT be continued by me in any way, shape, or form.
However, like the previous story, YOU can pick this up where it leaves off if you wish. Just PM me once you post the next chapter so I can read it!
It's Too Late To Take It Back!
There are times when God seem to listen to what a person says. During these times, it's not uncommon for the bad luck a person is practically begging for in their arrogance to actually be visited upon them. For Ranma Saotome, the fact that divine intervention had not yet overtaken sheer coincidence to visit misfortune on him was as much a measure of his good luck and God's patience as it was anything else.
The boy made a lot of arrogant statements, after all. Yet God was listening to one of Ranma's arguments with Akane one day and the pigtailed boy made a statement that She decided sounded entirely too much like a challenge in the face of divine power.
"Oh please, Ranma! You're acting like I'm a violent thug!" Akane spat, the pair on their way home from school. The blue-eyed youth chuckled at his fiancee from from where he walked along the canal fence, finally hopping down to turn and face her.
"Oh please, Akane!" Ranma retorted, shrugging and spreading his arms wide. "Just look at the way you treated those poor bastards when I first got here!"
"Ukyou and Shampoo are just as violent as me!" Akane sniffed, glaring at her unwanted suitor with crossed arms. "Don't act like they're not!"
"Maybe, but that's exactly my point! I'd swear I'm cursed," Ranma moaned theatrically, shoulders slumping. "I bet God couldn't give me a more violent, excitable woman if he tried his hardest!"
God bristled at that statement, glaring down at the arrogant mortal. She couldn't give him worse than Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo, could she? The divine being looked across her office to Dokuro. It was clear She needed to do something with the girl anyway, and this seemed perfect. The Sakura situation could be resolved by other means.
With a snap of Her fingers, Dokuro vanished to the mortal realm. God grinned to Herself as she materialized a cup of tea. This was going to be interesting.
Dokuro looked in amazement at the letter which appeared in her hands as she found herself standing in front of a dojo in Nerima. Really? She was supposed to come to this place and was now engaged to a man named Ranma Saotome? And she had permission to use Excaliborg?
Well, this might not be too bad. It even had the potential to be fun.
"That pig... He's your friend?" Dokuro pondered, eyeing the piglet in Akane's arms. Ranma nodded, turning from his newest annoyance to glare at a less recent one. He wasn't sure how the girl had figured it out, but she had. When he turned back to her, he noticed the club.
It was impressive. The first thing he noticed about the instrument of doom and destruction in his newest fiancee's hands was the fact it was entirely comprised of steel. It had to be heavy. Following closely on this important detail was the very large number of sharp spikes. At a guess, Ranma would have pitted the number of sharp things on that club against the number of sharp things Mousse typically had shoved inside his robes.
She patted the club against her hand thoughtfully.
"Hey, Akane?" Dokuro asked sweetly, smiling at the other girl. "I think Kasumi is calling you from the kitchen! She probably wants you to help with dinner!"
"Why do you hate me?" Ranma whispered to the sky, not really noticing any more than Akane did as Dokuro liberated the youngest Tendo's porcine package. Ryouga eyed the girl and her club with some trepidation as she hefted him at arms length.
Neither he nor Ranma expected her to toss the little piglet into the air and smack it with her previously mentioned instrument of mayhem. She seemed surprised by the way the little piglet fly across the sky, looking at the arc of it's flight with a critical eye.
"Hmm, he didn't go splat," the girl commented to herself, hefting the kanabo critically. She looked up as Akane entered the room. "Oh... Hi, Akane."
"Dokuro, I think you were hearing things. Kasumi didn't need me in the kitchen at all," the brunette said, pausing as she looked around the room. "Where's P-chan?"
"I have no idea, Akane," Ranma admitted, doing his best to hide his broad smile and failing miserably.
"Ranma... Stop picking on my pet!"
For once, Ryouga's disappearance wasn't his fault. For once.
Not that it would save him.
This is like, half a chapter. It's pretty basic, and I wrote it just to purge it from my system so I could write something I think actually matter. I never promised these would all be gems, now did I?
I'm not sure where this could go, if it could in fact go anywhere. Perhaps it could continue with God deciding to make Ranma into a full blown Buttmonkey by having the other angels start to go after Ranma under the belief that he'll be the one to influence Sakura to create the lolicon formula.
God's pretty vengeful in that continuity anyway. It's not exactly out of character. Plus, his ability to actually fight back would probably be frustrating as hell for the angels.
Ranma doing a crossover with Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan would be hilarious for so many reasons, though. I think one of the sources of humour would be Dokuro discovering that various characters "Don't go splat," as she noted about Ryouga. Subverting it with other characters (like, say, Nabiki) would be awesome.
I'm just as tempted to do this one than I am to do the Evangelion crossover I started for the opening chapter of The Beginnings Repository.
Yet I won't. Too many other stories to work on to have fun with this distraction. Le Sigh.