--Yeah, i know it's been awhile since the episode aired, but i still wanted to give my drabble about this--
The Weakest Link
My fault. All of this madness. All of these people that have died…My fault. Lilith runnin' around and breaking any seal she can lay her filthy little hands on, my fault. Sammy havin' to go after her for doin' it, my fault.
Not bein' able to stop the Apocalypse that I started…
God, how can they ask me to do that? I don't understand how just one man could. Especially me. I couldn't have done this at my best, let alone now, at my worst.
Castiel was gone. He left me here, alone. I didn't wanna be alone. That was the last thing I wanted. But he left me.
The one tear that had fell was joined by many others. They fell rapidly, easily, helplessly.
Sammy wasn't here. Sammy had left me too.
God, someone please help me. Please. Don't leave me here alone. I can't be alone. Not when I'm this scared.
My throat hurt from Alastair holding it so tight. Bastard put me in a hospital. I hate hospitals. I trembled at the memory of what I had done. I don't care if it was to him, I swore to myself that I would never give in like that again. And I did. 'Cause I'm weak. And he proved that when he beat the shit out of me. I couldn't fight back, I tried. I was shattered on the inside, and now on the outside too. I wondered if my physical appearance resembled what my insides felt like. My heart felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, weighing down in my chest, dragging my soul down with it. It hurt so bad.
I swallowed hard, trying to make that lump go away. But I came back, stronger. Stronger than I was. I sobbed lightly, quietly, trying to keep myself silent. I was alone. I hate being alone. I'm so scared. I can't be alone. Anybody, please?
I doubted if there was anyone even listening. Cas remained gone. He didn't hear me. Sam wasn't even here when I woke up.
Suddenly this room feels so big, so cold, so empty. I feel empty. Hollow, useless.
I roll onto my side, clutching my pillow so hard my knuckles turned white. I sobbed into it, letting it absorb and muffle my pathetic crying. That awful beeping sounded in my ears, the stupid tubes in my nose tugged in the opposite direction. I tried to ignore the discomfort. My body ached, my eyelids begged me for sleep. But I couldn't sleep. With sleep like mine came nightmares. Nightmares that scared me. I was scared enough.
I sound like such a pathetic bitch right now. But I can't help it. I'm too tired to fight it. I inhaled raggedly, shutting my eyes, burning tears slipping through anyway.
"Dean." A soft voice says behind me. I turned, wiping my eyes, ashamed that this person might have heard me. It was worse when I recognized her.
"Anna?" I croaked. She walked toward me, pain in those big brown eyes. "You gonna bitch at me too?" She raised her hand; I flinched out of reflex, closing my eyes. Her touch on my forehead was gentle. I looked up at her.
"What are you doing?" I asked. She touched my cheek.
"You don't want to be alone."
Cas had told me where he was and what had happened. I know he wasn't happy to see me, and didn't want to talk to me. But our conversation was short.
I walked into that hospital room just as he rolled over. I heart his quiet sobs, watched his body tremble as if he were containing something so large he would explode if he let it out.
"Sam…" He choked. I doubt if he knew he said it. "Please…someone…"
If Cas would have listened to me none of this would have happened. If he would have just gotten Dean out of there when I told him to he'd be fine. He wouldn't be this mess in front of me. This broken mess. This scared, lost, sad, broken mess.
I haven't known Dean for that long. But I know him well enough to understand that right now, he does not want to be by himself. Cas left him here. Left him to be overcome by his conscience and guilt. Left him to remember what the angels had made him do and the beating Alastair gave him.
I may be an angel now, but I remember what it's like to be human. And I do have one thing left in me, compassion.
I could see the weight of what Cas had put on him. I could feel the pain emitting from his heart. God, why would we let this happen?
"Dean." I said. He stiffened, wiping his eyes before he turned and looked at me. The cuts and bruises on his face made me cringe.
"Anna?" His voice was as broken as he was. "You gonna bitch at me too?" I moved toward him, trying to think of some way to make him feel better. I raised my hand, stalling when he winced. I gently placed my hand on his forehead, caressing it slowly. He looked up at me. Those eyes. Those pain soaked green eyes full of innocence right now. He was so vulnerable. His mask had been mercilessly ripped off and his face was left naked for all the world to see.
"What are you doing?" He rasped. I touched his cheek, feeling the leftover tears on his skin.
"You don't want to be alone," I said. He looked at me warily, fearful, skeptical. "I won't leave you, Dean. Not if you need someone." His lower lip quivered. What I wouldn't give to take all of his pain away. I sat down next to him on the bed.
"You lyin'?" He whispered. I kissed him gently as an answer. Those eyes. They held so many years of agony. You couldn't see it usually. Usually he was so good at what he did you didn't notice a damn thing. But not now. Not when he felt this way.
"It's okay, Dean," I said softly. "It's alright."
He collapsed in my arms, sobbing into my chest and burying his face in my shirt.
He didn't want me in particular as a comforter. In truth, he wanted his brother. But Sam wasn't exactly around right now. I cradled his face in my hand, stroking his cheek, wishing that when I did the bruises would disappear.
I could hear her heart under my ear as I cried against her. She kept one arm secure around my shoulders, the other running through my hair.
In truth, I wanted my little brother. I wanted Sam. But Anna, Anna had been my savior yet again.
Her thumb stroked my cheek, catching tears. I hated myself right now. I felt so weak, so exposed. Weak, weak, weak, weak, WEAK!
But Anna didn't care. Anna wouldn't throw this back in my face later. No. No, she would stay here with me. She would hold me, keep me sane, let me cry like a bitch without another word about it.
"Shh…" She soothed. Her warm lips kissed my forehead and she continued to hold me tight. Her own eyes were anguished when she looked at me. Full of…of…pity. I turned away from her, feeling ashamed. She lifted my chin more gently than I ever thought possible. "You have no need to feel shame, Dean." I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my cheek to her chest once more.
I wasn't alone. She was holding me right now, making me feel not so alienated. I still had to save the world. I still had to stop Lucifer and keep Sammy from doing anything stupid.
But right now, all I had to do was cry.
"I've got you, Dean," She whispered. "I've got you, it's alright."
His sobs shook me lightly. My fingers ran through his hair and to the nape of his neck. His wounded heart beat unsteadily against me. I could both feel it and see it on the monitor. His heart was literally broken.
He wasn't as weak as he thought. In fact, he wasn't weak at all. He was stronger than Sam ever would be. He just didn't know it yet.
He felt small and fragile right now, almost like a child. And that silly human remnant of my brain thought:
I kissed his forehead again. My hand rubbed his back.
He was disgusted with himself. He hated himself so much right now. He had tortured again. He had hurt someone again after he promised he wouldn't. He had no choice in the matter, but that hardly meant anything to him. He felt useless and weak, so feeble compared to the power his younger brother had.
He cried harder at his own thoughts. I squeezed him tighter.
"Shhh…It's okay. It's okay, Dean."
"Sam…" He whimpered. My chest ached.
She held me for the majority of the night. When I woke up she was gone. But Sam was asleep in the chair next to the bed, his hand clasped around mine.
I wasn't alone.
--Thank you. Plz review--